***Disillusionment***

[Dis]

Be careful I used to be the same way, but you don't want to become co-dependent on anyone. For the record. Just keep this in mind for a future relationship. Anyways you dodged a bullet. Be grateful LOL

 

lol I know I didnt realize how troubled he was until I our relationship was over. I'm lucky it was so short lived. I know codependence is something I need to work on and I have made improvements....I'm just not there yet. Its a hard thing to change for me

[Dis]

I picked up my stuff at his house today. It went well. He was at work. I rushed like hell to get all my stuff out safely. I dropped off his shirts which I washed and hung on hangers and left his keys on his counter. I also gave him back the jewelry he gave me.

 

He has a camera on his house.

 

After I left he txted me:

"Are you and did you enter my house without my consent?"

Then he called me, I declined his call

Then he txted me:

"That is immature of you not to notify me. Please gather only your belongings, leave my keys on the table, and lock the doors behind you. You are on camera."

 

I cant believe him....I didnt do anything wrong.

****Can someone tell me what his problem is please?????

 

He acts like I was going to vandalize his house. The only reason why I didnt tell him I was stopping by was because I didnt want to have any contact with him.

I saw that he put a framed picture us in a drawer, along with the card I got him. I dont want him back but that hurt. I wonder why he didnt throw it out. I threw out all the stuff that reminded me of him.

Its done and I'm glad it is. I have closure.

 

******He is going to be home in 20 minutes. I'm sure I'll get a bunch of angry txts because he will see I was at his house. I didnt do anything wrong though. I picked up my stuff....dropped off his stuff....and left his keys.

But I'm sure he'll be angry. I'm nervous.******

[DropCity]

Congratulations on retrieving your belongings without any incident! (I'm on your side about the trespassing point, D-373.)

 

Bingo!

You're a care-taker, and that means you're a fixer. You can't fix the uncertainty - not by doing laundry, cooking, or any of those things. Think of it as you trying to control the universe.

 

Commitment or being "all in" is not a fix for uncertainty that will enable you to skip over that part. Pace yourself, be patient and let your great skills, talent, and compassion to care for people trickle out over a long and deserved period of growth.

 

Excellent points and advice! Double bingo!!

 

===

 

Thanks, Downtown, for pointing out my original BPD comment! And if I recall in my research, D-373... many doctors, psychologist or psychiatrists will not attempt to see or treat BPD-ers because they do not have the capacity to understand their own condition. (Something like that.) Downtown may be able to explain better as to why.

 

******He is going to be home in 20 minutes. I'm sure I'll get a bunch of angry txts because he will see I was at his house. I didnt do anything wrong though. I picked up my stuff....dropped off his stuff....and left his keys.

But I'm sure he'll be angry. I'm nervous.******

 

Hey, no reason to be nervous. You're not going to respond or reply and remain NC anyway... right?

[katiegrl]

******He is going to be home in 20 minutes. I'm sure I'll get a bunch of angry txts because he will see I was at his house. I didnt do anything wrong though. I picked up my stuff....dropped off his stuff....and left his keys.

But I'm sure he'll be angry. I'm nervous.******

 

Can you block him from your phone and social media?

 

That way, you won't have to deal with receiving any potentially angry or hurtful texts/voice mail messages at all.

 

Just a thought.....I would.

 

Deep breaths!

 

P.S. And in my state, one needs permission to enter property, even a landlord. State laws vary though, I acknowledge that.

Edited February 25, 2016 by katiegrl

[Dis]

Can you block him from your phone and social media?

 

That way, you won't have to deal with receiving any potentially angry or hurtful texts/voice mail messages at all.

 

Just a thought.....I would.

 

Deep breaths!

 

P.S. And in my state, one needs permission to enter property, even a landlord. State laws vary though, I acknowledge that.

 

If he starts to become abusive through txts then yes I will block him. I cant right now though so I'm nervous about what I will hear from him. I'll try to breath

[Dis]

Congratulations on retrieving your belongings without any incident! (I'm on your side about the trespassing point, D-373.)

 

 

 

Excellent points and advice! Double bingo!!

 

===

 

Thanks, Downtown, for pointing out my original BPD comment! And if I recall in my research, D-373... many doctors, psychologist or psychiatrists will not attempt to see or treat BPD-ers because they do not have the capacity to understand their own condition. (Something like that.) Downtown may be able to explain better as to why.

 

 

 

Hey, no reason to be nervous. You're not going to respond or reply and remain NC anyway... right?

 

Good to hear from you DropCity! Yes I have heard that many therpists and doctors will not see poeple with personality disorders. I think they are very difficult disorders to treat. Makes sense to me after what saw from him. And I'm trying to calm down its just he was very angry before about me going to his place. He sent me angry texts and called me. I did not reply and did not pick up. Of course I will kep up NC

[katiegrl]

If he starts to become abusive through txts then yes I will block him. I cant right now though so I'm nervous about what I will hear from him. I'll try to breath

 

Don't worry. He actually did you give you permission after you were already there, so not sure why he would be angry. He expected you to enter, get your things and leave the key.

 

Hell, you even washed and hung his shirts!!! :bunny:

 

Try to calm down, try yoga! That always calms me down.

[Dis]

Don't worry. He actually did you give you permission after you were already there, so not sure why he would be angry. He expected you to enter, get your things and leave the key.

 

Hell, you even washed and hung his shirts!!! :bunny:

 

Try to calm down, try yoga! That always calms me down.

 

He has a really strange temper. Things set him off that are non-issues. Thats why I always walked on eggshells around him. And good idea! Yes on Friday I'm going to start going to the gym. Its going to be my new passion...focus on myself and my health. I'm getting new sneakers and everything. I'm excited!

[DropCity]

...course I will kep up NC

 

You're right. Because of his last texts and calls, I understand your nervousness. And yes on the staying NC, I should have ended my post stating "rhetorical" or... "stupid question". lol Oops, there's that word.

 

...I'll try to breath

 

lol You're adorable and it shows in all of the posted chat & concerns these past two nights. When you find the right *sane* guy he's going to cherish you.

 

Enjoy your new sneakers!

[Dis]

You're right. Because of his last texts and calls, I understand your nervousness. And yes on the staying NC, I should have ended my post stating "rhetorical" or... "stupid question". lol Oops, there's that word.

 

 

 

lol You're adorable and it shows in all of the posted chat & concerns these past two nights. When you find the right *sane* guy he's going to cherish you.

 

Enjoy your new sneakers!

 

Thank you DropCity! Youre so sweet! And that wasnt a "stupid" question (lol) about the NC. It seems a lot of people on this site have a hard time with NC. As for me NC is empowering because I know I will never win with him...no matter what I say and because I know it irritates the hell out of him that he cant manipulate and control me anymore. Also by ignoring him he has no idea whats going through my head. He just txted me,

"You forgot the heels you bought when we went on vacation."

I dont want them, he'll have to figure that out once he realizes I'm never talking to him again.

I realize what we had wasnt what I thought it was. He wasnt who I thought he was. He sold me a dream and I bought it. Lesson learned.

I'm just glad today is over. The door is shut for good. I'm going to sell the painting I painted for him. Its 5ft by 4ft and I did a great job with it. I bet could get a lot of money for it.

[Dis]

Thank you DropCity! Youre so sweet! And that wasnt a "stupid" question (lol) about the NC. It seems a lot of people on this site have a hard time with NC. As for me NC is empowering because I know I will never win with him...no matter what I say and because I know it irritates the hell out of him that he cant manipulate and control me anymore. Also by ignoring him he has no idea whats going through my head. He just txted me,

"You forgot the heels you bought when we went on vacation."

I dont want them, he'll have to figure that out once he realizes I'm never talking to him again.

I realize what we had wasnt what I thought it was. He wasnt who I thought he was. He sold me a dream and I bought it. Lesson learned.

I'm just glad today is over. The door is shut for good. I'm going to sell the painting I painted for him. Its 5ft by 4ft and I did a great job with it. I bet could get a lot of money for it.

 

When he txted me:

"You forgot the heels you bought when we went on vacation."

He's probaby trying to get me to go back over there to get them, or have him come to my house to drop them off. Hes probably trying to get me to see him.

Not going to happen

[trippi1432]

When he txted me:

"You forgot the heels you bought when we went on vacation."

He's probaby trying to get me to go back over there to get them, or have him come to my house to drop them off. Hes probably trying to get me to see him.

Not going to happen

 

Good, every gal needs a new pair of shoes but you don't need to see him to get that pair back.

 

Any guy who aims to get you back with low hanging fruit isn't worth the grapes.

[TaraMaiden2]

If he starts to become abusive through txts then yes I will block him. I cant right now though so I'm nervous about what I will hear from him. I'll try to breath

 

Why can't you block him right now....?

 

Just curious...

[Simon Phoenix]

Why can't you block him right now....?

 

Just curious...

 

I'm wondering this myself -- why the delay on blocking? Makes literally no sense.

[Dis]

You have to let his comments roll off you like water on a duck. Try picturing him as a little kid in an argument repeating that pillar of intellectual debate: "I know you are but, what am I?"

 

You weren't allowed to be your real self with him, and you're not aloud to have the last word on your actions, either.

 

If you really want your power back, NEVER reply. The most irritating thing to someone who needs to have the last word - is not knowing if anyone was listening.

 

He txted me today,

 

"You also have my pillowcase."

"You left your hair curler and hair elastics and bobby pins. You should have been an adult and communicated, I would have gotten all your things together and we could have been civil about it."

 

Really??? He dropped me like a bag of garbage but I'm expected to communicate with him?

 

I should have been an adult? His little temper tantrum followed by dumping me was hardly adult behavior.

 

I did do the adult thing...NC!!!!

 

And I did bring his pillow case back, its in his hamper....I intentionally left the rest of the stuff.

Youre right RRM, hes like a little kid trying to have the last word. This is only the 3rd day of the breakup so I'm still trying to wrap my head around why he's still txting me these things. Its a process.

[katiegrl]

He txted me today,

 

"You also have my pillowcase."

"You left your hair curler and hair elastics and bobby pins. You should have been an adult and communicated, I would have gotten all your things together and we could have been civil about it."

 

Really??? He dropped me like a bag of garbage but I'm expected to communicate with him?

 

I should have been an adult? His little temper tantrum followed by dumping me was hardly adult behavior.

 

I did do the adult thing...NC!!!!

 

And I did bring his pillow case back, its in his hamper....I intentionally left the rest of the stuff.

Youre right RRM, hes like a little kid trying to have the last word. This is only the 3rd day of the breakup so I'm still trying to wrap my head around why he's still txting me these things. Its a process.

 

Sweetie.... if he were blocked, you wouldn't be having to deal with any of this.

 

It makes NC soooooo much easier.

 

Just sayin.

[Dis]

I'm wondering this myself -- why the delay on blocking? Makes literally no sense.

 

For those of you wondering why I havent blocked him:

 

For some reason it gives me a feeling of power when I recieve a txt from him (I'm aware thats probably not a healthy thing)

 

When he txts me I know that he is frustrated that he cant control me and irritated that hes not hearing back from me....for some reason that makes me feels good.

 

Its my way of taking back the control I lost when he broke up with me.

 

Its kind of makes me feel that through silence, I have the last word and I am ending thing on my terms. (Maybe thats not true, I dont know).

[katiegrl]

For those of you wondering why I havent blocked him:

 

For some reason it gives me a feeling of power when I recieve a txt from him (I'm aware thats probably not a healthy thing)

 

When he txts me I know that he is frustrated that he cant control me and irritated that hes not hearing back from me....for some reason that makes me feels good.

 

Its my way of taking back the control I lost when he broke up with me.

