Trauma_Luna Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 So there's this girl that has been my friend since 2012 or so, we have had a lot of experiences together and raised a great friendship, i can say we were "best friends". But some months ago i started having feelings for her, a lot, also she started flirting with me, we used to go out and drink a lot, she always used to say things like "You're the only one that makes me feel happy", "How am i single and you are single and we're not together?" and "I have a lof of guy friends, but you are the only one i would date". So i started to feel that she was the one... until one day i told her my feelings, i said i was really feeling stuff for her, i really liked her and that i wanted to be more than friends. She then said "I don't feel good doing this, you ex-girlfriend was my friend and i don't think this is right". So after discussing it a little we agreed that "just friend" was good for both of us, and we left it like that, just friends. We kept being just friends, no drama, we never talked about the topic again. I sent her flower this valentines day and i wrote on the note "happy valentines best friend!" ... I obviously still have feelings but i didn't mean anything sending flowers, i just wanted to do it. She called me atfer receiving the flowers and was so happy and grateful about it. I didn't speak to her in some days after that. BUT THEN! out of nowhere she sent me a text saying "Hey... lets just be friend please" I replied saying "Aren't we friends already?" and she said "yeah, but i mean, like best friends!" i laughed and said "ok, lets be best friends" I obviously felt a struck in my chest but played it good. Like nothing happened, i mean, i was good being "just friends" since i told her my feelings, why was it necessary to repeat it? I wasn't trying anything with her anymore, i treated her as always, just friends, but she repeating it and making it so clear, i dont know, it did hurt. She called me today like if she was sorry for something.. she was like: "Hey how are you? i was just thinking of you and thought it was a good idea to call you, you know the flowers you gave me are getting prettier everyday i put them in my room, beside my bed, they smell so good" I replied "oh good, i am glad you liked them" And she ended with "Are you mad at me?" I of course said i was not, and played dumb like "why should i be mad at you? come on!" The thing is that i really feel bad about this, i really like her and was respecting her choice of being just friends, but she repeating it without any reason makes me want to just end any relationship with her. I don't feel like speaking with her anymore. What should i do? please people Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Another example of why men should not have a girl friend because sooner then later they want that woman to be his girlfriend. Men never put yourself in the friendzone. Do you want kisses or the kiss of death? Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of topic Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 The thing is that i really feel bad about this, i really like her and was respecting her choice of being just friends, but she repeating it without any reason makes me want to just end any relationship with her. I don't feel like speaking with her anymore. What should i do? please people Put distance between you and start dating someone else immediately. This one likes having you on the string, but that's the extent of it. She has been manipulating your emotions... butters you up, then pushes you away, repeat, repeat, repeat. No man should ever hang around for this shtick. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 You were friends, you wanted more, she said no - just friends. BUT on Valentine's day you decided to send her flowers and that was huge mistake even with the lame "happy valentines best friend!" So you sent Valentines day flowers to all your best friends did you? I guess Rob, Rick and Ollie loved their flowers too. Who are you trying to kid? She went "OMG I thought I told him we were just friends", so she had to re-establish that boundary with you, hence the "friendzone" talk. Hardly "out of nowhere". 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lchf Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Been there and done this before. Save yourself the mental torture of being "friends" with someone who you want something more with. Sending flowers on Valentine's only made her freak out, so if you want to keep your dignity and sanity intact, pull back right now, heed the boundary that has been set right for you by her, limit your contact with her, and start dating other women who actually want to be more than "just friends". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 Been there and done this before. Save yourself the mental torture of being "friends" with someone who you want something more with. Sending flowers on Valentine's only made her freak out, so if you want to keep your dignity and sanity intact, pull back right now, heed the boundary that has been set right for you by her, limit your contact with her, and start dating other women who actually want to be more than "just friends". So there's no a "How to get out of the friendzone" advice? i don't feel like being her friend anymore, but i think is selfish of me stop talking to her. We started being friends and it was great, i know she will miss the friendship because thats how it started. Link to post Share on other sites
