No contact -- how to keep that up?

[Apparition]

Hello there. I'm on my Day 15 of NC and to tell you the whole truth it is still so hard to endure. I still cry everyday. I'm making myself busy but still he's just can't get out of my head. It's so hard but since he left me no choice, I have to endure the pain of letting him go. I miss him every second but I have to stick with NC. I have to because it's for the best.

 

Sometimes, the best thing is the hardest thing to do.....

 

Hello, mudbloodgirl.

 

I'm very sorry for your break-up. We all are here to support you and hopefully see you through the other end of this turmoil. What have you been doing to keep yourself busy?

[Apparition]

Hi all,

 

Its been a long time since I logged by in on here. I used to be on here quite a bit. To make an exceptionally long story-short, the girl who all my past threads were about recently broke up with me...again.

 

From the time I last posted, we'd 'enjoyed' a good 18 months together, went away together on holidays, became a proper couple.

 

However, I wanted to post because im back NC again now (Day 12), as you all are and I just wanted to say that firstly, I know how excruciating it is to lose the person you love and not be able to reach out to them everyday.

 

Secondly, my particular case, before we had our good stretch, was punctuated with periods of NC, as she was never sure how she felt. It was during this periods that I always hoped she'd come back and she did! And i'll be honest - it felt amazing! Fast forward 2 years and the same pattern has repeated - she's left me again. Only this time, I have to deal with all these new memories, experiences (I ended up losing my virginty to her) etc etc.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, I, like some of you maybe are, hoped for the fairytale story when the reality is it rarely works like that.

 

Here are the things i'm struggling with at the moment:

 

- Accepting its over / believing she'll come back (she always has in the past)

- Accepting I deserve better

- Removing her of the pedestal that i've so clearly got her on

- Thoughts of never speaking/seeing or being her with every again / her with someone else

- Focusing on the reality and not the fantasy/projection I had of her/ the relationship

 

I think the fact that i've been through this hell before, I feel ever so slightly better equipped to deal with the raw emotions than I did previously. But a couple of things that i've found useful...

 

- The NC Rule - Audiobook by Natalie Lue - its like a full 7 hours of perpective and works wonders for when youre wide awake at 4am, crying your eyes out, about to break NC

- Getting Past Your Breakup - Susan Elliot - another really good book. One of the things in here she recommends is a 12 point list covering various aspects of your relationship - found it really helpful to gain some objectivity

 

I can totally relate to the pain and hurt all of you guys are feeling. And trust me, I may sound like im slightly in control in comparison to my posts of a few years ago, but of course im still completely devastated. Buts thats fine for now.

 

Anyway, Im sorry - I have a tendency to ramble once I get going. I just wanted to chuck my hat in the ring and tell you my experience. I remember coming on here and hoping Id read a story where the advice given was 'keep waiting for them', 'ex's do come back', 'you still have a chance to be with them' - and yes, that happened for me, but as ive said - rarely is it happy ever after

 

 

 

KS11, I hope you stick around so we can hear more from you -- your story is very interesting and like mine. My ex came back but then left again which lead me to be here now. Though my circumstances are most likely different, but at the end of it all, we are on the same broken boat. I wanted to ask you how long you went with NC before your ex came back to you and how did you guys get together again?

[Apparition]

Hi everyone,

 

Update. I went to therapy yesterday and it all seemed to be okay. The therapist said oh wow you're doing pretty good. She said um sure you will be over this in a few months. However when I got home at night, I cried for 2 hours and I basically cried myself to sleep. SMH. I just didnt even know how to feel. This is an awful feeling.

 

KS11 that really sucks. How long was it before she came back to you?. I honestly wanted my ex back at first but repetition of the same situation is too scary. So i rather just take a pass on that one.

 

mudbloodgirl14 I feel your pain. After 1.5 years my ex told me "Im just not in love with you anymore" this is constantly a stab that I keep feeling over and over again. I think that any other reason would of made me feel atleast better but this hits you HARD. So i know your pain. Believe it or not it's best to move on and forget these people.

