Is my "husband" having an affair and what do I do?

[dresden]

From Mz. Pixie: "If he wants to mend this relationship he's sure not acting like it. He's throwing you crumbs- like holding your hand at night. Trust me, there is a reason he has no place to go right now- he's not doing it out of responsibility to you. To mend things he must cut off all contact with her- and give you full access to his life. Cell phone, e mail passwords everything. He must be accountable for his actions and his whereabouts to win back your trust. That is what he gets- and if he were truly wanting to mend things he would be more than willing to pay that price!!!

 

All wayward spouses operate on some type of the same script. It's one thing I've seen over and over on LS. And I thought when I was cheating my actions were new!"

 

I read the above to my husband this morning. He listened but didn't say anything.

I told him I loved him but he would have to give up the OW if he wanted to stay in this house. He gave me the spare room idea again. I said no.

 

We walked together. On the walk I said "Are you going to be able to do this no contact thing" He was quiet for a minute then said the problem with me is that I am always pushing and pushing and he just wants to step back and think about everything before he makes a rash decision. I said that's fine but you didn't answer my question which is a kind of answer in itself.

 

Finally said to him, I think you have to move out today because I just can't take this anymore. I am in too much pain.

 

He said he has nowhere to go. I said why don't you move in with OW? He said I Don't Want To! You should be glad to hear that. Why would you think of suggesting that to me?

 

I said All I ask is that you not see her or talk to her - no contact at all. He said Fine fine okay? Shut up while you're ahead.

 

I left the room. He left about 20 minutes later. I was outside and he gave me a big hug and kiss then said let's go to the movies tonight. I'll be at work all afternoon. I'm stopping to pick up a lunch and then I'll be at the store. I have lots of messes to take care of. So call me later. I love you. Take care of yourself.

 

So why do I feel like killing myself? She is living almost within walking distance of his business. He swears he had nothing to do with her moving there. Her ex says she was always talking about my husband's wealth - just a show, folks, because our electricity was almost turned off last week and today his work phone was disconnected for nonpayment. I cannot get pictures of them out of my head. I want to run away.

[Mz. Pixie]

" All I ask is that you not see her or talk to her - no contact at all. He said Fine fine okay? Shut up while you're ahead."

 

He told you to shut up while you were ahead?? Ummmm excuse me, no. For one, you just found out about these little indiscretions and honestly, he hasn't admitted anything to you out loud. That's admission in itself really.

 

At this point, he's telling you what you want to hear. And the shut up while you're ahead? Excuse me- you're doing him the favor by staying with him at this point, not the other way around. He's still not acting repentant. He doesn't want to go to her and he wants to stay with you? Then he needs to prove it by cutting off contact with her. NOW.

 

The fact is, he's living in a sort of fantasy world right now and continued contact with the OW will just keep it that way. When you're in the middle of an affair, you're not thinking rationally. You just arent. As far as him telling you to shut up?? In my opinion you haven't talked about it near enough. Have you seen a therapist yet?

 

From where I sit- these are the things he must do in order to keep the relationship he has. You should ask him for the minimum-

 

1. Contact with the OW stops now. If you hear of him even driving my her house it's over. He shows you all his cell phone records- you get copies of the bills. Since he owns his own business he must show you all phone bills.

 

2. He calls her- in your presence and tells her that he loves his wife. Do not warn him you're going to have him do this so he can talk to her beforehand and warn her. Cold call. He tells her it's over and that he's going to work on his marriage (you might as well be married) and keep his family.

 

3. He starts spending more time with you and works on the relationship. Seeing a marriage counselor is a must.

 

4. He must prove himself to you. He lost any right to privacy. No more late night meetings. No more unanswered calls. No more sleeping at the office. He sleeps at home with you.

 

5. He has to sit down and admit what he's done and have a conversation about it. He must patiently answer every question you have at that time, or any time you feel like it. For him to tell you to shut up is just beyond disrespectful. He's doing that because you talking about it reminds him of what he's done and if he doesn't think about it he can live in fantasyland. TOUGH. He has to think about it and you have a right to get the details if you so choose.

 

Also, this part you might not like. During the counseling you guys need to get to what made him cheat in the first place. You mentioned before that the OW is ugly and overweight. It's probably not really about that. People cheat usually because their needs are not getting met. I'm not excusing his actions, I'm just saying you need to know why he did it. It was probably not 100 percent about sex. Him not knowing why he did it is not an option. There is a reason, get to it. It wasn't just because he's horrible or because he could. I'm saying that some people do cheat because they are horrible, but most people just get caught up in something they will regret later on.

 

If you are truly going to forgive him- assuming that he is repentant at some point of his actions- you will have to learn to trust him again. And he will have to give you time to do that. That's the least that he can do. If you do decide you can forgive him then you're going to have to do that. No throwing it up in his face for 20 years and such like that. The counselor can work with you on that.

 

Lastly realize that you are a precious prize. You deserve to be with someone who will be the kind of partner you deserve. I hope because of your daughter that he can be that person, but that will be up to him and not you. Don't sell yourself short for any reason.

 

I have gotten a new position at work so it's harder for me to get online during the day but I'll try to check in as I can. I'm glad my words made some kind of sense to you. That's why I come here, to try and help people who are going through what I've gone through. Hang in there sweetie!

[Maria46]

He said fine, fine okay. Shut up while your ahead??? Shut up??? Is that how you should be talked to??

 

He has been dishonest about this affair for how long now?? Do you really believe what he tells you?

 

I'm stopping to pick up lunch??? Where is that???

 

He should be out of the house IMO. He needs to realize that you mean business.

 

Stay strong!!!! When you make a decision, stick to it, no matter how hard it is.

 

One of the things I thought would be really difficult when I split with my ex was, would I be able to financially handle it. That was also one of the main reasons I didn't want to believe what was going on. It was real tough for a while, I worked extra hours and was actually sewing my tennis shoes up to make them last a while longer. But my children did not go without.

 

 

 

And just a little something below to get you to laugh:

 

I just remembered one thing I did when I found out about my ex's affair. I called the OW and told her his bags were packed and I was sending him to her. She was a little shocked.

 

It is nice to be able to look back and remember some of the off the wall things I did during all of this. And it is great being able to know that I took a stand and made my life better.

[kkat]

Dresden, do you feel like he actually wants or intends to end this affair?

 

What are his actions showing you?

 

Not his words, his actions....

 

I'm so sorry for your pain.

[Mz. Pixie]

I see that you haven't updated from last night yet. Wondering how the movies went. I'll check in later if I can.....

[dresden]

I did post yesterday but apparently my post flew off into the sky.

 

We went to the movies. It was OK but I felt nauseous and uncomfortable sitting next to him like everything was normal.

 

Yesterday was better. I felt almost happy again. We went to our daughter's swim meet and had lunch together. Later in the day we stopped by his business and he was happy to see us. He came home for dinner and we watched the Red Sox game together. That is the normal nightly scenario for us. It felt good.

 

Today we had breakfast together. We talked a little. I asked if he had stopped seeing OW and he nodded - but it's like he can't say "yes" because then he's admitting that he did something, right? He asked me my plans for the day. I said I wanted to come help at the business.

 

He started to give me his standard "It's so small, there's not enough room" crap. I pointed out all the other people (including OW) who come and hang out then said "whatever - I won't come and I don't care." Then he apologized and said "I don't mean that. Come over any time you want. I would love for you to be there." It was said in a loving voice.

 

I did some errands for him. I wrote some emails for him. Then around 5 I went to his business with the intention of staying until he closed at 7. I was warm and friendly to his customers, I thought, but at 6:30 he called our daughter here at home. She asked when I was coming home - I know he called because he wanted me out of there. I said I would be home when Daddy came home.

 

I started to do a little tidying up - nothing big - and all of sudden he asked me to stop, saying I was driving him crazy, I was so "up" and friendly to everyone. I was shocked because he always says "Don't be rude to the customers." I tell you, "Up and Friendly" is my usual demeanor.

 

I said "I didn't do anything to deserve this. I didn't do anything that would make you hate me so much." He said "I don't hate you. I love you. I adore you. But I'm stressed out and you're driving me crazy." I said I would go home and start dinner. He had promised to be home for dinner tonight - the first Saturday night he would be home since May. We all know where he's been, right?

 

So OF COURSE you know what happened next. 7:15 phone call - "I talked to my mother and we need to get out of this business investment so I am going to see one of the partners and hash things out with him." I said "I am making dinner and you promised to be home." He said "Wrap my dinner up and I'll eat it when I get home." I said "I know where you are going. I know where she lives. I could come over and see." He said "Why would you do that? I'm not going to be there but you could cause a big scene and end up in jail." (Yeah, I'm Al Capone.)

 

I am sorry to report that I begged him to please just come home, over and over. But you know that he "Had to go talk to the partner." He also said, we are going to sell our house, close the business and move to Florida to be near my mother. And I am going to be home every night after this and just make you and our daughter happy." I said "Your daughter is sitting on the couch crying" and he STILL wouldn't come home. He said he would be home by 11.

 

I had planned to leave for Seattle and my friend's house today if he said he wasn't going to be home tonight. But all day he said he couldn't get hold of his partner so he would be home.

 

I talked many times to my friend. She is very calming and consoling. I also called his mother and she confirmed that she had a conversation with him around 7 about closing the business and moving to FL - she supplies him with a lot of $$, much more than I realized when I talked to her. She said he had ended their conversation by saying he was going to call the partner and set up a meeting tonight.

 

So it could be real. But is he then going to boink the b*tch before he comes home to his clean sheets and laundry and house and beautiful wife and child?

 

How can I ever believe anything from him now? I have always resisted moving to FL because (confession time) I am not a Red-Stater and I do not like heat. Now it's like I have no choice. I want to do this for his mother, ironically, who is widowed now and lonely, not for him.

 

I'd rather move to Seattle and be with my friend who is like a sister and loves all of us big-time. I wish he had just come home.

 

My daughter and I are going to get in the car, head to the turnpike and just drive tonight. I want to get away from everything. I don't want to be here when he comes home. I am not crying, I don't feel depressed, but I am so tired of all this crap. OMG, as my daughter says, do something! Go, stay, something!

 

I used to love him SO MUCH. Now I just hate him more and more. Is this part of his plan, to drive me away so he can say I left him and it wasn't his fault?

 

I am jealous of all the happy families I see out there. That was me once.

[LucreziaBorgia]

My daughter and I are going to get in the car, head to the turnpike and just drive tonight. I want to get away from everything.

 

Well, if you hit that highway tonight please be safe. My thoughts will be with you.

[Maria46]

yes, please be careful driving tonight. If you are upset, it is not a good idea to be behind the wheel of a car.

 

Take care of yourself!!

[dresden]

We did go for a long drive, my 2 girls and I. Had fun. Ate Taco Bell and listened to U2 really loud.

 

Got home at 12:30 a.m. He had said he would be home at 11. He was not.

 

So my son and I drove over to the OW house. He was there. They were sitting outside drinking wine.

 

He came over to the car and told me to leave and he would be right home. I did not obey. Eventually got out of my car and made for her. He grabbed me from behind and with my son they got me back in the car. My son started to drive away.

 

I jumped out of the car and ran back when I saw he wasn't following. He kept trying to calm me down and got me in his car (a convertible). Then the b*tch has the nerve to come over to the car and say "Honey, if you ever come over here again..." at which point I jumped up and lunged for her. Missed unfortunately but did say "DId you call me Honey? You B*tch. We've been together 14 years and you couldn't make a 4 year marriage work. Go to hell you whore." and more of the same. She shut up immediately and ran back in her house.

 

He drove me home. Lots of hysterics and crying. Ended by his saying he will break up with her.

 

Today he said you know everything now and all my lies were because I was in denial and didn't want to admit anything. But I have no reason to lie anymore. He did admit to some things I have suspected but refuted others.

 

I want him to CALL her and tell her so long. He wants to do it in person when he is ready. I want it now so I can get some closure and start being happy again.

 

I'm not proud of this breakdown on my part. I wish I could have said Bye A-hole and waltzed off calmly. I did say today that if he loves her he should pack a bag and go. He said I am not moving out, I do not want to live with her, I do not see myself with her long-term. I just need to get ready to break it off. They have been seeing each other "off and on" for about a year.

 

Very tired today. Very very tired. Thanks everyone for being there for me yesterday and Friday.

[dresden]

We did go for a long drive, my 2 girls and I. Had fun. Ate Taco Bell and listened to U2 really loud.

 

Got home at 12:30 a.m. He had said he would be home at 11. He was not.

 

So my son and I drove over to the OW house. He was there. They were sitting outside drinking wine.

 

He came over to the car and told me to leave and he would be right home. I did not obey. Eventually got out of my car and made for her. He grabbed me from behind and with my son they got me back in the car. My son started to drive away.

 

I jumped out of the car and ran back when I saw he wasn't following. He kept trying to calm me down and got me in his car (a convertible). Then the b*tch has the nerve to come over to the car and say "Honey, if you ever come over here again..." at which point I jumped up and lunged for her. Missed unfortunately but did say "DId you call me Honey? You B*tch. We've been together 14 years and you couldn't make a 4 year marriage work. Go to hell you whore." and more of the same. She shut up immediately and ran back in her house.

 

He drove me home. Lots of hysterics and crying. Ended by his saying he will break up with her.

 

Today he said you know everything now and all my lies were because I was in denial and didn't want to admit anything. But I have no reason to lie anymore. He did admit to some things I have suspected but refuted others.

 

I want him to CALL her and tell her so long. He wants to do it in person when he is ready. I want it now so I can get some closure and start being happy again.

 

I'm not proud of this breakdown on my part. I wish I could have said Bye A-hole and waltzed off calmly. I did say today that if he loves her he should pack a bag and go. He said I am not moving out, I do not want to live with her, I do not see myself with her long-term. I just need to get ready to break it off. They have been seeing each other "off and on" for about a year.

 

Very tired today. Very very tired. Thanks everyone for being there for me yesterday and Friday. We are seriously planning to eventually leave here and move to FL to be near his mom.

[Maria46]

Who is it that you should be angry with?? The OW or your lying husband??

 

What do you think he has been telling her??

 

He wants to end it in person?? IMO there shouldn't be any more contact between the two. Change cell numbers, not take calls at work and if she goes to his work, someone else should deal with her.

 

Personally, I would not trust him or believe anything he says in regards to her and his "meetings". But that is my opinion.

 

Be careful. Do not try to go after her as you could be in serious legal trouble.

 

Am thinking about you.

[Mz. Pixie]

Dresden-

 

I'm sitting here boiling...... the fact that he would head right over to be with her after he told you he wasn't??? Well, to me that shows he has no intentions of stopping his actions. Read what I'm saying carefully- this man was sitting drinking wine with his mistress- when he could have been at home having a nice dinner with his wife and child. When he told you that you would make a scene and go to jail you should have said, "Why, you're not going to be there or so you said- so why would me driving by cause a scene?" What was he saying as the two of you were fighting? Unbelievable. And you begged him too.

 

He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the stability of having you at home or either he's afraid of losing money if you leave. He wants her too. So, he tries to keep both of you happy. Stayed home with you the other night to keep you quiet then spent time with her to keep her quiet. Both of you are letting him too.

 

Did you read my earlier posts where I stated the minimum he should be doing to keep this relationship? Make a list and confront him and give it to him. Give him 10 days to implement the changes.

 

He's stating he wants to break it off in person?? Well, that's another typical cheating spouse statement. They all say that. He has no intentions of breaking it off or he would be on his knees begging you to stay, saying he'd do anything to keep you. You need to draw the line in the sand, and mean it this time.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie

He's stating he wants to break it off in person?? Well, that's another typical cheating spouse statement. They all say that. He has no intentions of breaking it off....

 

Read this part above again, sweetie.

 

The "in person" part is the key. If he REALLY intends to end it, he's not going to need to do that in person. The need for privacy is a ploy that allows him to continue to spin his lies. He lies to her too, you know. He can't do that in your presence without you calling him on it.

[exoticdesi]

and if so, what did he/she say. Your H wants to sell his house, business and all his assets , while still continuing to be with the OW. Hmm......I don't know what might be going in his mind, but trusting his words would be last thing. He might have you convinced that encashing everything you have here and moving out might end all this mess, but just make sure there isn't another angle to it.

 

Good Luck!

[dresden]

He was gone for 1-1/2 hours last night to break up with her. I asked if she was expecting him and he said no. He came home in a pretty normal mood. I said I thought he would be upset and he said well, she wasn't there. I waited for a while, went to work for a while, went back, never saw her. Uh huh.

 

So taking all your advice, LadyJane and Mz. Pixie, I told him today that he needs to CALL her and break it off. I also asked to see his cellphone.

 

No to the cellphone so he is still in contact with her. Refused to call her. I said you were ready to break up last night, what's changed? Said he didn't want to make a hasty decision. Says he has been in denial about it all and is just now beginning to realize he f'd up. Says he wants to make sure about our relationship. I cried a little but not much - kind of dry now.

 

I said you have been with her off and on for a year and you never asked me for a divorce. What does that say about your relationship? He said I want to be with you but I don't want to stop seeing her. Admits he is a big mess. Says that ironically, she doesn't really want him to leave me or live with her.

 

I did see an atty. Would have to file some creative lawsuits, like Complaint in Equity (I don't have marital standing but I have essentially been employed by him for 14 years without pay) and child support would be key.

 

Trying to decide if I can wait around for $$$. Also, will have to get job no matter what just for sanity if nothing else. Younger girl knows she will have to enter public school - huge huge change. But he doesn't want to hurt her, right?

 

I am OKAY, everyone. Like you have all been saying, I am starting to focus on kids. That's why I told him break it off or move. Taking youngest to see Must Like Dogs - appropos to my future singleness. Starting to hate him. Grateful for all of you!

[lynnspies1]

Dresden,

 

I feel your pain. My husband just ended his second affair in our 15 year marriage. I could not stand to look at him and think I would have thrown up on his shoes if he thought for one minute that he could continue seeing her while he made up his mind about me. My husband did go back on no contact twice once with email and once with cell phone. I think you have to ask him to go until he wants to make a commitment with you. You are loosing too much by allowing him to stay and lay in your bed with you. Let him go, work on yourself and your kids. Don't worry about money or a job, you must have someone you can stay with till the dust settles. I would almost rather live in my car then let my children (especially girls) see any man treat their Mother this poorly.

 

I am so sorry, Lynn

[dresden]

Lynn, I agree with you. I went to see Must Love Dogs tonight. I dropped our girl off at his work and left without a word. Now that I am home he has driven off in his car over to OW's house I am sure, even though he had some story about going to get gas and milk for the morning.

 

He was very angry with me but wouldn't say why. I guess because I didn't check with him first. :-)

 

I got an email from a friend who has offered me and the kids a place to stay anytime for as long as I like. I am going to stay with her Wed. night. I am not going to clear it with him first.

 

I don't think this is going to work out. He is now so angry with me. Keeps referring to his eye (the stitches come out tomorrow) and how I got my retribution and he'll see it every time he looks in the mirror.

 

I feel depressed but also like I am waking up. Wish the kids weren't seeing all this. You are right - I must let him go. (But every time I ask him to go he says he has nowhere to go.) Oh well. I have my kids.

[Mz. Pixie]

"I don't think this is going to work out. He is now so angry with me. Keeps referring to his eye (the stitches come out tomorrow) and how I got my retribution and he'll see it every time he looks in the mirror"

 

Yeah, like you won't have a internal scar from this yourself. Whatevah!

 

I hate to say that LJ and I called it and knew he wasn't about to break it off. I agree with whoever said you have to tell him to move out until he can make a decision. Just like in Love must be tough. Tell him you love him and will do everything to make the relationship work but that it's time for him to make a decision. If he can't make one at that time, tell him that it's best that he move out until he can clear his head and make a decision. Don't take no for an answer.

 

If you go to your friends house, do not tell him where you are. DO NOT call him, do NOT answer your cell phone. Let him get a taste of your medicine.

 

Part of me thinks however, that you shouldn't leave the home. What if he takes that opportunity to change the locks on the house? I think you should make him leave..... if you leave that could be you abandoning the home. I'm not a lawyer but I just thought I would throw that out.

[dresden]

He is moving into our spare room. His finances are a HUGE mess and he can't afford to rent another place. He doesn't want to move in with OW without really examining if he wants to jump into another relationship. So...OW may not realize that she is a diversion but not a prize. HA.

 

I thought a lot about this on my walk today. You know, I just can't say that I love him anymore. I am grateful for, well let's not say 14 years, maybe 13, of happiness, passion and love but the past two months have killed it. I don't look at him the same way anymore.

 

I don't see my hero and friend for whom I would always make exceptions, I see a whiny, picky, fussy, too-thin, seriously balding man who at 52 has screwed up his life through financial irresponsibility, self-indulgence and selfishness. Maybe I am lucky to be getting out of this now.

 

I also agree with you, Mz. Pixie, on another thing. I have decided not to move out from the house. If there is a sale of real estate, I want to be here to claim my fair share. If he and his mother think they can sell this house out from under me, I will get the biggest SOB lawyer out there to get my share.

 

I told him if he stays there are house rules, mainly, he has a curfew: be home by 10. Apparently he lost his house key (or did I accidentally throw it away? :-) so he will have to get us to open a door for him.

 

I also told him that if he is not home each evening, our daughter will know where he is and be upset so he should keep that in mind.

 

My dilemma is she wants to continue to homeschool, and he also wants this for her, but I want to get a job. Still thinking about this.

 

You all have helped me focus so much these past few days. I feel very much in control of myself and the situation. He is DANG lucky I am letting him stay in that spare room.

[jmargel]

Dresden.. I'm sorry but he should not be in this house with you. He continues to play the head games and you are going right along with it. Actions speak louder than words and your threats are empty to him. He doesn't love, respect or gives you what you need. Even if he breaks it off do you think that's going to last long? How are you ever going to trust him again? Do you really want to play detective the rest of your life? Do you really know he hasn't been doing this during your whole relationship?

 

Read the book 'Love must be tough', he's just waffling around because he's getting the best of both worlds. You really have two options right now. Leave or stay and share him with this other woman. Don't go for the latter, you are better than that.

[Mz. Pixie]

I agree. Why should you continue to let him stay to help him out?? WTF???? He is ASKING for this. He can stay and give up the OW or he can go. What happens to him after this point is up to him. If you let him move to the spare bedroom he has no motivation to stop what he's doing. He's manipulating you. He wants to stay until he can find a way to weasel out of the mess he's in- either with his mom's help or with an atty's.

 

If you do not set a firm line with him right now you will regret it. It's either you and his home and his daughter or her. There is not a middle line.

