No contact -- how to keep that up?

[kztar]

Guys we must stay strong. Keep posting. This helps me alot specially because I know that we are all supporting each other.

 

Apparition im sorry to hear, lucky for me I can sleep, it's just the mornings are hard to wake up. UGHHH.. It's all a process that I wish to resume ASAP but that wont happen.

 

Disillusionment373 post is encouraging. We need to do this and try to feel like she does. What happened in your relationship that led to the breakup Disillusionment373?

 

I wish I could sleep until NEXT year. Even if it means missing out on a year of experiences. Who cares. It's like going to the emergency room with an illness yet coming home SOOO much better.

[Dis]

Guys we must stay strong. Keep posting. This helps me alot specially because I know that we are all supporting each other.

 

Apparition im sorry to hear, lucky for me I can sleep, it's just the mornings are hard to wake up. UGHHH.. It's all a process that I wish to resume ASAP but that wont happen.

 

Disillusionment373 post is encouraging. We need to do this and try to feel like she does. What happened in your relationship that led to the breakup Disillusionment373?

 

I wish I could sleep until NEXT year. Even if it means missing out on a year of experiences. Who cares. It's like going to the emergency room with an illness yet coming home SOOO much better.

 

My relationship with my ex was short-lived. 6 weeks. But it felt like a year because of the intensity of the relationship. To sum it up, he love bombed me. Looking back I think he has bpd or narcissistic personality disorder (other posters helped me realize this) The breakup?...well...out of the blue, with no reasoning or logic, he ended it over the phone. I was in shock. I went from my life revolving around him (which he made sure it did) to complete dissillusionment and shock. He has been texting me frequently, begging me to talk to him. I havent replied, nor will I ever again.

 

What we should remeber during a break up is that we need to put OURSELVES first. Our exs are exactly that, loves of our pasts that need to stay there. Of course we will miss them, dream about them, think about them, but we have to let go. I've once heard, "Letting go is harder than holding on" I think thats true when it comes to breakups. We need to protect ourselves and heal ourselves, we cant do that if we're still in communication with our exs. In time our pain will lessen, thoughts of them will become less frequent. We need to have paitence with ourselves, and our emotions as we continue the process of letting go.

 

I love the support on these forums so everyone keep posting!

Edited March 2, 2016 by Disillusionment373

[Jasejasejase]

For me guys it truly is the mornings and the sleep that screws everything up. I wake up each morning and if I have made even the smallest slither of progress it all resets and I feel worse than the day before. Like tiday, im just led here. I sleep awfully too, waking up a dozen times a night.

 

Im starting anti depressents today and hopefully get some therapy started soon. But you know what, I still have no positivity. All I have is my loss

[jsdifjf]

Day 10 and it's painful. At the same time getting into the double digits really feels like a milestone. I want to share with you a tool that has helped me. You can find it here: https://chains.cc Basically it's a website/app that helps you keep track of what you have achieved daily. I've created a chain for NC and seeing it grow day after day helps me to not want to break it. I have also created other chains for small habits to remind myself of keeping healthy and doing things (e.g. having healthy meals, exercising and reading). Adding one more link each day helps me to see that I've been accomplishing things without her... Yes, they are small things, but we have to start somewhere, I guess

 

So Jasejasejase, I agree with Apparition... it's important that you get up and do something when you feel ready. Even if it's just a walk around the block. Start small and it will eventually get easier.

 

My relationship with my ex was short-lived. 6 weeks. But it felt like a year because of the intensity of the relationship. To sum it up, he love bombed me.

 

This sounds similar to my relationship... although it did go on for a couple of months. As soon as the intensity was starting to fade, she was gone. I'm guessing she's either to young for something more serious or she's addicted to the intensity of the first months... or she just didn't feel the same about me. It's crazy how fast we progressed in the relationship (I never had this happen before) and suddenly there is nothing left. But either way there's nothing I can do about this, so I'm trying to move on. I'm glad you're able to see your relationship for what it was and are not giving in. Keep it up!

