Girlfriend camping with another guy

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by HoneyWheat

we do not want to think about penis...hate to break it to you

 

Speak for yourself. Mmmm... penis.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by ImaManDammit

Actually I realized that after I sent it but hadn't gotten to point of deleting it. Sorry. To Err is human?

 

That's all right. I was just really confused, because I thought I'd made myself fairly clear for once.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

 

 

Speak for yourself. Mmmm... penis.

 

 

There you go, HoneyWheat. Generalization is wrong when it's based solely on how you feel.

[ImaManDammit]

Originally posted by westernxer

There you go, HoneyWheat. Generalization is wrong when it's based solely on how you feel.

 

If people would just listen to me more often.

[clynn]

Thread Starter, Oh Thread Starter........oh where art thou?

 

We haven't heard a thing from the Thread Starter on this thread. Ha ha. I wonder what is going on in HIS head.

 

Probably by now the camping trip has come and gone and is now a distant memory in their relationship. A tiny little hurdle.

 

But if you're there thread starter, let us know!!!!

[lindya]

The point of a relationship isn't to keep putting each other in positions that you TEST each other.

 

Yes. Who really needs the headache of a partner who thinks it's cool to pitch up in the wilds with their very good opposite sex friend - and believes that you should be equally cool with that? I know the type. Free spirit. Unbound by the conventions that apply to normal relationships. Worth neither your trust nor 5 minutes of your time.

[Cecelius]

Originally posted by westernxer

That's the problem, we don't care what you're thinking about. You say you're looking for such and such in a guy, but it doesn't mean guys are looking for the same thing in you.

.

 

Best thing on this thread. Oh, and a couple of beers by the campfire, she's not sure she cares what she's thinking about either...

[westernxer]

Originally posted by clynn

Thread Starter, Oh Thread Starter........oh where art thou?

 

Oh yeah, forgot about him.

 

He's probably out buying a tent and binoculars, and a couple of bear claws.

[westernxer]

For his sake, let's hope it isn't mating season.

[ImaManDammit]

Originally posted by clynn

Thread Starter, Oh Thread Starter........oh where art thou?

 

I was about to say the same thing. Hopefully he checked in throughout this dialogue and took something away that was helpful.

[westernxer]

Maybe his girlfriend was eaten by a bear.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by westernxer

Maybe his girlfriend was eaten by a bear.

 

She was eaten, alright, but not by a bear.

 

[westernxer]

Originally posted by tanbark813

 

 

She was eaten, alright, but not by a bear.

 

 

 

Definitely. A man in a bear suit, or perhaps he's just hairy.

[GUEST]

CAMPING TRIP OVER....YES, SORRY, I didnt realize so pany people posted. Hmm,. so, she came back and acted like no big deal and after reading a number of these posts I started to get angry and such. I mean, she told me about the trip and supposedly there was a girl tent and a guy tent. I dont know? I mean she seems sincere about it but how can you be sure. Despite this, the half that says even if nothing did happen gets the best of me,....I shouldn't have to go through these trials. I mean, hell, I can do coffee or just seeing a person now and then but I have to agree with the part about men really wanting only one thing. The fact that she would entertain these notions and feed this guys hopes pisses me off....even if she didnt want anything. I have some friends that are girls but they just end up being my card partner at a party or something or maybe we laugh and hang out at some festival with many others. Theres only one type of girl that I would drive a long distance to see and camp with,....the kind I would sleep with. So this makes it hard for me to see any other side of the story. So, needless to say we got into a Arguement about it. I Told her I ran the story across others and they agreed, it was a ackward situation to put me in. Anyway, this is a email she sent me after are fight.

 

hello, hello, my sweet!

so, i am trying not to think about things too much, i would rather talk to you

and see you then continually stress out about our relationship. it can't be good

for either of us. i don't understand why you keep saying that maybe i dont want

committment or such, and i'm really sad that you would rather get advice about

our relationship and how you should act (ie suspectious, worried) from the

internet and co-workers that don't know me at all, other than maybe a photo or a

story you told once. where do i fit into this? i know you said sometimes you get

insecure about relationships, and when i know your past i can understand, and

once you said that you think your worries add to the troubles and stress on a

relationship. i am running out of ways to reassure you that i really want to be

with you, and just you, and no one else. that is what it means to me to have a

steady. it means that i want to be with you. and i guess the hard part is that i

don't get to for a while. and you dont' get to see me for a while either. and we

have to have a lot of trust because we are both far apart. i guess in a way its

a bit reassuring to me that you get a bit jealous, perhaps you felt the same way

with the apprehension of mine with summer, it shows we care about each other.

