Separation approaching

[Marc878]

Cheater script. Lie, hide, deny.

 

Does she sinc her phone?????

 

If you get a text recovery you'll have the proof.

 

Print out the phone bills. Her family either doesn't know but may be covering for her.

 

Once you get any proof you'd be wise to do full exposure on this. No time to be weak.

[Marc878]

Packing today and I get waves of the thought of those text, it feels strange how do I know if I still love her or if I'm just upset about the situation..

 

 

It's strange to me never have I been threw a break up this is my first serious break up in my whole life wow

 

A lot of mixed emotions

 

 

My daughter text her and asked her why did this happen

 

What happen to our happy family

 

The wife said me and daddy are not happy together

 

Mommy needs some time apart for daddy right now

 

 

The wife told me last night via text that I should let the text situation

go because it's absolutely nothing

 

Then she said this

 

I would want to make this work with us

 

I just need to be away from you for a bit

 

 

WHAT DO I MAKE IF THIS

 

Why is she still throwing hope to this pile of nonsense ??

 

Translation: I want time to try out the other man in my life.

 

That's what this is all about. Anything that comes out of her mouth right now will be lies. Bank on it. This is typical. Ask her to see her phone. She will delete everything or refuse.

 

If you're smart you will get strong and file immediately.

[Marc878]

She insist it's a friend and says she just needed time away from me

 

Now is this an affair I would say so it's just to many text to be just friends she told me she is going threw a lot and I have a lot of friends and family to talk to while she has no one and she just needed someone she can talk to.

 

I guess it could be valid but a man?

 

I'm just sick of her honestly she hasn't showed me any care since November and little by little I emotionally disconnected to the point where I feel a little resentment and maybe bitter and betrayed, do I sill love her? Maybe underneath all these bad emotions but I don't feel

Love right now? Is this normal? Will I wake up one day and think damn I love her? Or am I done emotionally? I guess it's a good thing if I'm moving forward.

 

Be ready for the history of your marriage to be rewritten. You are a bad husband and father. Gas lighting and lies have already begun. Look up the coworkers name send the phonebill to her parents and tell them ask her who John Doe is.

 

Again you will get nothing but lies from this point on. If you are wise file and get the best terms while you can and custody of your daughter unless you want the other man to help raise her.

 

Tell your daughter the truth. She's old enough. Kids tend to blame themselves in these situations.

[Marc878]

Is it an emotional or sexual/physical affair? If she is not having sex with you it's probably because she's giving it to him. Most cheaters will cut off the spouse because they feel it would be cheating on their partner.

 

Sounds sick but that's the way it works. Read up and prepare yourself for what's coming.

[Marc878]

Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums

 

Good luck.

Edited February 27, 2016 by Marc878

[Marc878]

 

My daughter text her and asked her why did this happen

 

What happen to our happy family

 

The wife said me and daddy are not happy together

 

Mommy needs some time apart for daddy right now

 

 

The wife told me last night via text that I should let the text situation

go because it's absolutely nothing

 

Then she said this

 

I would want to make this work with us

 

I just need to be away from you for a bit

 

 

WHAT DO I MAKE IF THIS

 

Why is she still throwing hope to this pile of nonsense ??

 

An affair can only work in secret. Typical Cheaterspeak. She's playing you as a fool. The I want to make this work is feeding you breadcrumbs to keep you off balance and your mouth shut. It does work as some betrayed husbands live in fear of losing their wife which is comical because they already have.

 

She's lieing to your daughter as well. The child is old enough to know what is destroying her family.

 

Make no mistake this affair is 100% on her. How you handle it is on you.

 

Her and her lover could care less about you or apparently your daughter. They are destroying part of your life, family and future.

 

Actions need consequences. The truth always matters.

[Marc878]

The other way to play this is to put divorce papers in front of her giving you full custody and a favorable settlement while she is in the affair fog. If you don't confront etc.

 

Personally once a physical affair has been committed I would not want her back anyway. Breaking one of these is extremely hard and you could be in limbo for years.

 

This may be a good option for you. Especially since some can never overcome a betrayal like this.

[dreamingoftigers]

Do you mean she wouldnt have lied about the friend being female?

 

Damn predictive text. Yes of course that's what meant.

 

She wouldn't have lied about the "friends" gender if it was on the up and up.

[danny11]

Question? I feel like calling this guy and asking him what's the nature of his relationship with my wife? She insist it was just friends nothing else and that her feelings have changed for me so she just wanted space a break, but this all happen when she started that job and met this man.

[66Charger]

Talk to him? For what? Do you really believe he will tell you the truth? You should call but What do you need Danny, a video? 1 + 1 = 2. Always has , always will. This is so obvious, you dont even need Braille. You have been given solid advice. You need to let her know, if she wants to play, it is for keeps. Everything is at risk. There is a time for questions and a time for action. Let her know she better know what she is doing, because there is no coming back from this.

 

The question is not of her or her AP. It is of you. Are you ok with being plan B? Are you ok with never knowing what is going on during the "space" Are you willing to live forever in doubt? Do you value yourself so little that you accept lies?

 

If the answer to any of these is no, serve her. Let her know now, she can do what she wants, but actions have consequences. She will probally wail that you should just give her time and not throw it all away. Blameshifting 101.