Edited March 2, 2016 by jsdifjf

[Jasejasejase]

Day 10 and just struggling so much. I know ... Im a brokem record ... Spinning the same yarns of misery over and over again ...

 

But it's just pure pain ... Still ... And all I can think about is her. The only person who I feel can get me through this is her. Yet I know it's over. Why can't my head compute all this? Why can't I drag myself up. Why can't I say enough is enough ... Start again, move forward. Everyone keeps telling me this ... But I just can't. If I could, I would. Im failing so much ... Day after day ... 24 hours of pain ...

 

I don't have any friends. I've been guilty of only ever wanting someone to love ... That's my devotion ... So never really made friends. Im that sad. And even now, all the recommendations ... I don't want to do ... I want someone to hold me, to reassure me, to love me. I am so broken ...

 

There's no way out at the moment ... Every corner I try and turn is just blocked with more reminders, more pain. I have tried ... But my mind destroys me.

 

Help! Im so pathetic thar im tempted to break NC even though I know it would be the biggest and most fruitless gesture ever!!!

[Apparition]

Its been about a week since my last relationship ended and I have not spoken a word to him since. For me NC is fairly easy. I have many reasons for keeping up with it. The first would be because the guy is extremely troubled and I consider myself lucky its over. The second being, I have too much respect for myself to reach out to somone who sold me a dream and then discarded me.

 

I'm a very modest person, however, I know my worth and am not one to grovel at someones feet...I deserve to be with a guy that will treat me with respect and will give me as much as I give him.

 

I understand the pain your feeling and the internal conflict your fighting. I think thats all normal and will get better with time. Just remember this:

 

***The deep connection you had with your ex means that you are capable of finding and taking part in another deep connection in the future***

 

Next time you want to reach out to her ask yourself this, "Will this help me or hurt me?" Make your decision from there.

 

Continue to let her go, it will take time but it sounds like your doing great Keep posting. For me, hearing other peoples insight has been incredibly powerful and has helped me process my break up. Please believe me when I tell you, you will find another deep hearted love again, a new love, a clean slate which is a hell of alot better than going back to your ex

 

Hello, Disillusionment.

 

First I would like to say thank you for posting and thank you for your kind words. Secondly, I am very sorry for your break-up but glad you are able to maintain a great resolve and also know your worth. Unfortunately all of us did not go through the same relationships, the same length of relationship and the same end to the relationship but we do have one thing in common and that is our relationship ended.

 

I am not at all thinking of finding another person right now -- my mindset is elsewhere and to be quite honest I don't care if I never find another again. What I can say, though, is that I am glad I loved my ex-girlfriend because what I felt for her was real love and even if it means never finding that again, I will be glad to know I made a memory from it and felt it at least once in my life. I know I deserve to have someone love me back and want me the way I want her, but unfortunately it doesn't work out that way for everyone and I am perfectly okay with that!

 

My mindset right now is to focus on being alone, helping myself get into a better place in my life and becoming a better person. I want to heal and live my life. That is all I care about right now. What you said to me about how you maintain NC because someone discarded you and sold you a dream -- that will stay with me because of how true it is with regards to almost everyone on this website. They all say, "I love you", "I want to be with you forever", "I want to marry you" etc and they sell us this but then are so eager to discard us. Those words will absolutely stay with me. Thank you for that.

 

Which day of NC are you on? Also, you mentioned your ex has been texting you, what is he saying? Do you still love him?

[Apparition]

Day 10 and just struggling so much. I know ... Im a brokem record ... Spinning the same yarns of misery over and over again ...

 

But it's just pure pain ... Still ... And all I can think about is her. The only person who I feel can get me through this is her. Yet I know it's over. Why can't my head compute all this? Why can't I drag myself up. Why can't I say enough is enough ... Start again, move forward. Everyone keeps telling me this ... But I just can't. If I could, I would. Im failing so much ... Day after day ... 24 hours of pain ...

