Author Apparition Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 Quick update. I was talking about leaving my job in prior comments and I actually was skeptical about it today so decided to see how my work day went before saying anything -- it was terrible. I was under pressure, boss was giving me a hard time and I finally had enough. I went into her office and told her I was done, I am leaving and not coming back. On my way home I could slowly feel this feeling of relief bursting into my body -- I decided to go to the store to buy myself a couple of beers and chill out for the night. I invited three friends over, two of them is a mutual friend of my ex-girlfriend as well but they have been dear friends to me for the past two years. They are the only friends I would want to keep in contact with occasionally -- so I decided to invite them over to tell them I have quit my job and am going to move. I do not want anyone else to know and I am looking forward to getting out of this town. I knew if I did not leave my job today then I never would. So I'm proud of myself for taking that step. On another note I miss my ex-girlfriend very much -- more than I care to say. I'm just praying this move gives me a better chapter than my previous ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 So, I am having a little trouble with NC -- though I took some necessary steps to ensure I do not contact my ex-girlfriend. I asked a family member who knows a lot about computers to block some content on my laptop which will restrict me from checking up on my ex. I felt this was a necessary step for me and would recommend it to anyone trying to maintain NC. However, I am not sure about anyone else but I have this little voice in my head who argues with the logical side of me and it's doing my head in. How do/did you keep up with NC and how difficult was it for you? How do/did you keep up with NC -- By focusing on myself and the big picture . . . I would rather be happy than miserable especially about something/someone over which I have no control. There is freedom in knowing/understanding/embracing that. Acceptance is liberating. And, part of the big picture is this: If you keep breaking no contact, all you are doing is opening the wound again. Picking at the sore. If you pick at a sore, you are left with a scar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 Did anyone else get this? I'm getting this "sick" feeling now and the thoughts I am having of my ex are more intense. Every time I think about her this overwhelming feeling comes over me and I miss her -- my stomach feels empty and I start to feel sick. I can smell her perfume which is weird. Did any of you experience this? This one is new to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Oh man. I meant to post yesterday but I was trying to keep myself distracted. I tend to have ONE okay day where I seem to be alright and then I have ANOTHER BAD DAY. I totally agree with you, This feeling is killing me , im telling you for me its trying to get to survive ANOTHER day. One of my friends recommended therapy but Im not sure I want to do that. I've been through breakups before yet this has had to be the WORST of them all. Maybe because Im older and Im actually seeking to have a future with someone and I thought that was going to be my EX. I feel the same way. I don't know how to deal with all of these emotions I just dont want to feel like this anymore. People keep telling me YOU control your own feelings but clearly this is NOT true in this case because I am not able to get myself together. Anyways how is your day going any progress in general ? Ill keep praying for us every day and night to reach some light hopefully soon enough :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 I'm very sorry you are struggling, kztar. I agree with you -- this is a time we are not in control of our emotions but we are in control of how we react to them and how we deal with them. I am not making any progress yet, at least I do not feel like I am. I'm missing my ex-girlfriend terribly and constantly thinking of her -- even when I am doing things that are distracting she is there in the back of my mind waiting to come forward. It sucks to say the least. kztar, how are you coping? I am glad you have your friends around you to support you and I know sometimes they can be annoying or say the wrong thing but they just have the best intentions for you. I, myself, have currently isolated myself away from friends, especially mutual friends I share with my ex-girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Im alright, I ate today a full meal so I guess thats good considering the fact that I have not been eating properly since the breakup. I am going out with a guy friend who I have a crush on, to a bar to have some drinks. Lately NOTHING interest me, so I hope to see this guy and at least still think he's cute LOL. Im trying to keep my mind off things, but I know I will come to the same hole. The weekends are actually the worst because this is when I use to spend time with him. Hopefully, things become better with this NC. I broke it last week, TERRIBLE. But I won't contact him again as he blocked me. How are you today ? How is it going ? Hopefully not as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Wish I could say the same, kztar. How did you break NC last week? What did you say and how did he react? Unfortunately I have zero interest in romance right now and I feel my ex-girlfriend has truly captured my heart and took it with her when she left. So, no crushes for me. I am glad you are going out and were able to eat a full meal. At least you are making progress. Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Man hang in there you are not alone. Keep writing to me and venting. We are going through all of this and im sure that once we see the light ONE day it will be brighter than before. As far as breaking contact, I texted him and I said "Tell me once and for all that this is totally over, please kill my fake hopes of EVER dating you again" He did not respond but proceeded to blocking me. I know because he and I are both iphone users. Instead of an imessage it turned to green, then I called to confirm that he had blocked me and his phone rang once and went to voicemail. He never responded. I just got back from my outing tonight and I had fun for a little bit. Had drinks with this dude and we spoke for a while. Then I met up with my friend to go play pool and it was all good until she showed me her SNAPCHAT where I saw my EX all over snap. So a great night into misery. Anyways, we did not open the actual snap but I was able to see that he was hanging out with girls. My heart, and my gut have been telling me that he def has GIGS. As soon as we broke up he went ALL over social media including creating a new instagram, a new facebook, and all of a sudden snapping on weekends. Well this is quite surprising to me considering the fact that when we were together we had BORING weekends because he never wanted to do anything. I suggested many things but nothing seem to interest him and yes the relationship was boring. After a while I just gave up on trying to do anything because the answer was always a NO. When it was a yes it was much more torture than not doing anything because he always had a face and was miserable doing anything I suggested. Im also pretty sure he became interested in someone else maybe maybe not for a relationship because clearly he was over that with me but for something more fun and less committed. However, this has shown to me that in reality he was bored and he just couldn't work towards doing things with me. Mind you i am not a boring person at all, I live in NYC my life has always been filled with PLENTY to do 7 days a week. Im outgoing, very social and I know a large number of people. In other words, im not the boring girlfriend because l always find things to do. After today, the last bit of hope that I had of ever getting back with him is DEAD. I want to hear nothing from him ever again. I think that this whole time he was feeding me lies and lies telling me that there's no one else, bla bla bla and I don't buy that. He can go somewhere else with that. I did tell my friend to not show me or talk to me about anything that he is doing because Im no longer interested at all. For all I care he could be jumping off a bridge and that is not my problem. I have the satisfaction of knowing that the love i provided him was true and pure unlike the "love" he ever once had for me, that was not real at all. I hope he enjoys GIGS because eventually, these things backfire people when they least expect it. Happens to everyone. I know that he is never coming back because of how he reffered to previous relationships. He is young and he has alot to learn. Im pretty sure he will actually go through one of these one day. Too bad i wont be around to witness it. I know im still going to be going through this process but atlest seeing that today assures me that he never really cared about me and that like always he was worried about himself. It's also the push that I needed to get rid of this stupid little piece of hope I once had.Ironically you are a boring person but then you turn into Mr.fun when im no longer around. Im an attractive girl, meeting new guys has never been a problem for me so I know im a good catch. I am now moving forward and never looking back. Ive had enough of this nonsense for someone who is clearly not worth anything. How are you holding up? By the way it is 3:20AM in NYC and im just checking into my bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Hi, kztar. First of all I want to say wow, I am very sorry for how your night turned out and very sorry for the information you found out about your ex-boyfriend. I take it you and he share mutual friends, then? That is why I am cautious about who I talk to right now. I hate to say it but today I feel more depressed than I did yesterday. I feel like as each day goes on I am becoming more depressed and my intensity increases over me missing her. Last night I logged into my online account to watch a movie on Primewire and I completely forgot that I gave my ex that account to share with me -- so I saw that she was watching Scottish movies (I'm Scottish and she's originally American) and also watching Vikings which we used to watch together and she claimed it reminds her of us. After seeing that I quickly logged out, sat all night analyzing WHY she was watching those things and how could she not miss me etc. Anyway, I have to go cook. Adios. Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Some intances I feel normal and sometimes I just dont even know. Seeing that snap was not smart. We only one mutual friend which is his relative. He doesnt speak to me about him what so ever. My friend is my friend, but when we were together I used his phone to talk to her sometimes so they have each other's numbers and follow each other on social media perhaps just snapchat. I just want to sleep all day. Tell me how your day is going today ? I guess i have survived another day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Kztar, my day isn't so great. I literally spent most of my day writing -- venting out my anger and depression. It's currently 5:39 AM here and I have not had a wink of sleep. It's crazy what this break-up is doing to my body. I feel like a zombie but one with emotions. Unfortunately I will not be working this week so I don't really have that distraction to keep my mind off things but at least I can focus on my move to another place. How are you coping with everything so far, kztar? Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Im going to write myself right now. Im so tired of feeling like this. Currently at work but it is slow here today so im sitting here thinking. I just want to wake up one day and not feel like this. I had a good night sleep until I woke up. How terrible. Im really considering therapy. im so confused as of why Im so stuck on my EX when there is nothing too special about him really. I think its the illusion of what he sold me at the beginning of the relationship. Tell me about your move. When is this happening? Link to post Share on other sites
jsdifjf Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Day 8 of NC for me and I miss her so much. It's not as hard for me to get up and do things as it was right after the break up (two weeks ago), but my friends still struggle to convince me to go out. I do make an effort, but if it gets really bad, I'm not ashamed of just crawling back into my bed. I'm letting all my emotions out, I write things down, I go out for walks and meditate in the sun, I go to the gym every second day which really makes me feel better for a little while. Sometimes I meet a friend for coffee and talk about how I feel. Then we talk about different things, because there is more to life than her. But it's so hard to let go... and missing her is the most difficult part. I guess it's not a linear progress. There will be bad days, there will be better days, but it's still progress. Take everything as it comes, don't force anything, but do focus on yourself and on what makes you feel better. At least that's what I'm trying to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 kztar, you feel this way because you loved/love him. Even if he has nothing special about him -- you saw something special in particular in order to love him. His special was probably that YOU wanted a future with him. If you are really struggling I would get therapy, also. Perhaps test the water. Btw, what day of NC are you on? My move -- I am not sure just yet. I'm going to sell everything I own in this home including the house but the house will be sold when I find a new one. jsdifjf, I am sorry you are having a difficult time -- I would suggest forcing yourself to go out no matter how you feel. You'd be surprised to what it actually can do. Even if it's just for a few hours, minutes or seconds, it's important to try take your mind off of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jasejasejase Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Hi Apparition and everyone Had a good read through this. Apparition ... You pretty much cover most things im going through. It's been 3 weeks since my split ... I found out she's already on an online dating site (using some selfies she took at my house and when we were together) ... I've initiated no contact after going a bit crazy ... She was ignoring me and probably blocked ME before I made that decision. We're 8 days in ... And im so tempted to email (deleted everything else but email is easy to remember) ... But I know ill either get ignored or told she's already seeing someone. Fortunateky im not on social media ... Have deleted my what's ap so the only way I'll find out she's with someone is by actively seeking IT out. The rest is left to my imagination. I barely sleep. Barely eat. I have better days but they're still full of misery and my mind refusing to switch itself off. On bad days ... I stay in bed ... Like tiday ... Watching the American office. It helps. I see myself in Michael Scott, lonely, friendless, depressed. But even he gets a happy ending. I avoud those episodes. Yep it's that pathetic All in all the past haunts me ... The present depresses me avd the future scares ME. Im given the tough love ... But the truth of the matter is im in love with someone who doesn't love me, will never love me ... And as Easy as it sounds to move on ... I just can't 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 