 

jsdifjf weekend plans are seriously to get a good night sleep and enjoy my time alone. I actually like spending time on my own. But I do have some activities planned.

 

How is everyone else doing?

 

 

kztar, it's good you went to therapy and it sounds like your therapist is supportive. It also sounds like after it you got all the emotions you were feeling out in a cry which is good, the only problem is it refills and refills until there's nothing left to cry about.

 

Stick with your therapy, I think it will do you the world of good.

[Jasejasejase]

Hi all. Not posted for a couple days. Thank you for your concern in your previous posts, meant a lot. We'll spent my week in bed, with only the odd jaunt out late at night go get some unhealthy food. I see my daughters every weekend ... And for the first time in 8 years I thought I was too depressed to see them. Thankfully I managed to get up at 3pm and changed my mind and they're here with me. im still very down of course but kids force you to function

 

Still broken though. It's 11pm here in England now And not remotely tired so stuck a batman movie on. This is how it goes, struggle to sleep, suffer through a restless night and wake tomorrow feeling as aw*** as I have been. Has anyone got any ideas of how to banish these morning resets? My plan tomorrow is to get up as soon as I wake so I don't lie there in pain ... Whether that will happen or not is another question ... Maybe go down and wash up ... Read a book, write some thoughts down. Like I said seems like a tender notion but when the pain hits in the morning ... Who knows.

 

Have two different bits of therapy booked in for next week, Monday and Tuesday ... And God willing will hopefully get back to work the week after. Just thought I would give you ab update. Hope everyone is doing as well as they can be

[Apparition]

Jase, this is really positive progress you've made with regards to your thinking and I really hope you see your plans through. I'm glad you have your children and they kept you company and forced you to function. Maybe that was the pick-me-up you truly needed. Please keep that resolve and try to get back to work, it will help you out. It's awesome you're going to therapy !! We're rooting for you and I hope you let us know how it goes. With regards to your mornings the only thing you need to have is your willpower to get up in the morning and I hope you do.

 

Keep posting.

[Jasejasejase]

Well got up. Slowly. Got the kids breakfast. Waiting to have a shower

 

Bad day today though. The sense of emptiness has hit hard and I feel sick. Really missing Her today. Really missing her. I can't make contact .. There truly is nothing left for us ... I know we will never be togetber again (really know that) but it's so hard being so in love with someone you've lost Abd will never see again. I miss her so, so much and I wish she would give me another chance, support me through therapy, hold my hand, hug me.

 

Probably posting that as its somethkng I would probably say to her. But I cant

[Jasejasejase]

Really broken today. Makes me feel like I don't want to be here anymore. Yes, im struggling on, one hour at a time ... But the pain, my god the pain, the mental anguish

 

I feel like the old ME has died ... Has gone. I don't smile ... I don't laugh at anything. I look at my phone... Zero messages ... I No longer expect any from here but still would be nice to get a message from someone.

 

Sorry to be so miserable. But this depression is deep. Im so alone and so wish had someone to go through this with ME.

[JDam]

Really broken today. Makes me feel like I don't want to be here anymore. Yes, im struggling on, one hour at a time ... But the pain, my god the pain, the mental anguish

 

I feel like the old ME has died ... Has gone. I don't smile ... I don't laugh at anything. I look at my phone... Zero messages ... I No longer expect any from here but still would be nice to get a message from someone.

 

Sorry to be so miserable. But this depression is deep. Im so alone and so wish had someone to go through this with ME.

 

Oh no... Im so sorry you are feeling so miserable, I wish I could help. Ive been there too. Keep posting here if that is something that gives at least some comfort <3

[Tayla]

I mean no unkindness... yet much of our strife is self imposed or due to our minimal tools on how to fix a matter. Gosh, the months wasted trying to fit a square peg into a round hole...

 

Count your blessings... for they are many. Swat the negative out. The woe is me is temporary.. how you perservere is the character building.