but it shouldn't be overbearing or make you so stressed out. of all the guys i

have ever met at any given amount of time, or such, i would still choose you as

the one i want to be with. why can't you understnad that? why can't you remeber

it? its hard for me, that you have so little faith in us... what can i do? and

then when we were talking last night, i couldn't help but think about things.

like, why are you staying with me? i am bring a lot of pressure on you with your

friends about how relationships should go, i am making you worry a lot... what

is it that keeps you from retreating back? to avoid getting hurt; to shelter

yourself more... what keeps me from doing the same things? this morning i woke

up and i thought of a song called, 'the long goodbye' that has verses "i know

they say if you love somebody you should let them go, and if they come back

again it was meant to be, .... when two lovers in love can't make it, they keep

going on and breaking their hearts" etc. i don't want this to happen to us. i

love you. i love how caring you are. how sweet to make breakfest or drive to see

me. how you try and fix things around your house or yard. how you put so much planning into activities we do together.how you take off work to do stuff with me. how we can plan things together. howyou try new things that i like and make me try new things that you like. howdedicated you are to your guitar and your hobbies. how hard you try toexcersise... this list goes on and on. but despite all this, how many times dowe have to reassure ourselves of this?

 

i have been told before that i'm selfish in relationships,

and maybe my lack of consideration to talk to you before we made all these plans

to go camping demonstrate that, but i wont ask for premission. i think we are

above that. all these girl friends of yours, that won't do things so as to not

'jepordize their relationships' that is fine. i guess, i don't really see

probelms in our relationship, i dont think we can be in jeoprody, i mean, maybe

i'm just blind, but if i like you and you like me, then there is no problem. i

am faithful to you, and i trust you to be faithful to me. i communicate openly

with you, or i try, and you are the same with me. neither of us is perfect. we

will never be. there will always be ups and downs. that will never change. the

only thing i see changing is if one of us decides he/she wants out. i don't

foresee a time when i want out. i'm prepared to stay until you tell me to leave.

i hope this time never comes. so in the past you said that "never meet the girl

that respects relationship boundaries" maybe you should tell me what that means.

i am not sure we have the same defintions. to me, its being true, and

communicating, and planning on doing things together. i think we are doing well.

i have never had such a good relationship as i have with you, and i think its

quite fun and the best.

okay, hate to be abrubt, but i have to go, so i wont bring this up again, until

i see you again. or you email me.

 

well, thats about the sum of things,.....I guess we have moved forward but its still nipping at my thoughts.

[tanbark813]

Well she's basically trying to make you feel guilty for being bothered about the trip. Just tell her that you would like to be able to trust her but it's hard to when she puts you in situations like this and that it would be easier to trust her if she wasn't going camping with other guys.

[westernxer]

Yup-yup!

 

By the way, is this a long distance relationship?

 

If so...

[GUEST]

LONG DISTANCE... yes, about 3 hours. It wasn't always.. . just recently sense she is doing a summer workstudy program.

[mutton]

Your girlfriend must be totally naive to think that going camping with a guy that she hardly knows or that you hardly know is okay. Even if her intentions were completely innocent, you can bet on it that her "friend's" isn't. It's common sense. By going on that camping trip, it shows that she does not respect your relationship enough. I suggest that you have a talk with her about the reason why she would feel the need to spend "quality" time with a guy that she knows is obviously out to get some. And out of all places--on a camping trip and in the woods. Why couldn't the guy just get a room?

[crazy_grl]

Wow. What an email.

 

Originally posted by GUEST

i know you said sometimes you get insecure about relationships,

 

She starts off by shifting the blame from herself to you and saying that you're insecure. Most normal people would be 'insecure' about their gf/bf going off to spend the night with someone he/she barely knows and that they've never met themself.

 

i am running out of ways to reassure you that i really want to be with you, and just you, and no one else.

 

Really? She's running out of ways? How about she tries the one where she doesn't spend the night with guys she barely knows who've come a long distance just to see her? She could try that one. She's running out of ways... *pft* Now she's majory trying to divert the blame to you by making it seem like it's taking a toll on her to reassure you.

 

i have been told before that i'm selfish in relationships, and maybe my lack of consideration to talk to you before we made all these plans to go camping demonstrate that, but i wont ask for premission. i think we are above that.

 

It's good that someone's been able to stand up to her and tell her that she's selfish, because she *is* selfish. VERY selfish. Her email was all about her and how hard it was for her. She didn't even seem to give any consideration for how hard it was for *you*. And if she thinks you're both "above asking for permission", then she's not ready to be in a real relationship. She needs to face the fact that sometimes you do have to ask your partner for permission and see how it will affect them instead of just selfishly doing whatever you want without regard to their feelings.

