Ok Cupid "last online" is she worth bothering with?

[macky80]

Hey all.

Right I went on ok cupid around 5 months ago and got talking to a girl on there; anyway we exchanged numbers and I told her that I'd delete my account because I liked her and why would I want to chat with anyone else.

Well we started dating and things have been going well up until my mate sent me a whatsapp screenshot of the girl I'm datings okcupid profile saying she was online now . I confronted her about it straight away and she said she hadnt been on it in ages and that she would disable it.

Well it kind of got my curiosity up and I thought I'd do some research and see if this was a real issue, I've basically found that it's a common excuse rather than a common problem so I decided to check on okcupid and sure enough it said she had been online again and I cobfronted her again and said if you want to date someone else fine just dont treat me like a mug.She again said I've not been on it and got really defensive saying that I'm insecure now she has deleted her account, do I bother investing my time with her or should I cut off all ties and look for someone else?

[ASG]

If I remember correctly, if you have the app on your phone, it might show as online if you have an internet connection even if you haven't opened the app in ages.

 

So she might be telling the truth.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

I think you messed up. Telling her about this information is a huge sign of insecurity and says that you don't trust her.

 

Downhill from here.

 

Next time keep that information to yourself until you are 100% sure she is lying. Even then, the fact that you don't trust her and you've only known each other for a few months is a big red flag...

[bu2002]

Yes if you have an app for OkCupid it will show you as "Online Now" even when the app isn't opened. As the above poster said, it might have something to do if you're connected to wifi or relying on 4G network. On top of that, she might've forgot to hide her profile.

[Mrin]

Yes if you have an app for OkCupid it will show you as "Online Now" even when the app isn't opened. As the above poster said, it might have something to do if you're connected to wifi or relying on 4G network. On top of that, she might've forgot to hide her profile.

 

This. She could have been totally telling the truth. The same goes for Match. These apps are geared to make profiles look as active as possible.

[Erik30]

Yes if you have an app for OkCupid it will show you as "Online Now" even when the app isn't opened. As the above poster said, it might have something to do if you're connected to wifi or relying on 4G network. On top of that, she might've forgot to hide her profile.

 

If you just click the app away instead of logging out through the menu, it might appear you're still online.

[truth_seeker]

I think you messed up. Telling her about this information is a huge sign of insecurity and says that you don't trust her.

 

Downhill from here.

 

Next time keep that information to yourself until you are 100% sure she is lying. Even then, the fact that you don't trust her and you've only known each other for a few months is a big red flag...

 

You jumped the gun by confronting her. I understand why you would be upset but you have to make sure you know for sure she is lying. In the future, if one of your buddies sends this info,

 

1) Make sure this buddy isn't a sh-t-starter. I used to have "friends" like this. Always looking to start trouble for their own entertainment. Make sure he is your friend looking out for you.

 

2) Set up a profile and message her. If she messages back and interacts, then you know what kind of person she is and you next her.

[TheBathWater]

It's totally natural to feel confused by her behavior and be upset about it, especially if the two of you have agreed to be exclusive. Have you?

 

I have the OkCupid app on my phone. I know that it doesn't show me as being online now unless I have opened it. I have heard others say what the people in this thread are saying - that it will always show as online now, but I don't know. Why then is there no one online in my populated neighborhood when I sign on at 1:00 am?

 

I'm not convinced that this woman is lying, and I'm also not convinced she is telling the truth. Aside from this issue, what do her overall actions and behaviors toward you tell you about your relationship? If you feel things are otherwise as well as you had indicated, I would keep it going with her and try to correct this misunderstanding. Neither one of you is 'wrong' for reacting the way you are, if she is indeed not signing online. Let's see if she has taken her online profile down like she said she would too.

 

As someone recently said to me, and I really do believe this... always look at a woman's overall behavior and actions, and not what she says. There you will find your answers.

[TheBathWater]

Set up a profile and message her. If she messages back and interacts, then you know what kind of person she is and you next her.