I dont tell folks its easy... I tell them to go thru it

 

Blessing #1, you are alive.

[Nivy]

Hey Apparition, I wanted to say thank you to you! I am new here and I really don't know how to contact someone here via message or anything, but I really really wanted to thank you. Thank you for comforting me on my post. Yes people did say that I was becoming a stalker and it was my mistake, but I truly feel that somewhat it was my mistake. But amidst all of them the way you comforted me, meant a lot. And about those fights on my post, I liked how you held your stand upright despite people trying to pull you down. You are a decent guy. You really seem a good guy. A warm hug to you and I hope all your troubles disappear soon

[Jasejasejase]

I know everyone. I know. It must seem like im the most negative person in the world. Maybe I am. But i can't help how I feel right now. I do try the things you're supposed to try, getting up etc ... But it doesn't tend to do any good. My little girls are here today ... We're chilling out and watching comedy box sets ... But I just feel like I want to go to bed. I won't ... But it's this feeking of wanting to just hide from everything.

 

I am plodding on ... Trying to affect change ... Just guess I'm inpatient and it seems like im feeling worse day Afer day. I do vent on here ... Im sorry ... It's just so hard being in love and having lost. I know, most of you are in the same place and feeming the same things ... I feel so bad that anyone else has to also feel this pain,

 

Wish there was like a hospital I could go to and just sleep for two weeks and wake up cured

[JDam]

I know everyone. I know. It must seem like im the most negative person in the world. Maybe I am. But i can't help how I feel right now. I do try the things you're supposed to try, getting up etc ... But it doesn't tend to do any good. My little girls are here today ... We're chilling out and watching comedy box sets ... But I just feel like I want to go to bed. I won't ... But it's this feeking of wanting to just hide from everything.

 

I am plodding on ... Trying to affect change ... Just guess I'm inpatient and it seems like im feeling worse day Afer day. I do vent on here ... Im sorry ... It's just so hard being in love and having lost. I know, most of you are in the same place and feeming the same things ... I feel so bad that anyone else has to also feel this pain,

 

Wish there was like a hospital I could go to and just sleep for two weeks and wake up cured

You are so right. I know. Sometimes the pain is just unbearable and there is just no cure. It is not like breaking a leg... Having a broken heart and not being able to escape the horrible thoughts is a lot worse because there is nothing you can do. I dont know what do to to escape the thoughts, I am occupied enough, surrounded by friends, but the thoughts are still there haunting me.

[KS11]

Hi all,

 

jsdifjf - thanks for your kind words, I've never really thought about it as being 'brave', but I guess in some ways it is. To be honest, I've spent most of the last few months criticsing myself as to how I could be so stupid to let her back in her again. But hopefully in time, i'll be able to look back and enjoy the relationship for what it is, like you say - the good times and the bad.

 

Apparition - I actually can't remember how long we were NC for before she came back. Reading through my last post I think it was around 2 month mark. I've tried to block all that out now. As for circumstances of how we actually got back together, thats kinda blurry to me now (probably because we were on/off so much), but I remember getting a text saying how much she missed me..i took the bait, and I think things developed from there. I do vividly remember her returning from holiday and being desperate to see me..and that was the night she told me properly that she loved me. Just thinking about that now kinda sucks.

 

Yesterday evening and this morning I feel like im so close to reaching out. I find weekends pretty hard, as im sure everyone does. Worse still, i moved house a few months back and she lives literally round the corner, so when im at home I just keep thinking how ridiculous it is, that we're not hanging out.

 

One thing I did before we went fully NC, which im sure is highly 'against the rules', but aside from me sending the inital 'this doesnt feel right' message, I kinda wanted to make her angry at me to stamp out hope. I messaged saying 'we're never gona see eachother again are we'..to which she replied 'I don't know what you want me to say. You said you cant speak to me unless we're together, and we're not together. So I dont know what you want from me. I think we need some space from eachother'.

