Girlfriend camping with another guy

[shamen]

Originally posted by TheTruth

Dont trust her, when women cheat they cheat by gaining trust. They tell you the truth, but they also leave out bits and parts of it especially the part where they screwed another dude behind your back. [...] Thats why you should lose the slut, there are better women out there who like to just have their favorite pick and stick with it.

 

So now she's a slut because she's going camping... We will never truly know if she is telling the truth, will we? For that matter, do any of us ever really know if someone is telling us the truth? NO.

 

 

Originally posted by westernxer

Tell her you're gonna do something with a girl who's just a friend... she how she reacts to that.

 

This would not bother me in the least.

[shamen]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

 

Excellent idea! Betcha a pound to a pinch of s*** that she'd freak out if you went camping with a few girls. Try it and see what she does!

 

Again, this would not bother me.

 

Originally posted by ImaManDammit

 

Well I think you need to take a different perspective when you're in a relationship. Since now you have to think of two people instead of one.

 

I was ok with my gf's sexual past.....at first. Now its a sticking point, regardless if people think I should care or not. So give him time to dwell, especially while you're away and see if that holds true. Plus being relativley new, he may not to make waves by speaking up.

 

Granted that you should never give up something you enjoy for someone else, but its not the activity, its the acivity with the company you keep. I think its disrepectful to your partner, regardless of what they SAY that they feel about it to be alone with a person of the opposite sex.

 

Then I question if you truly ever really had the fealings for the guy to begin with. If you did and he had a real problem with it, out of RESPECT for the individual you may want to change your plans.Lets be clear we're talking about, this is about going camping alone with the opposite sex, or in the company of friends that your partner DOES NOT KNOW. Camping with Girlfriends that he knows wel,l isn't the same comparison. Then if its still aproblem then I would see potential trust issue.

 

Then I say you have a lesser value on love or finding love and the respect you have for your partner than you do for camping.

 

You're right, you never know. I wouldn't want a relationship that existed on whether she may cheat or not and I'm certainly not going to agree to setting up a potential scenario for that to happen. Call me picky.

 

I'm at the point in my life where it is all about me. 4 years with an alcoholic drug-addict was just about enough. Having a new beau, honestly, it's just a new beau. If he deals, great, if not, that's cool too. I got back from my trip a few days ago and all's well so far.

 

Yes, I have feelings for this guy, but no, I wouldn't change my plans out of respect for him. He needs to respect that I've been going camping for the last 10 years and I'm not about to reroute my favorite activity in life for him. Maybe I sound callous, but I'm just not going to do that right now.

 

Maybe I do find a lesser value on finding love than I do for camping... OK, yeah, I do. Right now. The timing is not about love for me at this moment. Maybe someday I'll change my opinion. (Maybe I just need to find a bf who likes to go camping! )

 

 

Originally posted by ImaManDammit

 

Trust is earned not given and not indefinite. Situations like these build mistrust. If there is lack of trust its because she is creating it by making such decisions.

 

Fair enough. For some people, camping can be an issue. Again, I trust my friend implicity and he does me. He made no moves, nor did I on him. He has a gf and she was cool with it too. I've met her.

 

Originally posted by westernxer

 

That's the first thought that came to my head, but I didn't want to push her on it. I felt I was already laying it on thick enough.

 

You've made some great points, ImaMan.

 

Sometimes I question people's dedication to relationships when they go to such lengths to rationalize their decisions. Sounds selfish, if you ask me (me, me, me... and I don't care what he/she thinks).

 

It shows they're not ready for a serious relationship.

 

To me, it's not about rationalizing decisions, but being truthful. I would never go camping with someone that I thought was remotely interested in me while in a relationship.

 

Yeah, guess I'm selfish. I think I deserve to be after years of being with the alcoholic.

 

Originally posted by westernxer

 

It's nothing to do with chastity and virtue... don't fool yourself. I'd love to be proven wrong, but that hasn't happened yet. Guys are all the same -- doesn't matter who they are. At least I admit I'm horny, but I don't hang around chicks I'm not interested in. Same goes for most men, excluding gays and eunuchs.

