try this one - guy keeping girl as just a friend...

[angelj]

a lot of talk about girls keeping guys as "just friends..." it reminds me of the situation i was once in.

 

what about guys keeping girls as just friends.

 

a few things to ponder -

 

the guy tries to start things with the girl then backs off when it gets to that point...when the next step should be taken.

 

the guy expresses the majority of the emotions. (how much he cares...how he would be scared to get hurt/hurt girl. how he thought girl and guy were inevitable)

 

guy gets jealous when other guys are in the picture...but more often hides the jealousy.

 

guy says just friends...then when given just friends cant handle it.

gets upset, says the girl has a chip on her shoulder...has attitude....or is mad at him. (because girl isnt as flirty and attentive to guy anymore)

 

guy wont stop staring at her.

 

guy enjoys paying attention to girl, showering her with affection, and helping her when needed.

 

guy wont get off the phone or out of her car for at least an hour. loves to talk and talk and talk about any and everything.

 

guy cant look her in the eye because guy gets nervous starts to stutter and has to look away.

 

guy laughs his ass off with her and says just how much he loves her personality.

 

guy says hes scared of a new relationship. (recently out of a very screwed up long term ordeal) feels he has nothing to offer. feels he is stuck in his life at the moment with no car and not so much going for him. feels girl deserves better. has a bit of an esteem issue.

 

says he cant lose the friendship...(which is so obviously way more than a friendship)

 

girl wonders what would happen if girl got a boyfriend because girlw ould be 1/2 the "friend" she is to guy now if that were to happen.

 

what is guys deal? is it a selfish guy? someone who is honestly scared? or someone who refuses to get out of friends category because hes just not so into girl?

[Mary3]

Guy isnt ready.

 

Guy needs to heal.

 

Guy enjoys her company.

 

Guy does not want to lose her affections and attention incase he gets his head on straight and makes the plunge.

 

Guy is shy too.

 

Big difference here as opposed to a woman that only sees a guy as a friend. I think this case the guy sees her more than a friend but is not jumping into the fire .

 

Guy sounds like a very SMART guy because when guy is ready and you are there waiting you should be getting a respectful trusting guy who is READY for this relationship.

 

Right now...guy is not ready.....

 

Should you wait ? Give him some time if hes worth the stars and the moon to you.

 

Get away if he is just gaming you.....but I dont see that here....hes just hurt from his past...

[Curt]

I have a female friend that I can honestly say, fits many (not all) of the categories you've outlined below.

 

We talk together for hours at a time, we discuss relationships, we share points of view, etc.

 

We are quite platonic friends, yet many other people appear to automatically assume that we are either a couple now, or almost inevitably going to be one. Thing is, they're wrong.

 

As much as I love her as a friend, I have no romantic intentions with her. We've become almost like brother and sister. We are in the "just friends" category, by choice.

 

Nonetheless, his being hurt might be the only reason he is hanging off on making the plunge with the girl in question.

 

Does the girl in the situation (you?) have a desire for something more than friends with him?

 

Curt

[angelj]

not sure if i (girl) want something more with him (guy) at the moment

 

well okay...who am i kidding? i do, HOWEVER only when guy is more situated. of course now would be exceptional, but it would not work. (as i have said to guy before) not even 6 months from now i dont think.

 

i feel it would only work when he is ready. when he is not half ass about it. also when all remainders of ex and exes control and manipulations on his brain are gone. i think that might take a bit more time. i dont exactly see guy getting intimate and close and starting a new relationship for some time with anyone. he has expressed on a few occasions that he needs to be single for a while. he needs to get his act together. but he has also expressed that there is a need for me there.

 

just wondering what your thoughts were. really no biggie, as ive learned in the past, these things tend to work themselves out because if you worry about them, they only cause more harm than good.

 

i dont think im being gamed either. but i think its all a bit of a game until you are in the actual relationship.

 

he may never take the plunge (which would completely suck) but he is aware of the consequences. he has said many times before..."why cant i have a nice, pure girl...oh wait shes standing right in front of me and i keep letting her slip right through my fingertips..."

 

he knows what hes doing.

[MissRoughEdges]

I cannot believe how similar this situation is for me. He's totally into you, but other posters are right--he's not ready and has been burned big time...are you going to wait it out (of course, don't tell him you are doing so!)?

 

So here's a question--what did you do to get him to continue being interested and keep the "crush" going after what I consider the morbid mistake of defining something (men freak out and run after that confrontation!)...did you treating him like only a friend keep him intrigued, wondering if you were suddenly unattainable again or did all the cards on the table make him lose interest?

[sarabig]

same same situation:

Well i have the same situation but there is one hug difference. After 3 yrs continuing like that we kissed and he freaked out because he wants to be single and he scared to hurting me or himself and he needs time now.

well the only thing that i believe is :when the guy really like you they don't want to loose you in any situation so don't do what i did .because after what happened with me and my friend i got confused too and i needed answer so he run away i guess.

stay calm and if anything happene just give him some time so he doesn't freak out

good luck

[angelj]

well update -

 

i worked with the guy...did i already mention that?

 

i quit. him and i had been hanging out a lot, went back to his house one nite to hook up (those drunken evenings together are killer) and bam in walks the ex-girlfriend (aka psychopath) whom he had been hanging out with again a lot that week. ( i knew they had been hanging out but had asked if they were back together and he said no. JUST friends)

 

she went pyscho and beat him in the head (jerry springer style)

 

i was mortified. the next day i got immature phone calls from her saying i was a liar and blah blah i knew they were together. i told her the truth she thanked me etc. the guy was pissed at me, i guess she told him some bs that i didnt say to make me look awful. i wrote a huge letter, read it to him and resolved our issues. decided to be just friends, i was his best friend no matter what even if i quit my job tomorrow. RIGHT.

 

one week goes by. he would sit in my car for hours, talk to me for hours...call me...friends! this is great i thought.

 

out of NOWHERE the following thursday he acts shady wont speak to me at work, is purposely avoiding me...wtf? i confront him he gets this look in his eyes like he doesnt want to break my heart. says i didnt do anything he doesnt want to say what he has to say...but we need to talk.

 

i confront again and he says its nothing. he just feels guilty for what happened is all. then leaves without saying bye. wtf?!! he is a whimp with no backbone...so i assume he needed to say he was back with the dreaded psycho and needed to cut me out, but couldnt get the balls to do it.

 

i find out from a fellow coworker he had been hanigng out with the ex again...

 

friday comes along hes a slight a**h***...then tries to flirt when im not reciprocating (bc he was such a shady weirdo the night before) he gets pissed and starts ignoring me. i guess he thought that would reel me back in but im not like his ex. then we started arguing over some he said she said bs...i told him i was over it. i was sick of my job and he was the push i needed. i told him his love circle was done bc i quit. he told me i was running away like i run from everything. i told him how upset i was and he then told ME,

 

"why dont u go write a letter about it"

 

that being a pretty awful thing to say to me since he knows my fear of discussing feelings and emotions and well, letters were our thing...

 

i quit and we did not speak for 2 and a 1/2 weeks. i did see him 2 days after the nite i quit when i stopped in to pick something up and he approached me tried to hug me but i stood stone cold still and turned my head away. did not say a word. i think he realized how bad he had hurt me. (and that being major for me as i never, EVER get pissed off)

 

i hear hes still hangin w the ex. i saw him for the first time on tues nite. stopped in to say hi to some managers. he was extremely kind to me. at first he was quiet but he was just feelin me out. i was very quiet, even though i was DYING to ask what had been going on, how had he been...why did we end like that? (keep in mind we had been friends for 3 years..and extremely close friends for the past year or so...) i was polite though and u could tell i was over my anger. i said very little. i caught him looking at me quite a few times. also noticed he got pretty nervous in my presence. (i always used to make him nervous in the beginning) he started to talk a lot to me...about random things. even made jokes and made sure he included me in them. i left quickly but did stop to kick at his shoe and say bye. he stood up, didn tlook at me, didnt say a word, hugged me tightly and sat back down without looking up. i then turned and left.

 

its friday nite and i still havent spoken to him since.

 

his bday is in a week. yes he had treated me, well like crap but ill still call. im too kind not to call. id like to be friends again believe it or not, i dont like to cut people that significant in my life completley out. it just hurts. he knows what hes doing! right? and he has to know he pissed me off/hurt me, agreed?

 

now - is he going to ever come around? NOT saying im waiting/want to be with him. but you know, i want the satisfaction in thinking he might begin to miss me? he stopped talking ot me once before for a few weeks. called me crying and saying how stupid he was and how much he missed me/ my friendship. how awful the ex was how he was done with her. oh but then he started hanging out with her again a few weeks later...

 

its a never-ending circle as i see it. it would never end unless I put a stop to it.

 

i just cant believe its happening again. any input?

 

obviously this guy is weak-minded, immature and not wanting to change his lifestyle. i know im the only worthwhile thing in his life...he comes from a broken home, messed up family life (drugs etc...) and a string of messed up relationships ESP. this one with the on again off again psycho ex of 5 years. i feel awful because his mother made me promise to stay his friend and not leave his life. he also always told me i was the only person he could trust and would confide insanely personal information in me. i had to walk away, at least for the time being in order to heal myself but im ready to speak to him again. i want to be his friend. but im scared of A the drama and B getting sucked back in. however this time, id approach it differently.

 

what do you think...?

[flowergirl]

Damn, angel, that SUCKS!! What a LOSER!! Some people haven't mentally graduated from high school. Oh, well. Well, I'm in one of those situations, and by goodness, nearly everything that's on your list is what's going on, so I feel it's worth chillin' out and biding my time, cuz we've both gotta get our lives together first, but there is definitely a serious attraction there. There was the initial thought he was leaving the in a couple years (which is an extenuating circumstance), but that might not actually happen, so I pray for patience everyday, and try to make my life fairly full in the meantime.