Sneaky unhinged friend sex drama

[doeblin]

I need the people of Loveshack to judge the situation: am I selfish or is my friend crazy?

 

 

 

 

 

Recently I organized a hangout (not a double-date) where I invited my friend Trudi and my friend Steve. Trudi brought her roommate to even out the table. We went to a restaurant then we went drinking. It was fun, had good banter with the girls. Lots of laughs. Then at the end of the night they kind of left in a rush, but I thought they're just drunk.

 

Next day Trudi messages me, they had fun with me, and we should do this again. All's well.

 

Few days later I see Trudi in person, and she says Steve's been talking stuff about me while I went to the bathroom. Like I am an arrogant prick who thinks he can push himself on any girl and stuff like that. I was flabbergasted. (Here you just need to take my word, that this is not true. I am however rather popular with the ladies, they approach me frequently, while Steve doesn't have much success, been single for ages.) Then later in the night Steve apparently tried to kiss Trudi's friend, even though they barely talked. They felt super-awkward so they left. But otherwise it was a fun night, just Steve's an ass. I was stunned. I did not know about any of this. Steve's been doing this kind of stuff while I went to the toilet or ordered drinks at the bar.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

So the next day I decided to confront Steve, what the hell was he thinking. Here's the abridged version of the convo:

 

 

 

 

 

- What the hell, Steve? Sh*t-talking behind my back? Trying to force yourself on a girl? Are you insane? We've been friends for a long time.

 

- Shut up you prick. The world is not your oyster!

 

- Well, when you make an ass out of yourself, it makes me look bad too.

- You selfish ***.

 

- What the hell did I do?

 

- You slept with Sandra and didn't even say sorry.

 

- What?! Sandra? That was years ago. And you told me plenty of times you two are just friends.

- Well, I realized I was in love with her. But I lied to myself.

 

- How the hell should I know you loved her then? You introduced me to her saying you two are just friends and she has a crush on me.

 

- You should still apologize.

 

- I am not gonna apologize for having consensual sex with a single lady!

 

- You are self-centered.

 

- If I remember right, you slept with Sandra's friend, so if we take away your frustration and stick to the facts, what happened was that you slept with Sandra's friend and Sandra slept with one of your friends, namely me. It was all consensual sex between single adults. And it was years ago!

- I'm frustrated? You are trying to put this on me, you arrogant bastard?

 

- And then you tried to undermine me with girls I introduced you to. Amazing. And I know from a mutual friend this is not the first time you tried to force a kiss from a girl. This friend wouldn't introduce you to new friends anymore.

- You narcissistic jerk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

So this is gonna end a friendship older than a decade. I myself think he's a neurotic backstabbing bastard, with slight tendency of sexual assault... but well, you decide!

[mrldii]

Reads like this friendship was over whenever you slept with Sandra and Steve decided to be butthurt over it - and *hide* his resentment towards you, ever since.

 

 

"Buh-bye, Steve!"

 

 

Best of luck to in your decision as to what you will do, OP...

[HansonGirl]

I need the people of Loveshack to judge the situation: am I selfish or is my friend crazy?

 

 

 

 

 

Recently I organized a hangout (not a double-date) where I invited my friend Trudi and my friend Steve. Trudi brought her roommate to even out the table. We went to a restaurant then we went drinking. It was fun, had good banter with the girls. Lots of laughs. Then at the end of the night they kind of left in a rush, but I thought they're just drunk.

 

Next day Trudi messages me, they had fun with me, and we should do this again. All's well.

 

Few days later I see Trudi in person, and she says Steve's been talking stuff about me while I went to the bathroom. Like I am an arrogant prick who thinks he can push himself on any girl and stuff like that. I was flabbergasted. (Here you just need to take my word, that this is not true. I am however rather popular with the ladies, they approach me frequently, while Steve doesn't have much success, been single for ages.) Then later in the night Steve apparently tried to kiss Trudi's friend, even though they barely talked. They felt super-awkward so they left. But otherwise it was a fun night, just Steve's an ass. I was stunned. I did not know about any of this. Steve's been doing this kind of stuff while I went to the toilet or ordered drinks at the bar.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

So the next day I decided to confront Steve, what the hell was he thinking. Here's the abridged version of the convo:

 

 

 

 

 

- What the hell, Steve? Sh*t-talking behind my back? Trying to force yourself on a girl? Are you insane? We've been friends for a long time.

 

- Shut up you prick. The world is not your oyster!

 

- Well, when you make an ass out of yourself, it makes me look bad too.

