Children?

[Saf17]

Not sure where to post this so sorry if this is the wrong place.

 

Going brought a divorce after my wife had an affair. She never wanted kids so I had mentally accepted that I wouldn't have kids in life. Now I'm seperated, I'm really thinking the idea over. However, being 28, I'm worried enough at being too old to find someone to be with (if and when I overcome the trust issues I now have) let alone have children. At what age did any of you have children (from 28 or older)?

 

Also, I can see this becoming a big deal when it comes to dating. Now, a few dates would be fine, but at what point is it best to bring up the children discussion? I don't want to date someone and kind of just end it and waste their time but also, surely, discussing it on the first date would seem stupid? Any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks!

[amaysngrace]

I know women who had babies in their 40s and men who had babies in their 50s.

 

I wouldn't worry about your age as much as I'd want to find the right person to be with and have kids with, if it comes to that.

 

You need to chill. You've got plenty of time.

[PegNosePete]

My dad was 49 when I was born, and 51 when my sister was born. Don't worry you've got a lot of time left.

 

2nd or 3rd date would seem sensible to me, in the initial "what are you looking for" discussion. No point wasting time if one of you wants kids but the other doesn't. Better to find out sooner rather than later.

[Toodaloo]

Saf you have loads of time!

 

Don't worry about it.

 

Worry about getting yourself ready to date and ready to meet someone more in line with what you want in life.

[Eaglescout88]

Hello! I am sorry about your situation as dealing with an affair and divorce is so difficult. You are certainly justified in the divorce, though I am always one for giving a spouse a second chance (not a third, mind you).

That written, if you are back in the single market, I will tell you that I remained single until I met my wife when I was 31 years old. However, when I was 29 I had a major change in my life in which I dedicated my life to Christ. After that, I found that I stopped looking for a woman to marry and just waited. It wasn't long before I met the right woman. After two "coffee dates", I began walking with her at the park at 5:45 am each morning. On our first walk she asked me two questions, one of which was how many children I wanted. We were married when I was 33 and she was 31 and we now have four children after nine years of marriage (ages 3,5,6, and 7). We are done for now because they are a lot of work, but we may pick up the torch once again and have some more.

 

I hope this helps encourage you that it is not too late for marriage and kids!

 

Good luck, Kevin

[strow]

Having children is so over rated. Do you know that it will cost about $250,000 in today's dollars to raise a child to adulthood, and that doesn't even include college?

 

Children are ungrateful, selfish and they break things quite often.

 

Save your money and spend it on the woman you meet to buy her nice things and travel all over the world.

 

If I could do it all over again, that's what I'd do.

[nadzz]

You are ONLY 28 years old. I know men in their late 30's who are still unmarried and want children. Be patient and a bit more careful and the right woman will come along and you can make babies with her

[GR4]

I'm 28 too and I'm so happy to be childless! I think anyone who has kids in their 20s is nuts to be honest. These are meant to be the best years of your life where you can explore the world and have fun. Do you really want to be stuck at home looking after a screaming child?! Easiest choice in the world if you ask me.

[basil67]

My husband was 31 when I met him and 35/37 when we had our two kids. He's a great age for it and a terrific dad

[Miss Peach]

I would think about how old is too old for you. I don't think 28 is too old but I do agree you're probably right in that it's going to take awhile to go through the divorce and get rid of your trust issues.

 

I would put some thought into your max age. When do you want to retire? What do you think about having kids in college when you are getting ready to retire? What about being young enough to possibly have grand kids? These are some of the reasons several of my friends decided not to have kids once they hit their 30s and 40s.

[GunslingerRoland]

I had my kids at 30 and 32. And that is relatively young for these days. I see many first time parents in their late 30's and 40's.

 

 

As a man, your biological clock ticks even slower. My dad was turning 50 when my brother was born.

[WaitingForBardot]

My wife and I were 39 when our kids were born. We got together at ~30 so I'd say you have plenty of time.

 

The problem with bringing it up too early is it can create the impression, whether true or not, that you're primarily interested in finding a baby mama. I'd say over a period of 3-6 months is not unreasonable. Yes it's a big investment in time, but it gives you each a chance to really flesh each other out with the whole baby thing being just one piece in the overall puzzle.

[Ms. Faust]

These are meant to be the best years of your life where you can explore the world and have fun. Do you really want to be stuck at home looking after a screaming child?! Easiest choice in the world if you ask me.

 

So weird, hubby and I missed the memo that we can't travel internationally anymore now that we have a child. I wish someone told us that before we headed off to Switzerland when she was 3 months old.

 

And here I am, planning a summer trip to Germany and reading articles about Amex PRG vs. SPG, lol.

Edited February 24, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[RecentChange]

You have plenty of time. And as a man, your clock isn't ticking as fast (risks of birth defects arent as high as an aged female).

 

Maybe it's changing times, maybe it's the demographics of my area, but none of my friends or siblings had kids before 30! None of them.

 

As for when to bring it up - maybe not the first date, but early.

 

I DON'T want kids - and its a "talk" I always have before having sex with a new partner.

[Ms. Faust]

You have plenty of time. And as a man, your clock isn't ticking as fast (risks of birth defects arent as high as an aged female).

