DB_09 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 An update: Short version - fell in love with a MM, had an A for 6 years. Saw him every few weeks, spent days/meals/events with him, spoke everyday. Felt he was truly my best friend, and that this was not a traditional affair like others, he really loved me (chuckle). I wanted more, went LC and then NC in past 6-10 months, he reaches out occasionally, I was having a hard time removing him from my head and heart permanently..... and then the full moon this week brought me a gift. I found out that he had lied about where he lives for the past 6 years. An entire different state. I felt sick. So many moments that make sense now, so so many. So he can sit there and tell me how there's no one on this earth better for him than me, yet lied for 6 years straight. The only person he looked out for was himself, and his family..... and knowing that is a huge gift. No more wondering if we could have been great together, if it could have worked. He's now made me feel like the OW and regret wasting time/effort/tears on him. Thank you Universe. You just made this transition and moving on easier 8 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I'm glad you got this "gift" but am so, so sorry for the wasted six years. Realizing that you were dealing with a pathological liar (beyond just the A lying) is devastating in its own way. I had this sort of thing happen once - uncovering massive lies after the relationship had already ended - and it was one of the most painful things that's ever happened to me. I had to mourn my delusions about him, my loss of innocence. I didn't trust people for a couple of years after that. It was terrible. Best of luck to you and be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
JessicaInGeorgia Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Wow. Why did he lie about that and how could he have hidden that for 6 years? I guess if you're good at hiding an affair for that long other lies come pretty easily. I'm glad you feel like this makes it easier to move on though. I wish I felt that way. My exMM always maintained that he loved me, through multiple Ddays, and now NC. It would be much easier if he would give me a reason to hate him. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I'm sorry you went through that. If you really want to protect yourself from liars and scammers, do not EVER under any circumstances, participate in long distance relationships and if you are both local, always ask to see their place fairly quickly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 So pleased for you. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Curious. Did you find out on your own or did he tell you finally? Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Wow, DB_09, what a story! Well done for turning that into a positive that will help your recovery! Another example of why affairs are almost never a good thing and that MMs lie not only to their W but their OW. Well done for breaking free of him I wish you all the very best of luck in your recovery OP! You will get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DB_09 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 I'm glad you got this "gift" but am so, so sorry for the wasted six years. Realizing that you were dealing with a pathological liar (beyond just the A lying) is devastating in its own way. I had this sort of thing happen once - uncovering massive lies after the relationship had already ended - and it was one of the most painful things that's ever happened to me. I had to mourn my delusions about him, my loss of innocence. I didn't trust people for a couple of years after that. It was terrible. Best of luck to you and be kind to yourself. Thank you! It's definitely a roller coaster of emotion right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DB_09 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 My emotions now go from anger to mourning the end of something I never really wanted to regret. I hoped to be able to move on from him with positivity, and realizing that every experience teaches you something. Looking back on the reality of 6 years and questioning so much causes some pain, seeing him as not the perfect individual I made him out to be is hard too.... but easier to move on from. Thanks to all of you for your support, through all of it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 You aren't the problem, HE IS. Forgive yourself and move on ... most of these MM are compulsive liars. You trusted someone, that you shouldn't have trusted .. learn from it, make yourself well and get out there and enjoy YOUR life. Hugs! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 He was not honest with his wife about having an affair, what made you think you were so special that he should be honest with you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Oh my god. What a douche. I can't believe that. My a was long distance and I can certainly see how he could lie about anything and you wouldn't know. I hope you are on the mend quickly and realize that everyone deserves an honest relationship. Hang in there, I love your attitude.? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 You aren't the problem, HE IS. Forgive yourself and move on ... most of these MM are compulsive liars. You trusted someone, that you shouldn't have trusted .. learn from it, make yourself well and get out there and enjoy YOUR life. Hugs! Isn't the problem expecting truth from a cheater? Not so much he's to blame or she's to blame .... he lied because he doesn't want the risk of you blowing up his family life. Some OWs aren't even told the real name. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 That sucks. How did you find out the truth, and did you ever confront him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DB_09 Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 He was not honest with his wife about having an affair, what made you think you were so special that he should be honest with you? You're right. Silly me should have remembered I'm not special. So effective. Thanks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DB_09 Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 I did end up confronting him about it, he tried to lie again until he realized that I had plenty of proof, and then said it had nothing to do with protecting his family, but that he didn't want to lose me if I found out he lived further than I thought. Which I laughed at. Sorry to those on here that feel I should have expected to be lied to, sorry to be shocked at this news. I wouldn't have gotten in this mess had I expected it to begin with. My apologies for thinking I mattered more 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 I'm sorry you went through that. If you really want to protect yourself from liars and scammers, do not EVER under any circumstances, participate in long distance relationships and if you are both local, always ask to see their place fairly quickly. Yes, in future relationships make sure your MM lives nearby before you commit to him, this will make things run more smoothly next time. In all seriousness OP there is nothing to be angry about here, you knew the score going into the affair so you can't exactly be shocked that he wasn't completely on the up and up with you since the whole thing was based on lies and deceiving others from the word go. Don't let your emotions overrule your common sense, that's what got you into this mess in the first place. You've (hopefully)learned a harsh lesson by going through this, now you know that there really is no honor among thieves, there never has been and there never will be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Even if he lived down the street, at some point, affairs end. They only get harder, more complicated and messy. Whether you meant anything real to him, only the two of you can know that as we arent truly aware of every detail. His proximity is not the matter here...thw lies are unfortunate yes, but what matters is you. That you have learned a lesson, that you can grow, heal, move on and regain your strength. No one...not boyfriend, husband, brother, father, affair partner can fill a void in your heart. Only you can do that. Im sure your love and feelings were real, they are relevant, but the affair has unfortunately hit rock bottom. He can live with his end, you can live with yours. I hope you can find the strength to live free now and go no contact as hard as it is and heal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 This guys is a serial cheater. I'd be willing to bet he had more women on the side in other states. Leave the wife, go on a business trip bang some women then come home? Anyhow you were used. Nothing else. He tried to cover all his tracks. Confront his wife. She needs to know. You need to call him out on this. Talk to his wife first before he creates another BS story to his wife about a crazy woman in his life that keeps hitting on him and won't leave him alone (you). Let him crash and burn... Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 This guys is a serial cheater. I'd be willing to bet he had more women on the side in other states. Leave the wife, go on a business trip bang some women then come home? Anyhow you were used. Nothing else. He tried to cover all his tracks. Confront his wife. She needs to know. You need to call him out on this. Talk to his wife first before he creates another BS story to his wife about a crazy woman in his life that keeps hitting on him and won't leave him alone (you). Let him crash and burn... Oh my Lord. No. Don't confront anyone. Let them untangle their bullsh#t. You take care of yourself right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Oh my Lord. No. Don't confront anyone. Let them untangle their bullsh#t. You take care of yourself right now. Agreed. Keep your dignity and just never speak to him again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lychee Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 An update: No more wondering if we could have been great together, if it could have worked. He's now made me feel like the OW and regret wasting time/effort/tears on him. Thank you Universe. You just made this transition and moving on easier That is a gift. Wishing it happens to me anytime soon, would certainly make things easier. Sending you positive vibes on moving on. You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 My mm lied about how many children he has ? They're ridiculous over grown children themselves that lie to whoever they have to, to get whatever it is they want out of whoever they're dealing with in that situation. I wouldn't disclose I'm sure his wife isn't completely stupid and will have some idea 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 My mm lied about how many children he has ? They're ridiculous over grown children themselves that lie to whoever they have to, to get whatever it is they want out of whoever they're dealing with in that situation. I wouldn't disclose I'm sure his wife isn't completely stupid and will have some idea Yes they do. My WH is the biggest coward and child I have ever met of a man. It's actually quite pitiful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Oh my Lord. No. Don't confront anyone. Let them untangle their bullsh#t. You take care of yourself right now. A woman got a incurable STD by a boyfriend - not on accident but on purpose. He wanted to marry her and didn't want to lose her. So he intentionally, one night, infected her. They normally used a condom but this night he insisted not too. When confronted he admitted it and she dumped him. I asked why didn't you go after him legally? She didn't want to be humiliated. You have to wonder now because he got away with this how many other women he had infected. He should have paid the price. So you can sit here and say don't get involved but at the end of the day that sends a signal that tells these douche bags they get away with anything and continue their douche bag ways. Not only may he have used YOU what do you think he is doing to his WIFE? She has the power to make this right. Yes it takes guts and courage but at the end of the day you get your dignity back, you saved a wife from a lifetime of a cheating husband and you put the dirtbag on the street. This is the ONLY way to make him own up to his shady deeds. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts