I can't belive I did this to him..

[blahblah1]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 months now. We met back in high school, he is 22 and I am 18. Right now, we go to the same college, so we see each other pretty often. This isn't the first time we've dated though, he came back to our high school while I was a senior and he was a junior in college (we've known each other since my freshmen and his senior year). After we caught up, we soon decided we wanted to be together, so we dated for about 3 weeks. He became very distant, ignoring my texts and being short with me. He said he was too busy to be in a relationship and broke up with me with a text. Even though we weren't together long, I was still distraught because I liked him a lot and he had the nerve to text me instead of talk to me in person. I never fully got over him, especially because I knew I would join this club he was in when I got to college. He told me we could potentially try again another day since we would go to the same school, so I clung to that. Well when I saw him in august, he was really weird around me and sort of avoided me a little. One night after a club meeting, he walked me to my dorm and kissed me. I was so happy but also shocked, so I sort of ran away. I confronted him about it (he was ignoring me again) and said he didn't have feelings for me. A few days later, I saw him flirting and holding hands with this other girl who is also in the club, so I figured that was the reason. I was devestated, but I tried to get over it. In October, he told me he lied about his feelings and very much wanted me back, so we got back together.

 

Basically I was very hurt and it took me awhile to forgive him for playing with me like that. Now, I met this guy who is also in this club, and we quickly became best friends. This was back in September before my bf and I started dating again. We realized we had feelings for each other pretty soon after my bf and I got back together in october, even though we were both in relationships (his being over 2 years). This is where I messed up. We were a little too flirty when we texted, and it eventually escalated into sexting. We sent pictures back and forth a few times. We also met on 2 separate occasions and kissed, but only kissed. This all happened in the span of 2 weeks, and afterwards we agreed to never speak of it and cut off all communication.

 

Even while I was doing it, it felt wrong. I NEVER thought I would be the type to cheat. I take full responsibility for my actions and I feel absolutely terrible. I feel like I cheated because I wasn't sure I wanted to be with my bf at that point because of our past.. but that doesn't justify it at all. I've also had a bf who said he was "too busy" but was actually talking to another girl, so I was worried it would happen with him too.

 

I realized that I am completely in love with him, and he is with me as well. I think he could be the one because we talk about out future together quite frequently including marriage, and I've never felt this strongly about a guy before.. In any other situation I would want to get this off my chest, but I don't want him to leave me. He's been cheated on before and it destroyed him. He also has emotional issues (self esteem, depression, etc.) and even when we argue he talks about hurting himself if he thinks I'm not happy with him.

 

I love him to death and I can't bring myself to tell him. I don't want to ruin what we have because I don't think he could forgive me no matter how much he loves me. It was a one time thing and I will never do it again. I know I'm being selfish for not wanting to, but I also want to spare him the pain, especially because he is so intent on marrying me and I'm worried about what he will do to himself. Do you think I should keep it to myself?

[ExpatInItaly]

Girl. I'm sorry, but I don't think you're anywhere near as in love with your boyfriend as you claim. It wasn't a random, drunken kiss with another guy. This was an emotional and physical affair.

 

I think you should let your boyfriend go. Honestly. You were unfaithful from the get-go; your gut is telling you something here. You're far too young to be committing to something like marriage anyway, in my opinion. Be young and have fun, but not at the expense of others.

 

If he is talking about hurting himself, at any time, you notify his family or emergency services.

Edited February 26, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[road]

Tell him the truth and end the relationship.

[smackie9]

Don't worry about it, you are young and still in that developmental stage in your life where you will not be making good choices. You are nowhere near mature enough to know what you want, or know where you are going to be in 5 years. Things are going to change, guys will come and go, you will make mistakes, you learn, you grow you, move on.

 

It's up to you in what you will allow yourself to do. There is no right or wrong, it's only what you will be able to live with. The decision is yours.

[ah10]

Tell your boyfriend, but explain to him how and why this happened. Tell him that this happened when you weren't even sure of your relationship with him, because of the way he had been toying with your emotions before that - he had left you once in the past, then you also saw him with another girl which hurt you.

 

Tell him that you feel very sorry and hence you are coming out clean, that you want your relationship to be based on honesty and openness, and that you want him to understand your reasons.

 

By the way, you are too young to be committing to anyone. It happens with a lot of us. We tell people that we want to marry them, but in 99% of the cases, marriage never materializes, and for good.