kztar, you feel this way because you loved/love him. Even if he has nothing special about him -- you saw something special in particular in order to love him. His special was probably that YOU wanted a future with him. If you are really struggling I would get therapy, also. Perhaps test the water. Btw, what day of NC are you on? My move -- I am not sure just yet. I'm going to sell everything I own in this home including the house but the house will be sold when I find a new one. jsdifjf, I am sorry you are having a difficult time -- I would suggest forcing yourself to go out no matter how you feel. You'd be surprised to what it actually can do. Even if it's just for a few hours, minutes or seconds, it's important to try take your mind off of her. I guess you're right but I just want to wake up and be OKAY. Something that seems hard at the moment. I look forward to going home to take a nap. Literally the only thing I look forward to. Sleep. I am on day 8 of NC but I think that after seeing that snap this weekend basically Day 2 or whatever. I mean I think it will get better with time but it has to be absolute NC. What day are you on ? Jasejasejase I know what you're going through. Just stick around here as we are all here to support each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Jasejasejase Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Kztar ... Thank you, not going to lie ... Need all the support I can get Is day 8 of NC for me too ... Been a difficult one for Me and almost broke it. I am so frustrated ... My heart is running the show at the moment... Head is poisoned by it. Just want IT to stop 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Kztar ... Thank you, not going to lie ... Need all the support I can get Is day 8 of NC for me too ... Been a difficult one for Me and almost broke it. I am so frustrated ... My heart is running the show at the moment... Head is poisoned by it. Just want IT to stop Ughh I want this feeling to go AWAY NOW. I wish there was a shortcut. I would totally take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted March 1, 2016 Author Share Posted March 1, 2016 Hi, guys. I don't really have much to say today besides be strong. I know it's difficult to keep that momentum but we have no choice really. We either stay strong or crumble completely. My days feel like a repeated record recently except the feelings are more intense than the day before. I am on day 6 of NC. Wish I could fast forward to three years later. Anyway, how are you guys doing? Any plans for this week/weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Jasejasejase Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Hey both. Unfortunately no plans for me. How about you? My depression is making me pretty much not leave my bed. You know it's strange but at the end of the night I feel a little more peaceful. I mean I still feel awful and lost ... But then I have an awful nights sleep ... And then wake up feeling worse than ever. Beat this ... Last night had a really vivid Dream that she had come home and was standing over ME ... Woke straight up ... Gutted!!! Roger that ... Wish we could fast forward to a time where it feels better. Seems like that'll never come at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted March 1, 2016 Author Share Posted March 1, 2016 Jase, I am there with you on the dreams -- I even had one dream where she was kidnapped and I had to save her. I woke up to myself thinking about it all morning, trying to make sense of it, "is it a sign?" but I realize I was being silly and just hopeful. I am very sorry your depression is making you stay in bed. I refuse to let my depression get the better of me even if I am constantly battling with it 24/7. I have been attempting to do normal things like laundry, cooking even though I wasn't hungry and had literally two bites but I threw the rest out to the foxes. At the moment I am trying not to touch alcohol but it's difficult -- I am the type of person who drinks when such negative situations occur in life and I haven't drank in months so I don't want to fall back on that. Jase, try not to stay in bed, I know it's easier said than done but you need to force yourself out of the depression-pit. It won't go away but I assure you it also won't hurt more to get out of it. It's just the same except your brain goes through waves of distraction for either two seconds, two minutes or you're just subconsciously doing things while thinking of her -- either way it is better than staying in bed thinking of it. You'll end up driving yourself crazy. Chin up. Link to post Share on other sites
