Kate3937 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Met a guy on Bumble about a week ago, have been talking to him everyday. He set up a date, a wine bar for Friday, kept saying how much he's looking forward to it. I texted him yesterday just to say hi, not really a question. Just a "Hey there, Happy hump day!" and got nada back. Now its Thurs lunchtime and have not heard from him since Tuesday. Should I ask if we are still on for tomorrow night? I want to make other plans if he isn't going to come through but then again I could be overthinking and he may just be busy? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 IMO the best way to handle this very common issue, is to not have texted him yesterday, but to wait until today. Then you could have said something simple like "looking forward to meeting you tomorrow". If he responds "yeah me too" or similar, you're on, if he doesn't respond, you can safely assume it's off. But now you're in the position that you're going to have to double-text him to get confirmation, which looks a bit weird. I'd still go ahead and do it, though. Don't explicitly ask if you're still on, but send something similar to the above which doesn't sound as insecure or moody as "haven't heard from you in ages, are we still on or what?". In future I'd recommend avoiding such texts as "happy hump day" because they don't really elicit a response, they're just pointless really. Once you've been on a few dates it's fine, but before meeting I'd simply avoid that kind of thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 That pain of not knowing what to do; text to ask but then fear that you may be coming off as too keen. It's all overthinking and we all do it (I'm the worse for it). I try to look at things like this and just understand that I'm getting in touch for me, because I want to hear from them or need to know something, or just miss them. You can never know what is going in their mind, so stop trying to work it out. The fact is, there's a date planned, you haven't heard anything, so text him. YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG. If he has an issue with that, then it's his fault, his problem, not yours. Obviously if you hear nothing back then you can start making other plans or call him. If he's going to be this distant though then back away and see if he comes to you. The fact is, you don't know him, it's the first date so yeah he could've bailed on you, and if that's the case, screw him, his loss, move on. The fact is (and this is something that I've had a hard time dealing with) if someone wants to be with you, then they'll be with you. Being busy is no longer an excuse when we have so many ways to contact someone. I'd reach out, and if nothing, then go party with your friends or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Met a guy on Bumble about a week ago, have been talking to him everyday. He set up a date, a wine bar for Friday, kept saying how much he's looking forward to it. I texted him yesterday just to say hi, not really a question. Just a "Hey there, Happy hump day!" and got nada back. Now its Thurs lunchtime and have not heard from him since Tuesday. Should I ask if we are still on for tomorrow night? I want to make other plans if he isn't going to come through but then again I could be overthinking and he may just be busy? You've reached out, he didn't respond. Don't reach out again. If he doesn't confirm by tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest, you make other plans. If he contacts you after, say, noon, tell him you've made other plans because you hadn't heard from him. If he offers to reschedule, accept and let him know you will need confirmation by the day before. Show him what the right way to handle scheduling dates with you from the get go . . . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Yep, I agree with Redhead. I wouldn't text him again. Given the fact he didn't respond to your text yesterday, I would only give him until tonight to confirm. If nothing by tonight, consider the date off and make other plans. There are a lot of flaky people out there. When a guy is in contact daily before meeting and then stops for several days, it's likely something "shinier" caught their attention. Brush it off and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate3937 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 Thank you guys for your advice, I'm going to send him a text after work tonight and ask what time for tomorrow, easier to be upfront than wait. If I hear from him, I hear, if I dont, I have other plans lined up so not really too upset. Would be great to go out, but you're right something shinier could have come along, I've never met him so cant be too upset! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Wait he didn't even set a time yet?? Still worth sending the text (you lose nothing by doing so) but I wouldn't hold your breath for a reply! If he hasn't even set a time yet it would seem that he's not all that bothered about meeting you. But like I said you lose nothing by asking. Texts are cheap, and probably included in your phone package But if you don't get a response tonight, make other plans. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 From that, I'd be tempted to say "are we still going out tomorrow because if not I've been asked out by -insert name of celebrity-"... well maybe not exactly that, but something that makes it clear that although you are still interested, you aren't invested in him in any way just yet. Either way, no reply, no loss, just go do whatever you were going to do in the first place and meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 A confirmation text an hour or so before I head out is one of the few things I think texting is good for. I always do it with friends and would do so with dates if I had them. It's saved me from miscommunications/wasting time on a few occasions. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) You've reached out, he didn't respond. Don't reach out again. If he doesn't confirm by tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest, you make other plans. If he contacts you after, say, noon, tell him you've made other plans because you hadn't heard from him. If he offers to reschedule, accept and let him know you will need confirmation by the day before. Show him what the right way to handle scheduling dates with you from the get go . . . I am a little confused by your response RH. They have a *set* date for tomorrow. This date was *not* set with the caveat that he call her the day prior or by noon the day of, or it's off.. It was just set. But now you're saying if he does not call her by noon tomorrow she should blow him off and make other plans? And that if he calls her at let's say 1:00 pm to *confirm* a date that has *already* been set, she should blow him off saying "Sorry I had not heard from you so made other plans"? How is this fair? How was he supposed to know she had this silent rule that he should call by noon...or it's off? Again, this was not a tentative date, it was a scheduled date for tomorrow. Think positive! OP, you set a definite date to meet tomorrow at a particular wine bar .... so assume you have a date, until you hear otherwise. Many guys don't know that women have this *rule* that he should call by noon to confirm....or it's off. If it had not been confirmed, that would be different, but this date has been set. If you are feeling insecure, then go ahead and text him today asking if you're still on. My guess is he will respond "of course, why wouldn't we be"? If you make another date with him, communicate with him that you would like him to confirm the day prior. Edited February 25, 2016 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Again, this was not a tentative date, it was a scheduled date, with time and place set. Actually... I'm going to send him a text after work tonight and ask what time for tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) Actually... Okay, they didn't set a time. Then she should contact him suggesting a time. Not passively do *nothing* and then blow him off for not calling by noon .... like RH suggested. That is completely passive/aggressive IMO. Next time, set a date, place AND time. And again, tell him you would like to touch base the day prior .... so he knows! Edited February 25, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I am a little confused by your response RH. They have a *set* date for tomorrow. This date was *not* set with the caveat that he call her the day prior or by noon the day of, or it's off.. It was just set. But now you're saying if he does not call her by noon tomorrow she should blow him off and make other plans? And that if he calls her at let's say 1:00 pm to *confirm* a date that has *already* been set, she should blow him off saying "Sorry I had not heard from you so made other plans"? How is this fair? How was he supposed to know she had this silent rule that he should call by noon...or it's off? Again, this was not a tentative date, it was a scheduled date for tomorrow. Think positive! OP, you set a definite date to meet tomorrow at a particular wine bar .... so assume you have a date, until you hear otherwise. Many guys don't know that women have this *rule* that he should call by noon to confirm....or it's off. If it had not been confirmed, that would be different, but this date has been set. If you are feeling insecure, then go ahead and text him today asking if you're still on. My guess is he will respond "of course, why wouldn't we be"? If you make another date with him, communicate with him that you would like him to confirm the day prior. She reached out to him two days ago and he never responded. She could/should have inquired with "are we still on for Friday", but she just reached out in a "general way". Nevertheless, he didn't respond. So, it's still in his court to confirm the date. People flake from OLD all the time. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt anyway by leaving him the opportunity to confirm by Friday morning. That's fairly generous considering he couldn't be bothered to respond to her. He had been communicating with her on a daily basis up to that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate3937 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 OP here, yes I should have gotten a time the first time, but just didnt think of it. Was pretty explicit the place he suggested we go down to the really good cheeseboard. I am gonna just check and see what time we are on for tomorrow, if I dont hear back, then I will go get my own cheeseboard with friends Thanks you guys! Always nice to have such a broad range of advice on here, appreciate it all! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 She reached out to him two days ago and he never responded. She could/should have inquired with "are we still on for Friday", but she just reached out in a "general way". Nevertheless, he didn't respond. So, it's still in his court to confirm the date. People flake from OLD all the time. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt anyway by leaving him the opportunity to confirm by Friday morning. That's fairly generous considering he couldn't be bothered to respond to her. He had been communicating with her on a daily basis up to that point. Well guess we will have to agree to disagree on this one. Texting him "happy hump day" did not warrant a response IMO. In *his* mind, they have a date tomorrow, they can talk then. There is absolutely no reason why OP should not contact him today suggesting a time....since SHE is the one wondering. If he does not respond to *that*...then assume it's off and make other plans. Passively waiting around and then punishing him (by blowing him off) for not calling by some arbitrary time according to some rule that a guy should call by noon or it's off is just plain silly, and not fair. Passive/aggressive. But agree to disagree. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 OP here, yes I should have gotten a time the first time, but just didnt think of it. Was pretty explicit the place he suggested we go down to the really good cheeseboard. I am gonna just check and see what time we are on for tomorrow, if I dont hear back, then I will go get my own cheeseboard with friends Thanks you guys! Always nice to have such a broad range of advice on here, appreciate it all! Perfect, sounds good! Let us know! Link to post Share on other sites
