No contact -- how to keep that up?

[kztar]

keiji I feel your pain. One day at a time.

 

How is everyone else is feeling?. Im having a down night. I keep thinking why did this happen to me ?:/

[jsdifjf]

Hey keiji,

 

thank you for telling us your story. It seems you have been through a lot, especially because you were in two long-term relationships before things got started with this girl. Maybe taking some time to heal would be good for you at this point. This last relationship also seemed to have its share of chaos. If she broke up with you out of revenge, then do your best to stay NC. If someone hurts you in the past, you should only give this person another chance if you believe it could work. You can't have a hidden agenda. It seems she wasn't able to do that and this is one of the reasons why you're hurting. Don't look for closure, she won't give it to you. You don't need it, in order to move on.

 

Kzar, I know how you feel. These last days I've been stuck at home with a flue. This makes it even worse, because there's no way I can escape the thoughts about her. It's been about a month since the break-up and here I am, still hoping she will contact me. I don't know how much longer I have to feel like this.

[keiji]

Hey keiji,

 

thank you for telling us your story. It seems you have been through a lot, especially because you were in two long-term relationships before things got started with this girl. Maybe taking some time to heal would be good for you at this point. This last relationship also seemed to have its share of chaos. If she broke up with you out of revenge, then do your best to stay NC. If someone hurts you in the past, you should only give this person another chance if you believe it could work. You can't have a hidden agenda. It seems she wasn't able to do that and this is one of the reasons why you're hurting. Don't look for closure, she won't give it to you. You don't need it, in order to move on.

 

Thanks for your kind comments. The truth is I've been through a lot, indeed (I've omitted many things, like the financial problems that ensued after my divorce and that fortunately I've solved with a lot of hard work, etc, etc). NC is taking a lot of effort lately, but I'm pretty sure I won't give in. I suspect she's a very resentful person despite her overall goodness (she's not a monster or anything, that's for sure) and she stated very clearly she'd never forgive me for breaking up with her that night (?). That should be more than enough. She's also quite immature and selfish, so again, as soon as I manage to see with clear eyes and get her down her pedestal, this will be reduced to a distant memory and will provide an excellent lesson for me. And, as you say, now I'm taking time for healing, for music, books, movies, art and all the things I treasure, but specially for knowing myself and improving as a person. It's a long and bumpy road, but I'm sure I'll find a stronger, better version of myself at the end. And what the hell, SHE loses.

[Apparition]

Hi, everyone.

 

These past couple days I have been going out more, started back at the gym and I've been slowly but surely eating full meals again. A business opportunity came up that I had to grab because it was either now or never. I won't go into detail about that because it's not yet settled but if I get it I will be my own boss (something I've always wanted) and also have a far greater income than my previous job. The only downfall to this opportunity is the fact I will have to stay in my city/town which means no moving to another city. However, I still plan on moving to another house near my area.

 

As for my ex, well, she sent me an e-mail with several paragraphs the other day. She apologized, she found something out where I was telling the truth, she apologized for that, too. She sounded sincere and genuine for once. However, I questioned whether or not I should reply. I read it twice, thought it through and decided not to reply. I decided that was not enough, words were not enough anymore. Yesterday morning I went to the gym, vented my frustrations out on a punching bag and weight lifting and later on when I was leaving the gym I saw her. She was jogging towards me and I was just about to put my gym bag into the trunk of my car before I heard a voice say my name from behind me, it was her, of course. She asked me if I got her e-mail and she wanted to see how I was doing, I told her I got her e-mail but words aren't enough anymore. She asked me if we could get coffee and I declined, "just want to talk", she said. I asked her what's more to be said? When I went to get in my car, she started crying. "Look, I know I've been a real b*tch and hurt you, but I'm hurting too. I don't want to leave things like this, please". I told her to get help if she wants to speak to me again because both of us are not healthy right now and I don't want to be hurt anymore and I don't want to hurt her, either or vice versa. She just said, "okay" and then I left.