 

Dresden, you can do this. Don't let him do this to you.

[dresden]

how in 2 months I could go from absolute unconditional love to anger and hatred for him.

 

Anyway, Ms. P and JM, you are right and I came to the same conclusion myself. We took our girl out to lunch and on the ride home I asked if he would be home right after work. He shook his head.

 

And suddenly I myself thought WTF??? What am I doing? Why does he get to go on a date then come home to MY nice clean house to sleep?

 

So I said if you are home at 7 you can stay in the spare room. But that's it. You cannot go on a date (or whatever they call it) and expect to sleep here. And that's a forever thing, not just tonight.

 

He said you are forcing me to make a rash decision. I said I don't care anymore.

 

I also mentioned his least favorite word in the world - attorney - and he went nuts. And I said Whatever, I'm going to protect our family. He said that's another expense I can't afford now. Too f'ing bad.

 

It's funny, because now I think of all the things I don't like about him - he's BORING (all he talks about is wine and business), he's extremely self-centered, he does absolutely nothing around the house, he hasn't brought home flowers in a year (well, we know who's getting them), he's gotten even fussier about food, he's a whiner and financially irresponsible in a very bad way.

 

He said that maybe if he can clear up his financial problem there will be a chance for reconciliation. What??? That would be MY decision not his. He also said he would go to MC but wants to go alone first. I honestly don't know if I could ever love him again. You're right, JM, I do not want to be a detective the rest of my life.

 

It's over.

[Mz. Pixie]

I disagree with what you told him. By telling him to be home at a certain time, you're trying to manipulate him into doing what you want. To me, that's not the same as you stating he has to get out until he makes a decision. If he gets out, then you're removed from that daily interaction, you can screen his calls, and you won't be on the emotional rollercoaster. What you're doing is trying to get him to do what you want- which is not see the OW- AND have him at home. I do not think you can do both. You're also using your daughter to try and keep him at home- by saying she'll be home and she'll know where you are. He obviously doesn't care about that- or he would be at home with her anyway, instead of out screwing around with his OW. He's gone almost every night and not being a father.

 

What you need to do, is not say all of this and set a boundary. If he wants to continue to have a relationship with OW then that's fine, he can do so somewhere else. Do not try to guilt him into it or scare him into it. Let him go and do it if he wants. Your changing tunes will throw him into a tizzy- he won't know what's up. Do not let yourself care where he is going or what he's going to do. That's his issue.

 

I'm almost sure that he's not leaving for money reasons. That's tough. He should have thought about how much that side piece of tail was going to cost him financially when he did it.

 

He's really pissing me off. Let her have him, he's not worth all of this.

[jmargel]

IMO just throw him out. He'll come up with excuses on why he is late hoping that you'll fall for them. He wants to goto MC? Tell him fine, he makes the appointment tomorrow. If he wants to go by himself first, nothing wrong with that. At some point most MCs will want to talk to the other privately.

 

Try and read the book 'Love must be tough'. Let him truly realize what he is losing. I know this is tough but don't back down!

[dresden]

You are both right. He is not worth this. He has been cruel and even admits it. He has tried to play both side against the middle. I can't do it anymore. He's out.

 

I think I was pretty clear with him about not being able to be here unless he gives up OW. He knows that. I have said it about 500 freaking times. This time I'm enforcing it. He doesn't have a key and can't get in without me. I will be strong because JM is right, I am tired of being the detective and finding out so much betrayal.

 

I did read Love Must Be Tough and it was hard as hell to get him out. "I have nowhere to go," "Don't force me to go live with her," etc.

 

I told him today I don't love him anymore. He killed it. I am SCARED but thinking about what attorney to use, etc. Also took pictures of the bruises he left on me Saturday night - pretty scary looking.

 

Just need to be with people now, even if it's just my daughters.

 

I think Maria told me she packed up her ex's stuff and told the OW He's all yours!

I may do that.