 

I was thinking about this too but didn't mention it. I would also caution against increasing your paranoia through this method anyway. If you feel that strongly she is not being truthful, either you are overreacting or she is not trustworthy. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

[truth_seeker]

If you feel that strongly she is not being truthful, either you are overreacting or she is not trustworthy.

 

Personally, I think it's your gut warning your heart.

[phineas]

Yes if you have an app for OkCupid it will show you as "Online Now" even when the app isn't opened. As the above poster said, it might have something to do if you're connected to wifi or relying on 4G network. On top of that, she might've forgot to hide her profile.

 

Regardless, her profile should not be visible.

If it is she can still receive notification emails, weekly matches emails or the app will go off also.

 

She knew her profile was active. pure and simple.

There is no way she couldn't know it was visible on the site.

 

when op first brought it up any decent person would of corrected the fact they "overlooked" their profile was still active.

 

The insecure line is a common defense mechanism people use when they are being shady and called out on it.

[truth_seeker]

 

The insecure line is a common defense mechanism people use when they are being shady and called out on it.

 

^^ This 100%

[Larryville]

Right I went on ok cupid around 5 months ago and got talking to a girl on there; anyway we exchanged numbers and I told her that I'd delete my account because I liked her and why would I want to chat with anyone else.

Well we started dating and things have been going well up until my mate sent me a whatsapp screenshot of the girl I'm datings okcupid profile saying she was online now . I confronted her about it straight away and she said she hadnt been on it in ages and that she would disable it.

Well it kind of got my curiosity up and I thought I'd do some research and see if this was a real issue, I've basically found that it's a common excuse rather than a common problem so I decided to check on okcupid and sure enough it said she had been online again and I cobfronted her again and said if you want to date someone else fine just dont treat me like a mug.She again said I've not been on it and got really defensive saying that I'm insecure now she has deleted her account, do I bother investing my time with her or should I cut off all ties and look for someone else?

If I remember correctly, if you have the app on your phone, it might show as online if you have an internet connection even if you haven't opened the app in ages.

 

 

Yup True

 

 

The same goes for Match. These apps are geared to make profiles look as active as possible.

 

 

I think you messed up. Telling her about this information is a huge sign of insecurity and says that you don't trust her.

 

 

She knew her profile was active. pure and simple. There is no way she couldn't know it was visible on the site. when op first brought it up any decent person would of corrected the fact they "overlooked" their profile was still active.

 

When I think I have found someone worthy of pursuing, I take all accounts/sites down. However I don’t say jack in terms of what she does with her account(s)

 

Never assume anyone is ONLY on one site. In areas with fewer population (in the Midwest) I’ve seen women on several different sites… you can browse offline… sometimes without registering for the site.

 

 

Her actions will clearly indicate her interest. Anyone honest with themselves or in tuned with the situation will know if she is spreading her time around.

 

My advice assume that there will be some level of sneaky behavior until proven otherwise. Don’t put all of your efforts on one individual unless you are completely 100% confidant the person you are pursuing is all in for you.

[newheart]

I am sure it's been discussed here before, but I just want to mention that the "last online" is not always accurate. I hid my profile in November and deactivated my Match account in December, before it was up for renewal. My BF hid his profile in November as well and just deactivated his account, and it said I was online within 24 hours when I hadn't been on since December. That said, this hasn't been a cause for concern with us because he knows by my actions that I am fully invested in him and trusts that I haven't been online.

 

This is just another reason I hate these sites though, lol!

[ontar]

I decided to check on okcupid and sure enough it said she had been online again and I cobfronted her again and said if you want to date someone else fine just dont treat me like a mug.She again said I've not been on it and got really defensive saying that I'm insecure now she has deleted her account, do I bother investing my time with her or should I cut off all ties and look for someone else?

 

She should be asking herself the same question.

 

Your response was over the top.

[Bobbi7]

I had the okcupid app on my phone recently, and there is the "sign-out" option, so if a person signs out-then it would show as offline. There were days when I was signed on-through the app for a whole day-it showed me as online for 24 hours-I would check and get messages from guys asking what the hell I was up at 3am on okcupid-when technically I've been signed on for hours without signing out and having the app still active on my phone.