SSJROMANCE Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Once a liar, ALWAYS a liar... Girlfriend of 8 years? This goes back to my point about people who date for years and years without that commitment to marry, they're usually cheating... they have the mentality: "if we're not married, then it's okay." monogamy is on life support... Ha ha. She was 14 and I was 16 when we met. A little early to marry don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Why does count matter ???? I don't know how old you two are but if he was the type in his eary 20s who could easily have sex and slept with 20 or so woman a yr puts that number up there. He also may have been the type to change who he date so they assume each one he slept with. I've dated over 100 women in my lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) Before 30 years old, he's 27. That is a very big number by age 25 (since he's been with only you for 2 years). I would be concerned for the same reasons you are. Edited February 24, 2016 by BlueIris 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Why does count matter ???? I don't know how old you two are but if he was the type in his eary 20s who could easily have sex and slept with 20 or so woman a yr puts that number up there. He also may have been the type to change who he date so they assume each one he slept with. I've dated over 100 women in my lifetime. Let's put it this way. Suppose you met a lady who slept with 100,000 men. Does THAT matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 wondering why some men who will do anything that moves vs some men who don't? Partly for the reason why some women only date men with money or take their husband to the cleaners when they divorce them. Or monkey branch men and move from one to another. Some people will just do what they want at anyone's expense with no remorse. It's also external validation. Men compete over money and women. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Let's put it this way. Suppose you met a lady who slept with 100,000 men. Does THAT matter? Of course it matters. Her time management and recruitment skills have to be extraordinary. I suppose most of us do have some kind of cutoff, where it's too many (or, perhaps, too few). Mostly, I look at who the person is NOW, what their values and behaviors are NOW, and realize that they may not have always been that way in the past. Most of us do learn and change - if it's for the better, then even better. If past values and behaviors matter more than current ones, then judge them for it and move on. Or, if you can't get over their past, move on. You're not doing them or yourself any favors by hanging onto something that gives you pause. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 You and your bf need to sit down and honestly discuss your feelings on the matter before you make any decisions. You may find that he went through some comfort sexual escapades due to emotional or physical trauma or that he has grown up/ matured since those encounters. If you want to know who he is as a man, what his views on fidelity are and why he needed so much sexual validation....sit him down and speak to him as the friend he should be after two years of a relationship. Best, Grumps 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Let's put it this way. Suppose you met a lady who slept with 100,000 men. Does THAT matter? um...isn't tissues and stuff like that by then already been overused or expired? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Mostly, I look at who the person is NOW, what their values and behaviors are NOW, and realize that they may not have always been that way in the past. Most of us do learn and change - if it's for the better, then even better. If past values and behaviors matter more than current ones, then judge them for it and move on. Or, if you can't get over their past, move on. You're not doing them or yourself any favors by hanging onto something that gives you pause. I think for me that depends on the period of time. Sometimes people go off the rails for a little while, a year or two. I did after 9 years of marriage before getting my shlt together again. I think that's different from ending up in a relationship with someone who had just spent a considerable period of time (like 5+ years, we don't know) screwing anything, most likely young girls who don't know any better. How would the OP even know whether he has matured or whether he is just trying out a new experience. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Granted it's different times, but nearly every semiattractive guy I ever knew probably slept with at least that many. I would say that a whole lot of guys would like to sleep with as many women as possible just for the sex and you're right, they probably don't much care about anything else than what they look like, if that, to accomplish that end. But just because he's been doing that, if you feel he's in love with you and he shows he really does care about you by protecting you and taking opportunities to make your life better and is open about his whereabouts and doesn't leave you guessing and act like it's none of your business, then just because he had sex with a lot of women doesn't mean he can't be in love and loyal. But you must take off blinders and look at those things I mentioned above and make sure he's really caring. Just because having him makes you happy doesn't mean he's really deeply caring. But his behaviors and attitude towards you do. If he treats you with respect and never belittles you or blows off your opinion on something and doesn't act like you're being stupid or that kind of thing; if he is responsible and always thinks about your well-being and takes steps to be open and make you feel secure rather than closing himself off and getting mad if you question, then go by his behavior, not his past. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think it's noteworthy, OP, that this is information that found you, not information you sought out. Since this is a value you find important, I do think it's a bit odd that you didn't make sure his values were in alignment—were you always planning to stay ignorant on the subject? What if you'd found out two years after getting married? I'm not ragging on you, just wondering if this is information you would have rather not known, but now that you have you're surprised and have to work through it. Still, why wait two years? Seems a bit of a shot in the foot. I'm troubled by his reaction. I can't imagine he was chuffed that his mate opened his big mouth, but the fact that he didn't seem willing to talk about it when you got home would concern me. I think if I were you I'd be afraid to broach the subject again. I don't think you're in the wrong for being upset, surprised, disappointed or shocked. I do think you owe it to yourself, your BF, and your relationship to really parse out your feelings on the subject before making a decision. I'm not necessarily against a man having such a high number, but of all the men I know who have numbers that high, I don't find any of them attractive, because most act like womanizing jerks. Good luck. I don't envy you in the slightest. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 100 is a high number for his age. I get that it makes you uncomfortable. However, you are now in a relationship for 2 years. To me it seems kinda late to be addressing this. If it was 2 months in would be a bit different. You say he is a really good guy. Maybe he's past all the experimenting Of all the married guys I know, the one that gives off the least vibe of feeling trapped/missing single life is the guy with a number over 100. Mind you he is a bit older than your bf. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 For me, dating is a process. It's an opportunity to get to know the other person better, figure out if you're a good match for each other, whether you share similar values, have compatible life goals and philosophies, etc. Some things you'll learn immediately. Other facts take a long time to reveal themselves. Everyone is entitled to their deal breakers. The fact that you found out from someone else accidentally is very bothersome. He chose to omit something important about himself and is still reluctant to discuss it with you because he suspected you would have a major issue with it. That's dishonest and shows a continued lack of integrity. Lack of integrity is a character flaw that's a deal breaker for me. Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, and if my partner lacks integrity, then I'll never know with certainty when to trust or where the truth really lies. Even if your boyfriend had been forthcoming, his promiscuity would be a deal breaker for me personally. It underscores how different our values are. OP, you will have to decide for yourself whether your values are such that you can continue with him. It's challenging when you're emotions become involved and you're in love with someone. At the end of the day, though, it goes back to the real purpose for dating--figuring out if this person is who he seems to be and whether his behavior and values are such that you can have a stable, trusting, healthy long-term relationship with him. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I have only been with 10 people. Thank you for answering though a typo left out that I wanted to know your ages as well. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 But what if you found out about it when you were already in a relationship with such a person? Would you end it on that premise? It depends upon what your goals are. If you want marriage and children, then a clash in values can be a big problem as you raise your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I can only imagine how different this thread would be if a man was saying he just found out his 27-year-old gf had had ~100 previous partners ... I think OP came on here for support, and not to be told how wrong she is. Smh We all know the rule of three. Men inflate by 3 and women divide by 3 so her number would be 300. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Why are you guys insisting on them having different values when she admitted pages ago she envies him and deep down wants to break up to go explore this meaningless sex for herself?? It's not about him It's about her not being ready to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
soleilesquire Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Why are you guys insisting on them having different values when she admitted pages ago she envies him and deep down wants to break up to go explore this meaningless sex for herself?? It's not about him It's about her not being ready to settle down. Actually, reading her post in context, it was pretty obvious is was a frustrated bit of sarcasm. Kind of like: Well, since I'm the dud and multiple partners is so great, maybe I should just try it. That's what happens when someone who has real concerns gets shamed for them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Whether you're a male or female. 100 partners over 10 years is still 1 partner per month. This is why I should never ask a woman I wanted to date what her number is. Even over 20 years 100 is so high to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Thank you for letting me know that are many men out there who don't. Otherwise, I know for certain I will be single for the rest of my life! wondering why some men who will do anything that moves vs some men who don't? Because there are men that will do anything that wears a skirt. Because there are men that will not do anything that wears a skirt, meaning they do not find her attractive enough to do. In general when men find a woman that unattractive they will say to each other I would not even do her with your "tool". Now what do the women say to each other about us that are not very attractive? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) Why are you guys insisting on them having different values when she admitted pages ago she envies him and deep down wants to break up to go explore this meaningless sex for herself?? It's not about him It's about her not being ready to settle down. Because she thinks that having a lot of meaningless sex is great. When she learns and she may never learn that meaningless sex is like mutual masturbation. That is the difference between sex and love. To get a high number is going to be a high price to pay for such an education. Edited February 24, 2016 by road Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Why are you guys insisting on them having different values when she admitted pages ago she envies him and deep down wants to break up to go explore this meaningless sex for herself?? It's not about him It's about her not being ready to settle down. I wasn’t “insisting.” She said it several times. I see no evidence that she is not ready to settle down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Granted it's different times, but nearly every semiattractive guy I ever knew probably slept with at least that many. I would say that a whole lot of guys would like to sleep with as many women as possible just for the sex and you're right, they probably don't much care about anything else than what they look like, if that, to accomplish that end. . I feel so mentally screwed just by reading this! I can't digest this! how and where those guys get those women? I doubt many women sleep with 100 men. so how does the math work? those 100 woman sleep with 1000 men? Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 This is why I should never ask a woman I wanted to date what her number is. Even over 20 years 100 is so high to me. It really is a question best left unasked and unanswered (and don;t tell your 'mates' either!) I've never asked. I've been asked but never answered (diplomatically avoided) Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Isn't this one of those double standards in dating? A guy with a high number is attractive because he's desired by a lot of women. . are you blind? clearly OP isn't find that feature of her man attractive! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts