How to avoid contacting your ex who dumped you?

[qwrt12]

Hi,

I've been having real temptations to break off NC and contact my ex. The last text I texted her I wished her luck and said I'll always be here for her if she needs anything. Basically the good guy. It's been a little over 1 month NC and I've made little progress but not much... She unblocked me from FB a little while ago but not Whatsapp, idk if she's open to talking to me now or not.

 

My question is how do I avoid contacting her? I miss her so much and I feel that I can't get anybody better. I try online dating again and I always compare people to her and if they aren't X and don't have Y I am not attracted. I feel I shouldn't have to contact first since she dumped me but I miss her and want to at least talk or meet up. I am struggling really bad whether to keep this NC or try and meet up or just text and see if she replies, if not then I move on.

[Emilia]

You need to distract yourself. I'm lucky because I found a very funny radio presenter and I just have his shows on podcast when I need them.

 

If you contact her, you will be back to square one. You shouldn't have left the door open either. Nowdays when I feel I can't trust myself in terms of NC, I try to burn my bridges.

[angel.eyes]

First, you aren't really NC if you're still stalking her on FB, whatsapp, etc.That's why you've made almost no progress. Block her everywhere and delete any contact information you have for her. Take up a new hobby. Hang out with your friends. Stay busy so that you limit the amount of time spent ruminating about her and getting back together.

 

Second, she dumped you and has made zero contact in over a month. There is no reason to make promises that you'll always be there for someone who chooses to remove you from her life. She doesn't need or want you any more, hence the dumping and lack of contact. She is moving on with her life. You really need to do so as well, instead of hanging on hoping she'll change her mind. The first step will be to stop checking up on her on social media.

 

Why do you want to meet up with her? What would that accomplish exactly?

[qwrt12]

First, you aren't really NC if you're still stalking her on FB, whatsapp, etc.That's why you've made almost no progress. Block her everywhere and delete any contact information you have for her. Take up a new hobby. Hang out with your friends. Stay busy so that you limit the amount of time spent ruminating about her and getting back together.

 

Second, she dumped you and has made zero contact in over a month. There is no reason to make promises that you'll always be there for someone who chooses to remove you from her life. She doesn't need or want you any more, hence the dumping and lack of contact. She is moving on with her life. You really need to do so as well, instead of hanging on hoping she'll change her mind. The first step will be to stop checking up on her on social media.

 

Why do you want to meet up with her? What would that accomplish exactly?

 

Doesn't mean she won't at some point?

I can't move on, I just can't do it anymore.

[Emilia]

Doesn't mean she won't at some point?

I can't move on, I just can't do it anymore.

 

You have to. She doesn't want you OP. I know it sucks, we have all been there. Would you rather listen to her stories about porking someone?

[qwrt12]

It makes it seem like something is wrong with me, like I'm not worth it. Why would someone dump someone who's worth it? they wouldn't. All I did was treat her with respect, never yelled or got mad, showed her I cared. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this and it happened so maybe I'm not good enough. Why would someone give up someone great?

[qwrt12]

You have to. She doesn't want you OP. I know it sucks, we have all been there. Would you rather listen to her stories about porking someone?

No but thanks for bringing that up...

[ExtraSpice]

Every reply you get will most likely be very similar to the ones above. Mostly because they are right. She dumped you, she is moving on. If she hasn't made an attempt to contact you then absolutely no reason to contact her. Nothing to be gained from that. She may reply but maybe it is just a sympathy reply because she doesn't want to be rude. Sympathy is going to do you more harm than good.

 

It is a lot easier for us to say that and recommend some actions because we are not emotionally invested in the situation. You are. The truth is if you want to get better and want to move on then continue NC, burn the means for communication. Occupy yourself to the max. But none of our suggestions are going to matter if you just don't want to move on. In the end you will do what you want and that may be contacting her.

 

In a way that may be good because it will remind you that everything is over. It is a rough way to remind yourself of that but sometimes gets the point across.

 

I highly suggest continuing NC and yes maybe she will contact you at some point but that is irrelevant.

[TaraMaiden2]

It makes it seem like something is wrong with me, like I'm not worth it. Why would someone dump someone who's worth it? they wouldn't. All I did was treat her with respect, never yelled or got mad, showed her I cared. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this and it happened so maybe I'm not good enough. Why would someone give up someone great?

 

You have to stop thinking in those terms.

 

There's nothing wrong with you. It's just that she didn't want to go out with you any more.

It's nothing you did, or didn't do. She just decided it's not what she wanted.

 

If I go to a cake shop and choose a custard doughnut over one with icing and sprinklin's, doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. I just don't want it.

 

If you see a single young lady in a bar, are you going to go and ask her out, even though there's nothing there which appeals to you?

Why would you? You just decide to not do it, because you don't want to. There's nothing wrong with that young lady.

You're just not inclined to ask her out.

 

Brad Pitt broke up with Jennifer Aniston.

 

Perfect Hollywood couple, right?

Gorgeous, successful, famous, beautiful people....

 

just didn't work out.

 

Not everything goes against us because there's something wrong with us.

[Emaize3]

I feel the same as you. Like I can't move on and want to break NC. I was a great gf and it all went up in smoke. I've been keeping busy, making new friends, trying new things. Urgg... Thought I was good and ended up crying all night. I never got a chance, no communication and no sign. I feel you brother. Right there with you.

