westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by shamen OK, Westernxer, you're scaring me. Please play nice. I usually enjoy reading your posts. I think some of the things we write get interpreted in a manner that's different from what we intended. Some of the stuff I say with a smile on my face, but I can't convey that effectively and risk being taken out of context (smiley or no smiley). It's not the same as talking to someone verbally with a hint of sarcasm or voice inflection... now I'm sounding apologetic. Bottom line: I don't mean to scorn you or anyone else; it's just that I can't lower my voice. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Let her go. Relationships are built on trust and if you don't let her go because you are afraid something will happen.....then you don't trust her. And what is the point of that. If she cheats on you, she'd cheat on you down the street this week or another week. She doesn't need to travel 3 hours away to cheat on you. Maybe the guy has motives. Maybe. Doesn't mean she does. Be strong. It might be difficult for you but I believe that these are the trials that strenghten us as individuals and partners. ALSO - I happen to be the type to have a lot of guy firends as well as girl friends. Often those male friends are the same to me as she describes him ---- someone that you share a mutual interest with (ie: politics) that is interesting. Attractive? Companion material? Probably not. ALSO - If she really wanted to get it on with this guy - she COULD have planned the whole trip and LIED to you about it. Said she was going away with her other friends and not TOLD you he was meeting her. That is what a sneaky cheat would do. But she's not. Perhaps it sounds naive. But, yeah, she's a girl, so maybe she is a bit naive. But she'll be safe, she's with other friends. And I'm sure the guy is no crazed lunatic or anything. And if he is interested in more than just a trip she will have made it pretty clear (within minutes I bet) that she's taken. By you, her love. TRUST HER. Its okay though that you're jealous. I mean that's normal. Heck, I think these things keep excitement in a relationship. Gawd if she wasn't worth being jealous over you probably would get bored. And okay to tell her you're feeling a bit insecure. She is doing a good job of reassuring you, which I think is her responsibility in this situation (just don't whine or try to hold her back). Goodness, she could meet someone tomorrow at work or next week at the library or ...... That's the way it goes. Good luck with it. Its just a weekend. A tough one probably. You'll have great sex when she gets back! Link to post Share on other sites
TheTruth Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Dont trust her, when women cheat they cheat by gaining trust. They tell you the truth, but they also leave out bits and parts of it especially the part where they screwed another dude behind your back. Women tend to stay with their boyfriend even when their cheating on him because of reasons such as they feel bad, has a guy whos not in it for sex, hes stable, has a good job, and other similiar reasons. Reasons which make you a good catch they dont want to let go of, but they still wanna taste the other flavors out there. Thats why you should lose the slut, there are better women out there who like to just have their favorite pick and stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 It's not a jealousy thing (or it shouldn't be -- that WILL make her cheat, or dump you). It's a matter of respect, and not putting up with BS. He doesn't like it (because it looks shady on its face), she doesn't see an issue, he should go find someone else. DO NOT cop to being jealous, you lose stock in her eyes (and make sure you're not jealous); do not look for reassurance -- you are the man in the relationship. Just don't put up with any BS Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Tell her you're gonna do something with a girl who's just a friend... she how she reacts to that. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Tell her you're gonna do something with a girl who's just a friend... she how she reacts to that. Excellent idea! Betcha a pound to a pinch of s*** that she'd freak out if you went camping with a few girls. Try it and see what she does! Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by shamen I've been going camping for years with friends, of both sexes. I'm a woman. I've never dated another guy who goes camping for some reason. So, I've got a set group of camping friends. Well I think you need to take a different perspective when you're in a relationship. Since now you have to think of two people instead of one. I'm going camping this summer with a male friend of mine (yep, just me and him) and my (relatively new) beau is totally cool with it. I was ok with my gf's sexual past.....at first. Now its a sticking point, regardless if people think I should care or not. So give him time to dwell, especially while you're away and see if that holds true. Plus being relativley new, he may not to make waves by speaking up. My beau doesn't camp, isn't interested in it and he's happy that I have friends that will do this with me. I've gone camping with this guy before. My male friend that I'm going camping with has a gf too and she's met me. She's also totally cool with him going with me. Granted that you should never give up something you enjoy for someone else, but its not the activity, its the acivity with the company you keep. I think its disrepectful to your partner, regardless of what they SAY that they feel about it to be alone with a person of the opposite sex. If the guy that I was dating was uncool with it, I would probably tell him so long because I'm certainly not going to stop doing one of my favorite activities because the guy that I happen to be dating doesn't trust me. Then I question if you truly ever really had the fealings for the guy to begin with. If you did and he had a real problem with it, out of RESPECT for the individual you may want to change your plans.Lets be clear we're talking about, this is about going camping alone with the opposite sex, or in the company of friends that your partner DOES NOT KNOW. Camping with Girlfriends that he knows wel,l isn't the same comparison. Then if its still aproblem then I would see potential trust issue. Ridiculous. My favorite pastime is infinitely more important than any current beau. When they start dating me, they find out quickly that I go camping with both men and women. So, it's out there soon enough... Then I say you have a lesser value on love or finding love and the respect you have for your partner than you do for camping. You never know. So, guest, it could be totally innocent. Just my experience with it. You're right, you never know. I wouldn't want a relationship that existed on whether she may cheat or not and I'm certainly not going to agree to setting up a potential scenario for that to happen. Call me picky. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by clynn Relationships are built on trust and if you don't let her go because you are afraid something will happen.....then you don't trust her. And what is the point of that. Trust is earned not given and not indefinite. Situations like these build mistrust. If there is lack of trust its because she is creating it by making such decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by ImaManDammit Then I say you have a lesser value on love or finding love and the respect you have for your partner than you do for camping. That's the first thought that came to my head, but I didn't want to push her on it. I felt I was already laying it on thick enough. You've made some great points, ImaMan. Sometimes I question people's dedication to relationships when they go to such lengths to rationalize their decisions. Sounds selfish, if you ask me (me, me, me... and I don't care what he/she thinks). It shows they're not ready for a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 westerner just because you have a problem with chaste thinking doesn't mean every other man has it to the same degree you do i think its disgusting when you try to put thoughts in a woman's mind of another;s man's penis and you take a foolish risk by being suggestive like that because if he's attractive in the slightest...you don't want to give her ideas about him in that way Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat westerner just because you have a problem with chaste thinking doesn't mean every other man has it to the same degree you do It's nothing to do with chastity and virtue... don't fool yourself. I'd love to be proven wrong, but that hasn't happened yet. Guys are all the same -- doesn't matter who they are. At least I admit I'm horny, but I don't hang around chicks I'm not interested in. Same goes for most men, excluding gays and eunuchs. i think its disgusting when you try to put thoughts in a woman's mind of another;s man's penis Sorry, but it's true. At the very least, he has a crush on her, which ultimately leads to the same destination: his penis. and you take a foolish risk by being suggestive like that because if he's attractive in the slightest...you don't want to give her ideas about him in that way If I'm wrong, I have no problem with it. But that usually isn't the case. My problem with her line of thinking is that she believes she's bulletproof; the reality is that every bullet has a silver lining, some more lustrous than others. Again, you don't understand guys, HoneyWheat, or what motivates them to hang out with chicks. You can guess all you want, but until you get a craving for vagina, you'll never understand the pursuit of women. It's a biological impulse that is oftentimes animalistic. The call of the wild, if you will. And they're... camping? Doesn't get any more wild than that. HHHOOOWWWWLLLL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by clynn ALSO - If she really wanted to get it on with this guy - she COULD have planned the whole trip and LIED to you about it. Said she was going away with her other friends and not TOLD you he was meeting her. That is what a sneaky cheat would do. But she's not. A great thought, but with a huge hole in it. If she lies about where she's going, that makes her a liar. She's probably a good enough and smart enough woman not to lie intentionally where she can be found out. She may or may not have the intention of cheating on him, but the only way for her to know that she's not going to be tempted to cheat is to not put herself in a situation with such a high possibility of it. If she cheats on you, she'd cheat on you down the street this week or another week. She doesn't need to travel 3 hours away to cheat on you. No, she doesn't need to, but it sure makes it easier. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 Excellent idea! Betcha a pound to a pinch of s*** that she'd freak out if you went camping with a few girls. Try it and see what she does! Better yet, tell her that while she's away, you'll be having a sleep over with a few friends, including a few girls she's never met. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by clynn If she cheats on you, she'd cheat on you down the street this week or another week. She doesn't need to travel 3 hours away to cheat on you. Most women cheat with people they know... they don't go to strangers, like guys do with prostitutes. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl A great thought, but with a huge hole in it. If she lies about where she's going, that makes her a liar. She's probably a good enough and smart enough woman not to lie intentionally where she can be found out. The best sort of lies are half truths. Plausible denialbility. We can argue this for ages, but the fact remains out of respect for the other person, certain things should not be done. She may or may not have the intention of cheating on him, but the only way for her to know that she's not going to be tempted to cheat is to not put herself in a situation with such a high possibility of it. Great, so the next time I get a girlfriend, i'll find an attractive a guy and have them sleep in the same bed naked together to see if she cheats on me, and I will continually do this monthy to ensure that our relationship is still solid. Silly isn't it? Well even your toned down version is saying the same thing. The point of a relationship isn't to keep putting each other in positions that you TEST each other. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer That's the first thought that came to my head, but I didn't want to push her on it. I felt I was already laying it on thick enough. Well sometimes it has to be laid on a little thick because its seems the message goes missing if you don't. My favourite line has always been "If you love me you wouldn't care or you'd understand or you'd trust me." That's Number one cop out. My response is, "Well if you actually could respect my feelings then maybe I would believe that you actually knew what love was." Harsh, but gets to the point. Sometimes I question people's dedication to relationships when they go to such lengths to rationalize their decisions. Sounds selfish, if you ask me (me, me, me... and I don't care what he/she thinks). Its sad really. Guess that's why sites like these exist. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by ImaManDammit Well sometimes it has to be laid on a little thick because its seems the message goes missing if you don't. That is so true. Honestly, I think some of these females are a little shellshocked. They're not used to so much candidness, and I think it's difficult to swallow. Oh well, advice is free, and they can take it or leave it. The truth hurts... but only because I care. I've seen it too often to deny its existence. Often enough that it's no longer circumstantial. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 ok westerner but what you fail to understand is that women don't think like this and you are making a big mistake by putting ideas of penises in our minds...first of all, the penis is gross and ugly and we will associate that not only with you but the other guy..so your knocking both of yourself and the other pensis possessor out of circulation we do not want to think about penis...hate to break it to you Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat ok westerner but what you fail to understand is that women don't think like this and you are making a big mistake by putting ideas of penises in our minds...first of all, the penis is gross and ugly and we will associate that not only with you but the other guy..so your knocking both of yourself and the other pensis possessor out of circulation we do not want to think about penis...hate to break it to you Then stop talking about it... you mentioned it first, not me, so what does that say about you, besides the fact that you're jumping the gun in the wrong direction, shifting the focus to something that's just the end result. And, hey, not all women think its gross. Some actually love it. A lot. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 eewwww yuck listen, its the last thing we want to think about when we think about a man...we think about him as a total person... hot body and great soul we don't go around thinking aobut him as a penis and we don't want to hear about it or get any visuals Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat but what you fail to understand is that women don't think like this and you are making a big mistake by putting ideas of penises in our minds...first of all, the penis is gross and ugly and we will associate that not only with you but the other guy..so your knocking both of yourself and the other pensis possessor out of circulation we do not want to think about penis...hate to break it to you Well I think you need to read that article about "rainbow parties" and rethink this statement. Just as you think that Westernxer is generlizing that they do, I think you're generalizing that they don't. And by sheer evidence that these types of parties exists give credence that some of them maybe are. And because it CAN happen mean, situations like the one that this person is dealing with cannot be discounted. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat eewwww yuck listen, its the last thing we want to think about when we think about a man...we think about him as a total person... hot body and great soul we don't go around thinking aobut him as a penis and we don't want to hear about it or get any visuals That's the problem, we don't care what you're thinking about. You say you're looking for such and such in a guy, but it doesn't mean guys are looking for the same thing in you. Defintely not when you're camping together without your significant others. Case closed. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat when we think about a man...we think about him as a total person... hot body and great soul Generlizing once again. Hate to break it to you. It ain't like that anymore. Join the dinosaur club. I'm the founding member. Wasn't I shocked to find that attitudes have changed. The difference is, I'm not living behind a shrowd of disbelief. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by ImaManDammit Great, so the next time I get a girlfriend, i'll find an attractive a guy and have them sleep in the same bed naked together to see if she cheats on me, and I will continually do this monthy to ensure that our relationship is still solid. Silly isn't it? Well even your toned down version is saying the same thing. The point of a relationship isn't to keep putting each other in positions that you TEST each other. I think you missed the point of what I was saying, which was that he shouldn't let her go do this and that she shouldn't put herself in this situation. I have no idea how you could have interpretted it to mean anything else. Maybe you missed the NOT in "the only way for her to know that she's not going to be tempted to cheat is to not put herself in a situation with such a high possibility of it." Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl I think you missed the point of what I was saying, which was that he shouldn't let her go do this and that she shouldn't put herself in this situation. I have no idea how you could have interpretted it to mean anything else. Maybe you missed the NOT in "the only way for her to know that she's not going to be tempted to cheat is to not put herself in a situation with such a high possibility of it." Actually I realized that after I sent it but hadn't gotten to point of deleting it. Sorry. To Err is human? Link to post Share on other sites
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