 

She admits that she's selfish, but she doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. If fact, she seems to be using it as an excuse to justify her behavior instead.

[crazy_grl]

oops. screwed up. ignore this post.

[GUEST]

YOU ARE RIGHT CRAZY GIRL.....DARN.... and it worked. I mean, her reverse mumble jumbo. I guess I started to think and doubt myself. Like, do I have a valid argument or am I being overly jealous and cautious. See, I have been called this before but ofcourse, all from girls that have cheated on me....ha ha, go figure.

 

Anyway, this issue has sort of just slid under the carpet. I really didn't feel like fighting over it anymore and I guess Im taking her word at face value/.....about nothing happening and hes just a friend. Still, I really believe this but thats not really what Im mad about. Im just angry that she dont understand where Im coming from,....that she cant see it as wrong. Like you said,..she hasn't done all she could to show me how much she cared,.......shes only said these things.......her actions speak diffirent volumes about our relationship..... I dont know, what should I do. Should I REHASH this situation or just let it go and see if something similar comes up. Thanks for all your input everyone....very much appreciated. Sometimes I Dont think you fully see the situation when you are in it.

[crazy_grl]

I think you should work this out before another similar situation arises. Talk to her about it again, but don't focus on the camping trip itself. Let her know that you believe her when she says nothing happened. Let her know that that's not the issue. The issue is that she didn't consider how you'd feel about it.

 

If she's wants to be in a real relationship with anyone, she's going to have to consider how her actions will affect that person.

[clynn]

Sounds to me like she is trustworthy and loves you.

 

And in a way she is right --- who the hell are we on the internet? We've never met her before.

 

SHe loves you.

[ImaManDammit]

Originally posted by GUEST

I have some friends that are girls but they just end up being my card partner at a party or something or maybe we laugh and hang out at some festival with many others.

 

All this is fine, and if she did the same I would expect you not to have a problem with it. But when there are sleep overs, camping, hotels or otherwise, there are some generic limits that exist in relationships that need to be considered.

 

Lets look at what she said.....

 

so, i am trying not to think about things too much, i would rather talk to you and see you then continually stress out about our relationship. it can't be good for either of us. i don't understand why you keep saying that maybe i dont want committment or such

 

Well is definitely downplaying this event. But interestingly enough she says you are always stressing about the relationshp and are insecure? Is this true? If it is then its going to be hard for her to understand when something is a really concern to one that is associated with your insecurity. However, I would keep on this one specific topic and not wander off in a general relationship discussion.....one battle at a time.

 

 

 

 

and i'm really sad that you would rather get advice about our relationship and how you should act (ie suspectious, worried) from the internet and co-workers that don't know me at all, other than maybe a photo or a

story you told once. where do i fit into this?

 

Soemtimes that's the best advice. Its impartial and based on experience and knowledge and perspectives you may not have. It ultimately you choice to accept what is said to you, but I would dismiss the usefullness this forum bring to you.

 

Hipocrical actually. She can go camping with someone you hardly know but she's disappointed in you for getting some anonymous advice.

 

i know you said sometimes you get insecure about relationships, and when i know your past i can understand, and once you said that you think your worries add to the troubles and stress on a relationship. i am running out of ways to reassure you that i really want to be with you, and just you, and no one else.

 

You know what then, if her method of reassuring you is going off camping with a guy friend, then no wonder you still having issues. Action speak louder than words at times, and here's a perfect example. She'll to you she loves you and you have nothing to worry about then goes camping off with some guy to talk about politics.

 

The rest of the message it merely a guilt trip, and misdirection. Its not as bad as I'm making it sound, but she is focusing WAY to much on the bigger picture.

 

You need to address it as a concern on the specific scenario, and how it made you feel. Then ask her for help to address your concern. Don't tell her how she needs to resolve it.

[Cecelius]

90% of her email was "blah, blah blah"...

 

The rest was where she told you how thing were: she's not asking for permission and this is how she does things.

 

She admits to being selfish: I guarantee that if you pulled the same stunt she'd be ticked off.

 

Plus, since you've been talking feelings and what not, she has your insecurity and background to blame ANYTHING on. When this guy comes to visit to stay at her house, or to have dinner -- will that be insecurity then too?

 

I think all you can do is understand that she did something patently improper, and doesn't care other than to give you reassurances (like pats on the head). She pretty much told you this was the way it was, and went anyway.

 

So what are you going to do the next time (there will be one)?