Just feel really meh and detached all the time

[Buddhist]

I have trouble actually feeling anything about stuff anymore. I can't get excited and I don't seem to get sad anymore. I just live in this lifeless kind of existence where I just accept everything and think not much of it. It's fine mostly but it also means that I don't feel inspired nor motivated for anything to really change.

 

I believe a lot of this has come from CBT where I've learned to just observe my emotions rather than feel them. Oh I'm disappointed, so what, keep going kind of thing. Oh feel sad, big deal just keep going. I am no longer moved by my emotional states I just detach from them and my life has become really meh as a result.

 

Anyone else experience this?

 

Note to respondents - don't bother telling me to pop pills and see a therapist. I already do. Melancholic depression does not respond to this. Also I do an 8km walk every single day as well as an hour of yoga and meditation. Those aren't fixes for this either. My diet is amazing compared to most people, I eat mostly fresh vegetables and protein with a bit of steamed brown rice and the correct ratios of oils. I have 15% body fat and the physique of an athlete. I am convinced this state is spiritual on some level, it certainly doesn't respond to medication, lifestyle changes or therapy.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Buddhist

[K2z]

If like most people in this space you are in the aftermath of a breakup, your numbness and ennui may be a necessary and transient phase.

 

That whole five stages of grief thing can sound cliche as hell when you are the one suffering it, but it's more or less true. Numbness and emotional flatlining may well pass into anger, sadness, or a sense of relief.. there's no standard roadmap. I would suggest your present state is better than the agony of a recent breakup.

[Buddhist]

If like most people in this space you are in the aftermath of a breakup, your numbness and ennui may be a necessary and transient phase.

 

That whole five stages of grief thing can sound cliche as hell when you are the one suffering it, but it's more or less true. Numbness and emotional flatlining may well pass into anger, sadness, or a sense of relief.. there's no standard roadmap. I would suggest your present state is better than the agony of a recent breakup.

 

There is no recent breakup, this has been my state for the past 4yrs more or less.

[K2z]

Fascinating. Well, two things occur. Maybe you could use a jumpstart of adrenaline via skydiving or whatnot. Or, immersion in some kind of social issue that's difficult to maintain indifference about-- inequality, or racism, or totalitarianism.

[266696687]

I have trouble actually feeling anything about stuff anymore. I can't get excited and I don't seem to get sad anymore. I just live in this lifeless kind of existence where I just accept everything and think not much of it. It's fine mostly but it also means that I don't feel inspired nor motivated for anything to really change.

 

I believe a lot of this has come from CBT where I've learned to just observe my emotions rather than feel them. Oh I'm disappointed, so what, keep going kind of thing. Oh feel sad, big deal just keep going. I am no longer moved by my emotional states I just detach from them and my life has become really meh as a result.

 

Anyone else experience this?

 

Note to respondents - don't bother telling me to pop pills and see a therapist. I already do. Melancholic depression does not respond to this. Also I do an 8km walk every single day as well as an hour of yoga and meditation. Those aren't fixes for this either. My diet is amazing compared to most people, I eat mostly fresh vegetables and protein with a bit of steamed brown rice and the correct ratios of oils. I have 15% body fat and the physique of an athlete. I am convinced this state is spiritual on some level, it certainly doesn't respond to medication, lifestyle changes or therapy.

 

Interesting post!

 

I understand where you are coming from I myself have experienced phases of meh! It's a bit of an unusual state of mind. Maybe you feel as if life has become stagnant? Same routine day to day. Sort of stuck in rut so to speak and is compounded by your lack of motivation to change anything.

 

I think K2Z might be right you need something to make your adrenaline pump. Something you've never done before or experienced. I liked his suggestion of a skydive.

 

The only cure is change. Getting out of your comfort zone. Doing things you haven't done before. The difficulty being the motivation to do it. You are aware yourself of the lack of motivation and that certainly gives you a starting point. Maybe right down 5 things you'd like to do or experience put them up on a wall so you can see them then take steps to work through the list.

 

Do you feel any emotions strongly? Annoyance, laughter? Or is it impacting you in all areas?

[Buddhist]

Hilarious that you guys think adrenalin is the answer. I've spent the better part of a year coping with random adrenalin spikes (known as panic attacks) so no....I don't think that's going to change anything. In any case I hate adrenalin inducing experiences, always have. I do not like to feel hyped up or scared, in fact I'd go so far as to say I absolutely abhor it.

 

I don't feel anything strongly except indifference. I'm indifferent to nearly everything because my life has been marked by severe disappointment. I can't get excited about anything without also experiencing disappointment to the same degree. So I've learned not to get either excited or disappointed.

 

It's anhedonia, I'm pretty sure. I checked out of a life about 4yrs ago and have been living this zombie existence since. Therapy hasn't helped in that regard at all. Just rehashing something over and over doesn't heal it or move it. It just keeps it fresh in my mind.

[K2z]

OK, so not adrenaline. How about contribution? I think that putting in some hard work in a setting where you are making a difference-- like volunteering with the disabled, or sweating in a soup kitchen-- may slightly move the needle on your indifference. It helped me a fair bit in my issues, which of course were slightly different from yours.

[Buddhist]

How about contribution? I think that putting in some hard work in a setting where you are making a difference-- like volunteering with the disabled, or sweating in a soup kitchen-- may slightly move the needle on your indifference. It helped me a fair bit in my issues, which of course were slightly different from yours.

 

How about no. I did volunteer about 10yrs ago under similar advice. Apart from ending up with a lovely cat who is still with me today I received zero other benefit from volunteering at the animal shelter. I don't get feels from that kind of thing, I just get irritated by wasting my day off instead of resting or doing something interesting. Sounds callous I know but people who've got no emotional energy themselves have nothing to give to other people. They can't even give it to themselves.

[JuanDelToro]

I never post in the forums (as i`m more of an observer) but your topic was interesting enough for me to comment.

 

You say that you don`t have emotional energy or you feel that you live in a lifeless existence, yet you actively participate in a social community such as this one, you keep your nutrition and fitness in control, you take care of a pet and in general you appear as someone that has his **** together. Does that makes sense with you? How do you rationalize such actions if, as you say, you suffer from anhedonia?

 

PTSD induces anhedonia and in most cases turns the sufferer into an emotionless living rag-doll. You`re far from that.

 

From the little i`ve read from you and without knowing anything about your past, my better guess would be that you`re suffering from a behavioral disorder or a personality disorder or both, that further induce moderate dysthymia.

 

If you really want to fix your problem, seek professional help even if you have done so in the past. If one psychologist diagnoses depression and prescribes medication, go see another one and another one, see ten of them if you have to, until its pinpointed exactly what the underlying issue is. Unfortunately many psychologists out there will diagnose `depression` in a blink of an eye the minute you walk pass their office door, without looking deeper into the problem (the curing a severed limb with a band-aid approach).

 

As i said above, your real problem is not the dysthymia itself but what lies under.

It is fixable though, you deserve to live a life experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, you only need to believe that and make the decision to fix it.

 

All the best

 

Cheers

[jay1983]

I have trouble actually feeling anything about stuff anymore. I can't get excited and I don't seem to get sad anymore. I just live in this lifeless kind of existence where I just accept everything and think not much of it. It's fine mostly but it also means that I don't feel inspired nor motivated for anything to really change.

 

I believe a lot of this has come from CBT where I've learned to just observe my emotions rather than feel them. Oh I'm disappointed, so what, keep going kind of thing. Oh feel sad, big deal just keep going. I am no longer moved by my emotional states I just detach from them and my life has become really meh as a result.

 

Anyone else experience this?

 

Note to respondents - don't bother telling me to pop pills and see a therapist. I already do. Melancholic depression does not respond to this. Also I do an 8km walk every single day as well as an hour of yoga and meditation. Those aren't fixes for this either. My diet is amazing compared to most people, I eat mostly fresh vegetables and protein with a bit of steamed brown rice and the correct ratios of oils. I have 15% body fat and the physique of an athlete. I am convinced this state is spiritual on some level, it certainly doesn't respond to medication, lifestyle changes or therapy.

 

Maybe that's the problem.

[Buddhist]

I never post in the forums (as i`m more of an observer) but your topic was interesting enough for me to comment.

 

You say that you don`t have emotional energy or you feel that you live in a lifeless existence, yet you actively participate in a social community such as this one, you keep your nutrition and fitness in control, you take care of a pet and in general you appear as someone that has his **** together. Does that makes sense with you? How do you rationalize such actions if, as you say, you suffer from anhedonia?

 

PTSD induces anhedonia and in most cases turns the sufferer into an emotionless living rag-doll. You`re far from that.

 

From the little i`ve read from you and without knowing anything about your past, my better guess would be that you`re suffering from a behavioral disorder or a personality disorder or both, that further induce moderate dysthymia.

 

If you really want to fix your problem, seek professional help even if you have done so in the past. If one psychologist diagnoses depression and prescribes medication, go see another one and another one, see ten of them if you have to, until its pinpointed exactly what the underlying issue is. Unfortunately many psychologists out there will diagnose `depression` in a blink of an eye the minute you walk pass their office door, without looking deeper into the problem (the curing a severed limb with a band-aid approach).

 

As i said above, your real problem is not the dysthymia itself but what lies under.

