Whats wrong with me...

[lostmyway82]

So I broke up with my girlfriend on valentines because she was cheating on me. I lost it and left her by the highway and drove off. I thought when the person you love cheat on you it was suppose to hurt a lot more then this. I don't really feel heartbroken and I don't feel happy either. Anyway the pictures are all on facebook and I finally had a good look at the other guy. It was valentines and on the same day we broke up she was already with the other guy. But I don't feel as angry as I should be. Instead I keep viewing their facebook wanting to know more as in when the affair started and so on. It's like I am more curious then heartbroken. We have known each other for 3 years but time spent together is less then a year. We have had a great sex life before and she was a giving partner. After our 3rd time together we started having unprotected sex. Anyway I decided I need to get her out of my system so I went looking for a call girl. But something went wrong and I couldn't get it up.

[d0nnivain]

Ugh.

 

 

You were right to break up with her. You were wrong to leave her on the side of the road.

 

 

Although you conveyed the info that she is safe, by referencing her pictures with the other guy on FB I am still glad that she is blinking & breathing.

 

 

She may be a disgraceful human being for cheating, she didn't deserve to become the victim of foul play over it so I'm glad she got out of the predicament in which you left her.

 

 

You also know what caliber of person she is because she ran straight to him.

 

 

You have also learned that sexual acts are tied to your emotions. When you are upset you will have difficulty performing. That is not abnormal. You are processing what happened Give yourself some time to think.

 

 

You will be OK

[lostmyway82]

I am sorry I do not quite understand the meaning of it.

 

" she didn't deserve to become the victim of foul play over it so I'm glad she got out of the predicament in which you left her. "

 

I had waited 1 week for this. The last test was her loyalty and she failed. She did try to fake a cry saying they were just friends and refused to get out.It was when drag her by her hair then I saw the cries were without tears. I have never lay a hand on her and this is the first time and I know it is wrong. But i no longer recognize her as a lady anymore. When I got back and started digging through facebook and saw all the pictures I didn't regret my actions anymore. Infact I thought I should have done more then just dumping her there.

Edited February 20, 2016 by lostmyway82

[d0nnivain]

lostmyway

 

 

You left her on the side of the road! That is reprehensible. I know she cheated. I get that. You were right to dump her for her. You were dead wrong to have abandoned her on the side of the road. That was cruel

 

 

You put her in a dangerous situation. Something bad could have happened to her. Thank heavens it didn't.

 

 

I don't care that she hurt you. Your pain was emotional. You put her in a physically dangerous situation.

 

 

You absolutely should not have "done more than left her there." Physical violence solves nothing. Because you think what she did justifies some kind of physical response from you, you need to go to anger management because you are well on your way to big trouble in your life.

[TaraMaiden2]

I had the utmost sympathy for you when you explained how she had cheated on you.

I lost all of it, when you admitted you had treated her so heinously afterwards.

I totally agree with d0nnivain.

Her actions do not in any way justify your behaviour, which was both reprehensible and abusive.

Such an aggressive response outweighs her behaviour. The circumstances of her infidelity cannot in any way mitigate your reaction.

Which begs the question as to whether she might have indeed had some valid excuse for doing what she did.

 

She should not have cheated. That is a given.

Her reasoning behind it though, may be entirely justified.

If you behaved that way towards me, and if it were possible, I would bring a charge of endangerment against you.

[lostmyway82]

TaraMaiden2 i am sorry you feel that way towards me. But if I can cut my heart out maybe I can show you.. But I do not need your sympathy. All I need is advice on how to cope.

 

Using the word drag might seem too harsh so I would say I pull her hair. If you have any idea what it would be like if a man used all his might to drag a women by the hair,besides the fact I would probably be in jail by now which I am not.

 

I am not the kind of person who would get into a fit just because of a message or phone call.There is nothing more to justify for her actions. Anything more would be a picture or video of them having sex.

 

I have been a faithful partner since we got together,because I cared about her wellbeing and the fact we were having unprotected sex. I had 2 years to prepare for whats coming. It was in my GUT I just kept quiet because I wanted to keep the relationship and I didn't want to accuse her without proof. I was angry that she treated my life with so little care. I was thinking HIV,STDS. If i had HIV wouldn't that be her killing me indirectly.

 

Anyway I understand there are consequences for violence. I now also understand why sometimes I read the news where someguy murdered his wife cause she was cheating on him. I am also thankful that in a fit of rage I didn't go to that extend. Thanks for listening, cause I really got nowhere else to go.

Edited February 20, 2016 by lostmyway82

[lostmyway82]

Right now I just want to say I would rather take a cut right now then emotional pain.