 

I don't have any friends. I've been guilty of only ever wanting someone to love ... That's my devotion ... So never really made friends. Im that sad. And even now, all the recommendations ... I don't want to do ... I want someone to hold me, to reassure me, to love me. I am so broken ...

 

There's no way out at the moment ... Every corner I try and turn is just blocked with more reminders, more pain. I have tried ... But my mind destroys me.

 

Help! Im so pathetic thar im tempted to break NC even though I know it would be the biggest and most fruitless gesture ever!!!

 

 

Jase, your post put a lump in my throat when I was reading it, mainly due to the follwing:

 

"I've been guilty of only ever wanting someone to love ... That's my devotion ... So never really made friends. Im that sad. And even now, all the recommendations ... I don't want to do ... I want someone to hold me, to reassure me, to love me. I am so broken ...

 

There's no way out at the moment ... Every corner I try and turn is just blocked with more reminders, more pain. I have tried ... But my mind destroys me. "

 

Reason being is because since I was a child I wanted "love" as well. Your post reminded me of the NEED and the WANT I was craving for. I grew up in an abusive home, my Mother would be beaten almost everyday and I would watch her lay in her own blood. My Mother became mentally ill and started abusing me, too. So I never had "love" as a child, I certainly never felt it from anyone and so when I grew up all I ever wanted was to feel that. When I finally found my recent ex-girlfriend I felt I could trust her and believed everything she told me, I finally felt loved. I had ex-girlfriends but they were nothing compared to this one because one cheated on me, the other would lie about silly things and the rest weren't perfectly matched with me like my recent girlfriend. I love/loved her so dearly and never wanted to let go.

 

That craving I had finally left me when I met her and a new craving started to take over. I wanted HER love, HER affection, HER purity, HER body, I wanted her. The reason I am not breaking NC is because I truly love her -- and If I love her I will respect her wishes and let her go which is what I am doing. I am grateful for the short time she did love me and want me because she is the one who let me feel that for the first time in my life. And like you, Jase, that little boy I was who wanted to be loved is still in me and I feel what you do deep down, I feel broken, I feel unlovable, lonely, abandoned, and everything else you probably feel. And yes, sometimes you just want reassured, hugged, told everything is going to be okay because you're human.

 

You have friends here, Jase. People who are going through what you are and who feel the way you do, people who are suffering and struggling daily. We all come on here to support each other and try to help in whatever way we can. You're not pathetic, man, you're HUMAN. Just stay posting on here and don't dare break NC or you'll have to go through all this pain again. Be wise, dude and don't let the emotions get the better of you -- don't let them cloud your judgement.

 

Feel free to inbox me.

[lonewalker]

realise the one u love is not the person u really know.

 

the truth is.. u love someone in a past but the person is not the same one that u loved. it helps.

 

 

it takes a lot of will power.. but u just have to endure it. stay no contact

[Dis]

Hello, Disillusionment.

 

First I would like to say thank you for posting and thank you for your kind words. Secondly, I am very sorry for your break-up but glad you are able to maintain a great resolve and also know your worth. Unfortunately all of us did not go through the same relationships, the same length of relationship and the same end to the relationship but we do have one thing in common and that is our relationship ended.

 

I am not at all thinking of finding another person right now -- my mindset is elsewhere and to be quite honest I don't care if I never find another again. What I can say, though, is that I am glad I loved my ex-girlfriend because what I felt for her was real love and even if it means never finding that again, I will be glad to know I made a memory from it and felt it at least once in my life. I know I deserve to have someone love me back and want me the way I want her, but unfortunately it doesn't work out that way for everyone and I am perfectly okay with that!

 

My mindset right now is to focus on being alone, helping myself get into a better place in my life and becoming a better person. I want to heal and live my life. That is all I care about right now. What you said to me about how you maintain NC because someone discarded you and sold you a dream -- that will stay with me because of how true it is with regards to almost everyone on this website. They all say, "I love you", "I want to be with you forever", "I want to marry you" etc and they sell us this but then are so eager to discard us. Those words will absolutely stay with me. Thank you for that.

