Is it possible to find dates without using dating sites?

[road]

I would like to be approached at these public places, but no guy EVER comes up to me and strike up a conversation. I'm dressed causal, not over the top-like I'm wearing work clothes when I do errands or what not. Now, do I have to wear tight clothing and look like a hooker to get a mans attention during these scenarios? I mean, these kind of meetings could work, but has never worked on me unless I dressed like a hooker.

 

 

Going blind without pictures but I'll jump in anyway.

 

 

What some people call casual is not even appropriate to slop the pigs, or be on the Dirtiest Job TV show.

 

 

Some people when selecting clothes only put on want is comfortable and ignore does this make me look like as mess. Instead of finding clothes that makes her look good as well.

 

 

A woman in the right jeans, t shirt, sneakers, can look so unbelievable hot, and, and have every man wanting her.

 

 

A woman in the wrong jeans, t shirt, sneakers, can look so slutty that some may want to do her though they are never bringing her home to meet mom.

 

 

A woman in the blah jeans, t shirt, sneakers, can look so blah that most men will not find her attractive and pass on her.

 

 

All three women think they are dressing casual and looking fine.

 

 

Well how good a woman thinks she looks quite often does not line up with what the men think when they see her.

 

 

Some people can not distinguish the difference between dressing attractive and appearing TPT trailer park trash. Whether dressed up or casual.

 

 

Last the goal is to always look good because as every fisher man knows if the lure does not look good you will not get any bites.

[shoplocal]

Going blind without pictures but I'll jump in anyway.

 

 

What some people call casual is not even appropriate to slop the pigs, or be on the Dirtiest Job TV show.

 

 

Some people when selecting clothes only put on want is comfortable and ignore does this make me look like as mess. Instead of finding clothes that makes her look good as well.

 

 

A woman in the right jeans, t shirt, sneakers, can look so unbelievable hot, and, and have every man wanting her.

 

 

A woman in the wrong jeans, t shirt, sneakers, can look so slutty that some may want to do her though they are never bringing her home to meet mom.

 

 

A woman in the blah jeans, t shirt, sneakers, can look so blah that most men will not find her attractive and pass on her.

 

 

All three women think they are dressing casual and looking fine.

 

 

Well how good a woman thinks she looks quite often does not line up with what the men think when they see her.

 

 

Some people can not distinguish the difference between dressing attractive and appearing TPT trailer park trash. Whether dressed up or casual.

 

 

Last the goal is to always look good because as every fisher man knows if the lure does not look good you will not get any bites.

 

 

LOVE this! So true! So accurate!

[Qboro90]

I would like to be approached at these public places, but no guy EVER comes up to me and strike up a conversation. I'm dressed causal, not over the top-like I'm wearing work clothes when I do errands or what not. Now, do I have to wear tight clothing and look like a hooker to get a mans attention during these scenarios? I mean, these kind of meetings could work, but has never worked on me unless I dressed like a hooker.

 

That's because it's a two way street. If you want to have men initiate and come up to talk to you then you have to appear to be approachable. My guess would be that you don't look like you'd welcome a stranger coming up and striking up a convo. guys can just tell by the vibe they feel looking at you from a distance that you don't appear to be interested or inviting of being hit on/approached.

 

And that is something a lot of people put out there and don't even realize. I've had girls tell me after getting to know them, that they thought I was a dick, or not a talkative guy just based on the way I looked, my body language show'd. Which surprised me because I'm a very outgoing and social person so just goes to show you that you may not fully understand how others interpret your outward expression and body language.

 

If you want guys to feel better about approaching you then I would suggest consciously making the effort to make eye contact with other people while you're out.. Particularly the ones you find attractive. All it takes is 1 extra second of a girl looking at me from across the bar, aisle, checkout line, whatever and the slightest smile on her behalf, to let me know "hey, might be worth it to go over and say hello. She looks like she would at least give me a shot at talking to her "

[ZA Dater]

That's because it's a two way street. If you want to have men initiate and come up to talk to you then you have to appear to be approachable. My guess would be that you don't look like you'd welcome a stranger coming up and striking up a convo. guys can just tell by the vibe they feel looking at you from a distance that you don't appear to be interested or inviting of being hit on/approached.

