Whatoncewas Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Long and horrible story short. I married someone who was three months pregnant five years ago. She had the baby, the bio father signed over rights and hasn't looked back. I signed the birth certificate and she has my last name. We had a rough patch two years ago and got a divorce. But we decided to stay together and lived together ever since. Until last summer she met a loser on the Internet and left. Took child with her. I didn't know what to do. Three weeks ago she calls me and says he is a horrible guy and wants our family back together. I go to lick her and the daughter up and the minute I get there she starts acting weird and says she doesn't want to be with me but I say I want to be in the child's life and don't care what happens between us. We start driving back home where she is going to get a separate apartment and we will split time. So I start rebonding with daughter. She calls me dad. Then halfway home the ex says it bothers her that we are getting along and she says the daughter is all hers and she doesn't want to share. We are in separate rooms in a motel and she says she wants to think but is pretty sure she doesn't want me in the daughters life and will let me know in the morning. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to lose my daughter again. My ex isn't very good and is just going to jump from man to man and always pretending the new one is the girls dad and pretending they are a happy family until it fall apart. What can i do? We aren't in either of our home states. I don't want to never see the daughter again. I love her. Please help. I have to figure out if there is anything I can do tonight before in the morning she takes her and leaves and I never see her again. I regret not doing something to stop them the first time. There has to be something I can do Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Talk to a lawyer ASAP. You've been named as the child's father on the birth certificate etc. I'm pretty sure you would have some rights. Quite certain the state wouldn't hesitate to nail you with child support. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatoncewas Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 What can I do to stop her from keeping the girl from me. She has gone off her rocker. She told me to come pick her up. I drove 2100 miles to get her. She talked to me for four hours a day on the phone and then I got there. She is dead cold. I reunitinte with the girl she already took once. Now we are in spectate hotel rooms and she told me I have to leve tomorrow so she can figure out what she is going to do and I will never see my daughter again if I don't figure something out by morning Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Talk to a family lawyer. I don't know if you have rights if you never adopted her or if your signature counts as adoption. Every state is different. I'm sorry that you're going through this and I really hope that you have rights to keep having your daughter in your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 What can I do to stop her from keeping the girl from me. She has gone off her rocker. She told me to come pick her up. I drove 2100 miles to get her. She talked to me for four hours a day on the phone and then I got there. She is dead cold. I reunitinte with the girl she already took once. Now we are in spectate hotel rooms and she told me I have to leve tomorrow so she can figure out what she is going to do and I will never see my daughter again if I don't figure something out by morning So where the heck is she going to go? Are you halfway home or so? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 What did your divorce decree say about custody and visitation? Why didn't you challenge your ex last summer? That's going to look bad that you had no interest in seeing her then, unless you aren't legally permitted to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatoncewas Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 I'm not, not legally permitted to but it is weird but we have always just kept things simple and amicable. We both were immature with the divorce so it was just a no lawyers quickie in front of the judge. We didn't make any arrangements and the night we got divorced we slept in the same bed and were just going to be ...I don't think we knew what we were doing. She still called me her husband but we had some rough patches. But any ways. We are done unfortunately but Im still in love with her. But im more worried about the child who I consider my daughter. Tomorrow is Sunday and she wants me to leave. We are halfway between our states. I didn't expect this to be so crazy. But how do I get a lawyer on a Sunday and in what state and what do I do? The ex always expects me to leave quietly. I guess maybe she isn't super nice. Or is just totally overwhelmed. Do I have to just leave? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 If you have no legal rights to the child then I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her from going anywhere she wants or being with whatever new guy she wants to be with either. You can always consult a lawyer if you'd like to, I don't know if it will do you any good though. Link to post Share on other sites
GreatCatch Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Your state may have a free lawyer service that you can call. Also, you can consult with someone at your local courthouse and explain the situation. My understanding is that because you are on the baby's birth certificate you are the baby's father. Now, I don't know what a court or judge will have to say about how that all took place or your rights, but it is worth a try if you want to be in this child's life. You need to act fast because you might have trouble tracking her down, so don't wait another day before you contact a lawyer or a courthouse in your state, town or city. You will be surprised by how much information you can get by making some calls and asking questions. Don't give up because you don't want this to haunt you the rest of your life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I agree with the others about getting legal advice. There are probably some online sites that can give you an answer from lawyers. However, having said all that, while I understand your love for the child, this situation has all the makings of high drama for many years to come. The mom sounds like a complete flake who gets her jollies from using and manipulating you. You need to ask yourself why you're hanging on in such a way when the child isn't biologically yours and you never took steps to formally adopt her. Deep down, is this about hanging on to the mom? Even though it would hurt, I would personally walk away from this. The only thing you may encounter is, with your name on the certificate, she may come after you for child support once she becomes desperate enough. And based on the way she's living her life, she will become desperate. Instead of letting her put you in a tailspin and use the child to manipulate, why not shock the hell out of her and stop being present in her life, stop asking "how high?" when she tells you to jump, and see how it all pans out? Tell her that since the two of you are no longer together, you're really baffled as to why she thinks you're obligated to help her whenever she goes and screws up her life. When you're in this desperate frame of mind, you're going to make knee-jerk decisions that aren't necessarily in everyone's best interest. If nothing else, you need to turn the tables on your ex. If you don't, she will only see you as weak and easily manipulated. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 When the bio father signed away his legal rights, did you formally & legal adopt the child? If not, you have no legal rights. Do consult a lawyer. But I am doubtful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissCongeniality Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Talk to a lawyer ASAP. You've been named as the child's father on the birth certificate etc. I'm pretty sure you would have some rights. Quite certain the state wouldn't hesitate to nail you with child support. This. Personally she sounds irresponsible and immature I don't see any judge siding with her after she just took off with some guy online. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Who cares if she wants you to leave? What's she gonna do, hitchhike with a four year old? Man up and 'take care' of your family and let HER walk away if she doesn't want you around. I hope you have a copy of the birth certificate with you? If she tries to walk away, call the cops. At least make a fuss about it so she rethinks. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Long and horrible story short. I married someone who was three months pregnant five years ago. She had the baby, the bio father signed over rights and hasn't looked back. I signed the birth certificate and she has my last name. These elements are key in many states. Talk to a local lawyer asap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Long and horrible story short. I married someone who was three months pregnant five years ago. She had the baby, the bio father signed over rights and hasn't looked back. I signed the birth certificate and she has my last name. I agree, too, that many courts have done quite well by non-biological fathers who took an active, early role in providing for the children in question. I know of a woman who, while her heart was in the right place when grumbling a great deal about how many paternal rights were afforded her ex, who was NOT biologically related to the woman's daughter... was made by the courts to share various custody rituals with a man who was not the biological father of her child. It won't hurt at all IF you can demonstrate that you are the well-grounded, and more sane of two options in terms of the parental roles in the child's life. The courts really DO have a desire, anyway to do what is best for the child. (even though that is often limited by blanket positions which cover vast numbers of relationships which (only) usually do best for individual children) Link to post Share on other sites
candycane82 Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 Long and horrible story short. I married someone who was three months pregnant five years ago. She had the baby, the bio father signed over rights and hasn't looked back. I signed the birth certificate and she has my last name. We had a rough patch two years ago and got a divorce. But we decided to stay together and lived together ever since. Until last summer she met a loser on the Internet and left. Took child with her. I didn't know what to do. Three weeks ago she calls me and says he is a horrible guy and wants our family back together. I go to lick her and the daughter up and the minute I get there she starts acting weird and says she doesn't want to be with me but I say I want to be in the child's life and don't care what happens between us. We start driving back home where she is going to get a separate apartment and we will split time. So I start rebonding with daughter. She calls me dad. Then halfway home the ex says it bothers her that we are getting along and she says the daughter is all hers and she doesn't want to share. We are in separate rooms in a motel and she says she wants to think but is pretty sure she doesn't want me in the daughters life and will let me know in the morning. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to lose my daughter again. My ex isn't very good and is just going to jump from man to man and always pretending the new one is the girls dad and pretending they are a happy family until it fall apart. What can i do? We aren't in either of our home states. I don't want to never see the daughter again. I love her. Please help. I have to figure out if there is anything I can do tonight before in the morning she takes her and leaves and I never see her again. I regret not doing something to stop them the first time. There has to be something I can do So the biological father signed over rights and you are on her birth certificate? Are you then legally her father? Did you adopt her? Also what do you mean "quickie" divorce with no lawyers? Does that mean you both filed the forms yourself? I just got divorced last year. I had a lawyer (always the smartest to do especially with kids involved). My ex never showed up for any court dates. Never answered within 30 days he had about the divorce. So I got parenting time is at my discretion until he takes the online parenting class and does mediation. He's sober now and we talk but I made sure not to jerk around with our daughter's life. I have sole physical and legal custody. If he does fall off the wagon and go down that road, I won't let him see her alone like I didn't let him have her last summer while he spiraled. You really need to go talk to a lawyer. If you didn't adopt her, I'm not sure what rights you have. If there's no parenting plan in the divorce decree but you do have rights to her, you better go get a parenting plan put in place. Are you paying child support? You're better off without the crazy woman. Get a lawyer so you can see your daughter because she is your daughter. You have raised her. I'm also wondering why you didn't fight to see her last summer. Just get a lawyer. They know more about this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 A few points: My gut feeling is that this could turn into a real mess, unless you go about the business in a legal and structured way. You need to know exactly what your status is legally and officially, in the life of this child. Best intentions count for very little, without established status. That being said - be prepared for some real grief, if the child's mother is hell-bent on a high-drama life. Doesn't make for a healthy happy childhood. If that drama gets real bad - prepare yourself for a custody battle on the grounds of what is truly in the best interests of the child....providing that you are truly willing, able, and prepared to give her a stable home life and upbringing. I think a lot of good men walk away from stuff like this....often because the system isn't always set up to offer them much help. I feel for ya, man. I went through something a little bit like this, years ago - with one major difference: the mom was very stable - but needed to put her life in order in a way that did not include me. That stability.....allowed me to close the chapter in a way that allowed me to step back without deep concerns about the child's future - I knew that she'd be fine. Good luck to you - whatever is in store is not going to be an easy road to walk. The more you care, the harder it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 What state was your divorce granted in? You definitely need to speak with an attorney. In my state, a parenting plan is required in a divorce. I also know that to receive rights, most fathers have to file a petition for legitimation, custody, and child support. Usually, however, that only pertains to illegitimate children (parents not married). If you were married at the time the child was born, you may have rights depending on which state you're in, but at the same time, a signature on a birth certificate means almost nothing nowadays. So, in short....go talk to an attorney asap Link to post Share on other sites
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