 

Which day of NC are you on? Also, you mentioned your ex has been texting you, what is he saying? Do you still love him?

 

I think your mind is in the right place. Youre doing the right thing...focusing on you....and for many people thats a very hard thing to do. You are being brave by allowing yourself to be alone to heal. I think we can only feel so much emotion at one time...in your case your intense emotions about your ex prevent you from getting into another relationship...this is a healthy thing. Your mind is protecting you and at the same time allowing you time to heal. Although your doing the right thing by not jumping into another relationship its also important to have hope for the future. Hope that you will love again and be loved again. For now though, keep doing what your doing. Letting go is such a painful process. Just take things a day at a time.

 

I'm on day 9 (just had to count and I havent spoken to him since I said "bye" when he broke up with me over the phone). Hes been texting me, "I didnt expect you to ignore me, not sure what your trying to prove." "I still like you and want to be friends." "Please talk to me." "Please just say anything."

He's playing games, very manipulative, its as if he has no emotion and what we had was a game to him. I think hes very very troubled. Do I still love him? Well...I realized I never loved him....it was infactuation. He never loved me either. He is a sick man, devoid of emotion. I fell under his spell. I'm lucky its over. Now I'm focusing on me. I started going to the gym (I highly recommend exercise). Its just a process that feels like waking up from a vivid dream. I'm also surprised how many people on these forums have had a similar experience. Its scary... the games people play.

[Apparition]

I think your mind is in the right place. Youre doing the right thing...focusing on you....and for many people thats a very hard thing to do. You are being brave by allowing yourself to be alone to heal. I think we can only feel so much emotion at one time...in your case your intense emotions about your ex prevent you from getting into another relationship...this is a healthy thing. Your mind is protecting you and at the same time allowing you time to heal. Although your doing the right thing by not jumping into another relationship its also important to have hope for the future. Hope that you will love again and be loved again. For now though, keep doing what your doing. Letting go is such a painful process. Just take things a day at a time.

 

I'm on day 9 (just had to count and I havent spoken to him since I said "bye" when he broke up with me over the phone). Hes been texting me, "I didnt expect you to ignore me, not sure what your trying to prove." "I still like you and want to be friends." "Please talk to me." "Please just say anything."

He's playing games, very manipulative, its as if he has no emotion and what we had was a game to him. I think hes very very troubled. Do I still love him? Well...I realized I never loved him....it was infactuation. He never loved me either. He is a sick man, devoid of emotion. I fell under his spell. I'm lucky its over. Now I'm focusing on me. I started going to the gym (I highly recommend exercise). Its just a process that feels like waking up from a vivid dream. I'm also surprised how many people on these forums have had a similar experience. Its scary... the games people play.

 

 

Thanks for your reply. I think you are also lucky it was only six weeks and I notice you said it felt like longer but that is most likely because that is a honeymoon phase timeline. If you were with him months, years, it would have probably turned out differently, such as you having more of a difficult time letting go and falling for his manipulative BS. So I am glad your relationship was only short-lived because you got out before you wasted anymore time on him. I haven't read your thread yet on what happened but by your own words here it seems like he has hurt you a great deal. I'll go and read your thread after I post this.

 

I understand what you are saying about being optimistic about the future and I am sure people will read what I wrote and think I'm not going to give a chance to someone in the future if they come into my life all because of my ex but that is not what I am saying. Honestly, I don't know what will happen in the future but I am certainly not going to get involved in a relationship when I still have feelings for my ex-girlfriend. Whether it takes me a year, two years or five. It's not fair on the person who wants to be with me and it's not even fair on myself because I am not allowing myself to heal properly. It would be so toxic to do that.

 

How did you spend your day, D?

