HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 It's sad that so many people consider honesty an "unreasonable demand". well i think she made an unreasonable demand for him to report his movements to her regarding this chick i can't even believe he agreed to do that she's so jealous and when you are jealous you make unreasonable demands but maybe she has a reason to be jealous and is merely awaiting the END Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 this is an overreaction unless she believes he had an affair with his co-worker i kinda doubt it...but now everyone is gonna be thinking they did from the way she reacted...and what if its not even true the talk will ruin the rep of all three of them Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat well i think she made an unreasonable demand for him to report his movements to her regarding this chick Are you a woman, HoneyWheat? Do you have close male friends? If the answer to both questions is yes, I'd be interested to know whether this is the sort of comment you would be likely make to said male friends about their girlfriends. Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss fortune Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 I called him last night because my cat got put to sleep and I was miserable. I tried calling everyone I could think of first but nobody was answering their phones, so I just called. I went to his house and just bawled for an hour, and then we talked about saturday (I brought it up). He said he didnt call me sunday because why should he? I broke up with him. We didnt talk that much in depth tho because I was just too shaken up. But I think now that the lines of communication are open, we'll discuss it further. I think I'm going to be ok, and damn right I'm going out this weekend with the girls Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Are you a woman, HoneyWheat? Do you have close male friends? If the answer to both questions is yes, I'd be interested to know whether this is the sort of comment you would be likely make to said male friends about their girlfriends. Just curious. hi linda yes im female and yes i have some male friends ...but i wouldn't say I am close to them don't know if that helps it would make me very uncomfortable to be with someone who expects me to report my every move day in and day out...that is not necessary in my book and i won't do it with a man im seeing...i just won't that is craziness! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 You BROKE up with him????? HELLO?? You're gonna get dumped, my friend. How could you take this type of answer? Do you realise how clingy you are? You stuck with him for so long an through so much and you were broken up??? I'm shocked! You shouldn't have called, you shouldn't have gone to see him, because he's letting you go over NOTHING. What will happen when bigger problems shall arrise? Girl, take some time out, you'd have wellcomed him no matter what. I understand that your cat being put asleep is very hard emotionally, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. HE seems like a spoiled brat, upset because he got caught. I'd absolutely talk to that co-worker of his and to her fiancé and I'd ask him if he knew about the beach and all. Her sister telling you that makes me think that the girl did it on purpose. She's not out of the scene, be careful, she seems to know how to play her cards right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss fortune Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 I had a moment of weakness -- call me an idiot - whatever...what it comes down to is this. I am being a hypocrite for requesting that he check in with me and tells me everything he does. I never asked what he did that day, in fact it never even came up. Yes he should have told me, but what am I supposed to do...leave him because he doesnt tell me every single detail? I cant do that. Esp because I dont do it for him...I dont tell him everything thats for damn sure. Call me clingy, fine. The funny thing is, he doesnt think I give enough of myself to him, that I am sheltering myself off emotionally. Finally something potentially devestating happened to me and I went to him in a time of need. If thats me breaking down, fabulous. I am tired of waiting for the other to call and playing games over this stuff. I am an adult and so is he - we make mistakes and bad choices, and we move on from them. Thats nice that you think I am going to get dumped. I dont know how you can predict the future - and I dont think it will happen that way. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 it would make me very uncomfortable to be with someone who expects me to report my every move day in and day out...that is not necessary in my book and i won't do it with a man im seeing...i just won't It's not that uncommon for people to take the decision to trust their partners in these situations, only to find that the friendship is more than it seems. It sounds as if the OP was open about her concerns that the friendship would pose a threat to their relationship. She and her boyfriend then tried to establish an agreement that would enable him to continue with the friendship, but minimise the detrimental effects it was having on their relationship. Sometimes a certain amount of agreement about this sort of thing does have to be reached. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 how much older are you than he Miss Fortune? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by miss fortune Thats nice that you think I am going to get dumped. I dont know how you can predict the future - and I dont think it will happen that way. I've been in your shoes, Fortune. I was the one always making the move towards him, while he was doing the mistakes. I was the one creating the possibility of a come back - for the record, I admit I was the one always running away too. How can he be this insensitive and NOT call you after what happened? Or write you an email? do you realise that as far as he is concerned, had you not called him, he would have gone to his vacation as a single man? Is him giving up your relationship this easy NOT a red flag? As for your quote, you're right, I can't predict the future. But I do recognise a pattern when I see one . I'm not telling you to dump him, I'm asking you to think about it. If the other person sees how disperate you are about being in this relationship, how long before him taking advantage of the situation? Like he did right now? I don't mean to hurt you and I should have been more easy on you, but it reseambles so much to my ex relationship, I saw red before my own eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by lindya It's not that uncommon for people to take the decision to trust their partners in these situations, only to find that the friendship is more than it seems. It sounds as if the OP was open about her concerns that the friendship would pose a threat to their relationship. She and her boyfriend then tried to establish an agreement that would enable him to continue with the friendship, but minimise the detrimental effects it was having on their relationship. Sometimes a certain amount of agreement about this sort of thing does have to be reached. Hi Linda I guess if it were me and a guy kept talking about another woman...i'd think he was into her... so why would i want him to report to me on his movements with her??? see i'd be reading between the lines that he's not into me or that he wants out but i think in this case...its a co-worker who is already engaged to someone else and they are just friends. i am assuming they are in their young 20's and if its a friendly office big company i think everything's ok it is my assumption this was a company shindig or a group from work went to the beach.... if it was just him and her at the beach i would be a little worried...but maybe they are just friends....she is engaged already I doubt they had sex on the beach...that just doesn't happen in broad daylight...sorry Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoneyWheat Hi Linda I guess if it were me and a guy kept talking about another woman...i'd think he was into her... so why would i want him to report to me on his movements with her??? see i'd be reading between the lines that he's not into me or that he wants out but i think in this case...its a co-worker who is already engaged to someone else and they are just friends. i am assuming they are in their young 20's and if its a friendly office big company i think everything's ok it is my assumption this was a company shindig or a group from work went to the beach.... if it was just him and her at the beach i would be a little worried...but maybe they are just friends....she is engaged already I doubt they had sex on the beach...that just doesn't happen in broad daylight...sorry NO....it is bar/ restaraunt. And what is with the excuse "Oh, well she has a BF" ? How many cheaters has THAT stopped? i think Miss F is being played.....maybe it is nothing big yet, but the groundwork is being laid. And by not telling someone something that you know will make them mad....is the same as lying. just less guilt on his part. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 "The agreement was, he just had to TELL me about what happens - if they go out together, etc. No biggie. It was ok until tonight. We went to a party and someone asked him how the beach was. I thought, beach?? I knew nothing of him going to a beach recently. I asked and he tried to down play it but it turns out earlier this week he went to the beach with the female coworker. I didnt know what to do...I ended up leaving the party." she found out at a party that he went to the beach with his co-worker the girl from the beach is already engaged...at least that is what we have been told the poster should know if that is true or not...i am taking her word that it is true and that she knows this from the coworker herself already...i assume she has met and spoken to the co worker on occassion Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 he challenged her on a relationship rule...a rule that should really never have been made....because he has broken an agreement...an agreement that should never have been made....which was made to pacify her jealousy tendencies while maintaining his relationship with the op so she is shocked and betrayed and dumbfounded because he broke a rule... and now the ball is in her court of what to do...her only choice is to end the relationship or change the rules. that is where things stand i would say its time to renegotiate this relationship...and give herself some room to meet and talk to other men...but for now i would do so without discussing it with him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss fortune Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 We are in our early twenties and he is a year older than I. We both have some emotional issues we have to deal with - at least in my opinion, but ever since now it has never come to be an issue. At this point, I do not know what I am going to do. I left him a voicemail after he sent me a weird text about appreciating life for what it is (regarding my cat) - I said, I sort of feel like I am getting the brush off since youre not answering - BUT, you are my best friend and after this situation I have come to realize that the little petty sh it is not worth worrying about as long as you have the ones you love. I am emotionally distressed right now and I would like to think that I have been there for you in your time of need, and right now I think I need someone to just be there for me. I am hurt and confused, but I would like to talk before you go on vacation...if not, thats your decision, I hope you have fun and be safe and I love you." He sent me a text that says "I was not blowing you off I am at the gym". And I know he has to work in a few minutes so whatever. I guess if he calls me tonight I'll know he wants to make something of this. If not, I'll know where we stand. This other girl has an ex fiance that is waiting by the sidelines for her. She is pining for my b/f's best friend who is in the marines (hes never around and has several other girls so she feels like nothing to him which bothers her and she often talks to my bf about it at work) AND she is dating a guy they work with. My boyfriend knows every single guy involved, and I cannot see him, based on his personality and his history, ever wanting to be with a girl he would have to share. Plus it would cause all kinds of drama with the ex fiance -- it just WILL NOT happen between them. I already know that and I trust him. It was convenient he didnt tell me, but I am guilty of doing it to him as well. We are young and make mistakes -- so be it. Yes, I have met and talked to this girl a couple of times. She is older than both of us, and actually shes quite annoying but regardless, shes a nice girl. ALL of his friends are friends with her, and its impossible for me to say she is closest to my b/f but I dont think thats the case. Regardless, my heart hurts thinking that I have messed it up for good. I was in shock at the moment when I acted and now I have to deal with the consequences, as does he. It's still hard to believe its all happening to me though. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 You didn't mess up, why do you say this? Is he brainwashing you? She's a player and guess what, maybe your bf doesn't want exclusivity after all and just enjoys playing the field a little bit. What if her sister told you about the beach exactly because she knew that your bf would tell you nothing and thus create problems in your relationship? I'd be pissed off too if I had confidence issues and he'd pull a stunt like that. It's not your fault. Don't think that. I wish I could make you see!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss fortune Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Well I cant help but think I acted harshly, considering how I have acted in the past. BUT you are right, he didnt keep his end of the bargain so he deserved it. Believe me, I havent apologized because he hasnt either. I cant imagine my b/f playing the field. I am sure other woman have said this before too but he is jealous, just like me, and its not his style at ALL. But I know what u are saying. I dont know what to make of her sister asking about it -- part of me thinks it was on purpose but another thinks it could be really innocent, it was the DAY BEFORE that he went, so its not like it was 2 weeks later or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 hmmm well was the sister asking about the beach? or was she asking about how your bf and her sister got along at the beach? it kinda makes a difference i wouldn't exclude the possibility that the girl is working on your bf and it is possible that the little sister doesn't like it that your bf is hanging with her sister when he has a boyfriend.... everyone has different ideas of what is ok and not ok maybe the lil sister is stirring the pot trying to get her sister in trouble or your bf in trouble maybe the little sister knows whether her sister likes your guy or not, as in would like to date him hint hint Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss fortune Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 I wouldnt doubt the girl he works with would like to date my bf, that doesnt necessarily mean he would reciprocate though. The other sister is dating his best friend and they are planning to get married. I DOUBT she wants my b/f ... omg hes calling me. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 No, I meant she did this for her sister... Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 ok....my current bf, was and still is "pals" with a chic at his work, a restaraunt no less. last year around this time, he started hanging out with her a lot. with a group of others from his work. i had no reason to think anything of it, and i did not. i had met this girl and i liked her, and she liked me from what my bf had told me. well, i find out through one of his friends, he has feelings for this girl....possibly. we lived together at the time. i confronted him about it. and turns out the had made out, or something. and yes, he WAS gonna tell me........ he had gone out with the group, and aptly, the group all did other things while they were alone. he kissed her and she him. she had a bf at the time. it was very hard, and is still kinda hard, at times. being that they work