 

Its kind of makes me feel that through silence, I have the last word and I am ending thing on my terms. (Maybe thats not true, I dont know).

 

That makes sense and if you did actually feel empowered, then I'd be the first to say DON'T block him.

 

However, that is not what's happening. His texts are clearly frustrating and hurting you (on some level) which sort of defeats the purpose of why you're choosing to NOT block him, no?

[Redhead14]

For those of you wondering why I havent blocked him:

 

For some reason it gives me a feeling of power when I recieve a txt from him (I'm aware thats probably not a healthy thing)

 

When he txts me I know that he is frustrated that he cant control me and irritated that hes not hearing back from me....for some reason that makes me feels good.

 

Its my way of taking back the control I lost when he broke up with me.

 

Its kind of makes me feel that through silence, I have the last word and I am ending thing on my terms. (Maybe thats not true, I dont know).

 

Dis, I understand your line of thinking, but you need to look at the "bigger picture" . . . it makes it just that more difficult for you to start moving forward if you're being "triggered" by hearing from him. It just keeps reminding you. Block him from everything -- your mind, your heart, your phone, etc. And, believe me he will at some point say something that you will feel you just have to respond to. Blocking is still silence and it is the last word. If he's texting you and you're not answering anyway, he's getting the last word. He's getting more satisfaction out of harrassing you and sitting with the thought that he's still hurting you in some way. Don't give him that. He's not thinking like you're thinking that she's "getting the last word/ending on her terms". He's thinking "I can still hurt her, so I will."

[katiegrl]

Dis373.... I have a question.

 

Is the reason why you don't wish to block him right now because each time he texts you..... on some level you believe this is his way of indicating he still cares....that he's thinking of you.... and that is what makes you feel good?

 

If so, I completely understand.... however please know that it is preventing you from moving on, unfortunately.

 

Hopefully one day soon you will be strong enough to block him though and when you do, your healing will begin.

 

I know it's so hard moving on.... takes time to get to that point where you are truly ready to. Like you said, it's a process.

 

Hopefully you will get there soon.

 

((hugs))

[DropCity]

Thank you DropCity! Youre so sweet!...

You're welcome and thanks. But actually, I'm a bad boy with really nice manners. (Just kidding!)... sort of.

 

...As for me NC is empowering because I know I will never win with him...no matter what I say and because I know it irritates the hell out of him that he cant manipulate and control me anymore. Also by ignoring him he has no idea whats going through my head...

Like you've mentioned, I also stay hard & fast and stick with NC once a relationship is over. Coincidently last year was a break up with a BPD-er. She kept trying to call and leave messages for 3 months. Fortunately those attempts got fewer and farther in-between. I almost "blocked" her number, but personally I don't like doing that. Similar to your thought... it sends a signal of what I'm thinking, so LET THEM guess what's going on through my head. Plus, why should I change things around in my life (and phone) to accommodate someone I'm not interested in anymore? That guy will eventually give up trying to contact you too.

 

He just txted me,

"You forgot the heels you bought when we went on vacation."

I dont want them, he'll have to figure that out once he realizes I'm never talking to him again...

For whatever inconsequential reason they were left behind is great. That is such a poetically perfect item to leave at his place with him! Heels. lol

 

*Oops, I see your hair curler too. Oh well we all know where he can stick that... while it's plugged in. (Sorry.) Told ya I was a bad boy.

 

Anyway, I hope you sell your painting for much more than just the dollar cost to you to create the piece. You deserve so much more in financial compensation for your time, your pain, and your suffering... so to speak.

Edited February 25, 2016 by DropCity

[Dis]

Dis373.... I have a question.

 

Is the reason why you don't wish to block him right now because each time he texts you..... on some level you believe this is his way of indicating he still cares....that he's thinking of you.... and that is what makes you feel good?

 

If so, I completely understand.... however please know that it is preventing you from moving on, unfortunately.

 

Hopefully one day soon you will be strong enough to block him though and when you do, your healing will begin.

 

I know it's so hard moving on.... takes time to get to that point where you are truly ready to. Like you said, it's a process.

