Author Venn Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 the efforts made when we were still together... the relationship was the strongest when we were together at the same city and at the same school. in 2011-2012... Back then we were inseparable... like a married couple already. Only the LDR part is where the relationship started to "fluctuate" or have the ups and downs... I could also say that my 3 week fighting for her and stopping is less effort... like my friend said... should have kept tabs on her, call her and ask how she is doing, those kind of stuff... She was a great woman. Why did I stop all of a sudden? I got tired of fighting for her... And only now do I realize that I truly loved her and not that other woman that used me to cheat... it only took me an instant to get over that other woman... the moment I knew that she wasn't worth it, I was free. Now why is it that I can't get over my ex of 6 years? ;'(... it's because she was supposed to be worth fighting for... worth suffering for... yet I went into another route, and now I can't get back to her route anymore... because another one has taken her heart... ;'(... The greatest pain I've ever felt... the regret, the waste of effort I made, the waste of letting go of a great girl, and the possibility of never be able to get someone better for her... like I know... there is always someone better for her... but the question is, will I get that woman? If I don't, I'm going to start comparing in my thoughts and eventually not love her because you don't see the good traits that you have once seen in your ex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 4, 2016 Author Share Posted March 4, 2016 "I will never leave you... I PROMISE" one of the sentences of the letters that she gave to me... promises were made to be broken after all right? T.T Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 Venn I know its hard to take but in 20 years time you will not remember all of this. Just keep that in mind each day and keep moving on. At the moment you are going over and over and over and over every tiny little thing. Its time to let all that go. Take that letter and any others there may be. Take all momentos, photos etc put them in a box tape it shut and stick it in the attic. Get her off of your facebook, remove her from your life. Then take a moment to breathe, get up and go and seize the day. Some days will be tougher than others but each morning remember its a new day and a fresh start. Do no contact properly - it will help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
QueenElsa Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 Venn I know its hard to take but in 20 years time you will not remember all of this. Just keep that in mind each day and keep moving on. At the moment you are going over and over and over and over every tiny little thing. Its time to let all that go. Take that letter and any others there may be. Take all momentos, photos etc put them in a box tape it shut and stick it in the attic. Get her off of your facebook, remove her from your life. Then take a moment to breathe, get up and go and seize the day. Some days will be tougher than others but each morning remember its a new day and a fresh start. Do no contact properly - it will help. The only way to describe it is that she will fade. And you'll find new relationships that will probably be far more stable after having learned lessons from this one. I had never heard of pastors being only able to marry other pastors. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 4, 2016 Author Share Posted March 4, 2016 (edited) The only way to describe it is that she will fade. And you'll find new relationships that will probably be far more stable after having learned lessons from this one. I had never heard of pastors being only able to marry other pastors. Try searching for the salvation army religion. only pastors can marry other pastors... that is her calling... it was her childhood dream... I also have to mention... one of the reasons I let go is because... she went on and off again when her calling was on fire again... we always argued about me not be able to be with her because I myself have no calling... when the right thing to say was: "don't worry I'll pray for us... pray that both of us will be okay in our relationship despite your calling"... that was the right thing to say T.T not argue about it... If I am not going to be with her, then at least I want her childhood dreams to be fulfilled... not let another non believer be partnered with her... I have talked to my pastor about this and asked him if it's okay if that my ex will go home for vacation for around 2 days I won't go to church. he agreed. but there are times he forget to text or message me and then see her at church T.T it was heart wrenching to see... that she won't talk to me, she won't even look at me... and see her on how she calls her new guy... Edited March 4, 2016 by Venn Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 Venn God doesn't just reside in a church. He is all around you. Remember the teachings that the Holy Spirit lets God into your heart and soul? Let her go and do her thing. Life will take a different path for you and you will get over this. Let her make her own decisions. They are none of your concern any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 4, 2016 Author Share Posted March 4, 2016 I got to take a look at a laptop that I let her borrow for a while... I got to take a look at a windows movie maker video that she made for me... and a video of her dedicating a song for me... the song was "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You". And a few emailed letters that she forgot to send me... it's the first time I saw these... and now I'm crying again T.T There's that feeling... that you never valued her efforts and knew that she was supposed to be worth fighting for... T.T... she actually did love me more... