266696687 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I know its not smart to go back to his house. But I painted him a huge painting that I spent $250 on and he said I could have it back. I'll be as safe as possible. He just txted me "Are you ok?" I'm def not txting back. You know it's not smart so why do it? It's not worth it for $250! Have you told him your intention of going there tomorrow? Let it go and post the keys back to him. it's just a painting and definitely not work the risk of any sort of confrontation with this guy. Instead of going to his house spend the time painting a new painting. Why would you want a painting back that has any association to him? Let him keep it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 I've said this in other threads: There is freedom in knowing that there are things that are simply not in your control. It has nothing to do with YOU. Acceptance is liberating. You cannot control how a person feels, what they think, what they like, what they need, what they want, when they feel what they feel, why they feel what they feel. And, neither can they. It is what it is. Thank you for the wise words Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 He just called me. I declined his call. Then he txted me, "I'm sorry if I hurt you." Just so I'm clear on this, he's trying to pull me back in right? If so its not going to work Just so you know "I'm sorry if I hurt you." Isn't an apology. Notice the big fat IF in there. IF he hurt you? Block him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 Just so you know "I'm sorry if I hurt you." Isn't an apology. Notice the big fat IF in there. IF he hurt you? Block him. Oh I know. Not a genuine apology at all. Whether he is sorry or not is irrelvant. I'm done. Its not smart to go to his house, hes on steriods and artificial testosterone too. Hindsight is 20/20 = I am an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 You know it's not smart so why do it? It's not worth it for $250! Have you told him your intention of going there tomorrow? Let it go and post the keys back to him. it's just a painting and definitely not work the risk of any sort of confrontation with this guy. Instead of going to his house spend the time painting a new painting. Why would you want a painting back that has any association to him? Let him keep it. And no I havent told him I'm going there because I know he'll be at work Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Thank you for the wise words Dis, I'm older and wiser, I promise you It's gonna be OK. Be patient with yourself, life and people. They are rowing the same boat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DropCity Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 ...Whatever you left at his house should really be of no importance. You should just forget whatever you left there (consider it a loss). You should not go to his house under any circumstances. Post his keys back to him. That's good food for thought, 266696687. Even making in and out of that guy's house with your stuff safely could set off his dangerous tendencies and only exasperate his anger and the situation. He could even change his mind about the painting not being a problem to take back. Letting him keep the artwork could be a good reminder for him of what a great thing he lost overall! I feel certain you'll create a better beautiful painting soon. But if you return to his place... you and your friend do be careful, D-373. Before, during and after. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DropCity Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 ... = I am an idiot. lol... you're funny! And so in the meantime... I recommend working on not calling yourself that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 lol... you're funny! And so in the meantime... I recommend working on not calling yourself that. Lol its hard not to at this point considering I chose to be with a guy like that and I wasnt even the one who ended the relationship. Hes been txting me and calling me the past hour. He said, "Why wont you even say a word? Idont expect you to engage in dialogue but at least let me know youre ok and safe." and "Well when your ready to talk let me know." What is his motive for txting me those things? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Lol its hard not to at this point considering I chose to be with a guy like that and I wasnt even the one who ended the relationship. Hes been txting me and calling me the past hour. He said, "Why wont you even say a word? Idont expect you to engage in dialogue but at least let me know youre ok and safe." and "Well when your ready to talk let me know." What is his motive for txting me those things? It doesn't matter . . . acceptance . . . move on. "Let ME know you're OK and safe" is manipulating. You were fine and safe before he came along . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 It doesn't matter . . . acceptance . . . move on. "Let ME know you're OK and safe" is manipulating. You were fine and safe before he came along . . . Yes I was and still am. He really shouldnt give himself that much credit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 "Why wont you even say a word? Idont expect you to engage in dialogue but at least let me know youre ok and safe." and "Well when your ready to talk let me know." Doesn't expect you to engage in a dialogue, but let him know when you are ready to talk? This guy sounds like a narcissistic a whackjob. I recently broke up with one. Run like hell! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DropCity Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) ... = I am an idiot. lol... you're funny! And so in the meantime... I recommend working on not calling yourself that. Lol its hard not to at this point considering I chose to be with a guy like that and I wasnt even the one who ended the relationship... I know how you feel about yourself after realizing you've overlooked or missed red flags in another. I used to say similar or the same things about myself once coming to the realization of those warning signs too. "What an idiot I am! How could you have not seen the red flags she threw out there? I'm so stupid." But I learned calling myself those words was not good and could lower my self-esteem. And creating low self-esteem would be a major turn off to the next romantic interest that came along my way. ...Hes been txting me and calling me the past hour. He said, "Why wont you even say a word? Idont expect you to engage in dialogue but at least let me know youre ok and safe." and "Well when your ready to talk let me know." What is his motive for txting me those things? It appears those types of text messages (and your good NC) is reinforcing the notion that this guy is controlling and frustrated. Because he has no _control_ over the situation or of you. Also his texts give a strong impression of *fear of abandonment*... a relative and standard trait of BPD sufferers. The next set of messages may become abusive and angry. Any engagement with this guy will only prolong his nonsense. So keep up the great NC! Besides, Redhead14 is correct in that it doesn't really matter what his motives are or what he's trying to do anymore. You'll come to feel that way, and "accept", after you don't care to know the answer to help understand him or the aftermath of the situation. All my best to you if you're still venturing with your friend to retrieve your painting and stuff! As mentioned... the two of you stay safe and be careful. Edited February 24, 2016 by DropCity 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Narcissistic Personality Disorder comes to mind. Look the symptoms/traits and see if they match with this man's behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 You know it's not smart so why do it? It's not worth it for $250! Have you told him your intention of going there tomorrow? Let it go and post the keys back to him. it's just a painting and definitely not work the risk of any sort of confrontation with this guy. Instead of going to his house spend the time painting a new painting. Why would you want a painting back that has any association to him? Let him keep it. I picked up my stuff at his house today. It went well. He was at work. I rushed like hell to get all my stuff out safely. I dropped off his shirts which I washed and hung on hangers and left his keys on his counter. I also gave him back the jewelry he gave me. He has a camera on his house. After I left he txted me: "Are you and did you enter my house without my consent?" Then he called me, I declined his call Then he txted me: "That is immature of you not to notify me. Please gather only your belongings, leave my keys on the table, and lock the doors behind you. You are on camera." I cant believe him....I didnt do anything wrong. ****Can someone tell me what his problem is please????? He acts like I was going to vandalize his house. The only reason why I didnt tell him I was stopping by was because I didnt want to have any contact with him. I saw that he put a framed picture us in a drawer, along with the card I got him. I dont want him back but that hurt. I wonder why he didnt throw it out. I threw out all the stuff that reminded me of him. Its done and I'm glad it is. I have closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 He's just poking you. You did nothing wrong. There's nothing he can actually do, and he's goading you and calling your bluff. Ignore, deny, and block his number, delete all contact details and move on. He's a selfish, self-centred egotistical narcissistic jerky. Let him say what he wants. The best remedy is to let him be a windbag, and to not get caught in the dust-storm. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Then he called me, I declined his call Good for you. NC is the best way to go with the kind of narcissistic personality he seems to exhibit. Any kind of dialogue about real issues go circular and never get anywhere. Concentrate only on you right now ... you did nothing wrong. Keep up the good work! Glad you got your stuff back without having to encounter him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I picked up my stuff at his house today. It went well. He was at work. I rushed like hell to get all my stuff out safely. I dropped off his shirts which I washed and hung on hangers and left his keys on his counter. I also gave him back the jewelry he gave me. He has a camera on his house. After I left he txted me: "Are you and did you enter my house without my consent?" Then he called me, I declined his call Then he txted me: "That is immature of you not to notify me. Please gather only your belongings, leave my keys on the table, and lock the doors behind you. You are on camera." I cant believe him....I didnt do anything wrong. ****Can someone tell me what his problem is please????? He acts like I was going to vandalize his house. The only reason why I didnt tell him I was stopping by was because I didnt want to have any contact with him. I saw that he put a framed picture us in a drawer, along with the card I got him. I dont want him back but that hurt. I wonder why he didnt throw it out. I threw out all the stuff that reminded me of him. Its done and I'm glad it is. I have closure. You didn't need to notify him as he'd given you a key so you had permission to enter the property. He is just trying to goad you into a response. Don't reply and carry on as you have been complete NC. He might be pissed because he won't get to hold your belongings over your head now. You've got them already so no need to ever meet or talk to him again. Glad you