My grandfather hates my mother

[amkxoxo]

So I grew up very close to my dads parents. My mom was very close to them too, since her family was not in her life. They were not good, stable people, so they haven't been in my life since I was a little little girl. My mom got really close with my dad's mother, whom became like her own mother. My grandmother felt bad that my moms mother did not care about her, an tried to always support my mother. We lived in their house. My grandparents build a two family house, so we practically had one large floor to ourselves. We had our own driveway and entrance etc... and my grandparents lived on the other side. My dad's sister, my aunt lived with her husband and kids about 10-15 minutes away.

 

We were always just extra close to my grandparents, living so close. I think it always bugged my aunt because her kids were not as close. She had the choice to bring her kids over all the time and make sure they got time, but she didn't. We had time with them every single day. Ten years ago my grandmother got sick, my mother cared for her until she died.

 

My grandmother needed very extreme home care, almost round the clock. My mother stepped up and took really good care of her. She was there almost every day helping her shower, cleaning the house, changing her clothes, helping her walk etc...

 

My mom did more than everyone, even my aunt, my grandmothers real daughter.

 

My mom even remembers on Christmas morning, my brother and I waking up and being so excited to open our presents. My mom had to make us wait, because she needed to go bathe my grandmother, put her on clothes, and do her hair, which took hours. When they asked my aunt to come over, she said she couldn't because it was christmas morning for her children. My brother and I had to sacrifice at young kids.

 

In the 10 years my grandfather has adjusted to being alone. He does well. Now 82, he still drives, lives on his own, and goes out a lot. I love him very much. We moved out of his house two years ago, because my mother inherited a large single family, beautiful home from a distant aunt who passed away. It was our chance to have a nice home of our own. We talked to my grandfather about it, and he didn't show any disdain.

 

His personality is not like it was when I was a child. I think my grandmother railed him in. He is a bitter old man now. He seems almost hyper. He talks loud and changes subjects frequently. He will interrupt full blown conversations to start a random conversation about nothing. He often walks people on the arms obnoxiously to get their attention. People avoid him sometimes at large parties. He isn't fun to talk to. He can't hold a normal conversation. He sits at home a lot by himself and watches political news channels. Then all he wants to do is talk and talk and talk about politics and the news. He tries to school you on what is going on in the world and shove his political opinion down your throat. Thus, people avoid him. He is judgmental of foreign people, so a little racist. I chalk it up to his age etc.. but he sometimes says things that are insulting.

 

I dated a nice black man for a while, and I kept it a secret because I knew he would freak out.

 

He talks about touchy subjects at family functions like politics, religion, and race. I will be trying to pay attention to what someone at a dinner table is saying and he yells across the table, disrupting everything because he wants to start a random news related conversation with me.

 

I think he goes out to restaurants and stores and scares people away with his crazy talk. If people don't agree with him, sometimes he will call them ignorant.

 

Over the years he seems to make snide jabs at my mother. He doesn't like her. He loves my father, his son, but not my mom. My mom is so nice to him. She makes him coffee and cookies. She invites him over and talks to him. My dad wouldn't do that. He isn't a social entertainer like my mom.

 

My grandfather used to take tropical vacations every winter when we lived in his house. But ever since we moved he doesn't go, because he claims no one is there to watch the house. We only moved 8-10 minutes away, so we assure him we could watch the house. But he says no. He doesn't want to rely on anyone but himself.

 

Recently my mother decided she wanted to have a fun game night. She wanted to invite my aunt and uncle and some of her adult friends. It was going to be a late night 9pm thing with games. My grandfather has made it known he hates games and he goes to sleep at like 8pm. My mother didn't want to invite him because he will just monopolize everyone in politics and it wouldn't be fun.

 

She told my aunt not to tell him. After the awesome fun party, my aunt blabbed. I think she wanted to make us look bad, to make her family be his favorite, since we are usually his favorite. It was horrible. My grandfather got so mad. He shouldn't have. It was a game night, late. Something he hates. I felt so bad. We didn't mean for him to get upset. I know for a fact my aunt has tons and tons of social gatherings and he isn't there. I don't throw it in his face.