 

This morning I woke up to a text telling me she has an appointment with her Doctor and also a therapist. I told her that is good but I am not a good candidate to talk to her right now as I have my own problems going on, too, and I need to fix me as well. So I told her to focus on herself and I'll do the same and at the end of it we can talk when we're in a healthy place.

 

I feel bad for turning away someone I love but I know it's for the best. I'm trying to get myself together and trying to pick up the broken pieces in my life that SHE caused. I may have caused some of those broken pieces, too, but the reason I am even in this mess trying to rebuild my life is because she decided to be nasty towards me and leave me. She needs help and I do, too. We both can't be in each others lives while we're unhealthy. I love her, of course I do, but that love seems to be a one-way street. I wasn't going to even write this up on LS because I wanted to see how things went but this is my personal online diary to see how far I get and how much I overcome right now so I decided just to post it. Don't criticize me too much because I found it more than difficult to do something simple like not reply to her e-mail. I think I handled it very logically and well but others will probably say different.

 

Hope you're all well.

[kztar]

Apparition you did GREAT. I understand that she is human but at the end of the day she can't take away. Looks like it's hard to maintain NC but you're doing a good job being logical rather than thinking with your heart like we do at the beginning. Logic should be used at all times when it comes to these situations but of course that's almost never the case. Good luck and keep updating us.

 

Im trying to move forward but the thoughts are still consuming me. This is so hard. It's been a month since NC and I do feel better but I still have a long road ahead of me.

[kztar]

Hey keiji,

 

thank you for telling us your story. It seems you have been through a lot, especially because you were in two long-term relationships before things got started with this girl. Maybe taking some time to heal would be good for you at this point. This last relationship also seemed to have its share of chaos. If she broke up with you out of revenge, then do your best to stay NC. If someone hurts you in the past, you should only give this person another chance if you believe it could work. You can't have a hidden agenda. It seems she wasn't able to do that and this is one of the reasons why you're hurting. Don't look for closure, she won't give it to you. You don't need it, in order to move on.

 

Kzar, I know how you feel. These last days I've been stuck at home with a flue. This makes it even worse, because there's no way I can escape the thoughts about her. It's been about a month since the break-up and here I am, still hoping she will contact me. I don't know how much longer I have to feel like this.

 

Her contacting you will do you no good, I wish the same but unfortunately that's probably never happening again. Stay strong and keep posting here. I can't tell you how much longer until you feel better because clearly we are on the same boat so I can just hope for the same.

[BC1980]

Well, I think you did the right thing. You were strong. I know it's hard to see your ex face to face. You sort of loose all words, and what you were planning goes out the door. I commend you for holding strong.

[kztar]

So I started online dating. I don't think it's such a good idea but I want to forget about my EX NOW.

[BC1980]

So I started online dating. I don't think it's such a good idea but I want to forget about my EX NOW.

 

I tried the same thing right after my breakup. It was a bad idea, and it didn't make me forget about my ex. It made me think of him more. It just made me more sad.

[jsdifjf]

keiji, focusing on these things is a great idea. It's important not to lose the joy in the things you've always enjoyed. I was really struggling with that in the first two weeks, but then I started to pick up my interests again, which helped a lot. The same goes for friends, they can help you gain perspective and take your mind off your ex. I'm sure she's not a monster, but no one is perfect and it seems she had a big role in the failure of this relationship. But try not to overthink things. I tend to do that and it doesn't really get anywhere.

 

kzar, you're right, probably it wouldn't do me any good if she did say something. Rationally I totally get that. I just hope I could stop wishing she would. I don't know how to stop that and this week at home has been driving me crazy. I had already become a fairly active person, but now it sorta feels like week one again. Is it normal to have that many obsessive thoughts? I've kinda tried online dating too. But as soon as someone wanted to meet up, I backed off. I couldn't do it. I don't feel ready at all. If you do, go for it. But if you're only doing it to forget your ex, it might bring trouble.

