How long does it take to get over a breakup if you were the OM?

[SammySammy]

Although I was the OM, my situation was the opposite of yours. She cares. I don't.

 

I was over it as soon as I ended it. Done. Finished.

 

It may be hard to accept, but sometimes it really is just sex to some people. Great sex, but still just sex. For them, moving on is quite easy.

[13Hearts]

Interesting observation and I can relate to what you're saying.

 

That being said, it's not so much about me being attracted to crazy but it's more about my penchant for deploying analytical thinking skills to solve problems.

 

By the way, she is not "crazy" from outward appearances. She comes across as poise and the ambassador for level-headed and equanimity. What makes her so fascinating is the covert tactics, or what she doesn't do (passive aggressive) that makes her peculiar. She has the ability to make others feel like they're crazy by leaving you guessing.

 

I have never seen any dramatic or histrionic outbursts coming from her..never. It's that silent game that she plays that makes men wonder. Get it?

 

 

She has the ability to drop loved ones like a sack of potatoes if they've outlived their usefulness, or are becoming a burden in way shape or form.

It's that calm hypnotic spell that she casts that captivates those around her.

 

I get the analytic thinking thing; I'm the same way. But there must be a more healthy hobby you could participate in.

 

I've known plenty of men who use silence to confound and confuse their victims. Given what I know about sociopaths, I'd say she is one. Sooner or later a person who dumps people because they have no use for them soon runs out of people to dump.

[13Hearts]

I get it! My AP might be her twin. Silent games, no drama, sucking me in while making me feel completely insane, and acting like he's comoletely unaware of doing anything. I'm the crazy, needy, difficult one! I want to tell you to run far away immediately, but I never have. Id like to see you do it, though. Show me that it's possible!

 

Of course it's possible. You're halfway there. You already recognize the dysfunction. Do you feel how toxic this person is? All you have to do now is make up your mind what you want and whether or not this person is helping you, or hindering you, to get where you want to go. Then, every mornin when you wake up, you decide whether or not you are going to keep this person in your life or not. You then have only one day to manage "without" him. You know the old saying. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. ❤❤

[Outofmysystem]

Port, 7 years huh.....well I had 6 in so I feel you on that....it's a lot of time in a relationship.....mine came at me at first too, didn't care if "I used her" or not, just was insatiable when it came to the sex....but all the feelings grew, the time talking, laughing, working together, texting, gifts, and holidays.....the traditions developed all until the new job became the opportunity and all encompassing focal point, then it was "**** off" and take care for me.....

 

I wish she wasn't something that I still crave.....but I'm lying if I said that, so hang in there brother, no easy answers....

[portwine]

Port, 7 years huh.....well I had 6 in so I feel you on that....it's a lot of time in a relationship.....mine came at me at first too, didn't care if "I used her" or not, just was insatiable when it came to the sex....but all the feelings grew, the time talking, laughing, working together, texting, gifts, and holidays.....the traditions developed all until the new job became the opportunity and all encompassing focal point, then it was "**** off" and take care for me.....

 

I wish she wasn't something that I still crave.....but I'm lying if I said that, so hang in there brother, no easy answers....

 

I am slowly releasing bits of information to mutual acquaintances about the length of the relationship....and I told one person about the eight year duration and to "do the math". He's going to share this with someone who will make a bomb go off if she shares this info......women love to talk!

 

Public humiliation is like kryptonite to a covert narcissist.....it's the only thing that will eviscerate a person with no empathy and who uses others for their own agenda.

 

I found out some stuff about her current situation that I did not need/want to hear.

 

Loading up on some extra Ativan the next couple of nights for sure....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/smilies/tongue.gif

[RedPurpleOrange]

I'm the OM...tomorrow it'll be four weeks since she effectively dumped me. We were together the best part of two years but broke up with the hubby proper back in September and came to live with me. We got a beautiful house together (rent paid up til June), it all seemed to be going well until BAM!, it wasn't. We had a discussion one morning, she wasn't happy anymore (the fire in her belly had gone out), I took my stuff and left.