 

Sorry, but it's true. At the very least, he has a crush on her, which ultimately leads to the same destination: his penis.

 

If I'm wrong, I have no problem with it. But that usually isn't the case. My problem with her line of thinking is that she believes she's bulletproof; the reality is that every bullet has a silver lining, some more lustrous than others.

 

Again, you don't understand guys, HoneyWheat, or what motivates them to hang out with chicks. You can guess all you want, but until you get a craving for vagina, you'll never understand the pursuit of women.

 

It's a biological impulse that is oftentimes animalistic. The call of the wild, if you will. And they're... camping? Doesn't get any more wild than that.

 

I know my friend doesn't have a crush on me. He wants to marry the girl that is his gf. And this man does not think with his penis. I could explain, but I don't want to identify the guy that I went camping with.

 

I don't believe that I'm bulletproof. But I know my friends...

 

Originally posted by ImaManDammit

 

The best sort of lies are half truths. Plausible denialbility. We can argue this for ages, but the fact remains out of respect for the other person, certain things should not be done.

 

Great, so the next time I get a girlfriend, i'll find an attractive a guy and have them sleep in the same bed naked together to see if she cheats on me, and I will continually do this monthy to ensure that our relationship is still solid.

 

Silly isn't it? Well even your toned down version is saying the same thing.

 

The point of a relationship isn't to keep putting each other in positions that you TEST each other.

 

To me, it wasn't about testing my relationship. I was doing my own thing. And the putting the two people in the same bed naked together is completely off base. We slept in different tents and half of each day I was hiking on my own. Didn't even see him for hours at a time.

 

Originally posted by westernxer

 

That is so true. Honestly, I think some of these females are a little shellshocked. They're not used to so much candidness, and I think it's difficult to swallow. Oh well, advice is free, and they can take it or leave it.

 

The truth hurts... but only because I care.

 

I've seen it too often to deny its existence. Often enough that it's no longer circumstantial.

 

Maybe I just don't know maintain friendships with guys that think with their penises more than they think with their heads. I know that many men do think with their penises, no doubt. But I would never go camping with one alone that did.

 

Just a thought.

[shamen]

Originally posted by lindya

 

Yes. Who really needs the headache of a partner who thinks it's cool to pitch up in the wilds with their very good opposite sex friend - and believes that you should be equally cool with that? I know the type. Free spirit. Unbound by the conventions that apply to normal relationships. Worth neither your trust nor 5 minutes of your time.

 

Wow... Thanks. I am a free spirit and I am unbound by the conventions that apply to normal relationships, thank god. I don't think that I could stomach one.

 

Worth neither your trust nor 5 minutes of your time? Don't think so. I don't cheat on my bfs, and I know that I am absolutely worth more than 5 minutes of most people's time. Some people are indeed afraid of me and I do intimidate some men. I am a strong, independent woman and proud of it.

[shamen]

Originally posted by GUEST

CAMPING TRIP OVER....YES, SORRY, I didnt realize so pany people posted. Hmm,. so, she came back and acted like no big deal and after reading a number of these posts I started to get angry and such. I mean, she told me about the trip and supposedly there was a girl tent and a guy tent. I dont know? I mean she seems sincere about it but how can you be sure. Despite this, the half that says even if nothing did happen gets the best of me,....I shouldn't have to go through these trials. I mean, hell, I can do coffee or just seeing a person now and then but I have to agree with the part about men really wanting only one thing. The fact that she would entertain these notions and feed this guys hopes pisses me off....even if she didnt want anything. I have some friends that are girls but they just end up being my card partner at a party or something or maybe we laugh and hang out at some festival with many others. Theres only one type of girl that I would drive a long distance to see and camp with,....the kind I would sleep with. So this makes it hard for me to see any other side of the story. So, needless to say we got into a Arguement about it. I Told her I ran the story across others and they agreed, it was a ackward situation to put me in. Anyway, this is a email she sent me after are fight.

 

hello, hello, my sweet!