lchf Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 So there's no a "How to get out of the friendzone" advice? i don't feel like being her friend anymore, but i think is selfish of me stop talking to her. We started being friends and it was great, i know she will miss the friendship because thats how it started. I don't have hard and steadfast advice on how to get out the friendzone. In my 24 years I've only managed to do so once, and was done so by hard no contact, but I got a 4 year long relationship because of it. I'm not saying this will work for you. She's established the boundary of friendship. You need to be okay with the idea that she just may not be that into you as anything more than a platonic friend. Continually giving her attention trying to weasel out of the friend situation into something more is in fact not the way to go about it in my opinion. You also seem more concerned about her feelings than yours. You're concerned about what SHE may think if you walked away from the friendship, but in reality, you should be more concerned over your own well-being. If it causes you heartache to be near her as a "friend" while secretly wishing there was more, you're being irresponsible with your emotional state. You are better off putting your time and energy into someone else. Be okay with pulling back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I'm having trouble getting past how much she led you on at the start of this. All those things she said were so inappropriate if she had no intention of being your girlfriend. Feeling mad at her on your behalf. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 No idea if this would work or not but maybe worth a look. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 So there's no a "How to get out of the friendzone" advice? i don't feel like being her friend anymore, but i think is selfish of me stop talking to her. We started being friends and it was great, i know she will miss the friendship because thats how it started. There is perfect advice on how to get out of the friendzone. Realize that this girl isn't someone you need as a friend. As soon as you developed feelings for her, your friendship ended. She's toying with you and liking the attention and affection you offer her while being able to keep you at arms length. And your mistake of saying "happy Valentine's Day best friend" was just blatantly corny and daring her to mention it. No one writes "best friend" after sending flowers. Cmon. When she asked "are you mad?" She's looking for you to finally stand your ground and be like "nah, not mad, just been dying to kiss you and it doesn't look like that's gonna happen so I should probably step back a little". That puts her on the spot because she's telling you things that would make you think she's interested, but pushing you away at the same time. Either she's really being genuine in her friendship with your ex, or she's just enjoying being crushed on by you. Your move? Stop being her BFF. Stop being her friend. Not in a mean way. Just stop texting daily. Stop talking to her about mundane nonsense and being the boyfriend without any of the perks. Next time she wants to talk to you about her life or says "why aren't you talking to me lately?" You just say "if I'm putting in boyfriend time, then I should be getting BF perks". Is your friendship to her that monumental and meaningful? I'm guessing no. She's a moron if she thinks you guys are gonna be best friends. Only a loser would put up with that. Stop doing that. The quickest way to get her to change her tune and react is to either let her find out you're talking to someone else or interested in someone else, or next time you talk to her, you slyly bring up that you went on a date last weekend or have a date coming up. She'll mostly likely be caught off guard and ask who with or ask something.. That's when you say "hey... Couldn't wait for you forever could I?" Light heartedly. Don't make it a serious thing. Just show her that you're pursuing other girls and she needs to either do something about it or get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 Hey TL, 1. You've got to take a minute to understand that she was just re-establishing the boundaries she had set before. The flowers precipitated this response. 2. NEVER EVER accept anything you are not comfortable with in any relationship. If you were truly comfortable with "just friends", her saying this again wouldn't hurt or make you feel anything. 3. At this point you should back WAY BACK! No one ever wants to lose a person they are interested in, but the parameters of the relationship are not want you want/need them to be. So you need to separate yourself, at least for a while. No contact or very limited contact is the way to do so. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Hritik Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) So there's this girl that has been my friend since 2012 Fella, just know one thng wht I learned... When all her needs of a boyfrnd r complete with a frnd, she then has no reasons fr having a bf.. The only way is giving her less importance frm now, then she might come to know ur true value.. It's just a gambling on ur love.. Either u ll be her bf, Or u ll simply loose her.. My condition is even worse than urs... Cheers fr u buddy... May God help evryone getting true love in their life nd someday I must come across some answers of my miserable life.. Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Just ghost her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 i really like her and was respecting her choice of being just friends, but she repeating it without any reason makes me want to just end any relationship with her. I don't feel like speaking with her anymore. ( I think it's time to be honest with each other. You have nothing to lose because it's already moving to a negative stage. i really like her and was respecting her choice of being just friends, but she repeating it without any reason makes me want to just end any relationship with her. I don't feel like speaking with her anymore. Just tell this paragraph you wrote here. Have a sincere honest conversation. After that you will know where you're going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think it's time to be honest with each other. You have nothing to lose because it's already moving to a negative stage. i really like her and was respecting her choice of being just friends, but she repeating it without any reason makes me want to just end any relationship with her. I don't feel like speaking with her anymore. Just tell this paragraph you wrote here. Have a sincere honest conversation. After that you will know where you're going. That's exactly what i was thinking, i spoke with a mutual friend we have, she said she spoke with this girl and that she was a little bit confused about this, she thought we were fine being just friends but she started to feel that we were not being just friends and then sent the text (she did not mention the flowers). Our friend told me to speak with her in an honest way and see what happens. I am thinking of saying "You want to be friends? that's fine, but that won't change my feelings for you and wont stop me wanting a chance" Is that too rude? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 That's exactly what i was thinking, i spoke with a mutual friend we have, she said she spoke with this girl and that she was a little bit confused about this, she thought we were fine being just friends but she started to feel that we were not being just friends and then sent the text (she did not mention the flowers). Our friend told me to speak with her in an honest way and see what happens. I am thinking of saying "You want to be friends? that's fine, but that won't change my feelings for you and wont stop me wanting a chance" Is that too rude? Rude? No. Weak? Damn right it is weak, weaker than water. Tell her you want her for a girlfriend not a girl friend. You do not need or want a girl for a friend. If she says no tell her have a nice life. Man up and make a stand. Only shot you got. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) I second road's post. Absolutely do not say "You want to be friends? that's fine, but that won't change my feelings for you and wont stop me wanting a chance". Want to know something? Women do not get excited by squishy, wishy-washy guys. At all. They want to know what the guy wants - clearly - distinctly. They may decide they don't want to be with that guy, but they want to know what his goal is. You want a "chance"? You have one now. Make something of it, or zip your pants up and walk away. Say what you want - and back it up with action. "I want you to be my girlfriend. You light me up - I want to take you to see Brooklyn tomorrow night. How is 7 o'clock?". That's how you do it. If she says no, you are out of luck. It happens - I know it hurts you - it's a Huge Deal in your life. But you are never going to get ANY girlfriend if you keep being just friends with this girl. Which is a lie anyway - in your heart you are not just friends. In your heart you are in a dream relationship with her. Don't continue a fake/unrequited/dream relationship. It sucks. Make it a real relationship, or free yourself to find one with someone else. A considerate guy like you would make a good boyfriend for a young woman who wants a caring young man. Find her. Best wishes. Edited February 25, 2016 by Sunlight72 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trauma_Luna Posted March 1, 2016 Author Share Posted March 1, 2016 Update: Well after reading your advice i decided to speak with her in an honest way and tell her i don't want just to be a friends, she knew i wanted more than a friendship and she was good hanging out with me knowing that. I was waiting for the perfect moment but we had not have the time to meet. Until yesterday when she called me asking if i wanted to go to have dinner with her, i obviously accepted and asked her to pick me up, because my car was in the shop. She said "where are you?" i told her and she never responded and never arrived. I waited for like 2 hours and nothing, not a single text, not a single call, and out of nowhere she updated her profile picture where she is with some random guy... I'm done... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 She had already told you no on the romantic part, so her dating some guy shouldn't come as a surprise. Though, yes, she should have called and cancelled. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Walk away. Just...walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Not calling or messaging changing picture is total disrespect. Do not tolerate, I have a hunch she has been playing you. Block her number....move on! Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 How can you say you were "friend zoned out of nowhere" when you've been friends with her since 2012? You've been in the friend zone for four years already..LOL So obviously if you suddenly try to make more happen after four years when she sees you as nothing but a friend, she won't want romance. There are rare cases where people in real life start out as long time friends and then eventually transition. But for the most part, it only happens in the movies and on TV. If you want romance with a woman, you don't become friends with her. You make your intentions known when you first meet her and ask her out. Guys will often make the mistake of becoming a woman's friend to warm up to her and get her to like them in that way. But all the hesitation does is get her attraction to lower. Sexual attraction is based on confidence and boldness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 If she learns that you are seeing another woman she'll either get very interested in you (wanting what she doesn't have) or will simply ask about her and she you tell her it's true she'll move away (she's just not that into you as the movie title went). Either way you are better off. Do Not Be Her Beta Orbiter! Take it fom one who wasted too much time on women who just weren't that into me. Sure, I can rationalize it as a life experience, but I know deep inside that's just bullxxxx. Listen to the wisdom of old Motown songs. Too Many Fish in the Sea. My Momma told Me You Better Shop Around. A one way romance is no romance at all Link to post Share on other sites
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