steenerz Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 so i called the bf today just to chit chat and i asked him wut he did today...he hung out with his old babysitter from when he was little and i got JEALOUS. Yes, I'm inseucre, i think i'm getting better at it...but it doesn't help knowing that his friends and brother talk about how hot and cute she is...grrrr. I think she tried to make me jealous tho, she came on the phone and was all like "i've seen his butt" blah blah...but yeah anyway...i'm pretty good at hiding my jealousy, but when i got off the phone i was pretty sad and angry. GRRRRRRR! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 If she was his babysitter then I would assume shes much older than he? Not only that, but you need to get your insecurities in check. Have you come out of a bad realtionship where your trust was broken, and the jelousy/insecurity stems from that? Sometimes old hurt that wasn't delt with in some kind of closure will spill over into other relationships. Also, your jealousy could drive him away. I would try to remain as cool as you can. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 its possible you are jealous of the time he spends with anyone who isn't you. how much time does he spend with you? do you wish you were there when this was going on...as in your mad that you are missing out on the fun? is he even fun to date? that could be the problem right there. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 How old is your BF? 20, 25? And she is like 35 or 40? He was probably just saying how hot she looks for her age, because even though she is most likely still young, for him she is old. I know that 20-year olds think that life ends when you turn 30. I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her; she is more like a mother to him cuz she has taken care of him when he was little. Guys just like to comment and look at other chicks. If you go crazy every time he says something stupid, you'll end up in a nut house... or in jail! Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by JadeStar If she was his babysitter then I would assume shes much older than he? Not only that, but you need to get your insecurities in check. Have you come out of a bad realtionship where your trust was broken, and the jelousy/insecurity stems from that? Sometimes old hurt that wasn't delt with in some kind of closure will spill over into other relationships. Also, your jealousy could drive him away. I would try to remain as cool as you can. Jade he is my first real boyfriend...and i love him so much...i have really high standards, and could have dated quite a few guys, but i thought he was different...and so thereofre i havenot come out of a bad relationship...except poor relationships with my father...he would always cancel out on me when i was little, was never around etc etc...and my parents'relationship was absolutely HORRIBLE. There was absolutely no love at all...for the 18 years i lived with him, i didn't see a SINGLE hug, or "i love you" between them. Just seeing my parents relationships and other poor relationships make me very anxious and insecure in general. So now that i have a male in my life, i want all the attention i can get, i think. Thanks u guys for replying Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by Guest its possible you are jealous of the time he spends with anyone who isn't you. how much time does he spend with you? do you wish you were there when this was going on...as in your mad that you are missing out on the fun? is he even fun to date? that could be the problem right there. we see each other prolly abour 4 days out of the week no, i don't feel like i'm missing out on the fun, i understand that he needs time away from me and have his fun with other people too he is very fun to date...i can't tell u the excitement i still get after errr 11months ( ) of dating Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer How old is your BF? 20, 25? And she is like 35 or 40? He was probably just saying how hot she looks for her age, because even though she is most likely still young, for him she is old. I know that 20-year olds think that life ends when you turn 30. I don't think he has any romantic feelings for her; she is more like a mother to him cuz she has taken care of him when he was little. Guys just like to comment and look at other chicks. If you go crazy every time he says something stupid, you'll end up in a nut house... or in jail! the bf is 19...i dunno, when she got on the phone she sounded really young but she was prolly about early 30s... i know nothing will happen between them duhhh...it's just that i want him to think that i'm the only pretty girl in the world Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 and lemme add...i didn't like how he told me...when i asked him who this girl was (i could hear her and his mom in the background btw), he was like "i can't tell you"..."you don't wanna know" (he knew this would make me worry)...i asked again and he said "uhh i can't really describe it"....umm ok. And that's when she answered the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 I am 30 years old and look 20. I also don't like to listen about other women so I told my fiance that. I hate the fact that he thinks Kim Basinger and Brooke Shields are gorgeous. And I hate myself for those feelings too. You have to train your brain to not react to stuff like that and also let your BF know that you want to be spared from commetns about how hot other chicks are. But I am sure he just meant she was pretty and it doesn't mean he is hot for her whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 I think he was intentionally trying to make you feel jealous...you might want to talk to him about that. I think its okay for him to think there are other pretty women out there...because there are...let's face it...but he doesn't have to rub it in your face...that is just mean Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by Guest I think he was intentionally trying to make you feel jealous...you might want to talk to him about that. I think its okay for him to think there are other pretty women out there...because there are...let's face it...but he doesn't have to rub it in your face...that is just mean Do you think there's a reason that he was making me trying to feel that way, besides the fact that he knew how i would react/think? Like, maybe something about himself that would make him feel better about making me feel jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by steenerz Do you think there's a reason that he was making me trying to feel that way, besides the fact that he knew how i would react/think? Like, maybe something about himself that would make him feel better about making me feel jealous? oneupmanship power and control thing it could also be he wants an exclusive relationship...but i wouldn't give someone credit for that if they didn't ask for exclusivity to begin with and went straight for the jealousy game Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 the bf did it again. blew me off again. cuz HE was tired. last night on the phone, HE asked to go to church today...so i went to work, switched my shifts b/c church is important to me and i haven't gone in like two weeks....he tells me last night to call him to wake him up this morning...so i do...even later than he told me to cuz i know he likes to sleep....then he says to call 30 mins later...i do, his mom answers, and tells me that she really wants him to go since he hasn't gone in a while...but he's still sleeping...she asked what time service was, i told her, and she said she'd let him know. I just feel that he is being so selfish. He doesn't wanna go cuz HE's tired...he doesn't think that i'm tired when the most sleep i get is 6 hours a night??? I ended up waking up an hour and a half earlier so i could get ready and now this. Whaddya know. It's past time, no phone call or anything. I'm so pissed. FREAKING say what you mean and mean what you say. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 Just back off and leave him alone. Stop contacting him in any way, shape or form and don't go out of your way to see him. Its pretty clear that 'fighting for your relationship' isn't getting you anywhere, so try the opposite approach - subtract yourself from his life, and see if he cares enough to come after you to bring you back into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 update: he called and said that he was ready but we would have definitely been way late...then he got mad at ME for aboslutely no reason! i WAS chill about it, i was like, whatever we'll just go next week then...then his phone died. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Just back off and leave him alone. Stop contacting him in any way, shape or form and don't go out of your way to see him. Its pretty clear that 'fighting for your relationship' isn't getting you anywhere, so try the opposite approach - subtract yourself from his life, and see if he cares enough to come after you to bring you back into it. but am i wrong? i honestly feel like i didn't do anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 I didn't say you were wrong, but from your past posts - it sounds like you are very, very, very insistent that this guy instantly be able to turn a 9 mo LDR into a 25-7 'real' relationship overnight. During a LDR, people have their own lives, their own interests, their own schedules, etc. in addition to their relationship. You came home to a town where you don't have many outside interests, friends, or a schedule and a full life outside of your relationship. Your relationship IS those things. Its not like that for him. You can't expect your boyfriend to just drop everything in his life and replace it with you overnight. He needs time to adjust and reprioritize. Should you push for that past where he is comfortable - then you will go down on the priority list as you become more of an obligation and less of a girlfriend. I know you want a 'real' relationship with him, but trying so hard is going to be the one thing that makes it not happen. You aren't wrong for wanting a relationship like that with him, but from your posts and his reactions to what you want - its apparent that you may be going about it the wrong way. Backing off isn't supposed to be 'punishment' for doing wrong - its a chance to see how this guy feels about you when he's given the chance to take a breather. If you back off, and subtract yourself - and he cares about you, he will wonder why you are backing off and will take steps to prevent it, and reverse it. If he doesn't care about you, he won't come after you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia I didn't say you were wrong, but from your past posts - it sounds like you are very, very, very insistent that this guy instantly be able to turn a 9 mo LDR into a 25-7 'real' relationship overnight. During a LDR, people have their own lives, their own interests, their own schedules, etc. in addition to their relationship. You came home to a town where you don't have many outside interests, friends, or a schedule and a full life outside of your relationship. Your relationship IS those things. Its not like that for him. You can't expect your boyfriend to just drop everything in his life and replace it with you overnight. He needs time to adjust and reprioritize. Should you push for that past where he is comfortable - then you will go down on the priority list as you become more of an obligation and less of a girlfriend. I know you want a 'real' relationship with him, but trying so hard is going to be the one thing that makes it not happen. You aren't wrong for wanting a relationship like that with him, but from your posts and his reactions to what you want - its apparent that you may be going about it the wrong way. Backing off isn't supposed to be 'punishment' for doing wrong - its a chance to see how this guy feels about you when he's given the chance to take a breather. If you back off, and subtract yourself - and he cares about you, he will wonder why you are backing off and will take steps to prevent it, and reverse it. If he doesn't care about you, he won't come after you. How can I make him realize what a disappointment it is when he plans something himself, then gets mad at me when HE doesn't follow through? (almost 11.5 months btw, not 9 ) i just don't understand. last night he was talking about how he thought we would see each other everyday this summer, but b/c of his mom thinking we'll get too serious we see each other about 3-4 x a week. So i don't really understand this "reprioritizing"...well i do...but he doesn't have a job, doesn't relaly do anything honestly, and only one good friend. and i understand that he can't just drop everything for me...but then why does he plan things HIMSELF...and not do it?? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 He probably thinks he's supposed to or is obligated to in order to show you he's making an effort, but when it comes time to actually follow through he didn't really want to do it in the first place, so he backs out. Or... he could be trying to make you want to break up with him. but b/c of his mom thinking we'll get too serious we see each other about 3-4 x a week Did you hear this directly from his mom, or just second hand from the boyfriend? I have used this excuse plenty of times when I was in high school when I didn't want a guy hanging around or calling all the time. It was easier to blame it on my "strict and concerned" parents than it was to say "I'm just not that into you" (though I had no problem with that when I was older). What ever happened to this one girl who was saying "I love you" to him on the phone all the time? I can't help but wonder if she is connected in with this somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia He probably thinks he's supposed to or is obligated to in order to show you he's making an effort, but when it comes time to actually follow through he didn't really want to do it in the first place, so he backs out. Or... he could be trying to make you want to break up with him. Did you hear this directly from his mom, or just second hand from the boyfriend? I have used this excuse plenty of times when I was in high school when I didn't want a guy hanging around or calling all the time. It was easier to blame it on my "strict and concerned" parents than it was to say "I'm just not that into you" (though I had no problem with that when I was older). What ever happened to this one girl who was saying "I love you" to him on the phone all the time? I can't help but wonder if she is connected in with this somehow. i didn't hear it directly from his mom...from him...but i know that's what his mom is like. SHe really gave me the cold shoulder when we first started dating...she hated the idea that her son had a girlfriend...but she's opened up to me now. I have no doubts that he's not into me...i know he is. He's just immature and childish a lot of times. Well the girl is his best friend's sister...i doubt she's called again...he hasn't gone in for an interview and hasn't seen his friend in a while. and he isn't trying to make me break up with him. We talk on the phone every night for 2 hours a lil less or more, and have lots of fun talking and whatever... Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted June 12, 2005 Author Share Posted June 12, 2005 umm how did this post get connected to my post in this forum? Link to post Share on other sites
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