 

i am running out of ways to reassure you that i really want to be

with you, and just you, and no one else. that is what it means to me to have a

steady. it means that i want to be with you. and i guess the hard part is that i

don't get to for a while. and you dont' get to see me for a while either. and we

have to have a lot of trust because we are both far apart. its hard for me, that you have so little faith in us... what can i do? i have been told before that i'm selfish in relationships,

and maybe my lack of consideration to talk to you before we made all these plans

to go camping demonstrate that, but i wont ask for premission. i think we are

above that. i

am faithful to you, and i trust you to be faithful to me. i communicate openly

with you, or i try, and you are the same with me. neither of us is perfect. we

will never be. there will always be ups and downs. that will never change. so in the past you said that "never meet the girl

that respects relationship boundaries" maybe you should tell me what that means.

i am not sure we have the same defintions. to me, its being true, and

communicating, and planning on doing things together. i think we are doing well.

i have never had such a good relationship as i have with you, and i think its

quite fun and the best.

 

Needless to say, I only kept the parts of the letter that are relevant to what I'm going to say. Maybe she truly believes that you could just trust her... I know that I am that way with my beau. He talks to lots of women while we're out via what he does and I just deal. I trust him implicity and I hope that he does me. I don't think that he's going to do anything with any of the women he talks to, nor does the thought even cross my mind.

 

The fact that she doesn't know this guy well is a little weird, but it doesn't sound like anything happened.

 

It's all a matter of trust really... I mean, we trust people to go to work and not have sex with some co-worker during their lunch hour, right? Or that they're going to happy hour with their friends after work on Fridays and that they aren't really going off to have sex with their other lover? Right? One can never truly know what goes on in another's daily life. It would be just as easy to cheat on someone during the work week if someone really wanted to...

 

Going camping is so not about all of that stuff. It's about being in the woods and communing with nature. That's it. Meditation. Yeah, I sound like a treehugger dork, I know.

 

Originally posted by GUEST

LONG DISTANCE... yes, about 3 hours. It wasn't always.. . just recently sense she is doing a summer workstudy program.

 

And this probably makes the trust issue even of a bigger deal. It's hard to trust people. So many of us have been burned, but sometimes one just has to make the leap.

 

Originally posted by mutton

Your girlfriend must be totally naive to think that going camping with a guy that she hardly knows or that you hardly know is okay. Even if her intentions were completely innocent, you can bet on it that her "friend's" isn't. It's common sense. By going on that camping trip, it shows that she does not respect your relationship enough. I suggest that you have a talk with her about the reason why she would feel the need to spend "quality" time with a guy that she knows is obviously out to get some. And out of all places--on a camping trip and in the woods. Why couldn't the guy just get a room?

 

It's not about naivity, it's about believing that another can trust you... Nor do I think that one can bet on her friend's intentions. We do not know his situation. Just a thought.

 

Respect in a relationship is all about what one can handle. I guess one has to make choices about what one can deal with.

 

Yeah, of all places in the woods. You're dirty, you smell. You probably have ticks and poison ivy. You haven't changed your clothes in 4 days. Yum. No thanks! It's easier to cheat on someone (and at least you might actually want to contemplate the act of sex) when you are in the city, not in the woods!

 

Originally posted by crazy_grl

 

She starts off by shifting the blame from herself to you and saying that you're insecure. Most normal people would be 'insecure' about their gf/bf going off to spend the night with someone he/she barely knows and that they've never met themself.

 

Really? She's running out of ways? How about she tries the one where she doesn't spend the night with guys she barely knows who've come a long distance just to see her? She could try that one. She's running out of ways... *pft* Now she's majory trying to divert the blame to you by making it seem like it's taking a toll on her to reassure you.

 

It's good that someone's been able to stand up to her and tell her that she's selfish, because she *is* selfish. VERY selfish. Her email was all about her and how hard it was for her. She didn't even seem to give any consideration for how hard it was for *you*. And if she thinks you're both "above asking for permission", then she's not ready to be in a real relationship. She needs to face the fact that sometimes you do have to ask your partner for permission and see how it will affect them instead of just selfishly doing whatever you want without regard to their feelings.