[Dis]

Day 10 and it's painful. At the same time getting into the double digits really feels like a milestone. I want to share with you a tool that has helped me. You can find it here: https://chains.cc Basically it's a website/app that helps you keep track of what you have achieved daily. I've created a chain for NC and seeing it grow day after day helps me to not want to break it. I have also created other chains for small habits to remind myself of keeping healthy and doing things (e.g. having healthy meals, exercising and reading). Adding one more link each day helps me to see that I've been accomplishing things without her... Yes, they are small things, but we have to start somewhere, I guess

 

So Jasejasejase, I agree with Apparition... it's important that you get up and do something when you feel ready. Even if it's just a walk around the block. Start small and it will eventually get easier.

 

 

 

This sounds similar to my relationship... although it did go on for a couple of months. As soon as the intensity was starting to fade, she was gone. I'm guessing she's either to young for something more serious or she's addicted to the intensity of the first months... or she just didn't feel the same about me. It's crazy how fast we progressed in the relationship (I never had this happen before) and suddenly there is nothing left. But either way there's nothing I can do about this, so I'm trying to move on. I'm glad you're able to see your relationship for what it was and are not giving in. Keep it up!

 

Great mindset jsdifjf! I'm totally with you on making small healthy changes. I started going to the gym today and already I feel so much better. I'll check out that link. Don't under value the progress your making, you are in pain, any positive change you make is something to be proud of!

 

I guess we share some common ground with our previous relationships...isnt it crazy how intense it was???...then..poof its gone! Its like waking up from a vivid dream. I'm not sure how many people play games like this or why but I have my ex figured out...hes a sick guy...maybe bpd or narcissistic personality disorder. It all makes sense now. I've also never had this happen to me before either. How young was your ex? Do you think she loved you or was she in love with the concept of who she thought you were? Do you still love her? I ask because because it seems many people are in love with the fantasy, not the reality.

[Dis]

Thanks for your reply. I think you are also lucky it was only six weeks and I notice you said it felt like longer but that is most likely because that is a honeymoon phase timeline. If you were with him months, years, it would have probably turned out differently, such as you having more of a difficult time letting go and falling for his manipulative BS. So I am glad your relationship was only short-lived because you got out before you wasted anymore time on him. I haven't read your thread yet on what happened but by your own words here it seems like he has hurt you a great deal. I'll go and read your thread after I post this.

 

I understand what you are saying about being optimistic about the future and I am sure people will read what I wrote and think I'm not going to give a chance to someone in the future if they come into my life all because of my ex but that is not what I am saying. Honestly, I don't know what will happen in the future but I am certainly not going to get involved in a relationship when I still have feelings for my ex-girlfriend. Whether it takes me a year, two years or five. It's not fair on the person who wants to be with me and it's not even fair on myself because I am not allowing myself to heal properly. It would be so toxic to do that.

 

How did you spend your day, D?

 

Your def right, I am lucky. However I will say back in August I ended a 2 and a half year relationship and I had no problem cutting him out of my life. When I get burned I run and dont look back. Same with this last one. You'll understand when you read my thread. He's a sick person. I'm so glad that your not shutting out any future chances for love. And I also think your very strong. Many people will jump right into another relationship despite their lingering love for their ex. So glad your going to give yourself as much time as u need to heal. Life isnt a race. Your doing all the right things, and its sounds like your thinking logically despite the pain your feeling. We cant fully heal from a breakup without giving ourselves time. You'll come out of this stronger and a better version of yourself

[Dis]

Day 10 and just struggling so much. I know ... Im a brokem record ... Spinning the same yarns of misery over and over again ...

 

But it's just pure pain ... Still ... And all I can think about is her. The only person who I feel can get me through this is her. Yet I know it's over. Why can't my head compute all this? Why can't I drag myself up. Why can't I say enough is enough ... Start again, move forward. Everyone keeps telling me this ... But I just can't. If I could, I would. Im failing so much ... Day after day ... 24 hours of pain ...

 

I don't have any friends. I've been guilty of only ever wanting someone to love ... That's my devotion ... So never really made friends. Im that sad. And even now, all the recommendations ... I don't want to do ... I want someone to hold me, to reassure me, to love me. I am so broken ...