together, i could not say never see her again. and he argued that she was his friend....and that she was "not his type"....ummmm-kay! anyways.......so my bf is still "friends" with gal.... , but i had just asked him to tell me when he was out with her, out of common curtousy to me.....Plus, if i was hanging out with some dude i had kissed he would want to know. And he has hung out with "the group" with out telling me. actually i called him and he was out with them...... and i eventually drug it out of him that she was there.....so that by me having to basically pull it from him, after i kinda "catch "him out....that to me is decietful, and may as well be considered lying. of course he says he was gonna call and tell me.......yeah right, that was why I called him, because it was late, i was worried, and he had NOT called me. and, she freaking calls him in his birthday! while i was there....i was pissed, i could not help it. Also, it makes me feel like he does not even want me to be there or hang out with these work friends....he does not invite me.....of course he knows i hate her guts, and never want to see her, and that is what he tells me when i mentioned it once.... anyways, as you can see, i am not completely convinced, and i do not think my bf is doing his damnest to convince me otherwise.....which i think he should. and to do that, would mean he would not hang out with this girl, or take her calls while i am there. it is rude to me, his gf, who he says he loves. AND~ I always thought, if anyone in our relationship would cheat, that it would be me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss fortune Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 she may have done it for her sister, all she asked was "how was the beach tony?" and it wasnt all sarcastic or loud, just a question like normal conversation. I just happened to hear it. If her sister wants me to break up with my b/f so that she can have him, whatever. There's not much I can do about that, you know? laRubiaBonita, I am sorry you are going thru this too. My b/f has not kissed this girl or anything but they share food together at work and thats enough to piss me off :b but you know...hes with you for a reason. Also, I think guys just dont like to feel tied down by having to check in and give play-by-play's of their whereabouts and with whom. Its in a way understandable as it seems controlling. Have u ever met or seen this girl? Was she nice to you or anything?? I met my "other" girl and she was nice to me. She invited me and my b/f out with her and her b/f a couple of times actually. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by miss fortune laRubiaBonita, I am sorry you are going thru this too. My b/f has not kissed this girl or anything but they share food together at work and thats enough to piss me off :b but you know...hes with you for a reason. Also, I think guys just dont like to feel tied down by having to check in and give play-by-play's of their whereabouts and with whom. Its in a way understandable as it seems controlling. Have u ever met or seen this girl? Was she nice to you or anything?? I met my "other" girl and she was nice to me. She invited me and my b/f out with her and her b/f a couple of times actually. yes, i hung out with her a few times, before i found out, hell, she' s come over to our home and hung out with both of us! and yes, he too, shares his food with some of the girls at his work. but i could care less about that. i do not want to know where he is at all times, i just want to know when he goes out with this particular chic, and i think it a small request. he likes to know what guys i hang out with, so if he wants to hold me to that then he needs to be able to tell me when he hangs out with her. and if it were NO BIG DEal anyways....why would he NOT tell you? the reason the whole situation sounds fishy to me IS the fact that he did not tell you, for what ever reason, that he went to the beach with her. see what i mean? Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by miss fortune she may have done it for her sister, all she asked was "how was the beach tony?" and it wasnt all sarcastic or loud, just a question like normal conversation. I just happened to hear it. If her sister wants me to break up with my b/f so that she can have him, whatever. There's not much I can do about that, you know? laRubiaBonita, I am sorry you are going thru this too. My b/f has not kissed this girl or anything but they share food together at work and thats enough to piss me off :b but you know...hes with you for a reason. Also, I think guys just dont like to feel tied down by having to check in and give play-by-play's of their whereabouts and with whom. Its in a way understandable as it seems controlling. Have u ever met or seen this girl? Was she nice to you or anything?? I met my "other" girl and she was nice to me. She invited me and my b/f out with her and her b/f a couple of times actually. I think i might know what is bugging you.... you want to be more involved in his social life...be included i bet you wish you were there when he was socializing at lunch together with his co-worker is this what is bugging you? so i think its just jealousy of his social life and not be included to do stuff...not being asked if you want to go, that type of thing Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 ok so what happened when he called you during this thread Link to post Share on other sites
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