MillyZon4 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Hi all, I wanted to ask for some advice regarding the relationship with my MIL. She is a very sweet and charming person and that's why I am confused. The first time I met her, I felt a little slighted or that when I would attempt to speak with her, that she was uninterested. The next few conversations felt a bit more like she was investigating who I was and looking for potential faults rather than really opening up and getting to know me as a person. Since then, she has come to visit (we live far away) and we had some really nice talks where I felt myself open up and our relationship starting to form. A little while ago, I was near my husband when he had her on speaker phone and she said that she felt like I was too good to be true and she wanted a more real relationship with me. He told her I had heard that the next time they spoke and she texted me an apology soon after. I know that her intentions are good, but it hurts as she is still close with his ex wife, someone who was often emotionally cruel to my husband (although I don't believe she is completely aware of this). I feel a lot of pressure now as her next visit approaches to really build this relationship. I feel a lot of the effort has come from my end and after this comment, I am starting to pull back. I feel my husband's disappointment as they are really close and he really wants us to bond also. I don't know what I did to deserve that kind of speculation and sort of mistrust. It's especially confusing as she is such a kind and cool person who is adored by just about everyone she meets. Any advice is welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think your husband, her son, should talk with her alone some time about his ex and what occurred in that marriage, and you and your marriage- not bash the ex, but be honest and balanced so that your MIL doesn’t feel confused or that she has to split loyalties. So many family problems or tensions arise from lack of candor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I take her comment as a compliment! You rose above her expectations so she is surprised in a good way. Stay true to your charming self. Not sure that anyone needs apologies... Love your husband and that is a blessing to MIL's. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I think you should give it time. I admire the way you remain upbeat and kind to her. Keep that up. Eventually she will accept you totally and cherish your relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilyrocks9956 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I would suggest on the next visit maybe explain to her that you would like to get to know her better and try to talk that way. I also feel that your husband needs to talk to his mom privately regarding closure on his last marriage and why it resulted in divorce. That seems a little unfair to me that she's still interacting really close with his ex and acting off with you.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I don't think her comment was as bad as you seem to be taking it. It sounds like she was just saying that she feels you are still trying to put your best foot forward around her and she just wants to get to know the real you. That's not a bad thing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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