 

She admits that she's selfish, but she doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. If fact, she seems to be using it as an excuse to justify her behavior instead.

 

This situation with your gf (to the original poster) is a little strange... Does she really barely know this guy?

 

I understand that women going camping with other men while they are in committed relationships can be weird, but again, I swear to you, that it doesn't necessarily mean that anything is going on.

 

Originally posted by GUEST

YOU ARE RIGHT CRAZY GIRL.....DARN.... and it worked. I mean, her reverse mumble jumbo. I guess I started to think and doubt myself. Like, do I have a valid argument or am I being overly jealous and cautious. See, I have been called this before but ofcourse, all from girls that have cheated on me....ha ha, go figure.

 

Anyway, this issue has sort of just slid under the carpet. I really didn't feel like fighting over it anymore and I guess Im taking her word at face value/.....about nothing happening and hes just a friend. Still, I really believe this but thats not really what Im mad about. Im just angry that she dont understand where Im coming from,....that she cant see it as wrong. Like you said,..she hasn't done all she could to show me how much she cared,.......shes only said these things.......her actions speak diffirent volumes about our relationship..... I dont know, what should I do. Should I REHASH this situation or just let it go and see if something similar comes up. Thanks for all your input everyone....very much appreciated. Sometimes I Dont think you fully see the situation when you are in it.

 

Guest, I'm glad that you two have been able to talk about this issue. Actions do speak a lot in terms of relationships... has she acted weirdly around you at all? Does it feel weird? Is she different?

 

Do what you need to... I'm hoping that you can trust that she is a good person and would not do anything.

 

Originally posted by crazy_grl

I think you should work this out before another similar situation arises. Talk to her about it again, but don't focus on the camping trip itself. Let her know that you believe her when she says nothing happened. Let her know that that's not the issue. The issue is that she didn't consider how you'd feel about it.

 

If she's wants to be in a real relationship with anyone, she's going to have to consider how her actions will affect that person.

 

Good ideas in the first paragraph. If this is going to fester, it should definitely be discussed.

 

And I do think that one can have a real relationship with compromises. Sure. And sometimes one party may be more likely to walk away from it rather than compromise... Just another thought.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by shamen

I'm at the point in my life where it is all about me. 4 years with an alcoholic drug-addict was just about enough. Having a new beau, honestly, it's just a new beau. If he deals, great, if not, that's cool too.

 

I don't think this is the type of attitude to have in a relationship. A relationship is about sharing your heart and time with another person, even if it's not with the intent to get married. You have to be focused on that person's needs and wants, not just your own.

 

If someone's life is all about them and the bf/gf is just that for the sake of having one, then it's not being fair to that other person. You might as well just be friends or f*** buddies. In some ways, that person is being used by the selfish person. If someone wants to make their life all about them, they should do it on their own time and not waste that of someone who's looking for a genuine connection.

[billybadass36]

I get the impression that the OP and this girl are still in college and are LDR for the summer. This makes me think that she wants to run around and do whatever she wants for the summer, but also wants to make sure she's got OP around for when fall term starts.

 

The fact that she doesn't see anything wrong with this camping with another dude thing is ridiculous. Any reasonable person in the so-called "typical" committed, monogamous relationship would balk at this arrangement. Some people give a $hit about their boyfriends' feelings. Some don't. Some people can date the latter, some can't.

[Sal Paradise]

You should break up with her. She is a selfish *****. She will pull more crap like this if you allow it. Yes she's right she doesn't have to ask permission. Just as someone doesn't have to ask permission to cheat. They just do it. You however don't have to ask permission to stay with her either. You're being totally reasonable with her if she can't see the error of her ways the situation is hopeless. Next thing you know she'll be making excuses for some one night stand and not understanding what the big deal is. Just leave her now. Breaking up will also send her a message that this crap won't fly. She will then have to decide to either stop it or to find someone else.

[ImaManDammit]

Originally posted by shamen

I'm at the point in my life where it is all about me. 4 years with an alcoholic drug-addict was just about enough. Having a new beau, honestly, it's just a new beau. If he deals, great, if not, that's cool too. I got back from my trip a few days ago and all's well so far.