 

I feel so bad. He was so upset with us. This isn't the guy I grew up and knew. He has since talked to us, but now its awkward and we are walking on eggshells with him. He is bitter and not himself. I am hurt that he hates my mom. My mom i a wonderful person.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe apologize to him for not inviting him to game night and tell him next time you promise you will let him know about it way in advance to make sure that can attend.

 

He's probably very lonely, poor old guy.

[Emilia]

Sounds like he may have dementia/Alzheimers. From what I've heard, it tends to be the reason behind personality change in the elderly

[Tayla]

We could all learn from your Mothers ability to hold tongue. She is indeed deserving of your regard/respect.

 

Your Grand Dad...10 years of being alone ....Makes you appreciate family in some ways....

 

I get your perspective...seeing such a change as that.

 

Wonder if he is on medication that is creating this change? Heart meds? Diet change? Grumpy Old men...I met a few. Best way I have sorted them out is thru Humor. Not laughing at them per see, Laughing though at the topic they may mention...Such as :Those dern garbage men keep tossing my can at the drive way! , I usually go...Well then, don't invite those guys out for a night of bowling

[amkxoxo]

He loves his grand kids. He reminds me how proud he is of me. But he can be mean. Like for someone who has been alone, you would think he would want to be closer to his family, but he can't wait to take off and live in the tropics. He will be alone. He doesn't want to get a place big enough for us to come stay with him. He wants it just for him. He says it. Wouldn't you want an extra room for grand kids to come visit? He doesn't. If we go see him we have to get our own place. I don't have money for that.

 

He says he worries about himself #1 and what he wants etc...in a nasty way like we don't matter. He is trying to hastily sell his house, so he can move, but we keep telling him to wait. Because of his crazy attitude, someone will take him over the hurdles and they will get his house and his land for nothing. He will get screwed. He won't take our advice. He tells all these strangers all about his land and what he owns. People shouldn't know that. He says he doesn't care if he takes a loss on money. He acts impulsively and foolish. My parents say when my grandmother was alive, she handled all the money and finances, because he was so bad at it.

 

I love him. I do think there might be something wrong in his head. Its like he has bi-polar disorder. I don't think he has Alzheimer's. He has a great memory. Its more personality based. Like un-diagnosed bi-polar or Asperger's.

 

One time he called my mom thick in a mean way. He was adamant that he wouldn't have to pay certain condo fees in the tropics if he bought at a specific place. My mom was trying to tell him that things have changed since he was last there, and she knew people that said everyone pays condo fees everywhere now. He was rude and insulting to her. She was just trying to help him not get taken advantage of. He trusts strangers opinions more than his own family. A real estate agent told him something about his house and the land its on and he thinks that its the only right way and right thing because one real estate agent told him. I tried to tell him that real estate agents don't care about you unless you pay them. He refuses to believe that. I told him they just want him to sell, so they don't care if he makes no money or what the terms of the sale is.

 

Even while we lived with him, my parents paid rent. Now my parents could have claimed rent every year on their taxes. It would have helped them money wise. But there was something in the rules that my parents couldn't claim it, if my grandfather didn't. My parents said every year my grandfather wouldn't tell them if he did or didn't. He claimed it was his personal business. He would let my parents guess. He screwed them over year after year, so just to be safe my parents never claimed it. They could have for close to 10 years, but they didn't. We have now had to step back from worrying about him to let him do whatever with what he has. He doesn't appreciate us. He doesn't care about our opinion. We care about him, but he would rather trust some strangers opinion he meets out at breakfast. We have his best interest at heart. Its sad to see such a change. We have tried to tell him he no one wants to talk about politics and his opinion of different religious or political figures shoved down there throats. Its like he can't contain himself. He talks and talks and talks. I think he is lonely, but truly, he scares people away from him.

[Emilia]

He sounds like a complete ******* as clearly he's always been like this. Don't know why any of you bother

[Emilia]

You know when people say how unfair it is that some of the elderly don't get visitors in care homes, maybe it should be considered what they had put their own families through. An old sshole is still an sshole

[strow]

Stay out of it, your mother can handle it on her own.

[lifeisbeautiful]

It sounds like your grandfather hates a lot of things. Would anything make him happy or are you trying to bring happiness? Obviously he's not happy with anything.