It is fixable though, you deserve to live a life experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, you only need to believe that and make the decision to fix it.

 

All the best

 

Cheers

 

Just wow, some random pops into the forum to give me his completely unqualified opinion that I have a personality disorder. I may as well shoot myself in the head right now. No, I'm not going to waste my time seeing psych after psych until I finally get a personality disorder diagnosis and live the rest of my life doped up to my eyeballs on some kind of drug. :roll eyes: Far out, I think I'd rather drink drain cleaner right now.

 

I am always confounded as to why American's think the answer to everything is a diagnosis and prescription. Bugger off with that. I'm interested in living a real life not one of dependancy on a prescription. Jesus. I have my **** together enough to realise that is no life at all.

 

God-damn American's are banal and totally brainwashed by the medical establishment.

[gbe2015]

I didn't see anything about how you live - are you an outdoor/nature type of person stuck living in a city/condo type of environment?

[smudge21]

Oddly I recall my really bad breakup from years gone by and I remember feeling exactly like you do now, but for me, it was the start of what I think of as the time I began healing. I felt nothing. No love. No hate. Just empty. Then I slowly (very slowly) started to fill those empty areas with new feelings, not another relationship, but just happy things that I used to enjoy doing long before she came along. It did take a long time for me but from what you're saying you've kinda' got stuck at that point. For what it's worth I often feel like what holds people back is themselves. We want to heal, we say we want to heal, but deep down, we know healing means we've totally moved on and forgotten about that person. We've fully let them go, that person that at one point meant the world to us. It can be scary to think we're heading that way too as it just means this is it, all over. All that time for nothing. It's only when you are truly healed that you feel better about it all. Maybe, just maybe, deep down you've paused yourself along the healing process and now can't get back on it. Obviously I can only speculate but if it helps...

[Mr. Disposable]

Just wow, some random pops into the forum to give me his completely unqualified opinion that I have a personality disorder. I may as well shoot myself in the head right now. No, I'm not going to waste my time seeing psych after psych until I finally get a personality disorder diagnosis and live the rest of my life doped up to my eyeballs on some kind of drug. :roll eyes: Far out, I think I'd rather drink drain cleaner right now.

 

I am always confounded as to why American's think the answer to everything is a diagnosis and prescription. Bugger off with that. I'm interested in living a real life not one of dependancy on a prescription. Jesus. I have my **** together enough to realise that is no life at all.

 

God-damn American's are banal and totally brainwashed by the medical establishment.

 

Your name, one would hope, would imply a slightly greater degree of enlightenment than what you're displaying here in your posts. Everyone on this forum is going to be "some random" to you until you talk with them a little and get to know them. That's the benefit of a forum. You have the opportunity to speak with someone hundreds, maybe thousands of miles away who might be able to provide an idea you hadn't considered.

 

Now, since you don't like your behavior/attitude being pathologized, I'll give it to you another way. You come across as a rude, self-centered, self-absorbed person, who can't heed the advice of others and thinks that he's better than them based on his nationality.

 

Since you're already on medications and don't want someone telling you to go see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist, go read a book on how to be a nicer person. Start there.

 

There's nothing more "banal" than being an as*hole. Oh, and it's spelled "dependency".

[BlueIris]

You do sound angry, lashing out like that.

 

Are you a Buddhist? If you are, and since you say you’re convinced your problem is spiritual-- spiritually, you "have" dukkha. Read about and meditate on the Four Noble Truths. Seek out a teacher or temple. Return regularly to your meditation upon the Four Noble Truths as you practice.

Edited February 25, 2016 by BlueIris

[JuanDelToro]

Just wow, some random pops into the forum to give me his completely unqualified opinion that I have a personality disorder. I may as well shoot myself in the head right now. No, I'm not going to waste my time seeing psych after psych until I finally get a personality disorder diagnosis and live the rest of my life doped up to my eyeballs on some kind of drug. :roll eyes: Far out, I think I'd rather drink drain cleaner right now.

 

I am always confounded as to why American's think the answer to everything is a diagnosis and prescription. Bugger off with that. I'm interested in living a real life not one of dependancy on a prescription. Jesus. I have my **** together enough to realise that is no life at all.

 

God-damn American's are banal and totally brainwashed by the medical establishment.

 

I`m not American and you`re right, haven`t finished my degree in clinical psychology yet, got a few courses left to complete, so i`m currently not qualified.

 

Apart from that, your reaction to my post was something i expected more or less and goes to further support my initial suspicion of the disorders mentioned. If you want a name for it, try Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ODD, although it`s not straight up just that and i`ll not expand further, as a forum is not the proper medium to diagnose conditions.

 

Where exactly in my post did you see me suggesting medication? This is an assumption you`re making. I`ve actually advised you against it, to avoid professionals that seek the quick fix so that you can live your life drug-free.

Personality and behavioral disorders are just that, disorders, so most of the times can be addressed effectively with consultation and even hypnosis. A good psychologist can help you re-frame your belief system that supports the disorder.

 

You`re obviously seeking help, otherwise you wouldn`t start such topics, so make a conscious effort and listen to people`s opinions even if you don`t feel like it, feels out of character or aggravates you. Not everyone`s going to be right and not everyone`s going to tender words, but `listen` anyways.

 

All the best

Cheers

[Buddhist]

Well if you aren't qualified and if a forum is not an appropriate medium for diagnosis why are you diagnosing someone you have never met based on a couple of internet posts?

 

Maybe I'm venting? It's common enough on the internet. Does that mean everyone on here also has a personality disorder? Give me a break. I really hope you find some more ethics than this before you start practising. Your sole purpose in replying to this thread was to stroke your own ego with your pop diagnosis.

[Buddhist]

Oddly I recall my really bad breakup from years gone by and I remember feeling exactly like you do now, but for me, it was the start of what I think of as the time I began healing. I felt nothing. No love. No hate. Just empty. Then I slowly (very slowly) started to fill those empty areas with new feelings, not another relationship, but just happy things that I used to enjoy doing long before she came along. It did take a long time for me but from what you're saying you've kinda' got stuck at that point. For what it's worth I often feel like what holds people back is themselves. We want to heal, we say we want to heal, but deep down, we know healing means we've totally moved on and forgotten about that person. We've fully let them go, that person that at one point meant the world to us. It can be scary to think we're heading that way too as it just means this is it, all over. All that time for nothing. It's only when you are truly healed that you feel better about it all. Maybe, just maybe, deep down you've paused yourself along the healing process and now can't get back on it. Obviously I can only speculate but if it helps...

 

Bingo! This is it! The past few days since posting this thread I've had a huge emotional release and realised I've never really moved on from that breakup. In fact, and this is odd, I have little fantasies in my head about him coming back. Not often but whenever I met another person, there he would be in the back of my mind and some little movie would play in which he would be with me.

 

I'm attached to that past for some reason. Now if only to let it go, for good.

[Buddhist]

Your name, one would hope, would imply a slightly greater degree of enlightenment than what you're displaying here in your posts. Everyone on this forum is going to be "some random" to you until you talk with them a little and get to know them. That's the benefit of a forum. You have the opportunity to speak with someone hundreds, maybe thousands of miles away who might be able to provide an idea you hadn't considered.

 

Now, since you don't like your behavior/attitude being pathologized, I'll give it to you another way. You come across as a rude, self-centered, self-absorbed person, who can't heed the advice of others and thinks that he's better than them based on his nationality.

 

Since you're already on medications and don't want someone telling you to go see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist, go read a book on how to be a nicer person. Start there.

 

There's nothing more "banal" than being an as*hole. Oh, and it's spelled "dependency".

 

I'm female by the way.

[Buddhist]

You do sound angry, lashing out like that.

 

Are you a Buddhist? If you are, and since you say you’re convinced your problem is spiritual-- spiritually, you "have" dukkha. Read about and meditate on the Four Noble Truths. Seek out a teacher or temple. Return regularly to your meditation upon the Four Noble Truths as you practice.

 

I'm not a buddhist, it was just a random pick for a username.

[Buddhist]

And for clarity....here's why I have no faith in the medical profession, psychologists and diagnosis.

 

None of that has helped me at all in the past.

 

Psychologists just want to rehash everything until you get bored of it. Label it, tell you, you're dysfunctional and have you believe in some disorder as an explanation for your pain. All of that does nothing to address the actual pain and help you live a pain free life. I've had zero benefit seeing psychologists in the past. Totally unhelpful experience for me.

 

Medico's are similar. They just want to put a label on it, pack you off with a prescription and charge you a shed-load of cash for what was basically an unhelpful visit. I've been on antidepressants, mood stabilisers, anxiety medication. None of it made the smallest difference over the period of time they were supposed to. I've done better off all of it and just working through my life experience and issues. Yes I still have some issues, show me anyone who doesn't.

 

CBT did help to a small extent. In that when my fight or flight response was out of control I learned how to de-escalate that process. But it did nothing to help me find the root cause of the panic. I discovered that on my own.

 

That's been my experience to date. Sorry I'm not all hyped up on what the medical establishment can do for me. I've found it largely unhelpful to date. But Smudge21 did actually hit on the real problem for me and that was great! Sometimes someone with a similar experience can just be the most helpful thing.

Edited February 26, 2016 by Buddhist