- You selfish ***.

 

- What the hell did I do?

 

- You slept with Sandra and didn't even say sorry.

 

- What?! Sandra? That was years ago. And you told me plenty of times you two are just friends.

- Well, I realized I was in love with her. But I lied to myself.

 

- How the hell should I know you loved her then? You introduced me to her saying you two are just friends and she has a crush on me.

 

- You should still apologize.

 

- I am not gonna apologize for having consensual sex with a single lady!

 

- You are self-centered.

 

- If I remember right, you slept with Sandra's friend, so if we take away your frustration and stick to the facts, what happened was that you slept with Sandra's friend and Sandra slept with one of your friends, namely me. It was all consensual sex between single adults. And it was years ago!

- I'm frustrated? You are trying to put this on me, you arrogant bastard?

 

- And then you tried to undermine me with girls I introduced you to. Amazing. And I know from a mutual friend this is not the first time you tried to force a kiss from a girl. This friend wouldn't introduce you to new friends anymore.

- You narcissistic jerk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

So this is gonna end a friendship older than a decade. I myself think he's a neurotic backstabbing bastard, with slight tendency of sexual assault... but well, you decide!

 

 

Well It's not fair to you, but it's not hard to figure out what got into him -- he's p.o'd about this woman you slept with years ago. Not sure why he'd bring it up out of the blue.... that's something you will have to figure out.

 

and by the way, even though your friend is being very immature, if you want to save the friendship, just freakin apologize for goodness sake. that's what it takes to keep relationships working - sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, and apologize, even though we all know your friend is being ridiculous.

[doeblin]

and by the way, even though your friend is being very immature, if you want to save the friendship, just freakin apologize for goodness sake. that's what it takes to keep relationships working - sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, and apologize, even though we all know your friend is being ridiculous.

 

I disagree.

 

He still hasn't apologized, even though what he did was objectively bad.

 

And if I apologized, it would mean I tolerate his despicable behavior, which I don't.

 

 

 

"Buh-bye, Steve!"

 

 

Best of luck to in your decision as to what you will do, OP...

 

Yeah, I decided I don't want to see him for a year or whatever it takes for him to sort himself out.

[RRM321]

I couldn't in good conscience introduce this guy to any more female friends knowing he's likely to make uninvited or aggressive moves on them.

 

That he's holding a grudge over a lost flame is kind of inconsequential at this point.

[doeblin]

That he's holding a grudge over a lost flame is kind of inconsequential at this point.

 

Well, not really inconsequential, because if this conflict creates a rift in our group of friends, there will be all kinds of awkward situations. Who to invite to what event? Steve to BBQ, doeblin to the long weekend at the summer house? They'll have to take sides.

 

In the end this could change the dynamic so much, that I might lose another friend over this, just because they decide who to hang out with more.

 

Annoying, since I did nothing wrong.

[preraph]

I think he's one big seething cauldron of jealousy and resentment at taking second seat to you with the ladies. And the lid finally blew off. Meanwhile, no telling how long he's been poisoning you with women and/or friends behind your back, so good riddance to bad rubbish. Don't EVEN let him around you anymore.

 

And condolences that you lost a friend. It does suck. But if you can clear him out of your social life, what do you bet you find more people are your new friends or remain in your life because he's not there to badmouth you.

Edited February 24, 2016 by preraph

[doeblin]

Conversation with a close friend:

 

- Well, it's kind of understandable and not at all surprising given the way you dominate Steve.

 

- Huh? What do you mean?

- The way you're at the table, you're the center of attention. You demand it.

- But give me actual examples. What did I do? Did Sandra marry someone else because of me or what?

- No, Sandra is just an excuse.

 

- So, no examples then. Because I don't think I did anything harmful.

- I'll think of some examples. But this is the way I see it.

- What you're saying basically, is that it's my fault then, for being the kind of person I am in general? Even though we've all been friends for so long.

 

- ...

 

- Because the way I see it, smearing is the friendship version of cheating. Very hard to recover trust after that.

 

 

 

__________

 

 

Ugh, Some friends strain too hard to be neutral. To be fair, I am famous for being cocky. But I never had bad intentions.

 

My interpretation is, that Steve's stuck in a rut. He's been trying to change jobs since forever, he's been single for ages. I always tried to give him advice. But I can be brash. And my overconfidence annoys the **** out of him. (He actually said that he's tired of my macho BS.)

 

I still refuse to take the blame.

 

 

 

edit: And this friend finely tiptoed around the uninvited advances angle.

Edited February 27, 2016 by doeblin