 

First, if I ever directly said that to my SO, I would be tarred and feathered. As a man DAMMIT, that comment would have had me burning in effigy here at LS. So assuming that, that selfish attitude is not really acceptable, when you are in a RELATIONSHIP. When you're not, go nuts, cause it is all about you.

 

And frankly I don't think you current bf should pay for the errors of the last one. Have you even said this to him? If you have and he's comfortable with that, then I question what foundation your relationship is based on.

 

If you haven't, what do you think he would say? You think he would ok with it, and if not would you even care? So again I question the foundation this relationship is based on.

 

Maybe I do find a lesser value on finding love than I do for camping... OK, yeah, I do. Right now. The timing is not about love for me at this moment. Maybe someday I'll change my opinion. (Maybe I just need to find a bf who likes to go camping! )

 

You proved my point. For you, this is a relationship is one of convenience. So we cannot assume Guests situation is the same, so if he has feelings regarding this matter you can't just step them aside with the words let her do what she wants and Trust her.

 

To me, it's not about rationalizing decisions, but being truthful. I would never go camping with someone that I thought was remotely interested in me while in a relationship.

 

Yeah, guess I'm selfish. I think I deserve to be after years of being with the alcoholic.

 

Great and the new SO pays for the faults of the old?

 

 

To me, it wasn't about testing my relationship. I was doing my own thing. And the putting the two people in the same bed naked together is completely off base. We slept in different tents and half of each day I was hiking on my own. Didn't even see him for hours at a time.

 

Directly or indirectly,that tested the relationship. Every decision you make regarding things that impact the relaionship tests, that relationship. Relationships get tested everyday, some times they are minute and other time they are more grandios.

 

Its even worse when its planned. So if people realized this, maybe they wouldn't put their SO in such situations like the one Guest is dealing with. She's testing the relationship, doesn't even know it, and doesn't seem to care from here response.

 

Maybe I just don't know maintain friendships with guys that think with their penises more than they think with their heads. I know that many men do think with their penises, no doubt. But I would never go camping with one alone that did.

 

First off, hate to tell ya, after being around here for a bit, there are women who think with their vagina. And the art of thinkings with your genitals has become such an art form, you wouldn't even know they were thinking with it until it was too late.

 

Happy camping.

[alex434]

well let me tell you all something! whenever i decide to discuss politics i go camping, because the well um you see... well uh.... hmmm like.. nah... no... shes a liar, girl tent and guy tent? wasent there only ONE guy, and how many girls come on man... if i were u i would drove up there when i had the chance, screw it take a day off from work. take the chance that way if she wasent doing nething when you popped up, you could feel safe, if she was u could ring her neck. not sit her like you are now and second guessing everything, including your relationship.

 

 

and on a note... theres 3 types of people in this world. Ones that can count and ones that cannot.

[clynn]

that's only two types

[greenhorn]

I really don't know why do girls want to do anything under the garb of freedom when they are in a relationship. Prima Facie it seems to me totally wrong that a girl who is in a relationship will go camping with a guy because she wants to meet him. If it is a meeting then it could be done in a party pub etc...but when she has already a bf why the other guy fascinates her so much that she goes camping with her ??

 

Girls always say that we are just friends, but ask a guy, and I am sure for a guy there is no friendship with a girl. There can be some general acquaintance, and for such, a guy will not go camping for a week. We have lot of other ways to kill time

 

Trust should not be put as ransom for doing things like this, rather they weaken trust. I have had personal experiences when I tried believing this "friendship " s*** and in the end my gut feeling came true found it later that I was being cheated during all those friendship times.

 

I can't understand when you already have a bf why does the other guy fascinates you so much and if yes then there is something which you are not getting fulfilled from your current bf and if this is also yes then there is no doubt that this will be fountain head of cheating and betrayal.

[alex434]

Originally posted by clynn

that's only two types

 

thats the whole point... lol meaning, i cant count myself? sigh i hate it when you do a joke and people are just so... bland about it, thanks!