 

I know it must sound stupid, but I just wanted to hear it straight if that makes sense. I took a screenshot of her reply and everytime I get close to contacting her, I read it and say to myself - she doesn't care about you, she just want to hear from you. I'm not sure why, but the 'I dont know what you want from me line' really gets to me.

 

I wish I could stop checking my phone!! :(

[kztar]

Hey Apparition, I wanted to say thank you to you! I am new here and I really don't know how to contact someone here via message or anything, but I really really wanted to thank you. Thank you for comforting me on my post. Yes people did say that I was becoming a stalker and it was my mistake, but I truly feel that somewhat it was my mistake. But amidst all of them the way you comforted me, meant a lot. And about those fights on my post, I liked how you held your stand upright despite people trying to pull you down. You are a decent guy. You really seem a good guy. A warm hug to you and I hope all your troubles disappear soon

 

Nivy,people seem to be so judgemental while not being in your shoes. We have all been there but that doesn't make us any less than others. Some people here are too harsh

[kztar]

NC is great during weekdays but on weekends I have that urge to call or text but I know that It wont make me feel any better. It will also remind me of how much he DOESN'T CARE about me. SMH gotta go find something to do. Can't wait till monday aka back to work

[Apparition]

Hey Apparition, I wanted to say thank you to you! I am new here and I really don't know how to contact someone here via message or anything, but I really really wanted to thank you. Thank you for comforting me on my post. Yes people did say that I was becoming a stalker and it was my mistake, but I truly feel that somewhat it was my mistake. But amidst all of them the way you comforted me, meant a lot. And about those fights on my post, I liked how you held your stand upright despite people trying to pull you down. You are a decent guy. You really seem a good guy. A warm hug to you and I hope all your troubles disappear soon

 

 

Thank you very much for your kind words, Nivy. It's good to see you're still around posting on LS. : ) I hope you stick around and continue to post and let us know your progress. I also apologize for the arguments on your thread, it shouldn't have came to that. I'm glad I was able to help in some way, too. Hugs to you!

Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Apparition]

Really broken today. Makes me feel like I don't want to be here anymore. Yes, im struggling on, one hour at a time ... But the pain, my god the pain, the mental anguish

 

I feel like the old ME has died ... Has gone. I don't smile ... I don't laugh at anything. I look at my phone... Zero messages ... I No longer expect any from here but still would be nice to get a message from someone.

 

Sorry to be so miserable. But this depression is deep. Im so alone and so wish had someone to go through this with ME.

 

 

Jase, I feel the exact same way, I'm sure we all do and when you feel this way it is important to keep yourself busy so you do not get sucked back into your depression and stay in bed all day. It is positive progress you managed to get out of bed in the morning -- keep at it. Also, which day of NC are you on now?

 

 

 

 

 

Hi all,

 

jsdifjf - thanks for your kind words, I've never really thought about it as being 'brave', but I guess in some ways it is. To be honest, I've spent most of the last few months criticsing myself as to how I could be so stupid to let her back in her again. But hopefully in time, i'll be able to look back and enjoy the relationship for what it is, like you say - the good times and the bad.

 

Apparition - I actually can't remember how long we were NC for before she came back. Reading through my last post I think it was around 2 month mark. I've tried to block all that out now. As for circumstances of how we actually got back together, thats kinda blurry to me now (probably because we were on/off so much), but I remember getting a text saying how much she missed me..i took the bait, and I think things developed from there. I do vividly remember her returning from holiday and being desperate to see me..and that was the night she told me properly that she loved me. Just thinking about that now kinda sucks.

 

Yesterday evening and this morning I feel like im so close to reaching out. I find weekends pretty hard, as im sure everyone does. Worse still, i moved house a few months back and she lives literally round the corner, so when im at home I just keep thinking how ridiculous it is, that we're not hanging out.

 

One thing I did before we went fully NC, which im sure is highly 'against the rules', but aside from me sending the inital 'this doesnt feel right' message, I kinda wanted to make her angry at me to stamp out hope. I messaged saying 'we're never gona see eachother again are we'..to which she replied 'I don't know what you want me to say. You said you cant speak to me unless we're together, and we're not together. So I dont know what you want from me. I think we need some space from eachother'.

 

I know it must sound stupid, but I just wanted to hear it straight if that makes sense. I took a screenshot of her reply and everytime I get close to contacting her, I read it and say to myself - she doesn't care about you, she just want to hear from you. I'm not sure why, but the 'I dont know what you want from me line' really gets to me.

 

I wish I could stop checking my phone!! :(

 

 

KS11, I am very sorry for how you feel and you've been here before so you know there is a possibility of her coming back or even being friends one day but right now you need to remember you got through days, weeks, months of NC and you were able to live without your ex even if you felt miserable. It won't last forever and you know that so do things to help yourself and improve the person you are.

 

Stay strong.

 

 

 

NC is great during weekdays but on weekends I have that urge to call or text but I know that It wont make me feel any better. It will also remind me of how much he DOESN'T CARE about me. SMH gotta go find something to do. Can't wait till monday aka back to work

 

kztar, at least there is only two days during the weekend. : D

I am sure your ex does care for you, when you spend time together with someone for a period of time and you get to know them, your feelings can't just switch off. Especially a feeling such as care. Which day of NC are you on?

[Apparition]

So, my day is coming to an end and I always dread these nights because it's a time where I get to be alone and reflect on memories and how I feel. Today I finished up painting my friend's home and it was quite late so I went to the store and got a microwave meal for one, usually I cook from scratch but it was too late. As I was driving on the way home I turned on the radio and nothing but love songs were playing, I went through about five radio channels before smashing the off button with my fist. When I pulled up to a set of red traffic lights I looked around and noticed there were a couple walking hand in hand on my right side -- I looked to my left and there were two parents with their child and dog walking towards the park in the far distance. I was becoming incredibly angry which wasn't normal for me because seeing people happy would have made me happy or I wouldn't have even usually paid any interest to it.

 

I am home now trying not to have a break-down. I can't exactly enjoy my T.V shows because they were shows I watched with my ex and usually with movies and shows there is some sort of romance going on and right now I don't think that's a good idea for me to sit and watch while all of that stuff is making me angry. I don't really know what else to do to take my mind off this so I came here to vent out my frustration. It's like everyone around me in my real life is happy and loved up, whereas I just lost my whole world and the only thing I have to come home to is a bottle of rum. It's day 10 of NC for me and it feels like my days are getting worse rather than better.

 

Frustrated.

[Jasejasejase]

So, my day is coming to an end and I always dread these nights because it's a time where I get to be alone and reflect on memories and how I feel. Today I finished up painting my friend's home and it was quite late so I went to the store and got a microwave meal for one, usually I cook from scratch but it was too late. As I was driving on the way home I turned on the radio and nothing but love songs were playing, I went through about five radio channels before smashing the off button with my fist. When I pulled up to a set of red traffic lights I looked around and noticed there were a couple walking hand in hand on my right side -- I looked to my left and there were two parents with their child and dog walking towards the park in the far distance. I was becoming incredibly angry which wasn't normal for me because seeing people happy would have made me happy or I wouldn't have even usually paid any interest to it.

 

I am home now trying not to have a break-down. I can't exactly enjoy my T.V shows because they were shows I watched with my ex and usually with movies and shows there is some sort of romance going on and right now I don't think that's a good idea for me to sit and watch while all of that stuff is making me angry. I don't really know what else to do to take my mind off this so I came here to vent out my frustration. It's like everyone around me in my real life is happy and loved up, whereas I just lost my whole world and the only thing I have to come home to is a bottle of rum. It's day 10 of NC for me and it feels like my days are getting worse rather than better.

 

Frustrated.

 

Mate .... Feel for you and there for you. I know exactly what you're going through today. And I understand your anger ... I get it too. Why do they deserve happiness? It's not bitterness at them but the universe.

 

Hang in there mate ... Your words have been a great source of comfort ... Let me know if you need anything.

