Still having difficulty... What's wrong with me?

[Mindprison]

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting so I apologize if this is the wrong forum. I'll give a good amount of detail as to what I'm having trouble with so please bare with me.

 

About 6 years ago I met a girl in my home town. I initiated everything, I was never one for the chase but for the first time I made the move. The trouble is.. This is where it all went wrong. She was rude to me for even asking if she'd like to hang out. For some reason I was fully up to the challenge and over time we became friends. Over time we ended up having feelings for each other however it took nearly 2 years and a lot of her bull**** to finally make it official. I should of quit before I began though.

 

About 6 months after we moved in together. I felt this happened to fast for a lot of reasons but she insisted and had her parents full support to do so. Eventually I gave in and we found a place. Things only got worse shortly after. The fighting continued to happen, I found that I wasn't able to do anything or even see my friends without upsetting her or being told I didn't care etc. One time she got mad at me for falling asleep on the couch which ended with me getting punched in the chest as a wake up. Now I know your probably saying WTF is wrong with your Mindprison. Well... It took 2 years to date her and after all that I felt I needed to see how things played out. Hoping things would get better.

 

Things weren't always this bad I can admit but when they were they were awful. eventually I just had enough and instead of giving all the time I just started doing things I wanted to. Gradually things got so bad that we were both emotionally abusive to each other and the break up came in full circle after I got punched in the head multiple times and I turned around and hit her in the arm. I know this was a mistake. it was honestly just a reaction. I left her the next day. For the next year I dealt with her threatening me to kill herself. Her family telling people that I beat her up etc. Through all this for that next year I stuck with her. Maintained contact and over time I honestly thought we were gonna work things out. Instead I found out that she was looking for my replacement within a month of our break up.

 

So here I am... I stuck with her for a year after... it took me 2 years and another 2 more on top just for her to be intimate with me. We were together in total for 5 years. She's been with 3 guys in a 6 month span since we split up. She meets them online and the first time they meet in person see has them sleep over for the weekend. 2 of them dumped her after a month or 2 together and the third she moved in with him 2 weeks after they started dating (4 hours away) and is now engaged to him. Why am I unable to move on from her? We haven't spoken in 9 months. I think of her everyday even after all the **** we went through. It hurts knowing it took me 2 years to date her and now she's engaged to some guy she met online in less than 5 months of being with him. If this sounds all muddled up I'm sorry. My head isn't exactly in the best place.

[jesslindy]

Dude your answering your own questions.

 

She is obviously not right to handle life, let alone a relationship.

 

Your head knows the truth, your heart is creating doubts. Your head is smart, your heart is stupid.

 

Stop talking to her.

Do research on what makes her act this way towards you so you can avoid it in the future.

Do research on yourself to figure out why you would tolerate this any longer, or again.

 

Tell yourself that she doesn't care about you, because she doesn't.

 

Pining over a girl like this, steals away your self -respect with every minute you do so.

 

Go flirt with girls.

 

Stay strong. Don't think about her, she isn't thinking about you.

[Jim nine three]

From the way you describe your situation,I believe that the only thing holding you back,unable to move on with your life is that you had invested so much time to be with her,and you believe you must hold on because of that.

 

You need to understand all of us have been through the same thing.We all have invested years of our lives on people that eventually didn't work out as romantic partners.Some people here experience break ups after decades of their lives with their partners.I,myself was chasing a girl for about the same time you did before getting her to be with me,which eventually turned out to be a bad relationship,then later fell in love with another girl and spent 3,5 years with her,before breaking up again.Do not perceive that time as lost,the only time you are actually losing is the time you are not focusing on your present and your future.

 

Now as far as you actual relationship with her goes,why would you want a person like that back in your life?She emotionally and physically abused you in multiple situations.Have some self-respect!The very fact that you went after something you believed would work out,tells me you deserve so much more than an abusive partner.

 

Also,you said that you haven't been in contact for 9 months,yet still seem to know about her relationships over the last 6 months.Cut her out completely my friend,you cannot truly move on while you keep looking through the window at her life.Remove any trace of her for your own sake.

 

Stay strong!

[Mindprison]

I know... I just can't get my head around why thins had to be so difficult and abusive for me and now it's like everything is just great etc. It's mind boggling and it males me very upset. I just can't grasp why it happened.

 

I dunno why I felt the need to stay. Eventually I just thought it was normal and always thought thins would get better. Stupid I know but I was afraid to leave.

 

I apologize for not being clearer... We were still in contact

For those 6 months she was with these guys but we haven't talked for the last 9 months. I know that is kinda confusing.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Mindprison

[jesslindy]

Just because shes engaged and stuff doesn't mean its great. In fact I can assure you its not.

 

From the very little you type, shes not healthy, there is no way she got healthy jumping from man to man in such a short period of time.

 

She's broken, lost, and most likely a bit unhinged.

 

Let that be this poor saps problem.

 

If my ex becomes engaged like yours, I'll laugh my ass off, not wonder why she's happy, because I know the truth, and so do you.

 

Work on yourself. She isn't happy, and won't be for some time, if ever.

 

Stay strong. Respect yourself.

[Jim nine three]

I apologize for not being clearer... We were still in contact

For those 6 months she was with these guys but we haven't talked for the last 9 months. I know that is kinda confusing.

 

 

And you should keep it that way.Don't let such a person take part in your life and consume your time.Other than that I have shared with you my honest opinion on what I believe the problem is.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Jim nine three
Quoting what my answer was based upon

[Mindprison]

Firstly I just want to thank both of you for your opinions. The only thing I realize is that I'm always seeking assurance that I did the right thing. I am not exaggerating this at all. It was hell and I was afraid to leave her. Your right tho, I spent so much time wanting to make a life with her that it bothers me to no end that things have moved so quickly now. She just dropped everything and moved 400kms away. When you say she's probably not happy.. I've often wondered if it's possible for someone to just completely change over night. I am 100% sure it is not possible. I agree that it's not my problem, I just have trouble letting go... Constantly wondering what if. It's a horrible cycle. Thank again, both of you! I just really needed a kick in the ass and I wasn't sure where to go. Even bigger thanks to anyone that read my mumbled mess. I apologize for that