[Emilia]

No but thanks for bringing that up...

 

It will come up if you don't protect yourself. It sucks when someone doesn't want you but you have to toughen up and move on.

[qwrt12]

Thanks all for the replies.

 

I just always hear stories of months, etc go by and the ex comes back and you hope that happens. I got to just keep moving forward and move on and hope that I can get better because I know who I am and I know that I was a great guy to her and made her feel happy and good (at least for the majority of the relationship lol) and the list can go on but she does I admit have a lot of maturing to do as do I but I am trying to get confident in myself to know that if she grows up or goes through things maybe she'll realize what she gave up, I just have to get to the point to where if that happens I don't care and I'm either with someone else or happy alone.

[MissCongeniality]

Hi,

I've been having real temptations to break off NC and contact my ex. The last text I texted her I wished her luck and said I'll always be here for her if she needs anything.

Why didn't you just say "Please don't leave me I still want you and will do anything to be with you." that would have been more obvious she's expecting you to show up like a love sick puppy I guarantee it. You need to go out there find someone else maybe fool around with a stripper or two or at least burry yourself in your work.

 

I recommend a prescription of straight up porn and masturbation followed by a healthy diet of on again off again flings.

[angel.eyes]

...if she grows up or goes through things maybe she'll realize what she gave up, I just have to get to the point to where if that happens I don't care and I'm either with someone else or happy alone.

I'm sorry to say this, but she's not going to grow up, come to her senses, and change her mind. Sitting around hoping for this is pointless. She's done. Hence the total lack of communication from her end. You hoping isn't going to change the outcome. It just delays your ability to heal and move on with your life.

[sorano]

OP, I also got dumped 3 weeks ago and heard stories on how people come back. Honestly, knowing my ex, she will never return to me. It also ended bad. Its hard trying not to contact her. There are many times I feel like getting in touch with her, but I try to stay strong and not do it.

 

I thought I was worth it to her. she said a lot of things that made me and others believe we were going to get married in the future. Instead, I got dropped

[qwrt12]

Little update, kind of quick actually.

 

I talked to family and a close friend of my yesterday about every thing again and I basically accepted the situation, for the most part. There's still obviously healing to go but right now I feel I'm in a okay place. I realized that there were issues with the relationship anyways but in the long-term it wouldn't work out anyways. Basically let's just say that she wasn't a US citizen, her visa runs out at the end of the year and her options aren't many and not likely on staying here and just in that aspect it wouldn't work out.

 

I appreciate the help every one.

[qwrt12]

Eh,

I've taken one-step forward and now two-steps back. Every time I am doing better something will come up with her in it. I deleted her off of my Skype on my computer and decided to get on to talk to my friend on Skype on my tablet and somehow she was on there still as my friend and online... The temptations were so real to message her to see how she is but I removed her. Then the next day I had a dream and she was in it and we got back together and I could feel through my dream the happiness we had together. I didn't want to wake up. Now I'm trying to so so hard not to contact her, I need help or something. I haven't been happy in a month :/

[Emaize3]

Me too. Had a dream last night too but I was rehashing the pain with him wondering why he broke up. This sucks!!!! Been a month for me too and I want to contact also.

[Emilia]

Good practice for the future.

[Mr. Disposable]

Hi, qwrt12. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time and I can definitely relate. Thanks for taking the time to read my thread and post. That was nice of you. Allow me to return the favor.

 

Some posters here have been pretty harsh with you. I understand tough love, but jeez...

 

Anyway, listen up man. While I'm glad you can relate to me there's one HUGE difference between me and you. I've accepted that the worst possible thing that I could do is break NC and I haven't and will not try to do that.

 

My ex and I went through a brief "reconciliation" period. It was a waste of time and made things way harder. She still went full ice queen at the end.

 

It's a tough thing to have to reiterate to you, but she ended things with you. It hurts like a b*tch. I know. Groveling, reaching out, fantasizing about her coming around someday...none of those things are helping your growth.

 

I'm three months out and you're about a month out. Understandably, we're in two different places about this.

 

I'll take a second to parrot everything else about NC on the forums..."NC isn't a game or a ploy to get an ex back, it is a means to an end. The best way to heal from the end of your relationship."

 

Now, before you get defensive: this isn't an accusation of your intentions. I know you're not playing games and you love this girl. That's fine. The fact of the matter is that you are still (not so) secretly hoping that she'll come back one of these days.

 

Having "hope" for an ex coming back is sort of like the logical equivalent of buying a lottery ticket. It's a stupidity tax in the fullest sense of the phrase and we all know it. Yet, we all pay to play sometimes knowing full well that the chances of "winning" are slim to none.

 

So...how do you "avoid" contacting your ex who dumped you? Delete everything that digitally connects you to them. Burn every photograph, love letter, memento, etc. that connects you physically to them. Cry if you have to. Do not cyber stalk them. Don't look at anything that has to do with them. I went as far as shutting off my cell phone for a month.

 

If you want to heal, you need to distance yourself from what keeps you hooked. It's like kicking a drug habit. There's no such thing as just a little cocaine when you've got an addiction. Best of luck man. We're rooting for you.