 

Think im on about day 13. And no easier

[PLT]

So, my day is coming to an end and I always dread these nights because it's a time where I get to be alone and reflect on memories and how I feel. Today I finished up painting my friend's home and it was quite late so I went to the store and got a microwave meal for one, usually I cook from scratch but it was too late. As I was driving on the way home I turned on the radio and nothing but love songs were playing, I went through about five radio channels before smashing the off button with my fist. When I pulled up to a set of red traffic lights I looked around and noticed there were a couple walking hand in hand on my right side -- I looked to my left and there were two parents with their child and dog walking towards the park in the far distance. I was becoming incredibly angry which wasn't normal for me because seeing people happy would have made me happy or I wouldn't have even usually paid any interest to it.

 

I am home now trying not to have a break-down. I can't exactly enjoy my T.V shows because they were shows I watched with my ex and usually with movies and shows there is some sort of romance going on and right now I don't think that's a good idea for me to sit and watch while all of that stuff is making me angry. I don't really know what else to do to take my mind off this so I came here to vent out my frustration. It's like everyone around me in my real life is happy and loved up, whereas I just lost my whole world and the only thing I have to come home to is a bottle of rum. It's day 10 of NC for me and it feels like my days are getting worse rather than better.

 

Frustrated.

 

Identify with this. It's like I'm in my own little bubble in slow motion and the world around me is moving at it's normal pace. Everywhere I look there are couples holding hands. Every time I watch TV there is some sort of romantic connotation in the show, or it's a show we watched together, or its a show about cooking (we enjoyed cooking together).

 

I'm not even in NC yet, (she is, won't respond to messages about stuff at each others place, or any other messages come to that) still had some logistics to deal with. Full NC begins tomorrow.

[Jasejasejase]

Hey Apparition, I wanted to say thank you to you! I am new here and I really don't know how to contact someone here via message or anything, but I really really wanted to thank you. Thank you for comforting me on my post. Yes people did say that I was becoming a stalker and it was my mistake, but I truly feel that somewhat it was my mistake. But amidst all of them the way you comforted me, meant a lot. And about those fights on my post, I liked how you held your stand upright despite people trying to pull you down. You are a decent guy. You really seem a good guy. A warm hug to you and I hope all your troubles disappear soon

 

Hey nivy,

 

Have to say I saw the comments on your thread. Im in the same camp as apparition. Just wanted to say don't be too hard on yourself. The word stalker worried me too. In fairness the posters we'rent being mean and I assume were just trying to protect you from getting a lAbel. But for me in these kind of situations you do not behave normally. Not when real love and loss is involved. I think yes, you bombard a stranger or someone you know, that could easily be construed as stalking. But when its someone you've spent intimate time with, who you've loved, who you've given all your heart to, and more importantly who you've had tell you things about their feelings ... It's an hsrd to let go. You think they're angry ... Confused ... They loved you last week, hoe can they not now ... You do plead, you do beg, you do plot and plan anyway to make them see how important your connection is. It's natural and I guess why NC is so important. It stops you saying things you might regret, getting unkind labels from an ex, keeping a bit of dignity.

 

No desire to reignite the words that were exchanged ... Just wanted to say hang in there x

[Apparition]

WOW !!!

 

 

I have been unable to get to sleep since something has been troubling me. It has opened my eyes to who my TRUE friends are.

 

So I am on day 10 of NC and I was getting a bit worried because I was invited to a group chat on Whatsapp with some friends who were asking me if I wanted to come to social event with all of them and I politely declined. A mutual friend of my ex's was there, one she is very close to and she sent me a message asking why I was being weird (in the group convo), well, I wasn't exactly comfortable with her there given that she knows my ex and talks to her a lot but I did not say this to her, I just said it was due to the break-up and partly it was.

 

In the group conversation two people were talking about my ex saying, "I wonder if -ex's name here- will go", one said, "have you heard from her?I haven't", the other replied "nope not a clue". I started panicking, wondering if she was okay, wondering if everything was alright and tempted to reach out. I spoke to someone about it and they suggested asking the mutual friend who she is close to. So I did.