 

And that is something a lot of people put out there and don't even realize. I've had girls tell me after getting to know them, that they thought I was a dick, or not a talkative guy just based on the way I looked, my body language show'd. Which surprised me because I'm a very outgoing and social person so just goes to show you that you may not fully understand how others interpret your outward expression and body language.

 

If you want guys to feel better about approaching you then I would suggest consciously making the effort to make eye contact with other people while you're out.. Particularly the ones you find attractive. All it takes is 1 extra second of a girl looking at me from across the bar, aisle, checkout line, whatever and the slightest smile on her behalf, to let me know "hey, might be worth it to go over and say hello. She looks like she would at least give me a shot at talking to her "

 

Here I thought you were going to suggest therapy or a dating coach.

 

 

The above is applicable to YOU, it may not be applicable to ALL guys. When people go out they all look at each other, doesn't mean that are all inviting conversation.

[ZA Dater]

Let's see...

I've had 4 relationships in my life (I'm 44 now).

1 - met in a college class (later married, divorced)

2 - met her in her small art gallery (later married, divorced)

3- met her in my small art gallery (dated almost 4 years)

4- met her in her pet food store (currently dating, coming up on 5 months)

 

As it turns out, none of the relationships in my life have been connected to my friends/family/social circle.

 

There, I proved it.

 

 

For the record seeing as I am accused of back peddling this is what I mentioned.

 

 

"No friends= no girlfriend. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong on that."

 

 

The bold part implied that the poster HAS friends, the fact you have friends is important IF posters cannot see or understand the meaning I am terribly sorry but NOWHERE does the above quoted from my own post imply that you need to meet gf through friends, what it does imply is that if you don't have friends, sure you may meet a girl but she is likely to reject you on the basis you have NO friends.

 

 

Its all semantics really.

[deep_night]

maybe you can try making new friends online, mainly by participating in mutual interests communities or meetups. that way there's not the pressure of dating, you can actually take your time getting to know people before deciding if you see them romantically... get to see them behave in "normal mode" instead of "date mode".

[Qboro90]

Here I thought you were going to suggest therapy or a dating coach.

 

 

The above is applicable to YOU, it may not be applicable to ALL guys. When people go out they all look at each other, doesn't mean that are all inviting conversation.

 

Well I guess that's just more proof as to why the way you think and the assumptions you make are majoritively wrong or in accurate.

 

You've been advised therapy by myself and others only after you fail to accept countless efforts and detailed suggestions/advise/ways of thinking or approaching it differently. I don't throw that around lightly or as a first solution whatsoever. Typically it's usually my opinion that people have the power to overcome or improve their situations as long as they are able to realize the reality of it and what they can control about themselves or they way they think.

 

Only when you proved that your reality is distorted from the way things truly are, and you prefer replying to others efforts to help you with reasons why you are helpless and always will be... Did I suggest professional counseling and treatment.

 

The OP here has no obligation or requirement to take my reply or anyone else's into action. I have no interest if he does or doesn't, has no impact on me. Apparently you appointed yourself sheriff of the advice community and want to compare the type you get with anyone else's.

 

So if your intention here was to call into question my reasoning behind the prior reply, all you accomplished was raising the light upon yourself (not surprised since you do it in every post) .

[Qboro90]

For the record seeing as I am accused of back peddling this is what I mentioned.

 

 

"No friends= no girlfriend. I challenge anyone to prove me wrong on that."

 

 

The bold part implied that the poster HAS friends, the fact you have friends is important IF posters cannot see or understand the meaning I am terribly sorry but NOWHERE does the above quoted from my own post imply that you need to meet gf through friends, what it does imply is that if you don't have friends, sure you may meet a girl but she is likely to reject you on the basis you have NO friends.

 

 

 

Its all semantics really.

 

 

Do you have friends? Since you've made multiple posts that people can look at where you reference your friends advice to you, the girls they try to get you to talk to, or what you do/where you go with them, then you clearly have at least 1 friend.

 

So what's the point of saying "no friends= no gf" if you are not victim of having no friends.

 

You have not shown any reasoning or evidence as to when or why a persons friends or lack there of come into play between a man and woman. If I moved to England tomorrow, I know zero people there and would have 0 friends. I can guarantee you that I could form and build a relationship with someone there.