 

There's no way out at the moment ... Every corner I try and turn is just blocked with more reminders, more pain. I have tried ... But my mind destroys me.

 

Help! Im so pathetic thar im tempted to break NC even though I know it would be the biggest and most fruitless gesture ever!!!

 

Jasejasejase, oh honey I'm so sorry your in so much pain. Sometimes all we can do is sit with that pain and feel it. Its only day 10 for you so this is all very fresh and so very real. Keep posting, keep letting us know how your doing. If you break NC you'll end up back at square one so please post when you feel like contacting her. I know you may not believe this now but the pain will lessen and you WILL get back on your feet. When you feel like your ready think about making some small changes, exercise (I just started and it works wonders), reach out to family. Oh! Have you tried writing about this?? Maybe it would be a good idea to start a journal. Get your feelings on paper. I promise you'll be ok, be kind to yourself. We're here to support you

[kztar]

Hey everyone.

 

How is everyone doing ? How are we coping tonight?.

I am here in my bed feeling a tad bit better than earlier. Im actually working on another thread describing all the red flags and for how long they've were around in my relationship. Honestly, I wish i would of known of this site sooner im sure people could of given me advice but im here now. Anyways, since the breakup I've clearly been a HOT MESS and have been on zombie mode even at work. Today I picked out an outfit for tomorrow and Im going to get back on track with just the little things that make a HUGE difference. I did spend about an hour crying and crying but I feel better. NC is slowly helping and getting better. Apparition how is going today ?

[kztar]

Day 10 and it's painful. At the same time getting into the double digits really feels like a milestone. I want to share with you a tool that has helped me. You can find it here: https://chains.cc Basically it's a website/app that helps you keep track of what you have achieved daily. I've created a chain for NC and seeing it grow day after day helps me to not want to break it. I have also created other chains for small habits to remind myself of keeping healthy and doing things (e.g. having healthy meals, exercising and reading). Adding one more link each day helps me to see that I've been accomplishing things without her... Yes, they are small things, but we have to start somewhere, I guess

 

So Jasejasejase, I agree with Apparition... it's important that you get up and do something when you feel ready. Even if it's just a walk around the block. Start small and it will eventually get easier.

 

 

 

This sounds similar to my relationship... although it did go on for a couple of months. As soon as the intensity was starting to fade, she was gone. I'm guessing she's either to young for something more serious or she's addicted to the intensity of the first months... or she just didn't feel the same about me. It's crazy how fast we progressed in the relationship (I never had this happen before) and suddenly there is nothing left. But either way there's nothing I can do about this, so I'm trying to move on. I'm glad you're able to see your relationship for what it was and are not giving in. Keep it up!

 

Im going to try this. It's baby steps here. Literally. I never thought that as an adult I would be taking baby steps into anything but that is life. Im going to use this website. Even if it means achieving having a full meal, its something and the best part about it, is that you can see your progress. This will also help us continue NC and make us stronger. Thank you jsdifjf hope you are doing well today.

 

Keep achieving.

[Jasejasejase]

Hi all. Thank you for you kind words. Apparition ... Really sorry to hear about your story and I applsud your bravery for telling it. Sounds hard. Did make me feel bad as my own story is not anywhere near so serious ... My childhood was find ... Parents certainly loved me and my brother but never showed it openly. Never said 'I love you', no kisses or cuddles ... And my brother ended up perfectly fine ... It was just me, something was missing, something I needed. I've got no real explanation for why I am what I am really.

 

Honestly ... Im just not getting better. It's thursday and im still in bed. My phone is silent and never beeps. I see a slight improvmrnt by the time im exhausted at night and once sheep takes over and i wake it's back to square one. Everything resets. I don't know what it is .. That keep Me in bed. Actually I do ... It's that the world I have to face is a world i don't want to be in. All I want is love, all I want is that support, and its so hard for me to find it. I've always found it so hard to find it ... Im not like other guys, with the basic confidence. There is nothing out there right now that I am enjoying. So I can't lift myself. If I could sleep all day I would. All your advice is so good ... And so wise ... But nothing resonates. Everyone keeps telling me I need to be the one to get myself through this ... But the loneliness on the other side is crippling. And that's thr key ... All I want is love ... And without it I will always be lonely, lost and broken. I know it's pathetic ... I just can't help it

[Jasejasejase]

Dragged myself out of bed tho. Someone I know who had a breakdown has recommended going to see someone, some self help guru, who she swears down blind really helped her. Got an appointment in an hour ... Still haven't showered ... It's just so hard to get going.

 

I think this is 34 years of issues coming to a very painful head. Thank you all for talking to me. Please keep talking. Like I said I don't really have any friends. Just wish I could lift myself, I wish I could let go of her, but the truth is im very alone ... And have to go through all this alone. Makes it so much harder x

[privategal]

I think it would help to rearrange your house. Move the furniture and get new bedsheets and blanket and rearrange your room...reclaim your space!

Did she hate the color blue? Paint everything blue then haha!

My xfriend hated tatoos so I got many.

It was a way of saying I am my own person now.

Get a dog or cat or join some sort of club to meet new people...heck, even church...

Your greif is normal.

It feels the abyss wont end but it DOES.

Not until you greive it though which you are!! You are doing good!

Make your house look different though!

Thats a fresh start in your immediate control that feels GOOD!

[jsdifjf]

Great mindset jsdifjf! I'm totally with you on making small healthy changes. I started going to the gym today and already I feel so much better. I'll check out that link. Don't under value the progress your making, you are in pain, any positive change you make is something to be proud of!

 

I guess we share some common ground with our previous relationships...isnt it crazy how intense it was???...then..poof its gone! Its like waking up from a vivid dream. I'm not sure how many people play games like this or why but I have my ex figured out...hes a sick guy...maybe bpd or narcissistic personality disorder. It all makes sense now. I've also never had this happen to me before either. How young was your ex? Do you think she loved you or was she in love with the concept of who she thought you were? Do you still love her? I ask because because it seems many people are in love with the fantasy, not the reality.

 

The gym is definitely helping me a lot too. I stopped going after the break-up... but once I forced myself back in there I felt immediately better. Any type of exercise is fine really, as long as you do something. I'm trying not to underestimate it, but I used to be this very active person, you know? But you're right. We're healing and it's normal that certain things don't come as easily. So we should be proud of everything we accomplish

 

Yes, totally crazy! We immediately went to exclusivity. A few weeks in and she was already telling me how different I was from all the other girls she dated, that she never felt such a connection before, that I made her feel things she'd never experienced, that for the first time she could envision a future together, that she wanted to experience everything with me. She's 22, I'm 26. None of her relationships lasted very long, plus she usually doesn't stay single for more than a few weeks. I knew about all this before, but I believed her when she said it was different with me. In fact we had been friends for 3 years before this all started and we both felt this "something" since the day we met. This is also the reason why it's so hard for me to accept and to let go. Even when she broke up with me, she told me that for the first time she felt it might be a mistake, because she has feelings for me and isn't sure at all about her decision. She told me she thought we could get past this point, because I'm everything she could want from a woman. So I don't think she only loved the fantasy... I think she either loved the idea of being in love, or she just isn't able to go any further than the "butterfly stage". As for me... I love the person she was when we were together. But if there can never be a future, then her true self is not the person I love. And I have to accept that. I'm sorry about the long reply! It just feels good to know that there're people out there who understand. Most of my friends are in happy relationships and they don't really get the pain I'm going through. I've read your thread as well to get a better understanding of your story and I have to agree that your ex seems totally crazy! It's good that you found out about it so soon and now you can focus all your energy on healing from this experience. 6 weeks can feel like so much more, so don't worry about taking the time that you need.

