Sad

[sandylee1]

This sounds like such a nice story.. I wish you'd both spoken up earlier.

 

Unless he is planning to end it with his GF then he needs to stay away from you. Don't give in to temptation. Make it clear that you won't be his bit on the side and stop the texting and flirting with him. No good can come of it.

 

He should be honest with his GF and end it if he's in love with you.

[dubliner]

 

You aren't cheating. But he is awfully close to it. He's having a relationship/friendship that is taking away from his primary relationship. And both of you know the girlfriend wouldn't approve

 

I couldn't disagree more, how is this not cheating, maybe not physically but im sure his gf would feel devastated if she were to have knowledge of the sneaking about and depth of feeling being exchanged here.

 

"We started texting/calling & facetiming since.

Always when she's not around ( oh yes, they live together ) nothing "raunchy" has happened. We do flirt a lot more. We have been talking every day since our reunion, on valentines day he managed to come and see me and flat out told me he felt jealous.

He says he cant stop thinking about me, sometimes after our conversations he cant even fall asleep because I won't leave his mind. He's told me a lot of beautiful things that seriously crush me everytime I think I'll never have the chance to be with him.

[Lady2163]

I couldn't disagree more, how is this not cheating, maybe not physically but im sure his gf would feel devastated if she were to have knowledge of the sneaking about and depth of feeling being exchanged here.

 

"We started texting/calling & facetiming since.

Always when she's not around ( oh yes, they live together ) nothing "raunchy" has happened. We do flirt a lot more. We have been talking every day since our reunion, on valentines day he managed to come and see me and flat out told me he felt jealous.

He says he cant stop thinking about me, sometimes after our conversations he cant even fall asleep because I won't leave his mind. He's told me a lot of beautiful things that seriously crush me everytime I think I'll never have the chance to be with him.

 

Because they haven't crossed the physical line. I'm not sure it's an emotional affair from her posts. If something good or bad happens in either of their lives, do they NEED to call the other one first? I don't feel that has been established. When I've been in "like" and in relationships, I get depressed if I don't have that contact after a while.

 

I do think he should end things with the girlfriend. I don't think he will ever be happy with her. He is sort of honing his craft and will possibly develop into a cheater with the right (or wrong) woman in the future.

 

Oh - also - single people can't cheat or have affairs. They are just "the other"

[lychee]

It's been done.

 

We haven't talked since Thursday and it's safe to say we won't anymore.

 

We had a deep conversation last thursday and I was snappy and pretty annoyed with him / how things are.

 

He says he understands.

 

I told him things would be different IF he was unhappy with her and wanted to leave.

 

He said nothing.

 

It hurt but like I said before, I was always aware we were never going to be together anyway.

 

I wished him the best, we didn't end the conversation as a goodbye, just bye as we normally do.

 

I havent reached out since, he hasn't either.

 

I never pushed for info about their relationship, I really don't need to know more at this point.

 

Common sense says he must be unhappy with her.

 

But will a man truly leave his gf when he calls her "one of a kind" or special.

 

Probably not.

 

That's how it is, now it's just time to heal and forget about him for good.

 

Thank you for your posts.

[loveboid]

If you want to be with him I would tell him, "I want you to break up with her and be with me." End of story.

[lychee]

No. I can't do that.

 

He's never said he's unhappy or that he wants to leave her.

 

but

 

I'm not stupid I know that a committed man or woman that behaves the way he is/was must not be satisfied. You just don't do that when you love the person you're with. I know I never did.

 

If he leaves her its on him to do so, it has to come from him.

 

Otherwise I'll be happy for him regardless, he deserves to be happy.

Nobodys forcing him to propose marriage to her, if he does it, it's because she's the one.

 

I do feel bad for her as I said before, I wouldn't wanna be in her shoes...I also know what you don't know can't hurt you.

[jenkins95]

No. I can't do that.

 

He's never said he's unhappy or that he wants to leave her.

 

but

 

I'm not stupid I know that a committed man or woman that behaves the way he is/was must not be satisfied. You just don't do that when you love the person you're with. I know I never did.

 

If he leaves her its on him to do so, it has to come from him.

 

Otherwise I'll be happy for him regardless, he deserves to be happy.

Nobodys forcing him to propose marriage to her, if he does it, it's because she's the one.

 

I do feel bad for her as I said before, I wouldn't wanna be in her shoes...I also know what you don't know can't hurt you.

 

 

I think you've done absolutely the right thing lychee. You have stepped away and left him to think about his situation.

 

You haven't pressured him to make any situations or suggested that he should leave. You have simply shown him that you are uncomfortable with the way things are, and given him space.