 

Maybe it's changing times, maybe it's the demographics of my area, but none of my friends or siblings had kids before 30! None of them.

As for when to bring it up - maybe not the first date, but early.

 

I DON'T want kids - and its a "talk" I always have before having sex with a new partner.

 

I think it may have a lot to do with where you live, as well. But the times play a factor as well. Of our close group of friends (the majority of which reside in suburbs outside of Detroit) we are the only ones with a child. Some want them, but are choosing to wait until after 30, some don't want any, and some are still virgins.

[candycane82]

I had my daughter when I was 32. I thought I wasn't ever going to have kids. She wasn't planned either but I'm almost 34 now she's almost 2.

 

 

I know people from high school who have really old parents and siblings with a big age difference from them. My daughter's half siblings are 13, 12 and 7. Some people have kids young, some old, some in between. 28 is definitely NOT too old to find someone and have kids.

[kztar]

Man this must suck. I know it's not good to have a life planned out but I DEF want to have kids in my late 20's. Like 28 or 29 so I understand how you feel. Some of these people are nuts having kids at 40 and 50. By then I want my kids to be getting ready for college so that I can enjoy being somewhat young but have children. Im 26 and my mom always tells me to have children while im younger. My mom had me when she was 22 and had my sister at 35. She said if she could do it all over again, she would of had my sister and I back to back. My sister and I would be closer in age and she wouldnt have to take care of a child at an older age. im 26 and i just got dumped by the person I had started to plan a future with. So yeah I dont know what my hopes are for having children before im 30

[Eighty_nine]

Having children is so over rated. Do you know that it will cost about $250,000 in today's dollars to raise a child to adulthood, and that doesn't even include college?

 

Children are ungrateful, selfish and they break things quite often.

 

Save your money and spend it on the woman you meet to buy her nice things and travel all over the world.

 

If I could do it all over again, that's what I'd do.

 

Kids are fascinating and amazing little people. Not for everyone, but you're really underestimating them. I've spent ten years traveling the world; now I'm pregnant. And I intend to slow down, but definitely not stop

 

You have tons of time, OP! I'm 30, boyfriends 32 and we're having a baby in the fall. We didn't even meet two full years ago. Didn't take long because the relationship was right and we both were 100% sure we wanted a child. (He wants two, I only want one, so that's an issue we still have to tackle.)

[Eighty_nine]

So weird, hubby and I missed the memo that we can't travel internationally anymore now that we have a child. I wish someone told us that before we headed off to Switzerland when she was 3 months old.

 

And here I am, planning a summer trip to Germany and reading articles about Amex PRG vs. SPG, lol.

 

OMG. this is the best thing I've ever read, lol. I've been going on 1-3 international trips per year for 10 years. I'm pregnant now, and people seem to assume I'm going to stop and are absolutely shocked I'm planning on taking my 8 month old to Alaska (and to me, that's not a huge trip, even from the East coast). I love that I'm not alone.

[Gemma1]

^^^^ Yupp...my baby and I went on our first cross country trip when he was 9 days old. He got his passport at 8 days old. Kids are fun to travel with, you get to see everything through their eyes. It brings a new excitement to life, I feel like a kid again too.

 

OP - you're very young. You've got tons of time. All of our friends are in their late 20s and we are the only ones with a kid. Hardly any of our friends are even in relationships, much less having kids. Don't worry.

[amaysngrace]

My ex-husband's uncle was so old when he had kids with his second wife somebody asked him "how you gonna take him trick-or-treating? in a wheelchair?"

[amaysngrace]

Children are ungrateful, selfish and they break things quite often.

 

Save your money and spend it on the woman you meet to buy her nice things and travel all over the world.

 

If I could do it all over again, that's what I'd do.

 

That's messed up.

[Ms. Faust]

OMG. this is the best thing I've ever read, lol. I've been going on 1-3 international trips per year for 10 years. I'm pregnant now, and people seem to assume I'm going to stop and are absolutely shocked I'm planning on taking my 8 month old to Alaska (and to me, that's not a huge trip, even from the East coast). I love that I'm not alone.

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

And thanks! Who says one has to stop living life because you have a baby? You would think one wants to live life even more, and share those wonderful experiences with the little ones. All it takes is patience and financial budgeting.

 

I was worried about traveling with her at such a young age. Little did I know that newborn- apx 4 months is the BEST time to travel with a baby. All they do is sleep and eat, lol! It's the older babies and toddlers that one has to constantly keep entertained. There are a few blogs out there that are specifically for traveling with baby/kids in tow.

 

We do one big European trip, and then lots of domestic travel in between. After this summer we are playing with the idea of renting an apartment/home in our country of choice, instead of living out of our suitcases in the hotels.

 

To the OP: My husband's dad was 51 years old when he was born!! Annnd he was a hands on, active dad. He took his kids boxing, biking, sledding, walking, everything! Trust me, at 28 and being a male you have plenty of time to think your decision thoroughly.

 

Gemma1, your avatar is gorgeous!!! :love:

[Gemma1]

 

Gemma1, your avatar is gorgeous!!! :love:

Thanks! I like him

[still_an_Angel]

Men can have kids beyond 50, its the women who run risks having kids in their 40s. You have a lot of time for kids, its finding the right one that might take time. Good luck.