Should I contact my ex gf again??

[Ahmed15]

Hi! The question for this topic is simply if I should contact my ex again or not.

Here is my story.

 

I met my ex gf last year and when we met she was shy and lonely at school and I became her first friend (she is 2 year younger than me). We used to hangout in friend groups and one day we were alone. We talked and talked and I noticed that she had feelings for me because she blushed alot. I didn't feel the same way at first since I had a hard time falling in love because of my last breakup.

 

After two month it was my birthday and my ex gf with the help of my friends made a suprise party for me (NO ONE has ever made a party for me). I was so happy and knew that I should give her a chance and I did. We started dating and it was wonderful, we went on a boat trip around the city and I found out that she loved to explore just like me.

 

Things were great and we even talked on skype alot. We confessed that we loved each other and I even got to meet her bff and we hit it off really well.

 

But then things went DOWN...she denied on being in a relationship with me and but wanted to be friends. The reason was because her "Parents" didnt want her to be on a relationship yet. I accepted it because I didnt want to loose her. Then she moved away to another city but so did I so we were far away from each other.

 

I felt so bad about everything that has happend and cried many nights because of it and just wanted to talk to her again. Then few month after we both moved away she started to ignore my messages more and more and I noticed on facebook that she has met a new guy that she hang out with alot, she even has pics of him and her. I thought that was it, she has moved on and found someone else and thats why she didnt talk to me EVEN THOUGH we were just friends. But things got worse.

 

Apparently they werent together and what she did was unforgivable. I asked her bff if she talked to my ex and she said they did talk often. That means she has ignored my messages in 3 months and then on facebook my ex stated to like my bff's status etc and even talked to him and even asked him to be on a relationship with her. He told me about it first since he knew I had feelings for her and I told him to block her and he did. And I told my ex to never speak to me or my bff ever again because of that. IT WAS CRUEL!!

 

I lost all faith on woman in general and I cried for a month. I went full No Contact on my ex to feel better and my bff was there to support me. Three month has pasted since then and I feel much better now. I have thought of how things may look for my ex and I think I would be perfectly fine if she was with someone else now. But something got me thinking, she was a nice and shy person...why did she do all this to me?? it didnt make sense.

 

Now that I feel better I want to know those answers and no matter how harsch she may say to me now I will be prepared. And I also wonder if we can be friends because even thought she was cruel there is a reason and it just isn't right of me to still block her. Thats not who I am, blocking may have helped me when things were awful but I want to forgive her in order to forgive myself for blocking her.

 

So the question is "Should I contact her again??"

NOTE: I have moved on with my life and I am perfectly fine with her dating someone else. Also I have used NC for 3 month now.

[Emilia]

No. You have not moved on, moving on means you are fully ok with not speaking to her again and not thinking about her reasons. The odds are she won't be able to explain, most people aren't self aware enough

[lolablue17]

I sense that you're far from being ready to contact her. You need to wait at least 2 years.

[Orion39]

In being in relationship where my ex told me to "get the f*** out of my life." trying to reach out and contact her in my situation just let to more trouble and lack of understanding. At this point I don't see what you have to gain from reaching out to her. If one day she choose to contact you, be open and welcome to that. In the meantime keep doing what you are doing and move on.

[Ahmed15]

Update 1

 

Thank you for your response. I did not contact her and just moved on. But today, all of a sudden my ex tried to add me on Skype again since I deleted her. Now I wanted to just click no and move on but decided to leave it be for now. You guys told me that I should just move on and really my first thought is to ignore her but I wonder why she decided to re-add me all of a sudden.

 

Should I:

 

1. Accept the friendrequest and hear her out why she added me.

2. Dont accept her and she has to move on (or she will try again idk)

3. Leave it be and she will wonder.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Ahmed15

[Satu]

Update 1

 

Thank you for your response. I did not contact her and just moved on. But today, all of a sudden my ex tried to add me on Skype again since I deleted her. Now I wanted to just click no and move on but decided to leave it be for now. You guys told me that I should just move on and really my first thought is to ignore her but I wonder why she decided to re-add me all of a sudden.

 

Should I:

 

1. Accept the friendrequest and hear her out why she added me.

2. Dont accept her and she has to move on (or she will try again idk)

3. Leave it be and she will wonder.

 

4. Ask her if she has anything new to say, and if not, why is she contacting you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ignore it. If it's important, she'll pick a less passive way to communicate with you.

[lolablue17]

I agree with Satu. Ask her (in a very short sentence) what does she want. It's not only because of the NC rule. Because if she wanted to be in contact with you for any reason, well, you have your standards.

 

You will not allow to someone (anyone) to ignore your messages, to filter you out, etc... You can tell her that, if she says that she want to be friends with you, tell her that you have had a demo of how is she treating friends (Ignoring messages), so you just don't want that again, and also she was lying to you about the things her parents said her. Apparently she uses you as a toy, and you don't like being a toy.

[Jayyy]

I have a feeling that you still like her

 

I think you should accept it and ask why she's doing this.

[Densel]

I agree with Jayyy

[Ahmed15]

Okay so I did not accept or decline her friendrequest but left it there. Instead I asked her why she wanted to add me. I thought that if she didn't answer the question she wanted to add me just to fill up her friends list. I decided to wait for a week.

 

As it turned out she did not answer me which meant she didn't really want to be friends. So I'm just going to forget that event even happend.

 

PS: I don't love her anymore. I just thought that maybe she wanted to be friends again. I have a hard time trusting her so if she does have a feeling for me she has to try harder (or at all).