he called me his what?

[fifipheebs]

Basically, started religious college. Am good friends with a pretty incredibly fantastic guy, as far as I've gotten to know him. He truly has a wonderful heart and earnestly seeks to reflect Christ. (I'm 28, and have been single for a while with no hint of possibility of relationship).

 

I am prone to assume, because of my history, that a man is very unlikely to reciprocate those kinds of feelings towards me. Nobody ever has. So, though we are new friends and are enjoying our friendship, something he does really bothers me.

 

He refers to me as "sister." Now, I get it, that we are sisters and brothers in Christ, and I do notice that he very obviously refers to all of our female friends as "sisters" and male friends as "brothers." But when, for example, he signs an email "Grace and peace, sister!" I feel like he definitely would never, ever feel anything more towards me than friendly, sibling affection, and that makes me sad and makes me want to just distance myself.

 

There were times in the past where he was quite flirtatious and others began to gossip.

 

For the men reading this, would you ever refer to a woman you could potentially be interested in as "sister"? Or is that more for women you would never consider pursuing romantically?

 

I know nobody can tell if this guy "likes" me, because you don't know me or know him. And I know that the only way I can know if he could be interested is if I ask him. But I don't want to ask him (or even ask him what he means by calling me "sister") because then I have made the first move, and I refuse to do that ever again. I've made the first move before, when I was younger, and it has always been disastrous. I am firmly planted in the man-initiates, man-pursues camp; I feel that is the way it is supposed to be, at least for me.

[road]

 

I know nobody can tell if this guy "likes" me, because you don't know me or know him. And I know that the only way I can know if he could be interested is if I ask him. But I don't want to ask him (or even ask him what he means by calling me "sister") because then I have made the first move, and I refuse to do that ever again. I've made the first move before, when I was younger, and it has always been disastrous. I am firmly planted in the man-initiates, man-pursues camp; I feel that is the way it is supposed to be, at least for me.

 

 

So being 28, single, does not appear to be working out that well. Now it rubs me the wrong way when people use let over use the bro and sis talk. And, him using that talk does not indicate any reason how he feels about you being his GF.

 

 

I do not know how you made you first moves in the past. Maybe you moved to fast. Too direct. Were you subtle? Leave hints? Try to gauge his interest?

[elaine567]

I guess in some communities brother, sister, bro, sis, are common terms of address, just like in other communities and parts of the country (UK), they say dear, darling, pet, petal, love, lovey or chuck or hen, it is just a term of address and not meant to be take too literally.

[Sunlight72]

I agree with elaine567.

 

If he calls everyone brother and sister, I don't think it means he has eliminated you as a potential girlfriend.

 

I see your point fifipheebs - it's not inviting either. But I wonder if he is just trying to take it a bit easy on you, not be pushy, and keep himself safe in case you don't want to date him.

 

You say he was "quite flirtatious" in the past. How did you respond? You say you "won't make the first move", and think the guy should - and he did already, apparently several times, and very obviously if people were gossiping about it.

 

What more does he need to do to show you he is interested in dating you?

 

If you are interested in him, you should let him know by smiling & flirting back (when and where you choose).

 

It sounds (from your post) like you are very protective and hung-up on the idea that relationships with guys are dangerous and should be shut down.

 

That's fine, it is truly your life, and your choice to live it how you feel is best for you. But you can't turn a cold shoulder repeatedly .and. start dating the guy.

 

Sounds to me like he wants to date you, and you want to date him, but you want some guarantees about how the whole thing will play out before you start.

 

I'm sorry, that is not one of the options.

 

Part of romance is the mystery of not knowing just what will happen. It can be scary, it can be sparkly - it all comes together.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

[RRM321]

I think even if I was religious, "sister" and "brother" tacked on to everything would be just as annoying as "dude." Now that I think of it - it would even annoy me if I was in a cult.

 

Perhaps you can find a way to tell him you're not that fond of the "sister" moniker, and you'd prefer he drop it and just use your name with nothing more.

 

I know this doesn't get to your question about a relationship but, it will cause him to give some serious thought to your preference.

 

If he diligently abides by your request - then you know he respects you and at that point you should ask him out on a date.

[fifipheebs]

I agree with elaine567.

 

If he calls everyone brother and sister, I don't think it means he has eliminated you as a potential girlfriend.

 

I see your point fifipheebs - it's not inviting either. But I wonder if he is just trying to take it a bit easy on you, not be pushy, and keep himself safe in case you don't want to date him.

 

You say he was "quite flirtatious" in the past. How did you respond? You say you "won't make the first move", and think the guy should - and he did already, apparently several times, and very obviously if people were gossiping about it.

 

What more does he need to do to show you he is interested in dating you?

 

If you are interested in him, you should let him know by smiling & flirting back (when and where you choose).

 

It sounds (from your post) like you are very protective and hung-up on the idea that relationships with guys are dangerous and should be shut down.

 

That's fine, it is truly your life, and your choice to live it how you feel is best for you. But you can't turn a cold shoulder repeatedly .and. start dating the guy.

 

Sounds to me like he wants to date you, and you want to date him, but you want some guarantees about how the whole thing will play out before you start.

 

I'm sorry, that is not one of the options.

 

Part of romance is the mystery of not knowing just what will happen. It can be scary, it can be sparkly - it all comes together.

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

 

Thank you Sunlight for your kind words of encouragement.