mathew.m Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Hello, My name is Mat and I live in Australia. I am 26 and my ex is 20 and we had been dating for 18 months. I've never really asked a website for advise on such a sensitive subject before but I really need some advice on this. Around 2 weeks ago my girlfriend blindsided me by telling me that she has taken a job in central Australia (the middle of the desert) and she didn't want to attempt long distance. We have been together for a year and a half and everything was seemingly happy so it was a massive shock. As she was leaving early next month we decided to continue seeing each other until she leaves. She was very conflicted and kept telling me she was considering long distance, then she'd change her mind and this went on for around a week back and forth. This is until last Sunday (Valentines day) which I couldn't take it anymore and I needed to know what the issue was. Apparently she has been unhappy with things for a while but never spoke to me about it. She gave me a few examples but non seemed worth ruining our relationship for which it then came out that since being offered this job she didn't know if she loved me anymore. It was at this point which I told her that if that's the way that she feels then we couldn't be together anymore. After hearing this she broke down crying in a way which I have never heard anyone cry before (my psychologist suggests it was most likely an anxiety attack). After these events I have had a realization that she has realized how serious we are and she knew that if we didn't break up now we would be together forever, meaning she cant do a lot of what she had planned. I just get this strong feeling that she is using this job as a way to run away from her problems and doubts. I am going to be attempting no contact for around 30 days but what do you think the chances of them working in this situation are? Should I be getting my hopes up or should I be more realistic about this? Thanks. - Mat Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I am going to be attempting no contact for around 30 days but what do you think the chances of them working in this situation are? I think you have mis-understood the purpose of NC. Where does it say it is supposed to "work" to get your ex back? That is not the purpose at all. NC is for you to heal and move on. If it "works" then in time, you will be feeling better. It prevents you experiencing the pain that many people who do not follow NC guidelines go through. Whether she wants to resurrect the relationship or not, is another matter entirely. You've been looking for a deeper meaning to all of this. Have you considered the possibility that maybe she was being honest with you? She got offered a job that she wanted, and doesn't want to have a LDR. It may be as simple as that? Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I agree with the previous poster. I don't think this may be as deep as you are making it seem. She got a new job, is moving to a new area and wants to experience what else is out there (she's only 20!). She may have doubts, which is normal- most people have a fear of unknown and wonder if they are making the right decision. Long distance relationships are hard. The reasons she gave for the breakup may seem fixable to you (and they could be fixable) but what's she's telling you is that she doesn't want to work on fixing it. She doesn't want to invest her time and emotions in a relationship with you which will be compounded by long distance. I'd let her be. She may or may not change her mind but who knows. NC is for you--to heal and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 You've been looking for a deeper meaning to all of this. Have you considered the possibility that maybe she was being honest with you? She got offered a job that she wanted, and doesn't want to have a LDR. It may be as simple as that? I agree, no-one uproots themselves for no reason, and yes she may have been very upset when she realized the consequences, BUT she hasn't changed her mind. She's only 20, she fell out of love with you. After 18 months of dating it had to go somewhere, next logical step - engagement marriage and kids.. She decided she didn't want to take it further, got a new job and is about to change her life instead. Of course she doesn't want to be tied down, she's 20 not 30, she wants to go and see life somewhere else. LDRs are hard enough for people who love, and who are committed to, each other. She sees no future in this relationship, so why would she spend hours on Skype, trying to keep a relationship going that she doesn't want? Its hard for you and I guess it is also very hard for her to see you so hurt, but I really do not think you have much hope of turning this around. It is all about different life stages, YOU at 26 are looking for a wife or a long term relationship, she at 20 wants to experience the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts