Can you un friend zone a guy?

[dmomar]

My guy friend texts me first every morning and consistently throughout the day. He keeps the conversation going until we both go to sleep. He also always texts me to make sure I get home safe after we hang out.

 

I told him I wanted to stay friends and I like what we have now. He told me he respects my decision and he'll do whatever I'm comfortable with and he appreciated my honesty.

 

We still talked all night after that and he flirted with me quite a bit.

 

The reason I just wanted friendship is because I recently got out of a relationship and I want to be sure I'm ready before getting into abother relationship.

 

I know that I told him I only wanted friendship but would I be able to initiate something in the future? I mean if he didn't already find someone. He's a great guy but I want to work on myself. I'm not trying to be selfish and I will genuinely be happy for him if he finds someone.

 

He's 27 and I'm 21.

Edited February 25, 2016 by dmomar

[yxalitis]

Here's a novel idea.

 

Tell him exactly that...

 

I don't understand why so many people come here and ask a bunch of random internet forum dwellers how to tell someone they know something about how they feel towards them.

 

Just tell him!

[road]

You did not say if wants you as a girl friend or as a girlfriend.

 

 

If he wants you to be his girlfriend then I would say that you should be able to unfriend zone him and be his girlfriend.

[dmomar]

You did not say if wants you as a girl friend or as a girlfriend.

 

 

If he wants you to be his girlfriend then I would say that you should be able to unfriend zone him and be his girlfriend.

 

He never said if be wanted me as a girlfriend. We've just been friends and that's what I told him what I wanted. He said he's fine with friendship.

[Wewon]

Yes, but you're going to have to explicitly state that you want more and risk the awkwardness of a rejection.

 

Hinting at the change in the relationship will not be seen a interest by him, only confusing.

[dmomar]

Yes, but you're going to have to explicitly state that you want more and risk the awkwardness of a rejection.

 

Hinting at the change in the relationship will not be seen a interest by him, only confusing.

 

For right now I'm ok with the friendship we have because I did just get out of a relationship. I was asking for like future reference in case we started liking each other?

[alphaa]

safe to say he already likes you. no guy is gonna invest all that time in a girl to just be friends forever. And honestly if you just see him as a friend your doing him wrong. Im not sure if others would agree but thats my opinion. coming from a guy he would be ok with friendship but also hurt at the same time. You say he texts you first, keeps the convo going, if you like him and want something with him then you need to start doing the same and put in an effort.

 

also ask him out sometime. nothings wrong with that.

[carhill]

Can you un friend zone a guy?

 

It depends. At your age, and with the guy in question, probably. Move things to facilitate a more sexual direction and leave him to respond. If he was attracted and shut that off due to your stop sign, there's a good chance he'll respond. You're both young, you're at or near the height of your sexual power and the reproductive message is strong with a guy his age. Nudge things a bit and see what happens.

[dmomar]

safe to say he already likes you. no guy is gonna invest all that time in a girl to just be friends forever. And honestly if you just see him as a friend your doing him wrong. Im not sure if others would agree but thats my opinion. coming from a guy he would be ok with friendship but also hurt at the same time. You say he texts you first, keeps the convo going, if you like him and want something with him then you need to start doing the same and put in an effort.

 

also ask him out sometime. nothings wrong with that.

 

 

I'm not keeping him as a friend to be mean. I got out of a messy relationship not too lIke a week ago. I don't want to use anyone as a rebound because it's just hurtful.

 

I do like him and I do see the potential but I don't want another relationship until I'm ready.

[dmomar]

It depends. At your age, and with the guy in question, probably. Move things to facilitate a more sexual direction and leave him to respond. If he was attracted and shut that off due to your stop sign, there's a good chance he'll respond. You're both young, you're at or near the height of your sexual power and the reproductive message is strong with a guy his age. Nudge things a bit and see what happens.

 

I mean we flist a lot. I just put the brakes because I don't feel ready for a relationship.

[carhill]

Romance can move, and should move, at the pace which is healthy for both parties. If you're not in the same place, it's simply a miss. The other side of the coin, if I were advising the guy, is to not wait around until a woman feels like it. That might never happen. If the timing works, it works. If not, not. At this young age, single people abound. Everyone should feel free to partake in the manner they choose. If you're not wanting to rebound and simply wish casual social relations, that's your prerogative. If he's on the same page, cool. If not, cool. If not, a miss. No harm, no foul, each person leaves whole and enjoys others. Lots of others on the planet.

[smudge21]

It sounds like you want to run this at your pace and your pace alone. He's said he's happy to be your friend and that only (which if he had feelings would be tough for anyone) so you run the risk of him locking you in that friend zone to the point where any feelings he still has are long gone by the time you decide you want a relationship.

 

 

You have to see it from his viewpoint - if he has feelings and yet agreed to a friends only deal, then he's saying he's at a point where he's okay if you start dating someone else. That's not something I could do.