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 Venn She was your childhood sweetheart. For pete's sake, she was only 15 years old when this started! The idea that it would last forever was unrealistic. This is a case of puppy love. I don't say to demean what you are feeling but to point out that this was your very first relationship. It was born from a good, sweet, pure place but it's OVER. Let it go. You will find a more mature lasting love. But in order to do that you have to break from the past. Please for your own sanity, stop looking back & start looking forward, toward your future. She is your past. In a few years when the acute pain subsides you will be able to look back fondly but for now you have to accept that your childhood relationship has run it course. Think of it this way. As a small child you played with your friends & had favorite toys. As you grew up you slowly let go of those things to pursue more adult things. The same here. While the fact that you no longer play with toys doesn't mean that those toys weren't important to you when you were a child and it doesn't mean that you didn't learn things from the toys, it means that the time for toys is over. Your 1st relationship never should have lasted this long. It's been on artificial life support for years. You are desperately trying to keep something going that has been dead for a long time. It has kept you in limbo & misery. Stop torturing yourself. LET HER GO. It's the best thing for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 is there a way for me to private message people here in the forums... I need to talk to some people here... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 ahh. after watching the video that I showed to my church mates, only now do they advice me to fight for her ;'( what the heck... if only they told me that months ago when the breakup was still fresh, this could not have happened ;'( "What's your decision? Totally letting her go? Or be a man and win her back? I mean win or loose, whatever the outcome you'll strive to win her back!You don't need to remind her of a failure you... That's the Venn she dumped... Start from scratch... Figure out how to outlive your present version. UPGRADE! As if firstine you know her! will you take the challenge? -by our pastor" Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 is there a way for me to private message people here in the forums... I need to talk to some people here... You have to have been a member for a period of time & have a minimum # of posts OR be a paid member to get PM privileges. If your pastor is encouraging you to fight for her, get him to talk to her. If he won't do that, then re-evaluate his effectiveness as a leader. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) is what he saying kind of stupid? He is a pastor for already 7 years by now. He is a good leader for me. here's another message he told me: "Is she worth striving for? If you really Love her even if there is no chance, you'll grab the opportunity to chase her until everything is too late means she is married. Show her how disgusted you are with your old self. And true change should be your focus while chasing her.What matters most is your all heart on it! Love is not in numbers but sacrifice. Just give her notes telling her how thankful you are for breaking up with you. Because it made you a better you... Eventually you'll be hurt, especially when you see them both coming... SACRFICE... Don't linger just give her the note or with chocolates... Then go home... Don't look like mourning but brace her with the happiest VJ... Till she get your message... Because by giving all you can just to win her back, would stop the notion of you blaming yourself for losing her... Atleast you give it a try! With a Bang! If you want to feel so sorry for the rest of your life. Continue the current path that you have." He also told me that it's my fight when I talked to him about chatting her on Facebook... actually he is not our current pastor right now because he moved from a different church but we still connect each other through facebook. Edited March 5, 2016 by Venn Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 6, 2016 Author Share Posted March 6, 2016 Do not beg for her! Do not repeat what was your relationship back in the past... She is disgusted with the old you! You should start a new... But bringing back old memories? C'mon! Don't get too excited! It takes time to ripen... Evaluate what is not sufficient! Instead of finding ways how to supplement of what you don't have, Just seek God first! You won't regret it. Stop! For the mean time you blew it away! Just wait for the right timing... God allowed this to happen for you to step back first and see the bug picture...And for you to start brewing the new Venn! Stop all communications... You don't need to share her the words of God, she's matured... You need it more! God allows you to experience this! In order for you stop doing something. And allow Him to do it for you! You use a lot of logic... While loosing the the girl that you've love the most because of it! What you need right now is faith! She dumped you because your not spiritually matured and too much of being logical! And try to listen... And read between the lines...Praying that God will help you find yourself again to Him! Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 You are deep, deep in the crazy weeds right now. Before you can do anything you have to reclaim your sanity. Is there any way for you to get the hell away for a while-- join the Peace Corps, go gut fish in Alaska, you name it.... hike the Appalachian Trail-- that will give you something to be proud of, while extricating yourself from this immediate panic? I have been where you are. Get yourself some small victories. Cook for yourself, keep the place clean, take a walk or jog. Build your sanity matchstick by matchstick if you have to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 I've done exercising everyday because I get less sleep anyway. at least 1-2km runs per day and push ups, sit ups, barbels... I watch a lot of movies, anime and gaming also and it doesn't make me forget about her... I've done almost all things but nothing seems to work... What's wrong? Also i'm looking at websites like this... is it even possible: How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back When She Has Moved On: 7 Tips | The Modern Man Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Get some friends and go out with them... I agree you are in the crazy weeds right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 Get some friends and go out with them... I agree you are in the crazy weeds right now. I've done that... some of them are even a bit angry about me because of all the repeating stuff that I've been saying to them... I even do jogging sessions with them... then out of the blue I talk to them about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Venn you need to stop obsessing over this. Your friends are getting annoyed because you are going way over the top about it all. Calm down. It really is simple. She is not the girl for you. You are young and have a life ahead of you. Time to start putting the ground work into forming that life by getting on with your studies etc. At the moment you sound like a stuck record. Open your eyes look around you. There is so much more out there. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Those websites you are looking at are filled with lies & garbage you want to hear. They don't work. Any site that has a fee is purely a scam. There is nothing about this relationship that is worth saving. Let it go already. Save yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 8, 2016 Author Share Posted March 8, 2016 Those websites you are looking at are filled with lies & garbage you want to hear. They don't work. Any site that has a fee is purely a scam. There is nothing about this relationship that is worth saving. Let it go already. Save yourself. easier said than done ;') Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 8, 2016 Author Share Posted March 8, 2016 anyone who want to add me and maybe talk to me, here is my anonymous facebook account: https://www.facebook.com/liar.nev Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 I've done that... some of them are even a bit angry about me because of all the repeating stuff that I've been saying to them... I even do jogging sessions with them... then out of the blue I talk to them about it. Then stop talking to them about it. Reserve it for here. Talk to us about it. We're used to it. But, you stated that you're doing all these things and it doesn't seem to work because your mind tends to go back to her. I venture to say that it IS working. You keep busy, but everytime that you have a lull in activity or you stop doing something, then your mind goes back to her. But, here's the rub, if you weren't doing anything, then your mind would CONSTANTLY be on her. When your busy and focusing on what you're doing, your mind is focused on the task at hand and not on her. So, in my opinion, I would rather endure a couple of hours about thinking on that relationship rather than 24 hours. Dude, you're making process even if you do see it yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 8, 2016 Author Share Posted March 8, 2016 I was chatting with her using my anonymous account; "Hey! Stop iT! Please. We're already happy You should be ashamed of yourself YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING. YOU ARE RUINING US. YOU ARE RUINING YOURSELF PLEASE STOP AND DONT BOTHER US AGAIN. LET US ALL BE HAPPY. GODSPEED." ;'( Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 I was chatting with her using my anonymous account; "Hey! Stop iT! Please. We're already happy You should be ashamed of yourself YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING. YOU ARE RUINING US. YOU ARE RUINING YOURSELF PLEASE STOP AND DONT BOTHER US AGAIN. LET US ALL BE HAPPY. GODSPEED." ;'( Do you have any concept as to how creepy that is? Also why would you want to date a woman who has so little sense that she is wiling to talk to an anonymous person on line? Who is the Us being refereed to above? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Venn Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 Do you have any concept as to how creepy that is? Also why would you want to date a woman who has so little sense that she is wiling to talk to an anonymous person on line? Who is the Us being refereed to above? She knows that its me and shes annoyed at how Im showing old pictures of us and me making movie maker presentations of us being together from way back... Link to post Share on other sites
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