Cherryz Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 If he is not single, he is not available. Doesnt matter what his story is. Separated means not single! And i dont understand how there was nothing but all the time he start touching your body!!!!!!!? Doesnt that raise any but any red flags to you? Stop messing with this married cheater perv , and get a man that respect women and you! Married people that use this "im separated "crap, just try to fool the next person to get sex and use them for the things they are not happy about at home. And instead of them go take care of their marriage issues they choose to bring one more person into their mess. And once things get well with their partner they drop you like a hot potato! Leave this guy. What you felt is probably just passion and lust because of the aggressive sexual way he was/is with you. Even if he really divorce, he will need a period to heal from it so he can be at-least a bit available to date again. If you think your story is special and will end different, read the 1000000 of other topics about this. Work on your self esteem and get a real single man that respect you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 It also seems like he's not facing his marriage at all and using you as a distraction - as long as he has you on the hook, he's distracted and can blame his wife. But marital problems are impossible to fix if an affair is going on. So he's just making a big problem into a ton of huge problems. He's a hot mess and he's taking you down with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Hi, Some of you are familiar with my story...i am not really the OW but did have some sort of a thing with a MM. He cut contact over a year ago with me after a huge falling out with his wife after she discovered we were still friends and went out with another mutual guy friend to a bar and his wife made him go NC!!! Anyways, at the beginning of the year he thought he was divorcing her so he renewed contact and he has gone back to his wife. That was in January. However, we are still in touch...and last night we went out me him and the friend again. I know that his wife doesn't know that we are in touch and he also told me not to contact him in the evenings and that he deletes my messages. So, i don't get why is he still in touch with me and meets me and like his wife found out a year ago she can find out again. Why would he risk it or isn't he risking it? Thanks Because he is turning into a cake eater and that's what they do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 He's taking such a risk because he's a fool. He uses his friend as a cover to get you out. He knows you have a crush on him and it boosts his ego. How very immature he is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 I think you want to believe it's possible but this guy is never going to leave his wife for you. Recordings, countless discussions with friends, and driving yourself crazy making excuses for him won't change that. It's humiliating. He turns hot and cold on you, tells you you mean nothing to him, deletes your messages, dictates when you contact him, etc. What part of that says respect to you? The worst part is that you keep coming back for more. This results in him definitely not respecting you. Any questions about other men are simply to amuse himself. He knows you're completely hooked on him so he's basically calling your bluff. Even if you really had a boyfriend, he wouldn't care. If he's open to a sidepiece, hey maybe you are, too. His wife isn't making him do or not do anything. It's not about the kids, either. He's simply a selfish ass who wants to act single from time to time. Why is any of this attractive to you? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 I haven't read all the comments, so I may have missed something. By putting yourself in this situation, you're allowing someone you love and care about to treat you like crap. Never make someone a priority who only considers you an option. He is essentially learning how much mistreatment you will tolerate. He's throwing you breadcrumbs and you're gobbling them up like they were steak. You love him, he knows it. It's being used against you. Do you think after he divorces his wife he will expend the energy to treat you the way you deserve? You're already showing him he doesn't have to. Run away. If he pursues, tell him you can't be his soft landing or his rebound girl. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 What you describe sounds backwards - it is you who appears to be there for him, and rather exclusively on his terms. I suggest he already doesn't respect you because to have been teasing you while he was patently unavailable by marriage was a test - a way to measure just how low you are willing to set the bar for yourself. You should not presume that the failed marriage is the wife's loss - it sounds like you might be running a salvage operation. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Hi, Some of you are familiar with my story...i am not really the OW but did have some sort of a thing with a MM. He cut contact over a year ago with me after a huge falling out with his wife after she discovered we were still friends and went out with another mutual guy friend to a bar and his wife made him go NC!!! Anyways, at the beginning of the year he thought he was divorcing her so he renewed contact and he has gone back to his wife. That was in January. However, we are still in touch...and last night we went out me him and the friend again. I know that his wife doesn't know that we are in touch and he also told me not to contact him in the evenings and that he deletes my messages. So, i don't get why is he still in touch with me and meets me and like his wife found out a year ago she can find out again. Why would he risk it or isn't he risking it? Thanks Question really is, why are YOU still in touch with him and spending time with him? What are you getting out of this? He treats you like crap. He has a huge ego and you feed into his ego by acknowledging him and spending energy on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Why do we allow others to treat us in a way less than we deserve? Especially when there is no marriage or family to attempt to salvage? Maybe we don't feel we deserve better. Do the work on yourself through IC to determine how you're allowing this treatment, because, obviously you're not ok with it. Remember, we teach others how to treat us. Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Hi He invited me to a movie. At the movie he started touching me. My heart nearly had a heart attack each time. I have a chance now of being with him and i dont want to mess it up. If i sleep with him will he disrespect me? Thanks Uhm, he is groping you at a public theater? Is that right? How so NOT romantic. Sounds like he already treats you disrespectfully and like a sex object. Is he too cheap to get a room? Run. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepsimax Posted March 12, 2016 Author Share Posted March 12, 2016 It also seems like he's not facing his marriage at all and using you as a distraction - as long as he has you on the hook, he's distracted and can blame his wife. But marital problems are impossible to fix if an affair is going on. So he's just making a big problem into a ton of huge problems. He's a hot mess and he's taking you down with him. Hi No affair is going on...nothing happens when we meet. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Hi No affair is going on...nothing happens when we meet. He "touches" you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepsimax Posted March 12, 2016 Author Share Posted March 12, 2016 He "touches" you... He doesn't want to cheat on his wife but on the other hand he knows she doesn't want him to be in touch with me and he is. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 He doesn't want to cheat on his wife . Cheaters never do but they do it all the same. Meeting up with you, going to movies with you, "touching" you, all mean he is having an affair with you and he is cheating on his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepsimax Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 Hi all, The MM that i am in love with knows how badly I want to return and work in his company and that I am unhappy at my job. There is a job opening with his team and he is trying to get me in...doubt he will succeed but he is trying. I wonder why he would want me to work with him...i think his wife would go crazy if it happened and she found out. A while ago when he went NC and a bit before he said that me and him can't work together. What could be going through his mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 He is acting in his own best interest. Having an A with a coworker is a prescription for double disaster. Easier to keep you in your compartment if you don't work together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 This guy is toying with you, using you to make himself feel good. Puppeteer. Don’t work with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepsimax Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 We aren't having an affair. Why do you think he is toying with me? And isn't he worried that is wife would find out if we work together? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Why did you stay in touch with him? "Your friendship meant nothing" his words...how can you speak to him again after that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Does it matter what he's thinking? None of it is about your well being regardless. How long are you going to toy with your own emotions over someone who doesn't really care about you? Congrats, you didn't have a physical, full blown affair beyond theater touching. So what does it matter what he's thinking? He's not leaving his wife for you. You had to record him to discuss him with your therapist. Respectfully, I'd suggest a better therapist and to not attempt to work with him. I know everyone moves on in their own time, but for a "non-affair" it's beyond time to move on to someone who cares about you and leave whatever fantasy you have over him in the trash, where it belongs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 We aren't having an affair. Why do you think he is toying with me? And isn't he worried that is wife would find out if we work together? Because he knows you're in love with him and he's known for a long time, years. That's not nice. He should stay 100% away from you. Sure, I'd think that he'd be worried that his wife would be angry- she will be. I'd HOPE that he would not want to hurt her, but that doesn't seem to matter to him, or to you either. Stay away from him. This is someone's husband. And he's not even a good guy. He's playing games with both you and his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Standing ovation to the last few posts. Perfection. MOVE ON OP, moovvee ON! Link to post Share on other sites
stilltrying16 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Hi all, The MM that i am in love with knows how badly I want to return and work in his company and that I am unhappy at my job. There is a job opening with his team and he is trying to get me in...doubt he will succeed but he is trying. I wonder why he would want me to work with him...i think his wife would go crazy if it happened and she found out. A while ago when he went NC and a bit before he said that me and him can't work together. What could be going through his mind? How did you learn he is trying to get you in? From what he said? Why would you trust one word that came out of his mouth? I think he's telling you this to keep you hooked. All along, his MO has been to give you just enough to keep you dangling. If he is trying to get you in for that position, then I think it is to make it more convenient for himself to feel you up at the drop of a hat. His behavior towards you is unbelievable- so disrespectful. Bordering on contempt. He's tried to use you for free sex and, as someone pointed out before, he's balked even at shelling out for a room for that free sex- he preferred to grope you in a movie theater. If he gets you the job he won't even have to spring for movie tickets. It's unbelievable. This "mutual friend" whom he uses to set up trysts with you: wow. He sounds like a joke. MM seems to use him like a pimp. How long have you been friends with this other guy? Is it a genuine friendship and is he looking out for you in any way? Has he ever done anything for you or you for him? Or is he there just to arrange convenient hookups for MM? I think you need a brand new set of friends outside this toxic circle...do you talk to anyone outside your work about this stuff, and if so do they have any advice for you? I'm sorry; this whole experience is so bizarre that it sounds unreal. If it is real, please do get out of it asap. According to that therapist who listened to the recording, he is a fool. A moron with an embarrassingly low emotional IQ. Does he deserve a second of your time? What do you find attractive about this person...if you were to break it down? Maybe if you spelled it out, other posters, and you yourself, could get a clearer perspective on this situation & then try to give you more helpful advice? Because frankly everything you've said about him makes him sound like a douche. Not ONE redeeming quality so far. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 He doesn't want to cheat on his wife but on the other hand he knows she doesn't want him to be in touch with me and he is. What difference would this make if he is divorcing his wife. Why does he still care what she wants or if he cheats on her? BTW, she couldn't keep him from still contacting you if he really wanted to. That is his excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I'm so sorry that you're so confused & hurting so much. I've read your thread & to be honest I'm disgusted. Let's pretend for a moment that this is your husband... He puts on porn with a female friend & fingers her. No kissing (that's some weird boundary for him. I've only heard that with pro's.) was it the same in the cinema? Sexual contact but no kissing? Ugh! How would you feel if your H was doing these things? Forget about the things he's said about her. At some point he was giddy in love, got down on one knee & asked her to spend her life with him. They made vows. They planned babies. He held his hand on her tummy & felt their babies kick. They had dreams & plans. I bet she never thought that included watching porn with female friends with his hand up her skirt! She's not some kind of evil witch, demanding he cut contact with his true love. This is real life. She has children to think of. Would you want your babies spending every other weekend with their father? What would you do? Would you want a husband who seems to spend a LOT of time in pubs & out on the town while she's home bathing & tucking their children in bed. Do you REALLY want this man? Has he ever kissed you? PLEASE don't take a job working with him. You've tortured yourself enough. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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