Author rockinrollin Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 It's true that he is unreasonable (imo) but what is strange is be can be so amazing and loving and then turn into a nightmare. Like tonight I got sick immediately after dinner. Strong stomach pains. I eventually got better after we got home. I told him 50 percent better. Then he started arguing because he was trying to book a vacation and I felt we can't afford it. The arguing was awful. He blamed me and said I like to play possum. Then he said he was getting out of shape and it was because he spends so much time looking for vacations and worrying about everyone else and my work schedule instead of his body. So what happened he said he wanted the night to end differently (with sex) and I said me too. He Said well you were sick! Your fault! So tonight he is mad. Angry. Mad because he didn't get to book a vaca because I worry that there is enough money if he is getting laid off. And he's pissed that I was sick after dinner and prevented sex because of I'm sick. He says he thinks I'm faking it because he looks fat. It's just so much drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rockinrollin Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 It's true that he is unreasonable (imo) but what is strange is be can be so amazing and loving and then turn into a nightmare. Like tonight I got sick immediately after dinner. Strong stomach pains. I eventually got better after we got home. I told him 50 percent better. Then he started arguing because he was trying to book a vacation and I felt we can't afford it. The arguing was awful. He blamed me and said I like to play possum. Then he said he was getting out of shape and it was because he spends so much time looking for vacations and worrying about everyone else and my work schedule instead of his body. So what happened he said he wanted the night to end differently (with sex) and I said me too. He Said well you were sick! Your fault! So tonight he is mad. Angry. Mad because he didn't get to book a vaca because I worry that there is enough money if he is getting laid off. And he's pissed that I was sick after dinner and prevented sex because of I'm sick. He says he thinks I'm faking it because he looks fat. It's just so much drama. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Drama. Some relationships thrive on it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Your husband is an abuser and a controller. Do you truly love him and can you see what your life is going to be like in 5 or 10 years from now? Really think about if you will be happy and thriving, growing and feel secure, loved and respected... Please, do not have children with this man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Some people just know how to cut their noses to spite their faces! Op if you knew your husband's history why did you even take the relationship forward at the dating stage itself? Also when he discovered your texting some guy and then blew up why did you not dump him then? You say you are the independent kind yet at the same time you seem to have dependency issues if you chose to marry a guy like your husband who already had some sticky baggage on his back. I cannot believe that your husband was an angel when dating you and then all of a sudden turned into this insecure, needy guy who constantly breathes down your neck. He must have given enough indications of his proclivities during the dating stage but you seem to have ignored them completely at the time. You made your bed and now you are complaining to any one prepared to listen, how you are feeling smothered and suffocated in the relationship. We have heard your side of the story but I wonder what your husband's side of the story would be? Frankly, after reading about your job profile and the expectations that your seniors have of you, I too, would be very suspicious of the situations that you would be placed in. I am not trying to defend your husband as I feel that he probably has issues which will require a major effort on his part to rectify. However, before any rectification can be done he has to recognise that he has a serious problem. If he doesn't then wild horses would be unable to take him to a therapist to address the problem. The ball is in your court. If you want to continue with your husband I think you will have to quit your current job and look for something safe and dull which will keep you grounded in your hometown with no visits to meet high profile clients along with your CEO and if you cannot stomach that I think you will have to part with your husband and do well in your high profile career without an albatross round your neck. You can then flirt to your heart's content and maybe have an affair or two with powerful people who will help further your career. I say this because I think your husband probably feels that's exactly what you want to do. Take a reality check and do what your gut tells you to do. You can't have your cake and eat it too! Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rockinrollin Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 I don't want to cheat! I am not that person but I do feel it's okay to try and network and have make clients even women friends. Am I wrong for that? I work in a profession where sometimes I have to accompany my CEOs to events. Why is that a sign of a problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Some jobs do require socializing with coworkers or clients. With coworkers it can be a way to build a team environment. 1. I think you and your husband need some financial counseling and some options. $20K is not a HUGE amount, but this can get a lot larger when the is unhappiness. 2. You need a mediator or some marriage counseling. You both need to learn some communication skills. I would tell your husband point blank, "I'm not happy. We need to fix this." I'd actually encourage you to find a male counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I have a friend who has a husband, and whenever I invite her some place, like grabbing a bite to eat or happy hour, she'll ask "Can <husband> come too?" Well, no, I hardly know him and I want to hang out with YOU, girlfriend. You're my girl/ But, see, it's not really like that. My friend is actually totally innocent and naive about things like this. She and her husband are just very very close and spend all their waking moments together. They are connected at the hip and like being together all the time. They do everything together, talk about everything, and she was just wanting her best friend to come and enjoy the fun experience with me too. At least I hope that's what it was. Anyways, of course, they are both isolated here in this place where we live too. They have no other family or friends and one would probably feel guilty leaving the other to go off and do something with someone else, so they invite their mate so they won't feel left out. (something I can relate to from my own past too) I guess what I'm trying to say is, I understand your plight, and I also understand your husband's insecurity. The solution is for him to work hard to get a job and it wouldn't hurt for him to find some friends himself so he can have a little social interaction outside of being with you too. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I don't want to cheat! I am not that person but I do feel it's okay to try and network and have make clients even women friends. Am I wrong for that? I work in a profession where sometimes I have to accompany my CEOs to events. Why is that a sign of a problem? Please complete the following: 1: my husband is a great husband because 2: I am very happy because 3: my friends/family like my husband because 4: I feel loved because my husband does xxx for me 5: I am with my husband because Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) Hi rockinrolling, if your post was in reply to mine I'd like to say that I am not implying that you want to cheat. It is what your husband probably thinks you will do because he does not trust you and seems to be a very insecure person. I do not also want to imply that you are wrong in your desire to cultivate new clients so that you can build your career. Again your husband is the suspicious person and it is he who thinks that you will make this an excuse to cheat on him. Please read my previous post in it's proper perspective. I have said that if you want to pursue a successful career and it seems you are ambitious enough to want that( Nothing wrong with that and good for you) then you will most probably have to jettison your husband as he is a big drag on your professional career. Once you are single again you can flirt, date and have affairs if you wish ( It won't be cheating) or just lead a straight forward career oriented life and possibly look for s new guy who is aligned with your goals in life. Please don't get me wrong. There is nothing in what you desire which is wrong. What is wrong is your husband's perspective on things and as I said before he is an albatross around your neck. It is your life and you need to live it unfettered as long as you do not cross boundaries and hurt people close to you in the process. By the same token people close to you do not have the right to restrict your elbow room and hold you back from achieving your full potential. Cheers! Edited February 26, 2016 by Just a Guy Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It's true that he is unreasonable (imo) but what is strange is be can be so amazing and loving and then turn into a nightmare. Like tonight I got sick immediately after dinner. Strong stomach pains. I eventually got better after we got home. I told him 50 percent better. Then he started arguing because he was trying to book a vacation and I felt we can't afford it. The arguing was awful. He blamed me and said I like to play possum. Then he said he was getting out of shape and it was because he spends so much time looking for vacations and worrying about everyone else and my work schedule instead of his body. So what happened he said he wanted the night to end differently (with sex) and I said me too. He Said well you were sick! Your fault! So tonight he is mad. Angry. Mad because he didn't get to book a vaca because I worry that there is enough money if he is getting laid off. And he's pissed that I was sick after dinner and prevented sex because of I'm sick. He says he thinks I'm faking it because he looks fat. It's just so much drama. You're like the frog in the pot that's slowly being boiled. Everyone is telling you how abusive and controlling this jerk is, and you're just venting about more of abusive bullsh*t and calling it 'drama.' The day will come when it gets physical, and it's coming. I doubt you'll be calling it 'drama' then. No wonder you two have nothing to show for the fact that you both work at well paying jobs. This fool wants to spend thousands of dollars on a vacation that you DON'T have when he's not even sure he'll have a job next week and you already have a considerable amount of debt wracked up. What the hell is wrong with this guy? All you've done is cater to this insanely jealous emotionally stunted fool and if you keep it up, your job will be on the chopping block next. Lots of companies DON'T want spouses at every single company event, that's standard stuff. Too damned bad if he can't handle it. You've allowed him to manipulate you and control you all this time and it doesn't sound as though you've yet reached a stage where you know it's unhealthy and you need to get out. I guess only you can decide when that time comes. Hopefully, it won't be after he's beat you 20 times. Good luck to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 What company would allow an outsider in meetings ? Common this is ridiculous. If he could not trust you after those texts..then he shouldn't have married you. It's that simple. Stand your ground..or be at his mercy for life. This is abuse. Don't accept it. You would look like a fool even asking if your husband could be in a meeting. I've never heard anything preposterous. I meet with men one on one in my job.... I'm sure the same applies to my H. I'm a professional and I do my job. Try counselling to help you through this. Don't back down and if he can't accept it. .... you know ending it is probably the best way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It's true that he is unreasonable (imo) but what is strange is be can be so amazing and loving and then turn into a nightmare. . It is not strange at all, most abusers are "amazing and loving" sometimes and that is the reason the victim usually stays put. "OK he can be nasty, but he is a lovely man, if only he could be like that more often..." Abusers aren't 24/7 ogres, if they were, most if not all, would run for the hills. NO, they hook you with their nice side, and then unleash hell, but the nice side keeps you compliant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 ]It's true that he is unreasonable (imo) but what is strange is be can be so amazing and loving and then turn into a nightmare. [/b] Like tonight I got sick immediately after dinner. Strong stomach pains. I eventually got better after we got home. I told him 50 percent better. Then he started arguing because he was trying to book a vacation and I felt we can't afford it. The arguing was awful. He blamed me and said I like to play possum. Then he said he was getting out of shape and it was because he spends so much time looking for vacations and worrying about everyone else and my work schedule instead of his body. So what happened he said he wanted the night to end differently (with sex) and I said me too. He Said well you were sick! Your fault! So tonight he is mad. Angry. Mad because he didn't get to book a vaca because I worry that there is enough money if he is getting laid off. And he's pissed that I was sick after dinner and prevented sex because of I'm sick. He says he thinks I'm faking it because he looks fat. It's just so much drama. Actually, it's not strange at all for people who are emotional abusers and not mentally stable. It's textbook behaviour. My ex was exactly the same. If he doesn't acknowledge that his behaviour is awful and unacceptable and is willing to take steps to address it, it will not get better. It will get worse. I speak from experience on that. So the question now is: what are you going to do next to protect yourself and your well-being? How will you protect your job? Believe me when I say your superiors will start noticing you're not fulfilling your potential. Because your husband is borderline dellusional if he honestly thinks your company will allow him to sit in on meeting. Where on earth did he get that idea from? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 So many red flags here. YOU either accept the role of the emotionally abused SAH wife with no life and at your bankrupt husbands beck and call or you get out. This IS emotional abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | World of Psychology Link to post Share on other sites
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