got your stuff without a confrontation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 Good for you. NC is the best way to go with the kind of narcissistic personality he seems to exhibit. Any kind of dialogue about real issues go circular and never get anywhere. Concentrate only on you right now ... you did nothing wrong. Keep up the good work! Glad you got your stuff back without having to encounter him. Yes youre right. Anytime I would bring up my opinions or express discontentment with him (which I rarley had to courage to) he would get angry and no progress would be made. It is his way or the highway. I do feel a great sense of disapointed in myself. I was such a great gf, I never caused him strife (I was too scared to), I was supportive and loving. I was everything a guy would want....but he dumped me????? He was controlling, manipulative and had quite the temper. I shouldve been the one to see it wasnt working and ended it. Why didnt I? I can see that I wouldnt want to be with him... But why wouldnt he want to be with me??? I ask this not because I want him back, I will never speak to him again, but why did HE break up with ME???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 You didn't need to notify him as he'd given you a key so you had permission to enter the property. He is just trying to goad you into a response. Don't reply and carry on as you have been complete NC. He might be pissed because he won't get to hold your belongings over your head now. You've got them already so no need to ever meet or talk to him again. Glad you got your stuff without a confrontation. Can I please ask you something? I'm asking this because I'm confused, not because I want him back. I was a great gf, I was supportive and loving. I did so much for him. I was everything a guy would want. He was controlling, manipulative and had quite the temper. I can see why I wouldnt want to be with him... ****But why wouldnt he want to be with me???*** I ask this not because I want him back, I will never speak to him again, but ***Why did HE break up with ME????**** I dont want him back, I'm considering myself lucky that its over, I just want some insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 Narcissistic Personality Disorder comes to mind. Look the symptoms/traits and see if they match with this man's behavior. I did look up Narcissistic personality disorder and many of the symptoms matched his personality and behavior. Including the love bombing. He was very intense and expressed his love for me all the time as early as 1 or 2 weeks in. He called me 5 times a day. Txted me all the time. Wanted me to move in. Gave me the keys to his house 2 weeks in. I dont want him back.... *****but why did he so abruptly pull the plug??? I'm trying to put the pieces together Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 What you keep stating " i don't want him back", sounds like you are trying to convince yourself of this. I didn't read this entire post. Just dropped by to see that you are putting into action some decisions. Good for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 What you keep stating " i don't want him back", sounds like you are trying to convince yourself of this. I didn't read this entire post. Just dropped by to see that you are putting into action some decisions. Good for you. I'm aware that it sounds like I do want him back. But the reason why I keep placing emphasis on the fact that I dont want him back is because I think some people believe I do. Thats not the case. I have gone through many breakups and have never once taken the person back or begged him to stay. It's not in my nature to want someone who doesnt want me. Once I get burned...I walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 I'm aware that it sounds like I do want him back. But the reason why I keep placing emphasis on the fact that I dont want him back is because I think some people believe I do. Thats not the case. I have gone through many breakups and have never once taken the person back or begged him to stay. It's not in my nature to want someone who doesnt want me. Once I get burned...I walk away. But I do want answers, just not from him. I just need other peoples insight as to why he broke up with me. It was so abrupt, and even though it was the best thing for me...I still dont why he ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) Can I please ask you something? I'm asking this because I'm confused, not because I want him back. I was a great gf, I was supportive and loving. I did so much for him. I was everything a guy would want. He was controlling, manipulative and had quite the temper. I can see why I wouldnt want to be with him... ****But why wouldnt he want to be with me???*** I ask this not because I want him back, I will never speak to him again, but ***Why did HE break up with ME????**** I dont want him back, I'm considering myself lucky that its over, I just want some insight. I don't think anyone can tell you why he broke up with you in that particular moment. His behaviour is his own and the why only he really knows. Its not worth questioning or blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong. It could simply have been more manipulation in order to get you to beg. It could have been any number of twisted reasons he might have had. You will likely never know. It's not something you should focus on. It doesn't matter how good you were to him or how much effort you put in. It won't change the outcome. His personality doesn't sound compatible for an adult relationship so no matter what you do or how you do it the situation will still be the same because he won't change. He is what he is... Edited February 25, 2016 by 266696687 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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