66Charger Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 OP, I dont understand why you would get offended over those who couldnt spell honor if you spotted them 3 consonants and a vowel. The real truth is someone did inform you that your husband had a crush and that person was your husband. So perhaps you should ask him if he would like to know where you received your information from. When he says yes, then you inform him of the source and your knowledge that he has been lying to you, and it is his words that told you so. Then you will see the type of man that he is. If he acts like some posters here, and goes in a tizzy because you looked in his phone out of curiosity, blames you for breaking trust, then he is a straight out coward. If he looks you in the eye, and apologizes for lying straight to your face, consider accept his apology, request open communications and move forward. Some should be forgiven and some people should be divorced. And they probaly are, with a bunch of cats or living in a basement. Still outraged that snooping got them busted. You should not be offended. And you should not be disrespected either. Not in real life and not on a forum. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparkles72 Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 Sounds like men being men to me. You have been together all these years without a blip it sounds like you are pretty solid to me. But, if in doubt keep an eye on things from a distance, just to reassure yourself Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 I'm not as certain as you are we are getting the whole truth and complete story. As much as I loathe to minimize one person's tragedy, I just think of stories on here that are so much more heartbreaking. OW finds out she is pregnant and an OW in the same week. Spouse is undergoing treatment for disease and learns partner has been a serial cheater. And then there is this. I don't talk to my mother the same way I talk to my Army buddies. I don't talk to my friend who is a 60 year old nun the same way I talk to my best girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship where I'd want my partner to know everything I I ever said. I can be catty about other women, I can be descriptive of my sex fantasy with David Cassidy, but I probably wouldn't want either to have made it back to my partner. This man was having some off-color fun with his coworkers. He never intended his wife to see and I'm guessing he doesn't talk to her that way or about other women to her. Men and women often have different senses of humor. The OP is more like Jeff Foxworthy, while her husband is more like Larry the Cable Guy. Maybe even a bit more like Ron White. Okay, that means nothing if you don't like theblue collar comedy gang. She got a snapshot of what they are like at work. And from that snapshot, she accessed their phone bill, then got a picture of this woman, hatched a plan to make up a cockamamie story and called out her husband. Do you think he wants her to know he's a Neanderthal with the boys? He's had no phone contact with the woman and hasn't been to her area in 18 months. No proof there was any kind of affair, just pg-13 talk. I won't go there with you, to this business of categorizing and compartmentalizing. There is only one category that matters here. The OP is a woman, and she caught her husband degrading and objectifying another woman. That should invoke some dismay in any woman, and hopefully in an ever increasing number of real men. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 There is only one category that matters here. The OP is a woman, and she caught her husband degrading and objectifying another woman. That should invoke some dismay in any woman, and hopefully in an ever increasing number of real men. And the other thing is that he completely denied knowing the lady. Never been in quite that position, but I think simply laughing and saying that he had a crush on her in a fun way but would never act on it would be appropriate from a husband of 26 years. Lying and saying he didn't know the lady makes the OP suspicious that he is hiding something. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage10 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) I'm not as certain as you are we are getting the whole truth and complete story. As much as I loathe to minimize one person's tragedy, I just think of stories on here that are so much more heartbreaking. OW finds out she is pregnant and an OW in the same week. Spouse is undergoing treatment for disease and learns partner has been a serial cheater. And then there is this. I don't talk to my mother the same way I talk to my Army buddies. I don't talk to my friend who is a 60 year old nun the same way I talk to my best girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship where I'd want my partner to know everything I I ever said. I can be catty about other women, I can be descriptive of my sex fantasy with David Cassidy, but I probably wouldn't want either to have made it back to my partner. This man was having some off-color fun with his coworkers. He never intended his wife to see and I'm guessing he doesn't talk to her that way or about other women to her. Men and women often have different senses of humor. The OP is more like Jeff Foxworthy, while her husband is more like Larry the Cable Guy. Maybe even a bit more like