Broke up with LDR bf best friend for 8 years

[Christine22]

Hi everyone. I was dating my best friend for almost 9 months. It was really good up until the last few weeks. We were best friends for 8 years until we finally decided to date. He works in another state 14 hours away and comes down at least a weekend a month. So our communication is all via technology. The past few weeks he had been kind of indifferent towards me and my feelings. He was not making me a priority had really no consideration for me. I would ask him what was wrong and was able to get nothing from him. He's never really showed his emotions since I've met him. And I was feeling as if he no longer wanted to be in this relationship. He even talked about marriage and said he was ready for me to be his wife he even looked at rings and did plenty for me. So the way he was acting just made no sense to me. He literally had no regard towards my feelings and said of his brother didn't have the weekend off or work he wasn't going to come we me (he always comes down alone) which infuriated me because I never ask him to come home and since this was the first time I did ask him to being that we weren't doing great I expected him to come since he doesn't depend on his brother. Anyways when he told me that I was upset because I don't think it right for him to depend whether or not he's come home to possibly fix things on his brother. Which is exactly what I told him and I told him I couldn't deal with his lack of effort/consideration towards me and that we shouldn't be together. I immediately regretted it it was on impulse however the thought of leaving him did cross my mind in the past week I didn't think I'd go through with it. Anyways I had been crying a lot didn't get out of bed for like a week and had maybe one meal a day. I know it's bad but I was really devastated. Sure it was me who broke up with him but I feel like he broke me ? We talked for a week after and he'd say he loved me and that I'm everything to him. But yet didn't make an effort to fix anything or compromise or anything of the sort. So although we didnt date that long we had a past as best friends like this guy literally knows everything about me and I just don't understand how easy it is for him to be with out me when supposedly him he planned to make me his wife. He seems so indifferent towards me and I'd love to talk to him but from all the crying I've done i don't want to seem desperate. He just doesn't seem like the man I've always knows and it breaks my heart to we this side of him be so cold hearted towards me.

 

I'm sorry for the really long post. Even then there's more to it lol.. Can someone reply to me please I guess I want someone's thoughts on this. Is it true men cope differently than women? Idk if he's just shocked or doesn't care or what's going on.

[Lois_Griffin]

The bloom is off the rose. What might have appeared to be exciting and new at one time has just turned into something old and frustrating for him.

 

The onus is on him to travel 14 hours to your state if you two want to spend time together. That gets REAL old REAL fast.

 

And a Skype 'relationship' gets old after a while, too.

 

Lots of guys talk marriage and rings and everything else, but unless they're standing in front of a jewelry counter with a wad of cash in their hand or a credit card with a healthy limit on it, it's just that. Talk. Just because he looked at rings on the internet or made a 5 minute trip into Kay Jewelers while he was at the mall buying underwear hardly means much of anything.

 

I just think the drudgery of a long distance relationship has begun to outweigh the initial excitement he was feeling. People want to get out and live their lives authentically, not spend their nights and weekends tied to a computer screen proclaiming their love for someone while their life passes them by. I have the feeling he may have met someone where he lives and he wants to peruse that and see where it goes.

 

Long distance relationships very rarely work and there's a reason for that.

[Christine22]

Yeah it is hard work being in a LDR and the fact that he didn't come down when in the past he's even gotten flights and stuff with out me asking him to really just shocked me. There's something really wrong. But you're right maybe he did meet someone or whatever the reason maybe be I think we're pretty much over for good. The communication was really bad these few weeks. And I thought maybe it was just a rough patch we were going through but I guess deep down I wasn't happy about not having him around.

 

Thanks for the reply!