Why Get Upset OLD When Ignored

[road]

I'm seeing so many, "If you're on here for a booty call, ONS, or friends with benefits, click NEXT!"...enough to make me sick, esp. when you're NOT one of those guys that DO email them, only to be ignored.

 

 

 

 

I started a new thread here because I thought I might be thread jacking.

 

 

 

 

People that live in glass house should not throw stones. However I can not help myself.

 

 

I was never a woman magnet.

 

 

I am lucky that I got a woman that great all around including looks.

 

 

Years later I still am not a woman magnet, and now I have a lot less hair. Except those few now growing out of my ears and nose that I did not have when I was younger.

 

 

But less face it just because (if I was singe and OLD) I see a woman's photo and she has me drooling all over my key board and I'd be clicking on her profile, hoping to hear from her.

 

 

Hoping is not expecting. Because a man has the hot's for a woman does not mean that woman has to have the hot's for him in return.

 

 

When she see's my photos does not mean she has to desire me. Let's face I may make them want to barf on their key board.

 

 

That is the way of life.

 

 

In the old days when men were men we had to face up and actually talk to the bee-itches. Scary. Was she even going to let me get past hello before shooting me down.

 

 

You know the drill. You find her attractive. Attractive enough to risk the humiliation of her shooting you down.

 

 

Hello followed by nice to have a sunny day after all the rain lately. Or hello followed how is that book is it as good as everyone is saying. Give her a chance to engage in a conversation. Use whatever lead in the situation presents you with.

 

 

Only to get a response that makes it difficult to try to keep the conversation moving. Along with the eye roll to God and finishing with the look of disdain, and the negative change in body posture.

 

 

I did not get mad because I know that just because I like her does not mean she has to like me. I would not go out with any woman that I was not interested in. Turn about is fair play.

 

 

So today if you click on a woman's profile and she does not respond it is because that is their way of ending the conversation, giving you the eye roll to God, and her giving you the get lost loser body language pose.

 

 

HELLO, her not responding back to your profile means you got rejected. She saw your photo, read your sales pitch, so showing more photos, or sending more messages is not going to help. Time to move on.

 

 

So you struck out.

 

 

All that means is you keep taking your at bats, and striking out till you get your hit.

[soleilesquire]

Road, I would suspect you have average or maybe above average emotional intelligence, you did not grow up getting a trophy just for showing up, and you do not feel you "deserve" someone else's attention. I would also bet that you have learned the art of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for your life and actions.

 

That is why when rejection or striking out, which is part of normal life, happens/happened to you, you didn't go off, get suicidal, blame all women, or get violent.

[road]

Yes I grew up in a time when all the kids in the neighborhood would make up teams, play games and play sports.

 

 

No adults, no uniforms, no ref or umpires, no trophies.

[soleilesquire]

I did too. And I always approached dating as an "it may or may not happen" situation. If a man didn't find me attractive or didn't want to date me, even if I was really into him, it NEVER occurred to me to think he was some kind of flawed freak of nature who ought to be thanking his lucky stars I existed. Even if I had been nice to him or cooked him dinner or complimented him. If he didn't return the interest, I just chalked it up to, "Well, that's that. I guess he wasn't for me."

 

And yes, the above happened a lot. I tended to fall easily. So I experienced quite a few "rejections." Funnily enough, I didn't actually consider most of them rejections when they didn't get past the first couple of dates....because 2 dates is not a relationship.

 

I don't know where we got the idea that if two people don't spark it has to be somebody's "fault" or because there is something wrong with one of them

[deckard11]

This is a topic I can relate to all too well. I tried online dating and messaged a lot of women. I never got back one reply. It angers me because I was on the site to meet someone, not for a hookup. I feel it's common courtesy to at least reply back, even if you aren't interested. After all, I took the time to actually read their profile and not just go by their pictures. I would actually write back to these women and tell them how shallow and rude they were for not responding. Some actually wrote back and apologized. So ladies, if you're on a dating site and a man messages you, be nice and reply back even if he isn't your type.

