JaneSmith526 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Supposed to go on a date this week, and here comes MM breaking NC after ~a month. How do they know?! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) First and foremost, I'm glad you're taking the steps to move on and are dating! To answer your question, yup, just when you're starting to feel lucid and normal, they pop up! Interestingly, in my case, I would have a strong feeling he'd call before each time he did. I hope your xMM reaching out didn't set you back. Did you respond? File his attempt at reaching out away and out of sight and don't over analyze it. He just had a weak moment. Doesn't mean he had an epiphany and realized that he wants to be with you and only you and will now move mountains to make that happen. Remember, nothing will have changed and you will simply go back to what it was so no use in opening that door again. Focus on your upcoming date! Edited February 21, 2016 by Lovetoohard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) First and foremost, I'm glad you're taking the steps to move on and are dating! To answer your question, yup, just when you're starting to feel lucid and normal, they pop up! Interestingly, in my case, I would have a strong feeling he'd call before each time he did. I hope your xMM reaching out didn't set you back. Did you respond? File his attempt at reaching out away and out of sight and don't over analyze it. He just had a weak moment. Doesn't mean he had an epiphany and realized that he wants to be with you and only you and will now move mountains to make that happen. Remember, nothing will have changed and you will simply go back to what it was so no use in opening that door again. Focus on your upcoming date! I completely echo Lovetoohard's words. I am an MM who is now gladly out of an affair. In my selfishness, I caused pain to my AP, her partner and my W - as well as completely messing up my own head. I never intended to hurt anyone of course - we rarely do. But that's affairs for you. Us MMs are often going through personal crises even before we get into an affair (indeed it's often why we do get into an affair) and even we don't often know what we really want. It's not surprising that we end up hurting ourselves and others - we are just not worth wasting your time on, and I really regret the hurt I have caused. You deserve a guy who loves you - and only you. Be strong (it seems like you are - well done!) and enjoy being back in the dating game - it should be loads of fun and help massively in your recovery. Please post to tell us how your date went! How did you respond to xMM? Did you reply? Probably best to block all possible contract routes. Sad, but necessary. Good luck - we are here for your! Keep posting. Edited February 21, 2016 by jenkins95 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneSmith526 Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 I'll be honest, when I saw his message it took every fiber in my body to not break down and cry. All I could think about was how badly I missed him. I waited a few hours and responded friendly. Back and forth small talk. And then he apologized, and i asked him if he reached out to make small talk, or if he wants something more. He said he wants another chance, I haven't responded. I'm SO excited about my date this week, and want to have fun with another man! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) I'll be honest, when I saw his message it took every fiber in my body to not break down and cry. All I could think about was how badly I missed him. I waited a few hours and responded friendly. Back and forth small talk. And then he apologized, and i asked him if he reached out to make small talk, or if he wants something more. He said he wants another chance, I haven't responded. I'm SO excited about my date this week, and want to have fun with another man! My heart goes out to you. It takes a lot of strength to be able to remain cordial and friendly with someone from your past that is associated with a lot of pain and heartache. Has his status quo changed that warrants him asking for a second chance? I'm going to take a guess and say no. Unless he is single, he is not entitled to ask for a second chance. I don't know if you're planning on responding to him, but if you do, I would say to respond with something along the lines of the preceding sentence. I am truly mystified at how they reach out in hopes of starting it up again, when the very reason for breaking up still exists! I mean, it's not like the break up was about something trivial like he leaves his dirty socks lying around the house or forgot your mom's birthday or something! Being married is kind of a major reason! I have been through this before with my xMM. Multiple times. He's just in withdrawal. I am SO excited that you're so excited about your date! Love your enthusiasm! Edited February 22, 2016 by Lovetoohard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 No, he doesn't. It's just coincidence and nothing has changed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Supposed to go on a date this week, and here comes MM breaking NC after ~a month. How do they know?! Seemed to happen to me too. Girls giving me mixed signals or multiple dates happening at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I'll be honest, when I saw his message it took every fiber in my body to not break down and cry. All I could think about was how badly I missed him. I waited a few hours and responded friendly. Back and forth small talk. And then he apologized, and i asked him if he reached out to make small talk, or if he wants something more. He said he wants another chance, I haven't responded. I'm SO excited about my date this week, and want to have fun with another man! Another chance at what exactly?? The affair? If my MM ever breaks NC and "wants another chance," I am tempted to force him to spell out what exactly he wants. As in, "I want to go back to the A the way it was: chats during work hours only; 1-2 lunch hour meetings per week; no expectation of a future together; no real dates, gifts, or anything that would happen in a regular relationship." Basically I want to see if he's willing to say that to me with a straight face . But ideally, I will just maintain NC rather than put myself through the pain of talking to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Another chance at what exactly?? The affair? If my MM ever breaks NC and "wants another chance," I am tempted to force him to spell out what exactly he wants. As in, "I want to go back to the A the way it was: chats during work hours only; 1-2 lunch hour meetings per week; no expectation of a future together; no real dates, gifts, or anything that would happen in a regular relationship." Basically I want to see if he's willing to say that to me with a straight face . But ideally, I will just maintain NC rather than put myself through the pain of talking to him. I am sure we are affair twins "chats during work hours only, 1 lunch hour meeting per week" - exactly the same as what went on with me and my xMM! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Another chance at what exactly?? The affair? If my MM ever breaks NC and "wants another chance," I am tempted to force him to spell out what exactly he wants. As in, "I want to go back to the A the way it was: chats during work hours only; 1-2 lunch hour meetings per week; no expectation of a future together; no real dates, gifts, or anything that would happen in a regular relationship." Basically I want to see if he's willing to say that to me with a straight face . But ideally, I will just maintain NC rather than put myself through the pain of talking to him. See and when they do this it shows they really do have a pair to really say that to someone takes some guts yet they can't leave ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Supposed to go on a date this week, and here comes MM breaking NC after ~a month. How do they know?! Just wanted to say enjoy your date and be positive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Supposed to go on a date this week, and here comes MM breaking NC after ~a month. How do they know?! I know. Mine contacted me 3 weeks into NC, but on one of the most vulnerable days I've had. It was like he could feel my pain. Luckily he missed me by about 4 hours. As in, if he had sent the message 4 hours earlier, I would have responded. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 NO . It's just conincidental. If you give him another chance, will he leave his W? Probably not. Stay on the path you have chosen and ignore him. POppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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