 

You will either say, "but I love her man" or you will wake the f up.

 

Never fear the truth.

[Popsicle]

Gosh, even I can feel how smothering and suffocating you are....

[Popsicle]

I don't think there's another man.

 

I think she likes you but just needs a little breathing room or independence, but I can tell that you don't have the personality for that, and haven't the foggiest idea of how to do that.

 

I don't advocate separation (what is that?) but I can see how she may want to stay with you, but would feel like she has no sense of self with you, and has lost hope and is sad because she can't see how she can have that in staying with you. You two would benefit from talking to a therapist separately, I think. They could probably help you understand each other.

Edited March 4, 2016 by Popsicle

[Popsicle]

OP, I recommend reading the book "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel. It may give you some ideas.

 

It is sad and tragic that she left her daughter, but let's be honest, you seem like the type to not want her to have any custody anyway and would have made a huge fight about anyway and she knew that.

 

I think she is trying to find herself, her own voice, her own footing, grow some confidence in herself.

Edited March 4, 2016 by Popsicle

[Mr. Lucky]

Question? I feel like calling this guy and asking him what's the nature of his relationship with my wife?

 

Let's say he gives you a response ranging anywhere from "banging her every day" to "haven't laid a finger on her"? Do you believe it? To this point, hasn't everyone involved told you everything except the truth?

 

You already know enough...

 

Mr. Lucky

[danny11]

I don't think there's another man.

 

I think she likes you but just needs a little breathing room or independence, but I can tell that you don't have the personality for that, and haven't the foggiest idea of how to do that.

 

I don't advocate separation (what is that?) but I can see how she may want to stay with you, but would feel like she has no sense of self with you, and has lost hope and is sad because she can't see how she can have that in staying with you. You two would benefit from talking to a therapist separately, I think. They could probably help you understand each other.

 

 

 

I would say you make a lot of sense, I acknowledge my mistakes and currently reading books about control and how to fully understand it.. But could it have gone so far to the point of no return? Resentment to were its all gone. We are now seperated and in her eyes in time she wants to attempt to make the marriage work with a set of new rules.. Not sure really what to make of it.

[Babs22]

I don't think there's another man.

 

I think she likes you but just needs a little breathing room or independence, but I can tell that you don't have the personality for that, and haven't the foggiest idea of how to do that.

 

I don't advocate separation (what is that?) but I can see how she may want to stay with you, but would feel like she has no sense of self with you, and has lost hope and is sad because she can't see how she can have that in staying with you. You two would benefit from talking to a therapist separately, I think. They could probably help you understand each other.

 

I have to agree with Popsicle on this one, from your first post, it did sound as if you were pretty controlling. You even admitted that you were. You said your wife told you that she needed some space, then in order to scare her, you put the house on the market and it sold in a day? Even if you were just trying to scare her, she didn't even have a chance to decide how she felt about you selling the house. You said she was upset you were doing it, and then BAM, it was sold. Was she part of this decision or was it just another example of you deciding to do something and her not having a say? Was this move out of state something you had planned together?

 

In your first post you said, "5 months ago we were gonna move together and everything was fine!" And then 4 months ago she started a new job? Was she really on board with this move? It sounds like her family lives close to where you live now. You say you invest in property and work from home and you have rental properties. Why were you moving away? If she was on board moving, why would she start a new job? Was it something you were talking about doing some day in the future and then on a whim you decided to sell the family house (to scare her) and it was sold in a day? I think it is highly possible that she did not want to move. It is very possible she did not want to sell the family home, but you made that decision without regards to what she may or may not have wanted.

 

Perhaps you were talking about moving and the whole time you were talking about it, she really did not want to move. Did she really want to move from her family, her new job, your home and rental properties? Has your W been a partner in your marriage? Did she get equal say in the decisions that were made? Or did you make all the decisions and she just appeared to go along with everything? It doesn't make having an EA okay, but it certainly can explain how she may have ended up there. All she needed was for someone to start listening to her and giving her some affirmation. She was probably starving for that.

 

One more thing, please do not paint your wife in a bad light to your daughter. She is the only mom she has. You need to encourage their relationship. This will be difficult since you are moving her out of state, but as long as your wife is trying to have a relationship with her daughter, help make it happen. No matter what is happening between you and your wife, your daughter needs to know that both her parents love her and will always be there for her. Moving away will not be easy for your daughter. Moving in the middle of a school year is rough on any kid. I hope you really thought all this out thoroughly before you did this.

[Babs22]

I would say you make a lot of sense, I acknowledge my mistakes and currently reading books about control and how to fully understand it.. But could it have gone so far to the point of no return? Resentment to were its all gone. We are now seperated and in her eyes in time she wants to attempt to make the marriage work with a set of new rules.. Not sure really what to make of it.

 

Danny,

Sorry, you posted this while I was writing my post. It is hard to know if it is gone to the point of no return. Time will tell. Good for you for reading books about control. Hopefully, she will want to try to make the marriage work if she can see she can be an equal partner in it. This may be more difficult with you moving away, but I hope that things can work out especially for your daughter's sake. Good luck.