 

Hopefully you will get there soon.

 

((hugs))

 

Yup thats part of it. I want to believe he still cares about me and maybe that even he wants me back. I dont know why I feel that way because its not like I want him back...its very confusing.

 

I'm feeling pretty down tonight. Before the healing is pain.

 

When I get a txt from him its 30% pain and 80% satisfaction. I dont know what my logic is for feeling that way. Its only day 3 and I'm ok...it just hurts at the moment

[Dis]

You're welcome and thanks. But actually, I'm a bad boy with really nice manners. (Just kidding!)... sort of.

 

 

Like you've mentioned, I also stay hard & fast and stick with NC once a relationship is over. Coincidently last year was a break up with a BPD-er. She kept trying to call and leave messages for 3 months. Fortunately those attempts got fewer and farther in-between. I almost "blocked" her number, but personally I don't like doing that. Similar to your thought... it sends a signal of what I'm thinking, so LET THEM guess what's going on through my head. Plus, why should I change things around in my life (and phone) to accommodate someone I'm not interested in anymore? That guy will eventually give up trying to contact you too.

 

 

For whatever inconsequential reason they were left behind is great. That is such a poetically perfect item to leave at his place with him! Heels. lol

 

*Oops, I see your hair curler too. Oh well we all know where he can stick that... while it's plugged in. (Sorry.) Told ya I was a bad boy.

 

Anyway, I hope you sell your painting for much more than just the dollar cost to you to create the piece. You deserve so much more in financial compensation for your time, your pain, and your suffering... so to speak.

 

Hi DropCity. I'm feeling pretty low tonight. I just home got from class and it hit me like a huge wave of emptiness. I've never been broken up with before. I think the rejection hurts more than actually loosing him because I know losing him is best for me. I dont handle rejection well...I never have.

You made me laugh Thanks. I dont know if Im going to block him yet. Like I said its 30% pain and 80% satisfaction when I get a txt from him. Me and my last bf were together for 2 and a half years. When I broke up with him I never said another word to him despite him txting me for 5 months after the break up. It hurt to get his txts in the beginning but after that they made me feel good because I knew it drove him crazy not to hear from me. I'm hoping it will be the same with this guy.

And thank you for your kind words. I think selling my painting will give me more closure and hopefully a good amount of money.

[Dis]

Dis, I understand your line of thinking, but you need to look at the "bigger picture" . . . it makes it just that more difficult for you to start moving forward if you're being "triggered" by hearing from him. It just keeps reminding you. Block him from everything -- your mind, your heart, your phone, etc. And, believe me he will at some point say something that you will feel you just have to respond to. Blocking is still silence and it is the last word. If he's texting you and you're not answering anyway, he's getting the last word. He's getting more satisfaction out of harrassing you and sitting with the thought that he's still hurting you in some way. Don't give him that. He's not thinking like you're thinking that she's "getting the last word/ending on her terms". He's thinking "I can still hurt her, so I will."

 

I cant say exactly what I'm trying to get across so excuse me for being vague..... People do not get away with hurting me. I'm not like most people who can only deal with *******s in mundane ways. I can send that negativity back.

And I plan to in about a week.

The more negative energy he sends the worse things will be for him.

[Redhead14]

Yup thats part of it. I want to believe he still cares about me and maybe that even he wants me back. I dont know why I feel that way because its not like I want him back...its very confusing.

 

I'm feeling pretty down tonight. Before the healing is pain.

 

When I get a txt from him its 30% pain and 80% satisfaction. I dont know what my logic is for feeling that way. Its only day 3 and I'm ok...it just hurts at the moment

 

Yes, he may very well care for you, however, he didn't care enough.

 

And, there is nothing "logical" about emotion That why it's important to balance your mental and emotional health . . .

 

It's not day 3 of a break up, each day is the first day of the rest of your life which belongs to YOU. You can give/waste three days being miserable to a man who doesn't deserve those three days or you can spend each new day focusing on you and your needs and being happy.