When you realize what you meant the whole time

[imperfectangel]

I understand but just take a look in the infidelity section and see how most bs's in there blame most of the a on the ow. Their poor defenceless husbands forced to participate in a affair ? Leave them to it

[Midwestmissy]

I don't think most bs only blame the ow - it's much more complicated than blaming a woman for a husband not able to keep his pants up. Keep in mind the humiliation and disrespect a bs feels at the decisions the husband made. Risking the financial future, the promises of the future, the stability of the family the lies that cut to the core. Two idiots having an affair involves very complex fallout. Bs can't fathom a woman knowingly doing this, and they know men have free will. But keep in mind we didn't have any intention of our lives changing or having our kids 50% of the time - and our spouses used that loyalty against us. The ow aren't to blame, but they often are a very important and critical part of the mess. And willingly complicit in the deceit. And ow who lose it after the affair ends end up deserving the anger. None of us asked for this and the pain is often surreal. There's a lot hurt to go around.

[ladydesigner]

I understand but just take a look in the infidelity section and see how most bs's in there blame most of the a on the ow. Their poor defenceless husbands forced to participate in a affair ? Leave them to it

 

I thought this way in the beginning. When I realized my WH broke NC I knew it was him. It takes 2 people to have an A and the feelings are usually reciprocated on both sides otherwise it would be considered a one night stand. Many choices are made when having an A, deliberate choices. The OW is never fully to blame. I think BS that do this have not accepted or refuse to accept that their WS did not think of them AT ALL when deciding to have the A. That the WS actually wanted the A.

[Josmatjes]

What's really amazing is how the lies are believed? If they can lie so easily to their spouse and children than what makes you think he isn't lieing to you. I look back now and I see all these red flags that I just pushed to the side and ignored because I was living in the affair bubble. Everything was and is still a lie! That's the hardest part of the affair. Finding out that everything that was told to you was all lies. It makes you question your own judgment and self worth. It's very hard to get that back but I think in time it can be done.

With my mm I found out that he doesn't own anything. He rents his house, the bank has repossessed his family car a few times and he has virtually no savings. He made out to me that he was secure and looking for a apartment to move out to. What a bunch of crap!