Really messed up, should i gave a shot at going back with my ex?

[Littlebird95]

I came here during last summer for help because I was desperate when my ex broke up with me after 5 years of relationship (15 years to 20 years old). You guys help me much along the path of recovery, but now, I'm back and need some help because I'm really messed up with my feelings.

 

So about 3 months after my break-up, I started dating a new girl and fell in love with her. Then, a month or so later, my ex emailed me saying she would like us to remain friends (we were good friends for 2 years before we started dating and we were litterally BFF during the whole 5 years). I then said no and in a mean way,cause i wanted to avoid feeling the same way as when we broke up and also to protect my actual relationship with my GF.

 

Last january, I saw a post on twitter from her, linking an article that both of us could relate to our past relationship, and she also texted me ''happy birthday'' and that we could stay in ''good terms''. I took to opportunity to apologize for my response to her email and to agree that we could stay in good terms. she replied that ''it meant a lot to her that I apologize, because my reply was kinda hard on her''

 

And since a few weeks, I've started thinking a lot about my ex. I mean, I love my GF, but its just not the same. Every now and then, I feel like texting my ex to catch up with her, but then remember that I have a GF and it wouldnt be fair to her if i would do that.

 

And this week, I had a really big fight with my GF, because of her lack of confidence. (she got cheated on in the past and now she has difficulties trusting anyone). It almost lead to a break up.

 

She also asked me THE question: «Do you love me more than you did love your ex?» My response was: i dont know. Cause i cant lie to her and honestly i couldnt tell her i love her more.

 

You'll all understand that lately, I've been wondering if i should stay with my GF or not... The thing is, she's convinced that I'm the love of her life (i'm not that sure, mainly because of the confidence thing... I think its a must in a relationship and I wont continue any further if she's not able to trust me) and she also has hard times with her family and deciding her future. I mean, i dont want to let her down, but at the same time, i dont know what to do.

 

So here's my question: Should I stay with my GF, and Should I try to catch up with my ex? I'm really messed up in my feelings.

 

*Sorry for the long post, but I feel like every detail is important in this case

[mcsc177]

There are two choices in front of you and those choices are directly connected to two different people. Sometimes it's really hard to make decisions when you're looking at it from a limited perspective. I think you should take a break from both of them, zoom out, and look at the big picture. Get an idea of who you miss more, who you are more drawn to sexually and mentally (careful with this one), and ultimately who you really want to be with. The worst thing you could do is continue to be with someone who you're not sure you want to be with especially while wanting to be with someone else.

 

Try to look at all things man, thats the best advice I can give you, are you just bored with your current girlfriend, try to change that? Are you just more physically attracted to the your ex? Ask yourself questions and don't make a mistake where you will leave your current girlfriend who loves you for someone who it will not work out with in the future and maybe in the future you will be on here asking if you should get back with your current girlfriend.

 

Take a break... think,feel and don't rush it.

[ilovemefirst]

What you said to your current girlfriend, wasn't reassurance that you care, you made me feel worse and she probably feels even more insecure. That was not fair to her.

 

Having said that, you were just being honest. You should take some space to think.

[Littlebird95]

Thanks to both of you for taking some of your time to answer me!

 

First, mcsc177: I know that I'm not in a good spot to think and take a decision about this right now, thats why I wanted some thoughts from other people. Mentally, there is no doubt that i'm more attracted to my ex. I could have deep and intellectual conversation with her, while my GF doesnt like to hear about my future job (how the body is made, as I'll become a chiropractor). Sexually well, they are so different and kinda like both so its hard to say. My GF is convinced that im the man of her dream (to be honest, I just believe her exes were total *******s and that she didnt think good people could exist) and she would litterally do anything for me. I dont feel the same way at the moment, with all of those mixed feelings and thoughts in my head.

 

Second, ilovemefirst: i didnt see it that way but now i do agree that saying that to her was unfair. The thing is, I never really thought about comparing how strong I loved each of them. I was so surprised with that question. But at the same time, My ex was my first love, and it lasted 5 years... We had somehing really strong, as we were friends for a solid 2 years before we started dating. And my GF, well it took less than a month of dating before we became official.

 

The more i'm writting, the clearer my thougts are becoming, even if im still confused. Now you guys are making me wondering if my actual relationship is just a rebound from the other one? Damn why is love so complicated

[ilovemefirst]

I was actually in the same exact spot as you. My ex came back in the picture, when i was dating someone new. I was so into the new guy, until the ex came back and messed with my recovery. The ex came back and said he wanted me back, i told him that i did not know what i wanted and so i decided to walk away from both of them. It was a hard decision, but it really helped me realize what i had wanted. I weighed the pros and cons. I ended up going back to the ex, because we did not end on bad terms and the reasons for breaking up were because he was not ready for a commitment at the time. We are still together, and i realize it was the best choice i made.