 

The girl would have no evidence to prove to her that I have friends back home, nor any way of meeting/interacting with them, or any way to know whether or not I'm making it up completely.

 

So what does your proven declaration say now? The example I gave you can go for countless men around the world. Once with and without social expertise or ones with or without friends family and s social circle.

 

I'd also like you to explain how relationships work out when the girl hates all of the friends the guy she's dating hangs around with.... What about the relationships where the couple disappear from their social circles once they get into a relationship. We all know people like this who drop their friends once they get a gf.

 

Here there is proof that a persons friends not only have 0 influence on whether a girl will continue to date you or not, but shows that the friends a guy has can literally be despised by a girl and it will not stop her from seeing him.

 

If the corner you're in now has no rational way out, then just confirm that, and ill give you credit for being able to realize and acknowledge your initial stance could not have been undeniable

Edited February 29, 2016 by Qboro90
Spelling

[ZA Dater]

Do you have friends? Since you've made multiple posts that people can look at where you reference your friends advice to you, the girls they try to get you to talk to, or what you do/where you go with them, then you clearly have at least 1 friend.

 

So what's the point of saying "no friends= no gf" if you are not victim of having no friends.

 

You have not shown any reasoning or evidence as to when or why a persons friends or lack there of come into play between a man and woman. If I moved to England tomorrow, I know zero people there and would have 0 friends. I can guarantee you that I could form and build a relationship with someone there.

 

The girl would have no evidence to prove to her that I have friends back home, nor any way of meeting/interacting with them, or any way to know whether or not I'm making it up completely.

 

So what does your proven declaration say now? The example I gave you can go for countless men around the world. Once with and without social expertise or ones with or without friends family and s social circle.

 

I'd also like you to explain how relationships work out when the girl hates all of the friends the guy she's dating hangs around with.... What about the relationships where the couple disappear from their social circles once they get into a relationship. We all know people like this who drop their friends once they get a gf.

 

Here there is proof that a persons friends not only have 0 influence on whether a girl will continue to date you or not, but shows that the friends a guy has can literally be despised by a girl and it will not stop her from seeing him.

 

If the corner you're in now has no rational way out, then just confirm that, and ill give you credit for being able to realize and acknowledge your initial stance could not have been undeniable

 

 

Equally many relationships totally collapse or don't start because of friend issues.

 

 

I stick by my original post.

 

 

Creating an overseas tourist scenario supports your argument nicely, it doesn't work quite so well in the following scenario.

 

 

Guy walks into coffee shop

Guy chats to girl

Girl seems interested

Guy asks girl out

They go on the date

Girls finds out 2 weeks later the guy has no friends of or social life.

 

 

Odds of girl hanging around= next to none.

[Miss Peach]

I suggest meetup groups with more men than women, and other activities or clubs where there are more men than women. Ideally, these will be about something that actually interests you, as enthusiasm is attractive.

 

I've met women at meetup groups, and at dance classes (usually there are more women at these than men). However, by far I've met most using OLD.

 

I've met a lot of good guys through meetup groups. That was how I found BF and xBF.

[Rumely]

If the OP is never getting approached IRL, she must be giving off a "defensive don't talk to me" vibe/look. Or she is getting approached and not realizing why men are talking to her. Anywhere there are women, there will shortly thereafter will be men. A happy woman that gives some eye contact will get approached. It may not be a direct approach, but it will happen.

[ZA Dater]

Explain how the girl in your example would find out that the guy has no friends? The only way that information would get to her is if the guy/you flat out told her.

Why anyone would want to sabotage themselves and reveal that piece of information 2 weeks into knowing someone is the question you can ask yourself.

 

You also didn't explain why the girl who hates or doesn't get along with her bf or the guy she's seeings friends fits into your theory.

 

While most people have a few friends they hang out with as they get older...there is a large demographic of couples, , married people who spend all their time at home with their wife and/or kids.

 

Since you've established having at least a couple friends of your own, then this theory doesn't even apply to you now, correct?

 

Well if I never spent time with anyone then it would be obvious I have no friends so there would be no sabotage involved.

 

Friends, I have them of sorts but when I want to go out I go on my own because they both have their own lives.