 

Apparition, I admire your strength. Not many would react in such a rational way. Keep on healing!

[keiji]

keiji, focusing on these things is a great idea. It's important not to lose the joy in the things you've always enjoyed. I was really struggling with that in the first two weeks, but then I started to pick up my interests again, which helped a lot. The same goes for friends, they can help you gain perspective and take your mind off your ex. I'm sure she's not a monster, but no one is perfect and it seems she had a big role in the failure of this relationship. But try not to overthink things. I tend to do that and it doesn't really get anywhere.

 

Yeah, the degree in which I can enjoy my personal interests is a very clear unit of measure for me. If I'm down, I can't even play a record or read a good book. It's not the case, which means I'm on the right track.

 

Doing much better today. I guess more relapses are in store, so I'll enjoy the good moments to the fullest without fear of maybe feeling sad on Tuesday.

 

Hugs to you all.

[Apparition]

Feeling VERRRRY angry.

 

After I wrote out everything on here I decided to go to the gym and when I got out of gym and came back home I sat and thought about everything, every thing I thought of made me SO angry. All the little rude things she said and did, the way she treated me, the way she spoke to me, the way she just up and left, the way she left it for DAYS not feeling guilty and being able to go a full day without speaking to me, where as I was a complete mess. The way she treated me compared to ALL of her other friends and the way she turned on me so easily.

 

I'm so f*cking p*ssed off with all of it. I've been having silly thoughts like maybe she just apologized now because of something else, because she's bored or something. I don't know. I'm p*ssed off that when I reached out, she bit my hand off but when SHE reaches out I'm polite and kind. I resent her behavior. She ruined some of my friendships with people because of the way she made me look to them. I don't even care about the friendship thing but I care about how she would've rather been against me than standing with me against everything/everyone else. It angers me. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and someone pushing you rather than reaching out to help you and bring you in. Who the f*ck does this to someone they spent five years with?

 

I wish I didn't love her, I really do, because loving her for these past few months has hurt me deeply.

[BC1980]

Feeling VERRRRY angry.

 

After I wrote out everything on here I decided to go to the gym and when I got out of gym and came back home I sat and thought about everything, every thing I thought of made me SO angry. All the little rude things she said and did, the way she treated me, the way she spoke to me, the way she just up and left, the way she left it for DAYS not feeling guilty and being able to go a full day without speaking to me, where as I was a complete mess. The way she treated me compared to ALL of her other friends and the way she turned on me so easily.

 

I'm so f*cking p*ssed off with all of it. I've been having silly thoughts like maybe she just apologized now because of something else, because she's bored or something. I don't know. I'm p*ssed off that when I reached out, she bit my hand off but when SHE reaches out I'm polite and kind. I resent her behavior. She ruined some of my friendships with people because of the way she made me look to them. I don't even care about the friendship thing but I care about how she would've rather been against me than standing with me against everything/everyone else. It angers me. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff and someone pushing you rather than reaching out to help you and bring you in. Who the f*ck does this to someone they spent five years with?

 

I wish I didn't love her, I really do, because loving her for these past few months has hurt me deeply.

 

Ah, yes, anger. Sounds about right. It will stay around for awhile. There's usually a heck of a lot to be angry about after a LTR ends. Just keep writing about it, and get it all out. I wrote a scathing letter to my ex that I never send. It made me feel better.

[seperatedlonely]

I wish i could answer that. I to fight with myself over it. This is only week three of no contact. I know she had surgery the other day. I want so bed to see if she is ok but will one text break the no contact rule. I know im strong enough to keep it to one message. I just feel like not even asking how it went. Is just hearless. It doesnt matter why she left. Im just not that way

[Apparition]

More angry today than yesterday.

 

 

I received a text from a mutual friend the other day about my ex's friend (the one who told me to go f*ck myself) and how she was going to "do something" to me for hurting my ex. ME hurting HER. Laughable.

