coolgoose23 Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 hi.. i am writing here after a long time.. the last time i was here was when i was going through a horrible break up with my first boyfriend ever.. it was a 3.5 yr relationship which ended so badly that it left me completely shattered and suicidal.. i didnt date for atleast over a year, until this really nice guy at college asked me out.. he was damn goodlooking and i liked him when i talked to him too.. it wasnt great, but without me realizing it, he was making his place in my heart.. i broke up with him because i thought we were very different and probably that it was too much of hard work.. anyway, i went back to him and then again broke up.. all this time i never stopped liking him.. after the 2nd break up, this other guy apporached me who was actually sumbody i knew better.. i thought things wud probably work out more easily with him but i failed to develop the kind of feelings that i had for the first guy.. so i broke up with this second guy too and didnt regret even a bit.. a now few months hv passed with no contact by now i probably seem like the player, but my question to all of u is, am i a commitment phobe?? is it because of my first relationship? which ended in cheat and lies?? it was a very initmate relationship and i cudnt even think of marrying anybody else.. now when i get into a relationship, i get a horrible feeling of being stuck and its not explainable otherwise.. i wake up in the mornings and get palpitations thinking that im with this person.. whats wrong with me?? the second issue, i hv never stopped thinking abt the guy who approached me first.. although i hv broken up with him twice and then gone out with this other guy for a couple of months, i just cant stop thinking abt him.. is it bcz i feel guilty or bcz im in love with him? i love the way he loves me and i respect him from the core of my heart.. and i hvnt been able to replicate the feelings i hv for him with anybody else.. but i hv closed all doors by being so mean to him.. i knowi ts hard to believe but i wasnt the kind of girl i appear to be.. i dont know why i did all that i did.. i hv lost my credibility and trust but i still want to be with the first guy and want him to forgive me.. am i crazy?? commitment phobe?? flirt?? please.. im having an identity crisis here actually.. but i can say one thing.. i hv never been happy doing all this and not a moment has passed when i hv not felt guilty .. hv i turned into my ex?? Link to post Share on other sites
nightwish33150 Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 well first of all it's ok to have no trust in any one after your big 3.5yr relationship break up , i would give the guy that u first meet after ur break up a chance because you seem to like him and also u must of broke up thing becuz u did not want to get in to a relationship and be hurt again, and forget about the whole" it's going to be hardwork to work thing out since were different statement of mind becuz people are different when you get closer to them. 4 the second guy leave him as a friend and 4 this whole thing where i wake up with a horrible feeling , it's u just worried about justing getting hurt again like i said b4. and when u give this first guy a chance open up to him just a bit and see wants his reaction and no u have not turn in to ur ex "From Now On were enemies........just you and I" Link to post Share on other sites
coolgoose23 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 thank you so much for your reply.. really appreciate it.. ! Link to post Share on other sites
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