[BlueIris]

When I did OLD, some men would write this kind of initial message:

“I like your profile. Take a look at mine and if you’re interested write back and we can have coffee sometime.” I saw that as perfect- being very smart and having the attitude you described, OP.

 

Men who get upset about women not responding on OLD seem to be ignoring or discounting the unpleasant things that woman can encounter in OLD- why women might not respond.

 

This is a topic I can relate to all too well. I tried online dating and messaged a lot of women. I never got back one reply. It angers me because I was on the site to meet someone, not for a hookup. I feel it's common courtesy to at least reply back, even if you aren't interested. After all, I took the time to actually read their profile and not just go by their pictures. I would actually write back to these women and tell them how shallow and rude they were for not responding. Some actually wrote back and apologized. So ladies, if you're on a dating site and a man messages you, be nice and reply back even if he isn't your type.

 

This is the thinking that many women (well, probably all people, really) want to avoid-

• People who get angry and lash out if someone doesn’t do what they want them to.

• Assuming that she ought to know what you want.

• Believing that someone is obligated to you just because you chose to read her profile and write.

Those traits don’t lead to a peaceful loving relationship.

[road]

This is a topic I can relate to all too well. I tried online dating and messaged a lot of women. I never got back one reply. It angers me because I was on the site to meet someone, not for a hookup. I feel it's common courtesy to at least reply back, even if you aren't interested. After all, I took the time to actually read their profile and not just go by their pictures. I would actually write back to these women and tell them how shallow and rude they were for not responding. Some actually wrote back and apologized. So ladies, if you're on a dating site and a man messages you, be nice and reply back even if he isn't your type.

 

 

How much time did it take to look at a woman's picture and think: wow she's the one for me and click on her profile. Not much.

 

 

So for the amount of time you invested for her to not respond is not really any amount of time you used.

 

 

Them not responding online is no different then walking up to a strange woman and as soon as you say hello she says not interested then ignores you.

 

 

Being shot down sucks. To me being told your a nice guy but I feel no chemistry or any other canned line is not going to make me feel better.

 

 

Because my Curtis Jenny just got strafed and I'm going down in flames. So it does not matter how I got flamed. I am toast as far as that woman is concerned.

 

 

You just patch up your Curtis Jenny (ego) and get back up flying reconnaissance till you find another opponent (woman) and start another dog fight. Staying on the ground at the air field is never going to bring a pilot (man) victory.

[deckard11]

Well I guess there's no such thing as common courtesy then. Oh well, I stand by my actions.

[road]

Well I guess there's no such thing as common courtesy then. Oh well, I stand by my actions.

 

 

It is not about common courtesy.

 

 

In NYC you can walk one block and pass hundreds of people. You walk ten blocks you passed a thousand people. No body says hello, nods, makes any acknowledgement to anyone, unless a man sees a pretty woman and then his neck instantly can swivel 360 degrees to prolong the view as long as possible.

 

 

NYC people are not rude, cold, lacking manners. It would take forever to say hello to everyone. Those ten blocks will never get walked.

 

 

Small town you hardly pass many people easy to say a few hellos and give a few head nods. People in the small town are not nicer. The sparse contact makes it easy to acknowledge other people.

 

 

Dating: women whether OLD or in real life they can't be spending time sitting with a man over a cup of coffee explain to him why taking her out is not happening, as in never, now way, no how.

 

 

When a man gets no response after he clicks on a woman's profile it means:

 

 

She did not like what she saw in the photos

She did not like his hobbies or interests

She did not like his recreational activities

She, in short did not like anything in his profile

 

 

So her lack of response is indicating she does not like what see saw.

 

 

How does it make things better by her saying get lost. Her silence said that loud and clear.

 

 

What is it that a man should be looking for?

 

 

For her to say: (play on an old joke) I showed your profile to my girl friend and told her I did not want to date you and asked her for a 2nd opinion. She said you really want a 2nd opinion? He's ugly too.

 

 

Instead of standing by your actions be honest with yourself there has to be reasons you are not having success in the dating world. I feel you pain because I know some people in real life that are so lonely.

 

 

I am not a dating expert. Though what these people have in common is they have deal breaker issues and they refuse to hear how they can help themselves. They refuse to change.

 

 

Their right to refuse. They pay for that right by being alone.

[neowulf]

Honestly, the *only* thing I eventually became a bit annoyed with in online dating was women fishing for ego boosts.

 

I was on one site where to send an email to a woman, you had to spend a "Stamp". These "Stamps" were freaking expensive and ended up being about $15 each, though you had to commit to buying them in books of 5-6.

 

So I found the process would go;

I'd indicate interest, they'd respond with a canned "Sure, email me!"

 

So I'd spend a stamp, send an email. Nothing overt, just a quick introductory email with some comments about their profile.

 

Then I'd wait.

 

And get nothing in response.

 

So basically, I just spent $15 and I couldn't even get some basic small talk out of a woman who *agreed* to at least exchange a couple of emails to feel each other out.

 

That, got to me in the end. I'm ok with being rejected. It happens. But don't toy with people and don't waste their time and money.

[Shining One]

So her lack of response is indicating she does not like what see saw.

 

How does it make things better by her saying get lost. Her silence said that loud and clear.

I prefer an immediate rejection over a few days of silence. My early OLD strategy involved messaging a few women, waiting for responses, then moving on to the next group. If I messaged 10 women on Day 1 and I got immediate rejections, I would message 10 more on Day 2. Instead, I message 10 on Day 1, wait several days, assume rejection, then move on.

 

I personally believe it's courteous to respond to messages, even if all you're saying is "I'm not interested". Heck, Match has a one-click button for that and it rarely gets used. I've responded to every woman who has messaged me and if I find myself back on OLD in the future, I would continue doing that.

[BlametheIrish]

I prefer an immediate rejection over a few days of silence. My early OLD strategy involved messaging a few women, waiting for responses, then moving on to the next group. If I messaged 10 women on Day 1 and I got immediate rejections, I would message 10 more on Day 2. Instead, I message 10 on Day 1, wait several days, assume rejection, then move on.

 

I personally believe it's courteous to respond to messages, even if all you're saying is "I'm not interested". Heck, Match has a one-click button for that and it rarely gets used. I've responded to every woman who has messaged me and if I find myself back on OLD in the future, I would continue doing that.

 

It is curteous to do that but many women have dealt with so many bad eggs on OLD they find it easier to ignore and avoid a confrontation that goes something like this:

 

Man: Hi there so and so, I really enjoyed your profile especially the part about blah blah blah, I like blah blah too. Maybe we could get out some time and do it together.

 

Woman: Thanks for the message but I feel we wouldn't be a good fit. Good luck on your search.

 

Man: **** you, you stuck up bitch.

 

 

Seriously I can't tell you how many times I've rejected a guy on OLD only to have that guy send me back a very nasty and downright juvenile message. Or the guys who think they can talk you into liking them anyway even though you've made it obvious you're not interested.

 

That kind of stuff wears on some people and makes them less likely to respond when they have no interest When I did OLD I responded to anyone who sent me a respectful message which meant half of the flood of messages I'd get in a day were just completely ignored. Most of the other half got a version of "no thanks, good luck on your search" and a select few actually gained my interest enough for me to respond in a favorable manner.

[Shanex]

It is curteous to do that but many women have dealt with so many bad eggs on OLD they find it easier to ignore and avoid a confrontation that goes something like this:

 

Man: Hi there so and so, I really enjoyed your profile especially the part about blah blah blah, I like blah blah too. Maybe we could get out some time and do it together.

 

Woman: Thanks for the message but I feel we wouldn't be a good fit. Good luck on your search.

 

Man: **** you, you stuck up bitch.

 

Bolded: This is my and I guess most normal men mode. I try to avoid compliments now though, because some ladies don't want to hear that in a first message. So I go with things in common and random stuff in their profiles.

 

About the last sentence, well. Probably many guys are jaded of getting ignored all the time and resort to slurs and insults. I wouldn't. Also it's very rare that a woman actually tell me 'thanks but no thanks' ... 99% would rather not reply if not interested and that's fine. Nothing to be upset about. No one owes anything to anyone on a dating site.

[BlueIris]

It is curteous to do that but many women have dealt with so many bad eggs on OLD they find it easier to ignore and avoid a confrontation that goes something like this:

 

Man: Hi there so and so, I really enjoyed your profile especially the part about blah blah blah, I like blah blah too. Maybe we could get out some time and do it together.

 

Woman: Thanks for the message but I feel we wouldn't be a good fit. Good luck on your search.

 

Man: **** you, you stuck up bitch.

 

 

Seriously I can't tell you how many times I've rejected a guy on OLD only to have that guy send me back a very nasty and downright juvenile message. Or the guys who think they can talk you into liking them anyway even though you've made it obvious you're not interested.

 

That kind of stuff wears on some people and makes them less likely to respond when they have no interest When I did OLD I responded to anyone who sent me a respectful message which meant half of the flood of messages I'd get in a day were just completely ignored. Most of the other half got a version of "no thanks, good luck on your search" and a select few actually gained my interest enough for me to respond in a favorable manner.

 

I agree. One thing I think some people don't understand is that if I say that, what you said above, I'm seeing that he's not going to like me either! It wouldn't last. It isn't a judgment of whether he's good or not; it's that we don't fit. Incompatibility is something that goes both ways and if we're honest with each other, there are certain traits that just don't mesh. So, we needn't feel hurt if someone sees that we don't fit. They're seeing something we haven't seen yet. That's a twist on what I saw OP saying: Don't let it bother you.

Edited February 26, 2016 by BlueIris

[Emilia]

I see things differently. When I was younger, my friends always sent me out to talk to the women, so I know all about rejection. I hung out at a resort all the time, and all we did was drink and hit on the ladies. Sure, there is a lot of rejection, but talking to a woman in the real world, you generally get some kind of response. To me, at least in person a guy is given the dignity of getting some kind of response, even if that response is a rejection. Online is different. A guy can look over a woman's profile, start to become interested, send out a well crafted, heartfelt message, and there is no response. It's like he doesn't even exist. That sucks.

 

I remember hitting on ladies in the real world, getting shot down, but making jokes about it and having a good time. It was still fun, for her and I both. I'd say something funny and we would both laugh it off and go about our day. Sometimes they'd even change their mind about me during the conversation. Online, they take one look at your profile and decide you aren't worth the time it takes to respond. That isn't fun for anyone. It's depressing.

 

This is why I don't do OLD but go out and meet new people instead. Online you are treated as an object regardless whether you are male or female. I prefer to be treated as a person and in real life I can tell quickly if others see me as such

[xxoo]

Honestly, the *only* thing I eventually became a bit annoyed with in online dating was women fishing for ego boosts.

 

I was on one site where to send an email to a woman, you had to spend a "Stamp". These "Stamps" were freaking expensive and ended up being about $15 each, though you had to commit to buying them in books of 5-6.

 

So I found the process would go;

I'd indicate interest, they'd respond with a canned "Sure, email me!"

 

So I'd spend a stamp, send an email. Nothing overt, just a quick introductory email with some comments about their profile.

 

Then I'd wait.

 

And get nothing in response.

 

So basically, I just spent $15 and I couldn't even get some basic small talk out of a woman who *agreed* to at least exchange a couple of emails to feel each other out.

 

That, got to me in the end. I'm ok with being rejected. It happens. But don't toy with people and don't waste their time and money.

 

That sounds like a scam. Were those women even real women?

[road]

That sounds like a scam. Were those women even real women?

 

 

Definitely a scam and real women? More like the same person with a hundred fake profiles all linked to the same bank account. Sad to be that evil.

[hasaquestion]

This is a topic I can relate to all too well. I tried online dating and messaged a lot of women. I never got back one reply. It angers me because I was on the site to meet someone, not for a hookup. I feel it's common courtesy to at least reply back, even if you aren't interested. After all, I took the time to actually read their profile and not just go by their pictures. I would actually write back to these women and tell them how shallow and rude they were for not responding. Some actually wrote back and apologized. So ladies, if you're on a dating site and a man messages you, be nice and reply back even if he isn't your type.

 

Your emotional response was a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

You wanted to at least get a "common courtesy" message. Then you didn't get one. Then you hate-mailed the girl. Now, when the next guy comes along, the girl is going to be worried about getting hate-mailed, and if she's not interested in the next guy she'll avoid contact.

 

Hell, you probably were the next guy. Odds are this girl's gotten the hate-mail treatment before.

 

Anyway, as a general aside, like Emilia said, online interaction takes a lot out of human interaction. But that's the price you pay to have a catalog of strangers. The fact that its easy to access and the fact that it has different dynamics than real life are two sides of the same coin.

 

Its funny how people always post about how "different people act online than in real life" as if its a problem to be solved or a moral outrage. No sh*t Sherlock, its not like real life because it isn't real life.

[Shining One]

Seriously I can't tell you how many times I've rejected a guy on OLD only to have that guy send me back a very nasty and downright juvenile message. Or the guys who think they can talk you into liking them anyway even though you've made it obvious you're not interested.

 

That kind of stuff wears on some people and makes them less likely to respond when they have no interest

I don't believe we should make one person "suffer" for another person's crimes. Yes, that's a bit of hyperbole, but you get the point I'm trying to make.

 

I've been slapped or verbally abused by a few women after I ended things with them right after we slept together. By your logic, I should have just disappeared on women instead of communicating the end with them. Would you consider that the "right" thing to do?

[Emilia]

I don't believe we should make one person "suffer" for another person's crimes. Yes, that's a bit of hyperbole, but you get the point I'm trying to make.

 

I've been slapped or verbally abused by a few women after I ended things with them right after we slept together. By your logic, I should have just disappeared on women instead of communicating the end with them. Would you consider that the "right" thing to do?

 

I think what you are not taking into account is volume. The hassle factor is huge on OLD sites. I'm calling it hassle because a lot of the men aren't at all interested, they send hundreds of copy and paste messages. I always replied to those that obviously read my profile. Not to casual sex requests or rude ones, etc.

 

If you think that women should grow a thick skin then the same applies to you too. I had men not responding to my messages, what's the difference between silence and no thanks? Nothing. Both are rejections.

 

I read on OK Cupid when they did a gender/race survey that white males are the least likely to respond to messages out of men, they are also the race that gets most messages out of males in total. What does that tell you? That white males have higher level of entitlement than non whites.

 

How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get « OkTrends

[Shining One]

I always replied to those that obviously read my profile. Not to casual sex requests or rude ones, etc.

This is reasonable. Thoughtful, personalized messages (not copy/paste) should receive a response, even if it's just "not interested".

If you think that women should grow a thick skin then the same applies to you too.

It's not about growing thicker skin. It's about courtesy. In any case, it's easy enough to avoid the abusive messages. Say "no thanks" and then block profile. While it hasn't happened often, I have blocked women from messaging me after they turned abusive.

I had men not responding to my messages, what's the difference between silence and no thanks? Nothing. Both are rejections.

The difference is that one is immediate and the other involves some waiting.

I read on OK Cupid when they did a gender/race survey that white males are the least likely to respond to messages out of men, they are also the race that gets most messages out of males in total. What does that tell you? That white males have higher level of entitlement than non whites.

I'm not white, so I can't really speak to this point. As I mentioned earlier, I responded to every woman who took the time to message me.

[Bobbi7]

This works BOTH ways, men do this too. When I was on okcupid-a majority of guys would message me-so I would message back-(because I'm interested in them) duh, however when I finally took interest in them-they just never replied back and didn't bother with it. Me-as a woman I actually TOOK interest in these guys that messaged me first. See, this is exactly what I'm talking about-guys bitch and complain about how they never get responses on online dating, either you are wasting time-are one of the flakes on OLD, are too picky/never settle for less with a click of a button.

[joseb]

Definitely a scam and real women? More like the same person with a hundred fake profiles all linked to the same bank account. Sad to be that evil.

 

Nah, it's not s scam (well not technically!) thats how RSVP works - "Australia's largest dating site" lol

 

Any guy I know has given up on it for obvious reasons.