[TaraMaiden2]

Right now I just want to say I would rather take a cut right now then emotional pain.

 

If you were to give your ex- the same choice, I doubt she would have asked to be mistreated in such a way.

 

Please understand. While I totally get that, emotionally, you are hurt, there is no excuse whatsoever, ever, for laying your hands on another person, full stop end of story, period.

Neither was it a clever thing to do to leave her on the side of the road.

It was utterly irresponsible, and totally reckless.

 

You need to own your impulsive behaviour.

Because just on the face of those impulses, there seems evident justification for your GF seeking affection and emotional gratification elsewhere.

 

As I said: Cheating is NOT ok.

 

However, it needs further consideration as to whether she may have had a point.

[lostmyway82]

It's a highway there is a emergency lane, it's not in the middle of nowhere.I was suppose to send her back but I just couldn't complete the journey. I was driving quite fast and with her in the car I was afraid I might do something stupid. So i decided its best I let her down. Infact i told her since she like him so much maybe she can call him to come get her.

 

I stop the car and ask her to get out she ignored me and said it was just friends,the fact that she keep repeating just friends really set of the fuse. I told her I am gonna repeat it 3 times and she better get out or I will use physical force. She pretend to cry, i pull her hair and ask her again. I looked into her eyes no tears, she was actually faking a cry.

[TaraMaiden2]

It's a highway there is a emergency lane, it's not in the middle of nowhere.I was suppose to send her back but I just couldn't complete the journey. I was driving quite fast and with her in the car I was afraid I might do something stupid. So i decided its best I let her down. Infact i told her since she like him so much maybe she can call him to come get her.

 

I stop the car and ask her to get out she ignored me and said it was just friends,the fact that she keep repeating just friends really set of the fuse. I told her I am gonna repeat it 3 times and she better get out or I will use physical force. She pretend to cry, i pull her hair and ask her again. I looked into her eyes no tears, she was actually faking a cry.

 

Right. Ok.

It really doesn't matter at all how you explain it, how you elaborate, or how you might try to justify your actions.

It's all irrelevant.

You used force and violence to intimidate someone, and that is totally unacceptable.

And it really doesn't matter where you left her.

It could have been on route 66, or in the middle of 5th Avenue.

 

It was still completely wrong of you to do it.

 

I realise you're hurt.

 

But frankly, it is no excuse, because this forum is absolutely chock-a-block with hurt people, broken hearts and shattered dreams.

And reciprocal violence is very rare. Off the top of my head, I have seen about 30 threads today from guys with destroyed emotions, and yours is the only one which mentions a violent reaction.

 

Pain is unavoidable.

Suffering is optional.

Violence is out of the question, any time, anywhere.

[lostmyway82]

Actually I was not trying to justify it I was replying to touba on the scenario.

 

Anyway thanks I really receive all the help I need here.

I get it. Violence No! No! , cheating it happens!

Do you know what I learnt in the last 3 hours ? I learn't that it is actually okay to go around breaking peoples heart but not lay a finger on a single hair.

Edited February 20, 2016 by lostmyway82

[lostmyway82]

Anyway i will take the first advice and let my brain process it a little longer. If at any point i feel I am going to do something stupid I will let you guys know.

[Mrin]

Mmmm I'm not cool with the hair pulling at all. No need for that. But ya, I probably would kick a cheating spouse or GF out of my car. Maybe not on the side of the road but at an intersection. Betray my trust and you're garbage to me and I don't tolerate garbage in my vehicle.

[lostmyway82]

Mmmm I'm not cool with the hair pulling at all. No need for that. But ya, I probably would kick a cheating spouse or GF out of my car. Maybe not on the side of the road but at an intersection. Betray my trust and you're garbage to me and I don't tolerate garbage in my vehicle.

 

How do you kick someone who sit there and not want to move?

[TaraMaiden2]

How do you kick someone who sit there and not want to move?

 

You don't. You get home, park the car a block away from where you live, and take the keys, and get out. You leave them in the car, and you walk away.

 

They will follow. But if you get home first, you can lock the door, then go to the room, grab their things, throw them into a black plastic bag, and throw them out the window.

 

There are other ways of being emphatic and showing you won't tolerate their behaviour other than pulling their hair and throwing them out of the car and abandoning them.

[lostmyway82]

You don't. You get home, park the car a block away from where you live, and take the keys, and get out. You leave them in the car, and you walk away.

 

They will follow. But if you get home first, you can lock the door, then go to the room, grab their things, throw them into a black plastic bag, and throw them out the window.

 

There are other ways of being emphatic and showing you won't tolerate their behaviour other than pulling their hair and throwing them out of the car and abandoning them.