Terry8889 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Something similar happened to me the guy was texting everyday and I thought he was really interested. He said he wanted to see me on a Friday, when the day came I heard nothing from him the day before which was off because we talked everyday, I reached out to him to ask if we were still on and he DID respond that first text but he was being being short which was unusual so I got the hint, and told him straight the if he didn't want to meet the next day it was fine, and then he agreed and said yes let's be friends for now. So something was going on and that's way his communication was different. Sometimes guys are not that clear and they hope you'll get the hint. I was upset that he was the one who suggested a date and then he flaked for some reason and didn't even communicate how he felt. Anyways good luck Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Something similar happened to me the guy was texting everyday and I thought he was really interested. He said he wanted to see me on a Friday, when the day came I heard nothing from him the day before which was off because we talked everyday, I reached out to him to ask if we were still on and he DID respond that first text but he was being being short which was unusual so I got the hint, and told him straight the if he didn't want to meet the next day it was fine, and then he agreed and said yes let's be friends for now. So something was going on and that's way his communication was different. Sometimes guys are not that clear and they hope you'll get the hint. I was upset that he was the one who suggested a date and then he flaked for some reason and didn't even communicate how he felt. Anyways good luck Something like that has probably happened to everyone ....yes people can be flakes, but to automatically assume a man you have never met is going to flake because of an experience in the past with a *different* guy ...or because said guy hasn't called by some arbitrary time ....is not fair. JMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 OP here, yes I should have gotten a time the first time, but just didnt think of it. Was pretty explicit the place he suggested we go down to the really good cheeseboard. I am gonna just check and see what time we are on for tomorrow, if I dont hear back, then I will go get my own cheeseboard with friends Thanks you guys! Always nice to have such a broad range of advice on here, appreciate it all! Ooh! I love cheeseboard! You should totally go Friday night with or without him. Get girlfriends to go with you. Instead of checking with him what time, why don't you just TELL him what time YOU want to go? You choose. He can join or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spriggan2 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 It's online dating, possible reasons are endless so no point sweating over the potential bad outcomes. Just maintain your state of decency, don't think too much about it, make yourself available enough to follow up on your end of the bargain, but start having back up plans when feasible. So you're not too inconvenienced by potential flakes. I don't think the happy hump day text was bad at all. You've shown interest and spark. Get on with your day and ask for time clarification as late as possible. I'd say nothing else after that. If he doesn't respond, delete his info and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Ooh! I love cheeseboard! You should totally go Friday night with or without him. Get girlfriends to go with you. Instead of checking with him what time, why don't you just TELL him what time YOU want to go? You choose. He can join or not. Now that's ^^ a confident girl!!! ::bunny: Don't *ask* him what time .....kate *you* suggest the time! Women act far too passively in today's dating environment....there is no reason to IMO. Whether you end up going with him or your friends, have fun! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate3937 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 UPDATE*** No time like the present, I texted him. Turns out he is signed off work the rest of the week because of the flu. Would 100% explain the last of communication and not being online (yes, as much as I hate to admit Im a whatsapp stalker) Anyway he apologized, said rain check for next week etc, I wished him to feel better, thats the way the cookie crumbled. When he is better he can be in touch. He could totally be bullshi**ing me but at least he responded rather than let me hang. Cheeseboard with the girls then! Win win 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 UPDATE*** No time like the present, I texted him. Turns out he is signed off work the rest of the week because of the flu. Would 100% explain the last of communication and not being online (yes, as much as I hate to admit Im a whatsapp stalker) Anyway he apologized, said rain check for next week etc, I wished him to feel better, thats the way the cookie crumbled. When he is better he can be in touch. He could totally be bullshi**ing me but at least he responded rather than let me hang. Cheeseboard with the girls then! Win win Sucks about the flu, but at least now you know and can make plans with your friends! Yes win win! Except for his flu, that sucks..... for him. Have fun!!! And let HIM contact you when he feels better. : Ball is in his court now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Sucks about the flu, but at least now you know and can make plans with your friends! Yes win win! Except for his flu, that sucks..... for him. Have fun!!! And let HIM contact you when he feels better. : Ball is in his court now. Exactly! Don't text him "just to see how he's feeling"... Let him text you. You've already reached out too much. It only takes a second to send a quick text if you're sick. If he's interested, he will act interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Turns out he is signed off work the rest of the week because of the flu. Would 100% explain the last of communication Since when can't sick people send a 30-second whatsapp message to let someone know they can't make a date? "Hmm". The ball is indeed in his court now but I wouldn't bet any real money on seeing it again. Well done for texting, at least you got your answer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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