Phoenician Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 The 77 years old man was with his lovely life at the neurologist clinic ; she was holding his hand and looking at him like a hero . his parkinson stage he reached is harsh . he failed most of the coginitive tests , even the simplest ones ... I looked at my my mother hugging him at pride ; she was so sweet . i cried , and felt so bad because he is reaching the end slowly . the truth is that I am feeling very depressed not only I am loosing someone very dear to me slowly ; but also being at the start of same disease myself I can see the future like a film. with one big exception ;my wife will not even bother to tap on my shoulder ... my kids are the only fortune of my life now . I can't leave them . However my strength is demolishing day after day ... It is a difficult path when you live with someone who sucks happiness from your heart when you are strong . what will happen when I become weaker ... i am speechless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenician Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 do you guys fear abondment more than death itself ? i do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Its normal to fear both fear and abondonment. We are human and feelings are there for a reason. I'm sorry that your wife isnt ( or wont ) be there for you when you need her the most. How old are you ? Cant you leave her and start all over again? Being in a miserable marriage is worse than being alone and opening up an opportunity to meet the right person for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenician Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 I am 45 , educated, have 3 kids , I am fighting the idea to leave , bec the ship is heavily loaeded , mainly emotionally with kids . Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 All any man can do is to play the cards life deals him. Play them the best you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 You are ONLY 45, dude ! Get up and get sorted. You've got better half of life the other side!! Many people find the best match later in life. Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I am 45 , educated, have 3 kids , I am fighting the idea to leave , bec the ship is heavily loaeded , mainly emotionally with kids . Phoenician, I must say, all this time, I thought you were around 65 or so. 45 is young. In your words you sound very very old. I'm sorry for what you are going through with your father. That's hard, when you have been handed that gloomy image of the future. Funny how we want to know what lies ahead of us in the future, but knowing it is actually not a gift at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Phoenician, I must say, all this time, I thought you were around 65 or so. 45 is young. In your words you sound very very old. i agree, i thought the same! OP -- i'm sorry for what you're going through. don't let yourself die emotionally; try to protect yourself from any kind of emotional abuse and try to encourage yourself & be happy through other things, people, moments. you're too young to feel THIS defeated by life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 OP, yeah, that's how it goes. Some folks can work it out. Others can't. If you're role modeled and evolved in the milieu that has ended up as you're describing, it's hard to understand those who weren't and didn't. I've come to see the disparities as different paths. On the other side of things for some time now, IME it's a quite peaceful place. Accepting things as they are, the things we can't change, can be like that. Oh, back when I was caregiving, a bit like your mom is doing for your dad, except the dementia was different and more violent in our case, I found a little Canadian-made movie to be really uplifting, even if sad. It IMO reflected what caregiving can be like and how people rise to the challenge. It's called Away from Her. I liked it because it had a man in a caregiving role, something I found surprisingly common at the facility once we got to that point. It's OK that your wife doesn't have that in her, whether for you or in general. Different path. Brief life. Make it count. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I thought that you were much older too. You're just my age!! Knowing your diagnosis somehow makes all of your other posts make more sense to me now. Everyone knows that they're going to die one day. I guess most hope that they will live a strong, healthy, active life & slip away peacefully in their sleep at a ripe old age. A lot won't! No matter what is happening in my life the first conscious thought, every single morning for me is "PAIN" & unless there's some fantastic medical breakthrough that will always be true. I've learnt to hide it the best I can. I KNOW that it will progressively get worse as I age. For years I've given support to other sufferers. Chronic pain or illness is a strange thing. People who have suffered acute trauma think they understand but chronic is very, very different. You NEED to go through the mental stages. It's like mourning for yourself. Reading your threads it's clear that you haven't allowed yourself to do this & reach acceptance. Depression & negativity is eating into every aspect of your life! This doesn't have to be true. You've got many, many years ahead of you. Just because you've read the last pages of the novel doesn't mean from now too then is page after page of misery! My H blamed me & my health for his affair & cruelty. YES! I completely understand your fears. He said, "I know that today will always be better than tomorrow." that's not true! I have FANTASTIC days. When was the last time you had a FANTASTIC DAY?? I suggest you see a chronic illness psychologist. It's very different from a regular shrink. They will help you mourn & move on. They will give you coping mechanisms for when your illness progresses. My problems are hereditary. My Dads in his 70's. He's learnt to play golf & the saxophone, both considered impossible! You have so much more choice in your life. It all depends on how you approach life & from everything I've read you're dedicated to the darkness. Please change that & STOP blaming your wife for everything or leave! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenician Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 I thought that you were much older too. You're just my age!! Knowing your diagnosis somehow makes all of your other posts make more sense to me now. Everyone knows that they're going to die one day. I guess most hope that they will live a strong, healthy, active life & slip away peacefully in their sleep at a ripe old age. A lot won't! No matter what is happening in my life the first conscious thought, every single morning for me is "PAIN" & unless there's some fantastic medical breakthrough that will always be true. I've learnt to hide it the best I can. I KNOW that it will progressively get worse as I age. For years I've given support to other sufferers. Chronic pain or illness is a strange thing. People who have suffered acute trauma think they understand but chronic is very, very different. You NEED to go through the mental stages. It's like mourning for yourself. Reading your threads it's clear that you haven't allowed yourself to do this & reach acceptance. Depression & negativity is eating into every aspect of your life! This doesn't have to be true. You've got many, many years ahead of you. Just because you've read the last pages of the novel doesn't mean from now too then is page after page of misery! My H blamed me & my health for his affair & cruelty. YES! I completely understand your fears. He said, "I know that today will always be better than tomorrow." that's not true! I have FANTASTIC days. When was the last time you had a FANTASTIC DAY?? I suggest you see a chronic illness psychologist. It's very different from a regular shrink. They will help you mourn & move on. They will give you coping mechanisms for when your illness progresses. My problems are hereditary. My Dads in his 70's. He's learnt to play golf & the saxophone, both considered impossible! You have so much more choice in your life. It all depends on how you approach life & from everything I've read you're dedicated to the darkness. Please change that & STOP blaming your wife for everything or leave! I agree with you , and i should go for a real change , a transition to a better life . not all ppl are the same , some are givers some cant . there are only two ways nothing else ; either give up and leave or live every moment to the most . Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Phoenician, I must say, all this time, I thought you were around 65 or so. .... i agree, i thought the same! .... I thought that you were much older too. .... You were all fooled by the avatar he had..... It's easy to associate a person with their avatar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 ShatteredLady, I find all your posts always very moving and thoughtful. But, by far this one has touched me the most, very deeply. So, true. When any pain (physical or emotional) that lingers continuously for a long time, on top of the pain itself, it wears out the very spirit of the person and the willpower to find hope and strength to fight it. Silently and slowly it takes so much to just keep going. Link to post Share on other sites
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