 

 

Maybe you could talk face to face and come to somewhere where although it's not a relationship, there is some exclusivity between you two, as currently there's every chance one of you could meet someone else at anytime.. then where would that leave you.

[dmomar]

I can tell he likes me. Even admitted to being jealous because I was hanging out with another guy friend.

 

I don't want it to seem like I'm stringing him along. How do you have exclusivity without dating?

[Qboro90]

I can tell he likes me. Even admitted to being jealous because I was hanging out with another guy friend.

 

I don't want it to seem like I'm stringing him along. How do you have exclusivity without dating?

 

You can't. You're going to be stringing him along. Just because you like how nice he is and how he treats you and want to keep that, doesn't mean that he deserves to be fed a false hope that you'll eventually develop feelings and be ready or complete "working on yourself" to start something romantic with him.

 

You're asking in a nice way how to do that. Sorry but the nice mature thing to do is to realize that even if you explain exactly what you have here to this guy and let him make the choice of whether or not to keep doing what he's doing exclusively for you, that's not going to be in his best interest. No matter what you tell him or how perfectly you explain it, he is going to hear that one little piece of hope or sign that he should just stick it out, or keep doing what he's doing because you definitely enjoy it and eventually it'll pay off.

 

Be honest... If you can text and have conversations with this guy from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed... Then it wouldn't be that much more effort or any effort at all to give the guy some of the perks of having a girl at this point. Either you like this guy enough to go on a couple dates, or hang out once a week, or hook up (not saying you have to sleep with him)... Or you don't.

 

Personally.... If I can tell someone to wait around and I might be ready later to start something up with them.... Then I already know there's no unique spark that's making me feel like I absolutely cannot risk losing this opportunity with that person. If some other girl fell for him and he treated her like a queen and you could say genuinely "I'm happy for him, not upset at all or regret waiting"... Then tell this guy you're never gonna be at the same emotional interest level that he is and afford him the ability to look at other women from now on

[dmomar]

The thing is I do like him like really like him. If I hadn't just gotten out of a relationship so recently I would date him in a heartbeat.

 

It does seem awful though when he could be with another girl who's ready for him.

[Qboro90]

The thing is I do like him like really like him. If I hadn't just gotten out of a relationship so recently I would date him in a heartbeat.

 

It does seem awful though when he could be with another girl who's ready for him.

 

What is going to be different in 6 months that's going to tell you you're ready to start seeing someone again then?

[dmomar]

What is going to be different in 6 months that's going to tell you you're ready to start seeing someone again then?

 

No I probably just need like a month. I got out of a relationship a week ago. I don't want him to feel like a rebound.

[preraph]

Yes. All you have to do is say, "I think I'm ready to start dating again. Any takers?"

[Qboro90]

No I probably just need like a month. I got out of a relationship a week ago. I don't want him to feel like a rebound.

 

Then you don't really need to explain anything to him do you? If you honestly like the guy and want to be a really selfless person then you can tell him "hey.. Listen, I really don't want to be one of those girls who strings a guy along and comes off like a b-word... But I really do like/enjoy/think you're a phenomenal guy who id be totally down to go out to dinner, movie, hot air balloon ride in Paris (tease is good to keep it light) at some point. But I literally just got out of a relationship a week ago, and I wouldn't think it'd be fair to you or anyone else if I made you think I was ready to get back in that dating/involved mindset. But I don't want you to feel like "the time will come" then keep waiting and waiting to where all of a sudden I'm the bad guy. I don't know if it'll be next week, or a month from now when I'm gonna be open for something but I don't want to feel like there's a timeline I need to get to because you're waiting and have been so sweet the whole time. I'd never wanna start seeing someone as great as you on the basis of it being the rebound or first date after the breakup... Does that make any sense to you? You should be able to go do whatever you feel like doing... Trust me if you meet someone I'm not gonna delete your number, I just wanted to be upfront with you because I thought you deserved it.

 

 

That's obviously a lot to say. Pick and choose if you think any of it applies. But as a guy... There would always be a little bit of a doubt in my mind if a girl started dating/hooking up with me immediately after, or being the first guy after she went through a break up. It just would feel like it's bound to end or didn't start on the premise which a lastin relationship should start on especially with someone who I care about a lot. Which is what t appears this guy feels towards you.

My guess is that he's gonna wait and be patient until you decide to give him a shot.

However also keep in mind that the longer you keep a guy in the friend zone and communicate daily without any physical intimacy, the less appealing he may become to you, and the more of just a "nice sweet safe" guy he is.

 

If you need at least a month, then try to minimize the amount of contact you have with him during that time. Meaning, don't text each other constantly every day or have such long convos. Tell him your work schedule changed and you can't use your phone as much during the day Bc you're near your boss or something so he's not sketched out. That way when you do feel ready to date, you will be able to experience that excitement and getting to know one another romantically along with the physical flirting, attraction. Isn't that what you'd want anyways?