[jsdifjf]

Im going to try this. It's baby steps here. Literally. I never thought that as an adult I would be taking baby steps into anything but that is life. Im going to use this website. Even if it means achieving having a full meal, its something and the best part about it, is that you can see your progress. This will also help us continue NC and make us stronger. Thank you jsdifjf hope you are doing well today.

 

Keep achieving.

 

Thank you, kztar. I was able to sleep a whole night through without waking up and missing her, so today I feel kind of "refreshed" How are you doing today? (I suspect we're in a different time zone though). Yes, try it. Once you see your chains growing, you really don't want them to break, so it's a great help to make sure you keep taking these "baby steps"... And hopefully soon it'll be bigger steps for all of us!

Edited March 3, 2016 by jsdifjf

[jsdifjf]

I understand what you are saying about being optimistic about the future and I am sure people will read what I wrote and think I'm not going to give a chance to someone in the future if they come into my life all because of my ex but that is not what I am saying. Honestly, I don't know what will happen in the future but I am certainly not going to get involved in a relationship when I still have feelings for my ex-girlfriend. Whether it takes me a year, two years or five. It's not fair on the person who wants to be with me and it's not even fair on myself because I am not allowing myself to heal properly. It would be so toxic to do that.

 

I feel the same way right now. I don't feel like I'm in the right place to give love another chance. I've been through a few strange relationships in the last couple of years and this was the first time when I was sure it could work, so it's so much more difficult this time around. I'm not excluding the possibility of finding love, but it's important to heal first. I want to improve myself as a person and I'm considering a therapist to help me in this process. There is a lot in the past that I need to let go of (not only related to relationships). Focusing on yourself seems to be a good plan. And once you're ready, you will know.

[jsdifjf]

Dragged myself out of bed tho. Someone I know who had a breakdown has recommended going to see someone, some self help guru, who she swears down blind really helped her. Got an appointment in an hour ... Still haven't showered ... It's just so hard to get going.

 

I think this is 34 years of issues coming to a very painful head. Thank you all for talking to me. Please keep talking. Like I said I don't really have any friends. Just wish I could lift myself, I wish I could let go of her, but the truth is im very alone ... And have to go through all this alone. Makes it so much harder x

 

That's a good start! Let us know how it went!

[Jasejasejase]

Im just going to write. Sorry if it all flows a bit manic

 

Saw the lady this afternoon. She was lovely, very positive, even offered to vastly lower her rates so I can afford IT. But something has just hit me as I left, I can't explain it. I've just broken down. This split, this depression, is just getting the better of me. I can't stop crying, writhing here in real pain. I am just so alone ... So very alone. All of your support is invaluable ... I cherish it ... But so alone here and now. I just want simeone to help ME ... I've even begged God, just someone to hold my hand and guide ME out of this abyss. I am just so alone. I wish I couuld go out and lean on friends, be depressed but distracted, but I have none. All I've ever wanted is love ... I don't know how to live any other way. Every insecurity, ever last doubt in my self esteem ... They haunt me. I can't see a future, I really can't, because my life outside of a relationship is not what I want ... I've never been happy that Way. I know you'll all think of ME as pathetic ... But it's just something I've needed in life.

 

Im led here ... Again ... Broken, haunted, alone. I reach out .. I do, I have been, but no other hands find mine. No one holds my hand. No one tells me Itll

All be ok. Im not sure I can even have my little girls this weekend (not from the last split) ... Parents have just told me off, saying im being selfish for letting people see me like this. Abyss abyss abyss

[Jasejasejase]

I am so sorry for wallowing in my own pain too. I know you all have you're own things going on. Im very selfish

[TheScientist]

Hey guys

 

Hope NC is going well for you all, and hopefully some distance and time is helping you work through all that went wrong and your hope for the future.

 

I'm feeling particularly low today, I'm attempting to stay focused and positive, but I keep remembering the weight of what is being lost and it makes me sad. There can't be only one of us wanting this, or at least want to give it a shot, so I must let go, but I feel like a huge chunk of my heart is being pulled out, he is dear to me, but he is making me ill.

 

X