 

I am sorry I am not you. I am actually a very discreet person. I was sending her back to her condo and I do not want to create a scene arguing in the streets. Like I said I do not want people sympathy. Because sympathy doesn't really do anything make me feel better. For all its worth I would rather "be the guy who dump his girl by the highway for cheating on him" then "the guy whose girl left him after cheating on him for 2 years".

 

If she had gotten out of the car I wouldn't need to pull her by her hair it is as simple as that. But whats done is done, I have no regrets. If i could turn back time I would do it all over again.

Edited February 20, 2016 by lostmyway82

[stillafool]

Okay so we can all agree you shouldn't have gotten physical with her and thrown her out of the car.

 

Now, OP you don't feel anything since you broke up with her, so what do you want?[]

Edited February 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

Do you know what I learnt in the last 3 hours ? I learn't that it is actually okay to go around breaking peoples heart but not lay a finger on a single hair.

 

Not one person said it was OK for her to cheat. We all said that cheating was bad. We also said that physical violence is bad too.

 

 

Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

 

If you had driven her home or even simply left her at a restaurant you would be getting more of the "there, there, poor broken-hearted baby" sympathy you were looking for.

 

 

I am glad that you had enough sense to realize that you were feeling angry / reckless / upset & that parting from her was in everyone's best interests.

 

 

We do want to help you heal but none of us are going to ignore bad behavior when we see it whether it's the cheating you experience or the violence / abandonment you inflicted on her.

[TaraMaiden2]

It's getting to the point where it's actually a good thing she cheated on you, because you are seriously sounding as if you deserved it.

People cheat all the time.

This forum is full of people who have both cheated - and been cheated on.

 

There are considerably far fewer people who have resorted to violence, and even fewer still, of those who were glad they were abusive.

 

The fact that you now claim to not regret it, would do it again, and would even do worse, says more about you, than it does about her.

I can only presume that your former remorse was just an act.

Fortunately, she saw through you before we did.

 

She may have chosen the wrong method, but at least she's probably not with an abusive bully, now.

 

I'm bowing out of this discussion.

If there's one thing that holds the danger of tipping me over the edge and making me say something that would get me into trouble - even if I didn't regret it - it's the attitude you are displaying.

Edited February 20, 2016 by TaraMaiden2

[brothers343]

What you did is tolerable in some countries, you could have even cut her throat and you would have been in the right. But we don't allow that in our country. You need to control your anger. To me she did you a favor, she's gone out of your life and this gives you a chance to start another. Maybe with someone who won't cheat. Leave the facebook crap alone.....facebook is nothing but a big joke in disguise.

[lostmyway82]

It's getting to the point where it's actually a good thing she cheated on you, because you are seriously sounding as if you deserved it.

People cheat all the time.

This forum is full of people who have both cheated - and been cheated on.

 

There are considerably far fewer people who have resorted to violence, and even fewer still, of those who were glad they were abusive.

 

The fact that you now claim to not regret it, would do it again, and would even do worse, says more about you, than it does about her.

I can only presume that your former remorse was just an act.

Fortunately, she saw through you before we did.

 

She may have chosen the wrong method, but at least she's probably not with an abusive bully, now.

 

I'm bowing out of this discussion.

If there's one thing that holds the danger of tipping me over the edge and making me say something that would get me into trouble - even if I didn't regret it - it's the attitude you are displaying.

 

I am glad I made you feel that way.

[lostmyway82]

Okay so we can all agree you shouldn't have gotten physical with her and thrown her out of the car.

 

Now, OP you don't feel anything since you broke up with her, so what do you want?[]

 

I think I would be telling a lie if I said I do not feel anything for her. I just needed to tell somebody what happened and in the process learn a few things or two. I can't tell my parents they would say I told you so. I can't tell my friends cause they will show me their sympathy, but they will be thinking in their minds poor idiot. I do not live with my parents so I am basically alone. So here i am.

[lostmyway82]

What you did is tolerable in some countries, you could have even cut her throat and you would have been in the right. But we don't allow that in our country. You need to control your anger. To me she did you a favor, she's gone out of your life and this gives you a chance to start another. Maybe with someone who won't cheat. Leave the facebook crap alone.....facebook is nothing but a big joke in disguise.

 

To be honest.. right now i do not know how to start a new one. I don't even know where to begin.

 

It's is now getting a little hard for me to digest what happened. I have afterall been sleeping with the enemy for the past 3 years.

 

I used to dislike facebook. I never thought that one day through facebook I will get the truth. It's is because of facebook that I can fortified my claims that she was cheating on me. If it wasn't for facebook I will probably still be that same stupid fool who has no idea whats going on.