 

Well done - it's the right way to go IMO. You would never want things to be thrown at you in the future - either by him or his gf. He will have no doubt as to your feelings and he has a lot to think about himself. Does he really love his gf? Does he have feelings for you, etc? That's for him to think over, and he shouldn't go near you again unless he decides that things are definitely over with his gf, and then takes action and finishes that relationship first.

 

Well done for being strong and doing the right thing.

[lychee]

I think you've done absolutely the right thing lychee. You have stepped away and left him to think about his situation.

 

You haven't pressured him to make any situations or suggested that he should leave. You have simply shown him that you are uncomfortable with the way things are, and given him space.

 

Well done - it's the right way to go IMO. You would never want things to be thrown at you in the future - either by him or his gf. He will have no doubt as to your feelings and he has a lot to think about himself. Does he really love his gf? Does he have feelings for you, etc? That's for him to think over, and he shouldn't go near you again unless he decides that things are definitely over with his gf, and then takes action and finishes that relationship first.

 

Well done for being strong and doing the right thing.

 

Thank you jenkins95 I would love to ask you more direct guy advice, I've read your story, but I can't private message yet :/

[jenkins95]

Thank you jenkins95 I would love to ask you more direct guy advice, I've read your story, but I can't private message yet :/

 

Oh lychee - thank you!

 

Yes, as soon as you can PM, please send me one. It's a pleasure to be able to help and provide a male point of view.

 

But you are doing well. You've stepped away from a potential infidelity situation, and that is commendable. Who knows how far he would have been prepared to go if you hadn't done the right thing and walked away? You are to be congratulated on that and you may have saved a lot of people a lot of pain.

 

I wish I'd have had your clarity of vision and moral values - well done!

[sandylee1]

Lychee

 

You know the strange thing is I've heard lots of married people in affairs claim to love their spouses. I would say you can't love them and cheat.. but I've settled on saying the way we love people is different.

 

One BW actually read emails of her H telling the OW he loves his wife and would never leave her.....as she's a wonderful wife and brilliant mother. He said he would never hurt her ....but here he was in an affair... The mind boggles it really does.

 

So I don't know what love meant to him. .. but I never want to be loved like that.

[lychee]

Lychee

 

You know the strange thing is I've heard lots of married people in affairs claim to love their spouses. I would say you can't love them and cheat.. but I've settled on saying the way we love people is different.

 

One BW actually read emails of her H telling the OW he loves his wife and would never leave her.....as she's a wonderful wife and brilliant mother. He said he would never hurt her ....but here he was in an affair... The mind boggles it really does.

 

So I don't know what love meant to him. .. but I never want to be loved like that.

 

I think it's more of a security and scared of the unknown thing.

People often assume it's the other woman/man's fault. It's too easy. Something was already lacking in the relationship initially. Could be passion, thrill, excitement ...but once reality sets in most prefer staying in whats comfortable & routine.

 

He's only dating this girl. I use "only" as in if he was to break it off ..there would be no divorce, no children to worry about. It would be "less" messy.

 

I finally was able to discuss about this with a friend of mine who years ago went through a similar thing with another guy. My friend simply gave up once she realize he was in no rush to break things off with his gf. Years later she found out he was still cheating on his gf and even ended up marrying someone else.

 

*confused*

[lychee]

Oh lychee - thank you!

 

Yes, as soon as you can PM, please send me one. It's a pleasure to be able to help and provide a male point of view.

 

But you are doing well. You've stepped away from a potential infidelity situation, and that is commendable. Who knows how far he would have been prepared to go if you hadn't done the right thing and walked away? You are to be congratulated on that and you may have saved a lot of people a lot of pain.

 

I wish I'd have had your clarity of vision and moral values - well done!

 

Will do for sure!!

[lychee]

Update:

 

this past saturday has been 2 weeks since we last had any type of contact. He hasn't tried and neither have I. We left it at that casual "bye".

 

I think he could sense I was very annoyed with him/situation.

 

Guys, since I can't/won't ask him, I was wondering .. do you think ... he feels guilty? Do you think that's why he hasn't tried calling/texting?

 

This might sound weird and make little sense but ... I'm aware that if he's doing this to her...as serious as they are committed and everything..there are chances if possibly we would have gotten together he could have done it to me too ...

 

I'm kinda hoping he feels guilty .. so I can reconcile the idea and keep believing he is the great guy / best friend I had all these years.

 

He did say he was afraid my perception of him would change, I said it didn't ...I lied a little. Of course it bothers me. If he had'nt made a move I never would have ( confessed how he felt ) I mean we had those feelings for years and we never did anything about it.

 

He also did say that he had no regrets I liked and disliked that. For obvious reasons.

 

Sorry, I'm probably making little sense, but this is just my way of procession everything since I can't ask him directly.

 

Thanks!