 

Today I woke up and someone has spray painted my fence and punctured my tyres.

 

I would call the police but how can I prove it was her? It's just a whole lot of drama I don't even need right now.

[BC1980]

More angry today than yesterday.

 

 

I received a text from a mutual friend the other day about my ex's friend (the one who told me to go f*ck myself) and how she was going to "do something" to me for hurting my ex. ME hurting HER. Laughable.

 

Today I woke up and someone has spray painted my fence and punctured my tyres.

 

I would call the police but how can I prove it was her? It's just a whole lot of drama I don't even need right now.

 

I would call the police just to have a record of it. Seriously.

[Apparition]

BC1980, someone said that to me too.

 

I am thinking of doing it because I am not going to let her or anyone else do this to me.

[Carcar]

Hi all,

 

I feel silly posting here because all of your relationships seem MUCH more serious than mine but this thread was really helpful to me. I'm no contact 18 days and GOING STRONG...BUT I will say it hurts so much.

 

We were only together for 4.5 months or so, but the break-up came out of the blue. I thought things were really good, going in the right direction, we were happy. He seemed infatuated with me at first and I did not see this coming. The break-up was amicable but I felt like it was one punch in the stomach after the next ("I like you, but I cant see myself falling in love with you"; "I can see you falling in love with me though"; "I think a part of me was always on the fence"; "I just decided this two days ago when you got back from vacation and it seemed like one more stress on top of work to have to see you"). It sounds like he was a dick to me, but honestly it was a civilized break-up. He walked me home afterwards, we said goodbye, and it was done with. What hurts most is that it's over and done with and I'll probably never speak to him again.

 

Thank you for your stories.

[Apparition]

Carcar, welcome.

 

I'm pleased a lot of people like yourself have commented with your stories on my thread, I'm honored that everyone in this thread is pulling together and supporting each other. I'm also pleased you've maintained 18 days of NC. All of us have our own unique story about the break-up and relationship so it's good to hear of the different ones, although you're not really any different from us because we all have one thing in common, broken hearts.

 

I hope you continue to post.

[Rachel39]

I was angry with my sons dad when we split and I was with him 16 years he cheated and told everyone I was going insane.

 

 

It took me 4 years to get over it and the rage I had in me was unbelievable scary I'm not a violent person but I have never want to smash things up so much in my life

 

Needless to say I'm no longer angry, I'm over it and actually feel quiet sorry for him now ...

 

I'm also going through another breakup this one hurts so bad as I wanted to marry him

[Apparition]

How is everyone?

 

 

I'm not doing so well today and not in the mood to talk to anyone but thought I would force myself to come on here and try to get out how I'm feeling.

[keiji]

Two months of NC today, around five since breakup. I'm doing so much better. I have sad days, of course, and I still think of her many, many times a day (too many), but those thoughts are less and less painful. I think what remains it's mostly my ego wishing she contacted me so I could say "too little, too late. I'm not accepting breadcrumbs". That makes me a bit angry at myself. One of my biggest complaints about her is how vengefully she behaved during the breakup and now I'm (not so) secretly hoping for her to reach out so I can slam the door shut in her face. But that will pass too, and then I'll know I've healed for good.

Edited March 22, 2016 by keiji

[BatManuel]

Not great, but coping. Keep strong!

[kztar]

Welcome to everyone who is new here. I've been doing okay but I don't know. I think im starting to accept that this is it and I've been crying alot. Very depressed. Just want this stage of life to honestly just pass.

[Apparition]

Kztar, I am very sorry to hear that. : (

 

I, myself, am struggling a lot today. Reason being is because I am finding it difficult to fully let go, to fully accept that it is finally over, gone and there's no going back and I am trying desperately to accept she is no longer ever going to be in my life, I know that she is not healthy for me and I am not healthy for her but I am wondering why there is this little part of me that is still holding on and not letting go, I keep telling myself each day to let go, but it's like a little nest of hope.

 

I want to smash it.