Ron White. Okay, that means nothing if you don't like theblue collar comedy gang. She got a snapshot of what they are like at work. And from that snapshot, she accessed their phone bill, then got a picture of this woman, hatched a plan to make up a cockamamie story and called out her husband. Do you think he wants her to know he's a Neanderthal with the boys? He's had no phone contact with the woman and hasn't been to her area in 18 months. No proof there was any kind of affair, just pg-13 talk. Totally agree. OP, I dont understand why you would get offended over those who couldnt spell honor if you spotted them 3 consonants and a vowel. Nice. I can tell you that I have worked in various industries for a number of years, from very white collar to very blue collar (offshore). You get good and bad people everywhere. But, in general terms, I can tell you that I found more loyalty, friendship, integrity and definately more of this "honor" that you speak off amongst the "perverted, disgusting, foul and dirty mouthed" blue collar types that some posters here obviously know very little or nothing about. Edited March 3, 2016 by Mirage10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betrayed1987 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 I came clean tonight. Lady 2163 and everyone else, I asked him to tell me the truth after weeks of being mad. He told me the truth. He admitted he thought this girl was cute, but that the only woman he truly wants is me. He told me, "We have a life. We have kids together. We have a history. I know you find other men attractive. I'm not stupid. I was stupid enough to get caught up in thinking she was cute, and the other guys egging me on". He also told me that I am the ONLY person he has fun with and I am his true best friend. I believe him. He admitted all of this BEFORE I finally came clean and told him I looked at his phone. He wasn't even mad because he said I had every right to snoop since he was saying stupid **** to his coworkers. He assured me he would never ask about her again and even said he would allow me to install spyware on his phone so I could see all of his texts and record his phone calls. Yes, he thinks she's cute, but no he is not having an affair with her....emotionally or physically. I'm ok with that. I no longer feel threatened. I know he had/has a crush. I have crushes too. I can sleep tonight knowing everything is out in the open. Thanks for all of the insight and advice. P.S. I am not manipulative. I just needed to take my sweet time to figure this all out. **** you, Lady 2163. I have a degree in Psychology. You don't know ****. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I hope everything turns out ok for you. What you have to remember about forums...we only have the information provided to us...and there are always two sides to every story. You glean from the comments what applies to your situation and you ignore the rest. The bottom line is...you do what is best for you Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Betrayed1987, I'm so pleased for you. Those of us who said it was just office banter right from the start are probably feeling a bit smug now - it was clearly just that, albeit he went too far with it, and was very disrespectful. But unfortunately that's guys in offices sometimes. Maybe one day we will grow up. I'm so delighted that you feel comfortable and that you can put this behind you. Your husband is a good man who did a silly thing. I was quite alarmed at posters who were suggesting that you should consider ending your marriage....... a valuable, precious marriage of over 20 years...... on the small amount of evidence that you presented in your first post. I'm so glad you took time to think about it, and that your husband eventually told you all about it from his side. Yes, we all have crushes, married or not, we wouldn't be human if we didn't! He's learned a huge lesson....... He also has a lot of making up to do! Expect plenty of breakfasts in bed next few weeks - you deserve it Wishing you all the best! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I think you did fine. And it's always good to tell the truth...unless you think your spouse is cheating. If that's the case, first investigate. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Well, that just made my day. Hope he goes into the "proving it to you" stage and you have some good times ahead. Loved the final word. I will bow out, on a good story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betrayed1987 Posted March 6, 2016 Author Share Posted March 6, 2016 Thank you. I was taken off guard as well when people were saying to end my marriage. I was so relieved that he came clean before I even told him the truth about looking at his phone. Yes, what he did was disrespectful, but in the end he realized it, apologized for it, and said it would not happen again. He opened the door for me to "spy" on his correspondences with his coworkers and friends, to reassure me that he wasn't going to act like an adolescent boy again. I declined, but told him I reserve the right to change my mind at anytime lol.....Anyway, thanks to everyone who gave constructive and respectful advice and opinions. I feel so relieved that it is all out in the open now. No more lies on his part or on mine. Link to post Share on other sites
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