whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe My MM (no physical affair, just emotional) found out I've been dating a SG, and Friday, heard me talking on the phone with him and he flipped. When he first found out about the SG, he denied it, eventhough one of his coworkers is taking a class with him. AFter he asked me about him, He told me it was not true, he was just a friend, and I was basically lying about having someone else in my life. When he heard my SG call me and heard us making plans for the evening he flipped, went into a jealous fit, started throwing chairs around, he basically threaghtend to throw mustard at me (there was a tub in the area from left over sandwhiches) and then made fun of my position at work. Let's just say it wasn't pretty...He acted like HE was betrayed. I was in shock at his behavior. My coworker noticed and said, "Oh, he must really be in love with you" Which I can't understand, being we have never touched intimately, but has been pursuing me for almost a year now. I'm not sure how to act with him on Monday (we work together, for those who don't know). I'm not sure how HE will act with me come Monday. But he went home visibly upset on Friday. Maybe this is what he needed to see and will accept the fact that I am not HIS...and never will be, as long as he is married? Well he certainly has NO RIGHT to feel any kind of jealously towards you and what you do, who you see and who you talk to! That is just insane. And very hypocritical! I wouldn't even discuss this with him. Until there is Divorce papers infront of you - He has NO claim to you. He can be hurt, but putting on that lovely public display at work was just plain stupid on his behalf! That IS going to get people talking and wondering even more. My coworker noticed and said, "Oh, he must really be in love with you" Which I can't understand, being we have never touched intimately, but has been pursuing me for almost a year now. People aren't stupid though...They've probably picked up on the looks between you two, the sexual energy, and the reactions each of you display while in the office. All those little things that you may not think of - People WILL notice...And will continue to watch now because of his burst out of emotions. Does his wife know or suspect anything? Because now there is a chance that will get around and somebody WILL spill it eventually and she'll find out if she doesn't know already. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I have no idea if the wife knows, I don't know if there is something for her to "know". I haven't done anything with him. We work different shifts, his lovely little display occurred on MY shift, being he stays late to hang around me as much as he can. I think people know he is into me, and at the same time, they know I fight it. I already had someone approach me and tell me "to keep it discreet" after he did something stupid. When I told him about it, I expected him to say, Oh, I'll take care of it (being she is close to him), he said tell her to shut up and mind her own business.....Makes me think he WANTS people to think I'm associated with him, cuts down any potential suitors for me if they think I'm already involved with him. It really is spinning out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe My MM (no physical affair, just emotional) found out I've been dating a SG, and Friday, heard me talking on the phone with him and he flipped. When he first found out about the SG, he denied it, eventhough one of his coworkers is taking a class with him. AFter he asked me about him, He told me it was not true, he was just a friend, and I was basically lying about having someone else in my life. When he heard my SG call me and heard us making plans for the evening he flipped, went into a jealous fit, started throwing chairs around, he basically threaghtend to throw mustard at me (there was a tub in the area from left over sandwhiches) and then made fun of my position at work. Let's just say it wasn't pretty...He acted like HE was betrayed. I was in shock at his behavior. My coworker noticed and said, "Oh, he must really be in love with you" Which I can't understand, being we have never touched intimately, but has been pursuing me for almost a year now. I'm not sure how to act with him on Monday (we work together, for those who don't know). I'm not sure how HE will act with me come Monday. But he went home visibly upset on Friday. Maybe this is what he needed to see and will accept the fact that I am not HIS...and never will be, as long as he is married? i would have been laughing out loud hysterically about the mustard and chair thing...too funny but ok now let's get serious and honest here did you intentionally do this to hurt him...ie talking to the sg on the phone in his presence....kinda rubbing it in his face....believe me....if you are not the only ow he definitely would have kept it secret ps: pretty good wake up call...and he will definietly be examining his own strange behavior and re-evaluate what he really wants and what he is doing here....ie what is missing in his primary relationship i would caution you to be careful of this guy...displays of jealousy whether feigned or real...this guy might just like the practice, as in practice makes perfect, of getting another woman to cheat with him Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat if you are not the only ow he definitely would have kept it secret I don't get that statement? Keep what secret? As for doing it purposefully, no, he was hanging around my office, and I got a call and it was him. I said "hey baby" as I always do. He heard and then started screaming out his name, and saying...OH IS THAT THE POLICE OFFICER, and repeatedly said his name. I had to walk away from the department to finish the call. Luckily, my SG didn't hear any of it. Then his attitude started. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe I have no idea if the wife knows, I don't know if there is something for her to "know". I haven't done anything with him. We work different shifts, his lovely little display occurred on MY shift, being he stays late to hang around me as much as he can. I think people know he is into me, and at the same time, they know I fight it. I already had someone approach me and tell me "to keep it discreet" after he did something stupid. When I told him about it, I expected him to say, Oh, I'll take care of it (being she is close to him), he said tell her to shut up and mind her own business.....Makes me think he WANTS people to think I'm associated with him, cuts down any potential suitors for me if they think I'm already involved with him. It really is spinning out of control. The thing is, you said "emotional" affair, not physical. So something is there. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat i would caution you to be careful of this guy...displays of jealousy whether feigned or real...this guy might just like the practice, as in practice makes perfect, of getting another woman to cheat with him Oh it wasn't feigned, it was scary real...I laughed about it afterwards with my friends, (the mustard thing) but it was real. I think he may even be the type to be abusive. He said to me, as a warning, "you know I'm psycho, so go ahead and say something, give me an excuse to throw that in your face[the mustard]. So I kept quiet and told myself to never have him catch me talking to SG again. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat i ps: pretty good wake up call...and he will definietly be examining his own strange behavior and re-evaluate what he really wants and what he is doing here....ie what is missing in his primary relationship I agree, I think it bothers him that it bothered him...lol..if that makes sense. HIs feelings may be stronger than he thinks...or he's a big control freak and since he can't have me, no one can? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 He heard and then started screaming out his name, and saying...OH IS THAT THE POLICE OFFICER, and repeatedly said his name. I had to walk away from the department to finish the call. Luckily, my SG didn't hear any of it. Then his attitude started. That's actually kinda funny... OK so why not stop this flirting thing with the MM. He sounds abit freaky. End it completely and enjoy single cop guy. If that relationship has potential, it's something to consider. I mean right now you said" Luckily my SG didn't hear it..." Does he know about MM and the feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 He said to me, as a warning, "you know I'm psycho, so go ahead and say something, give me an excuse to throw that in your face[the mustard]. So I kept quiet and told myself to never have him catch me talking to SG again. BIG red flags!! RUN now, seriously..This MM isn't worth it. He sounds like a complete jerkoff. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe I don't get that statement? Keep what secret? i meant that its possible you are not the only other woman he is seeing...there could be others...and he would definitely keep you out of the loop on that one...as well as all the other women..if there are any if i am right...he would not want you to find out about it unless it was to tie you down to him and then he would make promises that you are tho only Other One. too bad you weren't able to laugh in his face he might just be acting the way his wife acts when she is suspicious of him cheating on her and he is doing it to you now to see how you'll react...if you'll get back in line with HIS program, so to speak yeah i think he knows or suspects you were rubbing it in his face about the sg, so that is why he said the thing about rubbing the mustard into yours in other words you've got a power struggle on your hands Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup BIG red flags!! RUN now, seriously..This MM isn't worth it. He sounds like a complete jerkoff. Oh I know, that's why it hasn't progressed. But at the same time, he hasn't backed off. As for the SG, yes he knows of him, he wants to come visit me at work too to show MM I am involved...but he hasn't yet, and I'm not sure I want him to, being the state of mind the MM is in. I don't need an altercation happen at my job...and the MM can be vindictive and try to screw me at work in one way or the other.....so I think it's best MM doesn't meet him. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat i think he knows or suspects you were rubbing it in his face about the sg, so that is why he said the thing about rubbing the mustard into yours in other words you've got a power struggle on your hands LOL...Oh I was laughing at the mustard thing, and when he swung the chair at me, I swung it back...Like a "what are you gonna do about it" thing. It's really comical the way he behaves, but I give it right back to him, and that may be part of the attraction for him...I don't let him get away with anything. And yeah, MAJOR power struggle, we are both headstrong and won't give in...it's a big head game right now for him....he can't control me, and it's driving him crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 So you need to take the control. If he doesn't back off, you tell him you're too busy at work to play with him. Just do it bit by bit so he doesn't freak out again. Maybe slip out of work abit early at times to avoid him. You can do this, take back the power and control. Close your heart and head from him! Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe Oh I know, that's why it hasn't progressed. But at the same time, he hasn't backed off. listen for some men its all about the power and control...interesting that the other guy is a cop...you like power and control freaks? or just getting under their skin? you might want to think about that. anyway, i like getting under their skin...i'd keep the cop around...boss might be afraid of him...and you might need that right now Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat listen for some men its all about the power and control...interesting that the other guy is a cop...you like power and control freaks? you might want to think about that. You might be right about that... Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 he wants to meet the guy because he wants to see if your bluffing or not so he's basically calling your bluff, upping the ante in answer to your upping the ante about dating other men. i would tread very carefully because you don;t know what he is capable of...sometimes these games get out of hand and someone gets seriously hurt you need to find a way to end the game while saving face for both of you Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Oh, I am sure his whole game is to see this other guy so he can pick at him piece by piece., to make me feel that he is inadequate so I can focus on him again. I'm not gonna let that happen. And secondly, he has no right to me, so his hissy fits are comical to me. I even once spoke about my ex, and his response was, You have no ex. In other words, he doesn't want to believe I have been with ANY man, present or future....and since he's never seen me with someone, he thinks he has claims on me. I am not the type to bring my personal life to work anyway. I'm sure he is evaluating what he feels this weekend and why he reacted how he did. Maybe he will now distance himself from me being he knows another guy exists. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe Oh, I am sure his whole game is to see this other guy so he can pick at him piece by piece., to make me feel that he is inadequate so I can focus on him again. I'm not gonna let that happen. And secondly, he has no right to me, so his hissy fits are comical to me. I even once spoke about my ex, and his response was, You have no ex. In other words, he doesn't want to believe I have been with ANY man, present or future....and since he's never seen me with someone, he thinks he has claims on me. I am not the type to bring my personal life to work anyway. I'm sure he is evaluating what he feels this weekend and why he reacted how he did. Maybe he will now distance himself from me being he knows another guy exists. Oh, I am sure his whole game is to see this other guy so he can pick at him piece by piece., to make me feel that he is inadequate so I can focus on him again. I'm not gonna let that happen wow...i think you could be right...i had not ever thought of that i thought of all the other stuff you said though...hopefully he will back off i would be worried if he didn't after this. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 i think men tend to get much more jealous before they have slept with a woman, its the animal thing. my mm was really jealous before he had ever slept with me, of me even talking to my male friends. during the physical affair however, i saw other guys and he didnt seem so bothered, he knew i went on dates. i know what its like to get a kick out of the attention from this mm, but seriously i would be a bit scared by now. or is it that you get off on that he is trying to intimidate you but cant? i'm pretty sure you like playing the game. i totally understand this as i am the same, a bit of a thrill seeker. i think this because how did he know this guys name and know that he was a cop? either you told him, or you would have mentioned that he is heavily spying on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I would like to add that engaging in games at your place of employment may not be the most beneficial choice. It is one thing to screw up one's personal life, it is another thing altogether to screw up personally plus professionally. I do not see anything good coming out of this for you. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by newbby i think this because how did he know this guys name and know that he was a cop? either you told him, or you would have mentioned that he is heavily spying on you. Spying...I never gave him any info...He asked a coworker about him....He also listened to some conversations when I didn't know he was there, but he later told my secr. he was in the next room listening. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by Guest I would like to add that engaging in games at your place of employment may not be the most beneficial choice. It is one thing to screw up one's personal life, it is another thing altogether to screw up personally plus professionally. I do not see anything good coming out of this for you. This has been going on for nearly a year, it has not affected my professional work at all. I do my job well and it does not interfere. Yes, it can be a distraction.....but I do not mix the two. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe This has been going on for nearly a year, it has not affected my professional work at all. I do my job well and it does not interfere. Yes, it can be a distraction.....but I do not mix the two. That doesn't mean he won't. He sounds like a loose cannon, and should he misfire and spiral down into a meltdown I have no doubt he will attempt to take you down with him. Just be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia That doesn't mean he won't. He sounds like a loose cannon, and should he misfire and spiral down into a meltdown I have no doubt he will attempt to take you down with him. Just be careful. Thanks, and I know I need to be careful with this one. As I said in one of my earlier posts, I will do my all to not let him catch me talking to SG and I will also stop talking about him at work. Of course this is what MM wants so he can return to his delusional world that I am his and there is no one else....but that is better than him getting "loopy" on me and threaghtening....so he'll win this power struggle, or so he thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 do you think you should perhaps get an injunction on him? Link to post Share on other sites
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