Ask a woman from meetup to hang out?

[Chris2016]

What if I wanted to get to know a woman more from meetup?

 

I met her on 2 different meetups, on 2 consecutive days, about a week ago.

 

We just happened to rsvp to the same 2 events.

 

On the 1st event, I introduced myself. Chatted a little. Remarked that I noticed she was going to the 2nd event also. I was neutral about her.

 

On the 2nd event, a food crawl, it was fun hanging out with her and the other folks who attended. I thought she had a great vibe. Our chats were mainly about the different foods we tried from the different restaurants. No chats about personal matters, that I recall.

 

I'm thinking of messaging her through the meetup app.

 

I'm not sure what my goal is.

 

- I don't know if she's single.

- I would like to get to know her more, because she had a fun vibe.

- Would be nice to have a female friend.

- Would be nice if it developed into something more, but I guess okay if it doesn't. I'm not emotionally invested, yet.

 

Maybe I should just send out a "feeler"?

Because she may not even respond, and so I'll have my answer. She may not want to hang out with me.

 

Maybe I should just wait to see her again at another meetup?

[PegNosePete]

Personally I would wait to see her again, and ask her out in person.

[road]

I would contact her. Waiting does two things. She may not have a BF now. If she is not interested waiting is not going to help.

[angel.eyes]

Another vote to wait until you see her again. Ask her out in person.

[ZA Dater]

In this scenario I would absolutely do something, be it asking her out now via the app or doing it in person BUT I would go for person because trust me its much harder for someone to say no if you put them on the spot like that.

[d0nnivain]

I don't really know how the app works but if you don't have another way to contact her I would not reach out. If you see her again, ask for her #. Then talk to her. Then ask her out.

 

If you are out of college or over 21 do not ask her to "hang out". That is so lame.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I generally agree that you should wait until you see her again although I don't think messaging her would be that bad if you've had a decent conversation.

 

Like I said in my other post, a woman who I hadn't even met or talked to live wished me a Happy Valentines Day and I loved it. It made me happy and I thought it said a lot about the way she chooses to live her life.

 

Sometimes the things you do will weed out people who are not for you.

 

So, if you message a woman instead of waiting to meet her live, that might scare away women who are more into etiquette and playing the game by the rules but if you man up and message her, it might impress the right woman. "Wow, this guy obviously likes me, has balls, and doesn't live by society's dumb little rules."

Edited February 22, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[normal person]

I would go for person because trust me its much harder for someone to say no if you put them on the spot like that.

 

Someone has to want to go out with you, not feel "pressured" to. You don't want to someone to go out with you because they feel bad/uncomfortable/obligated.

 

OP, I'd suggest you just gauge the situation a little more. Spend some more time with her at the meetings and if she's receptive to you, you'll get a better idea and it won't be such a crapshoot. When a woman likes you, you'll know.

[d0nnivain]

A message asking her if she's going to another MeetUp group & stating that you would enjoy talking to her again would be acceptable. Don't push it past that.

[ZA Dater]

Someone has to want to go out with you, not feel "pressured" to. You don't want to someone to go out with you because they feel bad/uncomfortable/obligated.

 

OP, I'd suggest you just gauge the situation a little more. Spend some more time with her at the meetings and if she's receptive to you, you'll get a better idea and it won't be such a crapshoot. When a woman likes you, you'll know.

 

Fact remains its much more difficult for people to say "no' face to face than it is over IM.

[scorpiogirl]

Someone has to want to go out with you, not feel "pressured" to. You don't want to someone to go out with you because they feel bad/uncomfortable/obligated.

 

OP, I'd suggest you just gauge the situation a little more. Spend some more time with her at the meetings and if she's receptive to you, you'll get a better idea and it won't be such a crapshoot. When a woman likes you, you'll know.

 

I completely agree with this.

Meet in person a few more times ( or at least once more, depending on how often the meet ups happen), then see if she'd like to get together.

 

Trying to put someone on the spot is never a good thing so please don't even go with this line of thinking. If she doesn't feel the warm fuzzies enough to agree to meet you somewhere, then putting her in a position where she feels cornered is not going to help your case at all.

 

Don't you want an honest answer rather than a hostage situation

[Lobouspo]

I would reach out to her on the app, but don't ask her out. Just a little small talk, and ask when she's going to another event. If she responds in a timely manner and seems happy that you reached out to her, then take the next step to ask her out at the next meetup event she plans on going to

[Chris2016]

A message asking her if she's going to another MeetUp group & stating that you would enjoy talking to her again would be acceptable. Don't push it past that.

 

Great! Thanks all! I think I'm going to go this route. I'll send her a messgage today. Well see how it goes or not, but at least I'll find out.

 

I would prefer in person (so I can practice) but I'm not sure when I'll see her again.

[normal person]

Fact remains its much more difficult for people to say "no' face to face than it is over IM.

 

Why does that matter? If she wants to say "no," she'll avoid going in one way or another. Even if she agrees under pressure, she'll find some excuse not to go later, or blow it off, or stop going to the meeting. You can't "trick" someone into going out with you if they don't want to, it just doesn't work. If they're so uncomfortable that they feel compelled to go under duress, why would you even want to be there with them? I don't understand any of this.

 

In my experience, women always make it easy for you. If they like you, they'll let you know. If you're not already certain the answer is "yes" before you ask, you're probably playing a losing game -- so just don't ask. Asking people out randomly without any interest indicated is just odd. Why would you assume someone likes you without any indication that that they do? Assume the answer is "no" until there's good reason to believe that it's "yes."

 

Here's a quick guide to get a near 100% success rate:

 

Has she given any indication that she's interested in you?

Yes -> Ask her out

No -> Do things differently until she does

[road]

A message asking her if she's going to another MeetUp group & stating that you would enjoy talking to her again would be acceptable. Don't push it past that.

 

 

That was a good idea.

 

 

If she responds and you meet up again be prepared to ask her out for a bite, coffee and desert, ice cream, after the meet up.

[Popsicle]

I would reach out to her on the app, but don't ask her out. Just a little small talk, and ask when she's going to another event. If she responds in a timely manner and seems happy that you reached out to her, then take the next step to ask her out at the next meetup event she plans on going to

 

This.

 

Popsicle

[Miss Peach]

My BF asked me out at a meetup. I think he did it really well. He told me I don't want to wait a month to talk to me again (the next one was in a month) and asked me for my number. Then he called me up and asked me out for coffee.

 

Since you talked I don't think it's going to be a deal breaker if she's interested but I do respect it a lot more when guys ask me out in person. Several guys have asked me what other meetups I was going to. It might be a good middle ground.

 

If you hadn't talked to her at all then I would find it creepy and ignore/block it. There are a lot of guys who do that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

What if I wanted to get to know a woman more from meetup?

 

I met her on 2 different meetups, on 2 consecutive days, about a week ago.

 

We just happened to rsvp to the same 2 events.

 

On the 1st event, I introduced myself. Chatted a little. Remarked that I noticed she was going to the 2nd event also. I was neutral about her.

 

On the 2nd event, a food crawl, it was fun hanging out with her and the other folks who attended. I thought she had a great vibe. Our chats were mainly about the different foods we tried from the different restaurants. No chats about personal matters, that I recall.

 

I'm thinking of messaging her through the meetup app.

 

I'm not sure what my goal is.

 

- I don't know if she's single.

- I would like to get to know her more, because she had a fun vibe.

- Would be nice to have a female friend.

- Would be nice if it developed into something more, but I guess okay if it doesn't. I'm not emotionally invested, yet.

 

Maybe I should just send out a "feeler"?

Because she may not even respond, and so I'll have my answer. She may not want to hang out with me.

 

Maybe I should just wait to see her again at another meetup?

 

Do what I do when I meet and talk with a woman at a Meetup...I typically contact them through the messaging system. No biggie.

 

He told me I don't want to wait a month to talk to me again

 

Right, a lot of them are one-shot wonders are just trying out the groups. Usually you have to wait a while before ever seeing them again, that's why the messaging system comes in handy.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Has she given any indication that she's interested in you?

Yes -> Ask her out

No -> Do things differently until she does

 

Unless she's a complete **tch, I'll ask them out regardless. I've had women laugh at my jokes and touch me on the arm at the same time...I was, "Hm, is she interested? Let's find out!"

 

When I did, well I found out they weren't interested afterall, that it was just their nature to laugh a lot and be gregarious.

 

The mere act of asking her out directly is how a guy can find out for sure, otherwise, it's just being a defeatist.

 

Asking people out randomly without any interest indicated is just odd.

 

I disagree, usually the way to find out if they are interested IS by asking them out.

[normal person]

Unless she's a complete **tch, I'll ask them out regardless. I've had women laugh at my jokes and touch me on the arm at the same time...I was, "Hm, is she interested? Let's find out!"

 

When I did, well I found out they weren't interested afterall, that it was just their nature to laugh a lot and be gregarious.

 

The mere act of asking her out directly is how a guy can find out for sure, otherwise, it's just being a defeatist.

 

All well and good, but it'd be easier to just build some sexual tension until there's no mistaking gregariousness for attraction. If they like you, they'll continue. If not, they'll sense what's going on and create some distance. You get your answer either way.

 

I disagree, usually the way to find out if they are interested IS by asking them out.

 

I'd disagree with that. By default, you aren't interested in most people so you can assume most people aren't interested in you either. That's the social landscape for "asking someone out to find out if they're interested:" assume disinterest until you have reason to believe otherwise. It's kind of like looking at someone and wondering if they're an accountant (or anything else). Unless they give you some reason for you to think that they are, why would you assume so?

 

If you know how to read body language and non-verbal cues, assess circumstances, female behavior, etc, then often you'll get your answers with relative certainty without having to ask. Pay attention and all the evidence will coalesce into a thesis that says "ok, she does x, y, z, she must like me. Go for it." Women will often "tell" you before you ask, just maybe not in the way you'd expect.

 

Let's say you're at a bar and you start talking to someone. Are they engaged, interested, and committed to the conversation, or are they not? Do they give any other non-verbal clues, or do they look like they want to leave? There's your answer. Now let's say a woman messages you on OKCupid and asks you something about your profile. She didn't ask you out, but just by the act of messaging you she's pretty much indicating her interest, giving you an answer already and inviting you to ask her out.

 

Try replying like this to a girl:

 

Her: "I like how you said blahblahblah, I think that's blahblahblah."

You: "Thanks, listen, I always find this messaging stuff to be a bit tedious, so if you want to get a drink why don't you just give me your number and we'll work something out? If not, best of luck on here with the blahblahblah."

 

It works 100% of the time. Why? Because she already gave you an answer with the act of messaging you. Real life example from last week.

 

I'd say most of, if not all of my romantic interactions have been attributed to not sticking my neck out unnecessarily, but just waiting for the green light or making the light go green. Granted, not every girl will give you the green light or like you. For the ones that don't, keep working at it until they do. Sure, you can hit the gas early if you want to, but you might get into an accident. If that's something you want to avoid (like if you're going to be around this person a lot in the future), you're probably better off waiting.

[Chris2016]

A message asking her if she's going to another MeetUp group & stating that you would enjoy talking to her again would be acceptable. Don't push it past that.

 

Great! Thanks all! I think I'm going to go this route. I'll send her a messgage today. Well see how it goes or not, but at least I'll find out.

 

I would prefer in person (so I can practice) but I'm not sure when I'll see her again.

 

Well, I haven't heard back. I'm glad I did it. I guess that was the practice.

[angel.eyes]

Sorry, but I'm not surprised. I've always found it pretty creepy when guys message me through Meetup asking me if I'm going to a posted event. It feels as if they're trying to figure out how to stalk me. I've never responded.

 

You spoke to her in person. Either ask her then to get together, ask for her number, or if you're unable to do those because of nerves, etc., wait until you see her again in person.

 

The point of Meetup is to bring a group of people together in person for social events of mutual interest. It's not there to cyberstalk other members in the group. That's why the messaging system is so primitive.

[LookAtThisPOst]

All well and good, but it'd be easier to just build some sexual tension until there's no mistaking gregariousness for attraction. If they like you, they'll continue. If not, they'll sense what's going on and create some distance. You get your answer either way.

 

 

 

I'd disagree with that. By default, you aren't interested in most people so you can assume most people aren't interested in you either. That's the social landscape for "asking someone out to find out if they're interested:" assume disinterest until you have reason to believe otherwise. It's kind of like looking at someone and wondering if they're an accountant (or anything else). Unless they give you some reason for you to think that they are, why would you assume so?

 

If you know how to read body language and non-verbal cues, assess circumstances, female behavior, etc, then often you'll get your answers with relative certainty without having to ask. Pay attention and all the evidence will coalesce into a thesis that says "ok, she does x, y, z, she must like me. Go for it." Women will often "tell" you before you ask, just maybe not in the way you'd expect.

I do understand what you're getting at and have been in situations where out in public if I would try to strike up a conversation with them waiting in line at a public place and if they seem very short with me, like a kid focused on his hand held game playing device while a parent tries to talk to him/ her, then I can take a hint.

 

I had such a situation at a bookstore coffee shop. It was around the holidays and it was slow that day. We both ordered coffees right after each other and there wast his kind of awkward silence while we both waited.

 

I noticed she had ordered <name of brew> and I had asked her, "Oh, I never had that before...what's it like?"

 

She kind of briefly looks over at me and says, "It's good" and looks back up at the menu on the wall, pretending to read it. I could pretty much tell she didn't want to talk to me because she was very short with me.

 

Let's say you're at a bar and you start talking to someone. Are they engaged, interested, and committed to the conversation, or are they not? Do they give any other non-verbal clues, or do they look like they want to leave? There's your answer. Now let's say a woman messages you on OKCupid and asks you something about your profile. She didn't ask you out, but just by the act of messaging you she's pretty much indicating her interest, giving you an answer already and inviting you to ask her out.

I would also say, I probably purposely ignore the ques if she's being rather friendly with me for instance. Like I mentioned before, the last woman was laughing at my jokes and had touched me quite a few times. But she's Hispanic, so that could be just her culture.

 

I made an exception in that case...so I asked her out, from my point of view, I thought I picked upon some ques, but was like "F-it, ask her out just be sure."

Try replying like this to a girl:

 

Her: "I like how you said blahblahblah, I think that's blahblahblah."

You: "Thanks, listen, I always find this messaging stuff to be a bit tedious, so if you want to get a drink why don't you just give me your number and we'll work something out? If not, best of luck on here with the blahblahblah."

 

It works 100% of the time. Why? Because she already gave you an answer with the act of messaging you. Real life example from last week.

 

I'd say most of, if not all of my romantic interactions have been attributed to not sticking my neck out unnecessarily, but just waiting for the green light or making the light go green. Granted, not every girl will give you the green light or like you. For the ones that don't, keep working at it until they do. Sure, you can hit the gas early if you want to, but you might get into an accident. If that's something you want to avoid (like if you're going to be around this person a lot in the future), you're probably better off waiting.

That's never really been my M.O. probably because I never have a woman contact ME online to engage ME. Or it's in person, at a Meetup, then I don't concern myself of the person being around in the future, because there's a lot of one-shot wonders that come in and out of these Meetups all the time.

 

Meetup is such a revolving door of people these days that you have to strike while the irons hot.

 

I'd say most of, if not all of my romantic interactions have been attributed to not sticking my neck out unnecessarily, but just waiting for the green light or making the light go green

I want to focus in on THIS statement. I would have to disagree as I think a man is displaying confidence by, how you put, sticking his neck out "unnecessarily." Why you may ask?

 

Because doing so exudes confidence and what's been mentioned on these boards here constantly that women likes a man that can take charge and show confidence, right?

 

If I did what you described...I'd NEVER or RARELY ask anyone out. But, I do have a line drawn somewhere, so if they seem "gregarious" in nature or friendly by default...I'll "stick my neck out" yes..."unnecessarily"? Nope.

Edited February 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
formatting disaster ~6

[LookAtThisPOst]

[] I hear about women that have spoken with men at the events to say they later contacted them through the messaging system. They weren't complaining, but just stating the obvious.

 

Some are even dating...so there you go. []

Edited February 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted off-topic content ~6

[Chris2016]

Why wait to ask her in person? I sort of understand why, but don't.

 

I don't want to build myself up to that.

 

- Seeing when we'll rsvp to the same event again.

- Seeing if she would be fun to be around again. And chat with again.

- Get rejected in person; given a fake number; flaked on.

 

 

I agree that, it shouldn't be a deal breaker, messaging her through the Meetup app, if she was interested.

 

Find out now. While I'm not emotionally invested. Rather then build myself up, hoping and dreaming. Only to find out later, what I could have found out sooner.