Jasejasejase Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 The dreams are beyond awful, it's like Inception on acid !!! When you wake and they're not there, it's like being hit by a sledgehammer. Think im suffering with similar things to you guys. Everything reminds me of her. My house, wvhch was mine before she moved in, now feels like ours. All l her stuff is gone but everything that remains reminds ME of her. I open the DVD player ... We'll she did thst ... It's even small gestures like that that drag up painful memories. I go to Asda and see a DVD on the aisle we Watched together ,.. Pain pain pain. It just seems thst I can't get away from it. I hate the day ... The light ... The world (and her) going about it's business. Night seems easier. I get tempted to contaxt her, knowing I'll either get no reply or she tell ME she's already seeing someone. Guys you know it's torture. I may sound like a sensitive moaner but this one has hit me like a nuke. Fortunately I don't really drink. Keep talking guys. I know its a bit harsh ... And I don't take solace in the fact you have pain, but I take a little in the fact im Not the only person on this planet going through this Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Hi guys, I hope we are all moving forward even if it means moving one muscle at a time because YES it is hard. I had a hard time getting up to go to work and ofcourse functioning. I went on a rant on how I feel about serious relationships and whatnot. I posted a thread recently. I had also posted a thread on wishing I could fast forward to a year from now. Some people said no I still wish I could do it. Anyways, so im getting sick of this depression and I have a therapy session tomorrow, the way im feeling Im probably going to talk my lungs out and if I don't see this as any good Im walking out without saying a word. Im starting to thinking of coping differently. Going out and having fun 6/7 days a week like I did before my EX. I also spent alot of money buying alot of clothes so looks like I'll be doing that again. How have your days been? Please tell me that we are somewhat better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apparition Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Good on you, kztar. Glad you're starting to have a different outlook. At least you went out and treated yourself to something you deserve (clothes). Unfortunately I am not feeling better nor have a different outlook but I can tell you this, I go through spurts of positivity some days but then it quickly disappears after an hour or so and I am back to feeling this way. It honestly feels like I'm bipolar but I know it's normal. Can't rush this process nor pretend. My sleeping routine is wrecked -- it's 2:56 AM here and I cannot sleep. I've had to resort to sleeping pills and even then I'm struggling to sleep. I don't feel tired at all until I've driven my brain into madness with these constant thoughts so I get about two hours sleep at 4 AM then I'm up and ready to start my sh*tty day. Fun times! Jase, do you have support from friends? I know it is tough and I do get urges to contact my ex also but please don't fall for them. If you're ex wanted you she knows where you are and how to find you. Begging and pleading is not appealing, nor is chasing someone like a pesky wasp. Everyone finds wasps annoying, act more like a confident dragonfly that eats the wasps. Everyone wants to look at the dragonfly -- everyone runs from a wasp. You don't know what can happen in the future, your ex may even come back or maybe she won't but it's her own free will and her right to come back or not -- so don't force it. You deserve to be happy, Jase, so work towards that. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 So, I am having a little trouble with NC -- though I took some necessary steps to ensure I do not contact my ex-girlfriend. I asked a family member who knows a lot about computers to block some content on my laptop which will restrict me from checking up on my ex. I felt this was a necessary step for me and would recommend it to anyone trying to maintain NC. However, I am not sure about anyone else but I have this little voice in my head who argues with the logical side of me and it's doing my head in. How do/did you keep up with NC and how difficult was it for you? Its been about a week since my last relationship ended and I have not spoken a word to him since. For me NC is fairly easy. I have many reasons for keeping up with it. The first would be because the guy is extremely troubled and I consider myself lucky its over. The second being, I have too much respect for myself to reach out to somone who sold me a dream and then discarded me. I'm a very modest person, however, I know my worth and am not one to grovel at someones feet...I deserve to be with a guy that will treat me with respect and will give me as much as I give him. I understand the pain your feeling and the internal conflict your fighting. I think thats all normal and will get better with time. Just remember this: ***The deep connection you had with your ex means that you are capable of finding and taking part in another deep connection in the future*** Next time you want to reach out to her ask yourself this, "Will this help me or hurt me?" Make your decision from there. Continue to let her go, it will take time but it sounds like your doing great Keep posting. For me, hearing other peoples insight has been incredibly powerful and has helped me process my break up. Please believe me when I tell you, you will find another deep hearted love again, a new love, a clean slate which is a hell of alot better than going back to your ex 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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