 

I messaged her and asked if she's heard from my ex, she says, "no, i'm gonna lay some ground rules if we're gonna be in contact on here i aint gonna talk about her, nope not doing it". I replied with, "wow, I was only asking because I am worried". She said, "lol ok". That alone annoyed me because my ex and I helped this girl when her marriage broke down, I saw it as selfish because she KNOWS what a mess I am and the least she could do was be supportive and polite about it. So I responded to her again saying, "You know what? I do not feel like you're my friend". She decided to say, "lol ok thank you :)" and blocked me. She has been my "friend" for two years moreso because she was my ex's friend and three of us hung around when she was with her husband at the time.

 

I am VERY shocked and a little bit hurt by the fact she was inconsiderate and decided to block me JUST because I was worried about my ex. I left the group conversation after that and was amazed at the fact someone who was suppose to be my friend easily turned on me. She was the one who invited me to the group conversation in the first place telling me, "you should come!". I am very surprised by this.

 

Another reason to move.

[mudbloodgirl14]

mudbloodgirl14 I feel your pain. After 1.5 years my ex told me "Im just not in love with you anymore" this is constantly a stab that I keep feeling over and over again. I think that any other reason would of made me feel atleast better but this hits you HARD. So i know your pain. Believe it or not it's best to move on and forget these people.

 

Hello kztar. Knowing that I'm not alone in this very hard journey makes me feel better. I just can't believe that while I'm giving all my love and efforts for the relationship, it is very unappreciated by him.. Anyway, it's been 17 Days of NC, still hurts..still missing him.. but I have to be strong for my own sake..So how are you now?

[mudbloodgirl14]

Hello, mudbloodgirl.

 

I'm very sorry for your break-up. We all are here to support you and hopefully see you through the other end of this turmoil. What have you been doing to keep yourself busy?

 

Hello Apparition.. Thank you all for the support and yeah hopefully I can cope up with this the soonest.. I divert my attention.. I'm keeping myself busy. I became active again in our Rotary activities, dancing and hanging out with my friends. Seriously, I neglected these things just to give more time for my ex but he didn't appreciate it. I still miss him.. I still have these urge to contact him like everyday, but I'm controlling myself so its already my 17th day of NC.

[jsdifjf]

I'm sorry guys, but today I just feel like venting... Like some of you I'm struggling with the weekend. I thought I was looking forward to it, but it's actually so much more harder. I'm guessing it's because on weekends we used to spend more time together. And the fact that every single place seems to remind me of her makes everything even worse. Friday night it was especially hard. I was out with a couple of friends and we ended up in this bar (which has always been one of my favourite bars), where just a few weeks ago we had this conversation about how right we are for each other. Everything came back to me in that moment and I felt such a sudden urge to contact her and to know how she's doing. I miss her so so much. The pain of not talking to her is driving me nuts. I know I won't do it, so this is not my problem, but I just can't to seem to make any progress in not wanting to. It's day 14 now, I can't stop hoping that's she'll say something, anything showing that she still cares, even if it's just breadcrumbs, I want my phone to light up with a message from her so badly. At the same time I keep on hoping to bump into her. I'm not going out of my way to make this more likely, but every time I'm somewhere where there's even the remotest possibility of glimpsing her, I'm desperately hoping it happens. It's impossible to avoid too, because we've been all over town together. And if we haven't been somewhere, we had the intention of going. Discovering new places was one of our favourite things to do. So yesterday I was walking all over the place with my friends and although I was having fun, laughing and enjoying their company, there was always this looming feeling of maybe she's around the corner... or the next... or the next. How do I get this to stop?? Then there's of course the moment when the night's approaching... and I'm going back to my empty bed, which remains empty when I wake up in the morning, or the several times I wake up in the middle of the night with no one to hold. I just miss her. And I don't know how not to. Anyway, I should find something to keep myself busy today. Maybe some alone time with a book in the park. How are you all doing today?