 

 

So...it's about four weeks of grieving...which gets better day by day...and lots of SELF psychoanalysis (don't delude yourself into psychoanalysing her, it doesn't matter, never did)...was I truly happy? No. Did I do my best to make things work? Yes. Was I abusive like her ex was? No. I was straight up honest, I did everything I said I was gonna do...even if I now feel I shouldn't have. It fizzled, that's it, the drama left the building and revealed two people who maybe weren't quite as compatible as it *seemed* throughout the buzz of the affair.

 

 

Don't fool yourself with psychoanalysis. She's gone. That's it, they can just do that to you. I should've listened to my gut and mind at the start of the affair (I backed out in the early days but she chased)...I foolishly chose to listen to my heart. I'm in a massive mess emotionally and financially and logistically through not following my gut instinct like I should have.

 

 

I don't see her as the person I used to think she was. And that's maybe a good thing. It's taken me four weeks to get to the point of knowing that. And ideas of getting back with her...would it even work? The odds are supremely against that. Foolish, foolish, foolish.

 

 

They're gone. I'm gone. It's a fetid place to be, the dump. And I'm there. And I didn't want to be but I've been here nearly a month and the stench serves to wake one up quite a lot. I don't want her anymore, I just want her out of my life, want to move on...I did so much for her and maybe that was the problem. And the dump is my reward. Love the dump...become Stig Of The Dump.

Edited March 27, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[portwine]

I'm the OM...tomorrow it'll be four weeks since she effectively dumped me. We were together the best part of two years but broke up with the hubby proper back in September and came to live with me. We got a beautiful house together (rent paid up til June), it all seemed to be going well until BAM!, it wasn't. We had a discussion one morning, she wasn't happy anymore (the fire in her belly had gone out), I took my stuff and left.

 

 

So...it's about four weeks of grieving...which gets better day by day...and lots of SELF psychoanalysis (don't delude yourself into psychoanalysing her, it doesn't matter, never did)...was I truly happy? No. Did I do my best to make things work? Yes. Was I abusive like her ex was? No. I was straight up honest, I did everything I said I was gonna do...even if I now feel I shouldn't have. It fizzled, that's it, the drama left the building and revealed two people who maybe weren't quite as compatible as it *seemed* throughout the buzz of the affair.

 

 

Don't fool yourself with psychoanalysis. She's gone. That's it, they can just do that to you. I should've listened to my gut and mind at the start of the affair (I backed out in the early days but she chased)...I foolishly chose to listen to my heart. I'm in a massive mess emotionally and financially and logistically through not following my gut instinct like I should have.

 

 

I don't see her as the person I used to think she was. And that's maybe a good thing. It's taken me four weeks to get to the point of knowing that. And ideas of getting back with her...would it even work? The odds are supremely against that. Foolish, foolish, foolish.

 

 

They're gone. I'm gone. It's a fetid place to be, the dump. And I'm there. And I didn't want to be but I've been here nearly a month and the stench serves to wake one up quite a lot. I don't want her anymore, I just want her out of my life, want to move on...I did so much for her and maybe that was the problem. And the dump is my reward. Love the dump...become Stig Of The Dump.

 

 

Sorry for what you've gone through.....that is some pretty heavy stuff you mentioned, and it really set you back in every aspect.

 

Thanks so much for your reply because it does shed some light on what I'm doing by analyzing her. It's 1) just a form of denial for refusing to accept that someone wouldn't want me and2) it's also a tool to keep her active in my mind.

 

But here is my dilemma: she occasionally lets her presence be known to ensure I know she's still out there. Why would she text me and ask if she could come over, out of the blue? I just saw her the other day somewhere and she actually came up to me and struck up a conversation, and seemed very interested in me again...

 

Do you understand my plight? She apparently wants me in increments, or for sex like she used to, although she hasn't said it recently. I can feel it though because she is being friendly again in a stealthy fashion. If I didn't care so much for her it wouldn't be a problem, but I fell pretty hard for this WS/AP.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Some people like to have a cake. And they like to eat it as well...unaware that a cake that is eaten is an empty void on a plate full of crumbs..and is not a cake anymore. But somehow they manage to get a regenerating cake, one that they can have AND eat. And somehow, we can let ourselves be that regenerating cake. Anyway...I'm out-abstracting myself here.

 

 

What I DO think is that there is a LOT of wounded pride, being the dumped one. How could we be so stupid? Not ME!!! No, no, no...that CAN'T be right, that can't be true.

 

 

But it all IS.

 

 

It hurts to lose. It hurts to make such big mistakes. It hurts to allow yourself to think you believed all those half-truths, those fantasies, those lies, that big fantasy turd sprayed all gold and glittery. It hurts to be conned. It hurts to be gullible, be a fool, be so capable of folly on a regular basis.

 

 

It has to stop. We are worth more than that. Otherwise, the foolishness continues, the inner shame, the backseat-takery...I don't want it. I'm glad I'm out now. I'll respect her for that. We got it in the bud before it got worse.

 

 

Today, I hate her. I hate her for throwing me away, for not valuing me...for conning me. And the worst thing is...I allowed it all to happen. It takes two to tango. I chose to believe in the lie we both constructed.

 

 

God knows how I'll feel tomorrow. But I see her as a stranger now, and it's THE weirdest feeling. But maybe it's the start of my new perception of reality, ie. one based upon *actual* reality, and maybe that's good.

 

 

Don't let her mess you about, PortWine. If it's only about sex, you can get that anywhere...and if the love you want from her is not there, there is no way to make it grow back because it has died.

 

 

Free yourself.

[portwine]

Some people like to have a cake. And they like to eat it as well...unaware that a cake that is eaten is an empty void on a plate full of crumbs..and is not a cake anymore. But somehow they manage to get a regenerating cake, one that they can have AND eat. And somehow, we can let ourselves be that regenerating cake. Anyway...I'm out-abstracting myself here.

 

 

What I DO think is that there is a LOT of wounded pride, being the dumped one. How could we be so stupid? Not ME!!! No, no, no...that CAN'T be right, that can't be true.

 

 

But it all IS.

 

 

It hurts to lose. It hurts to make such big mistakes. It hurts to allow yourself to think you believed all those half-truths, those fantasies, those lies, that big fantasy turd sprayed all gold and glittery. It hurts to be conned. It hurts to be gullible, be a fool, be so capable of folly on a regular basis.

 

 

It has to stop. We are worth more than that. Otherwise, the foolishness continues, the inner shame, the backseat-takery...I don't want it. I'm glad I'm out now. I'll respect her for that. We got it in the bud before it got worse.

 

 

Today, I hate her. I hate her for throwing me away, for not valuing me...for conning me. And the worst thing is...I allowed it all to happen. It takes two to tango. I chose to believe in the lie we both constructed.

 

 

God knows how I'll feel tomorrow. But I see her as a stranger now, and it's THE weirdest feeling. But maybe it's the start of my new perception of reality, ie. one based upon *actual* reality, and maybe that's good.

 

 

Don't let her mess you about, PortWine. If it's only about sex, you can get that anywhere...and if the love you want from her is not there, there is no way to make it grow back because it has died.

 

 

Free yourself.

 

 

You are 100% correct in your assessment regarding the lies that these self centered cheaters impart in order to live their little selfish, perfect lives.

 

Keep in mind that I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into. The rule of common sense told me that any woman who cheats on her husband-- regardless of how classy, charming, and gorgeous she may appear from the outside -- just can't be trusted.

 

Being a single and self sufficient guy, I thought that I had the proper coping tools and foundation to get out of this at will; however, the reason she won and I lost has to do with her inability to feel empathy. She treats people as inanimate objects that supply her with "fuel", and the moment they outlive their usefulness she moves on. She is so charming and sweet from outward appearances which is all a big lie, because her feelings of empathy are rehearsed and intellectual. I confronted her with this about seven years ago, and she was shocked but didn't deny it either. I have real feelings which essentially sealed my fate because I became a burden in the end.......get it?

[RedPurpleOrange]

A bit like mine. She always had a thing for 'shiny things'. She always sought Michael Kors bags and expensive perfumes and spent an hour a day putting her makeup on. And love was the same...once it stopped sparkling, it was last season. Bargain bin. Yet...I was always aware of this...it was a factory of red flags.

 

 

6 days absolute no contact now (and I haven't initiated any contact since the breakup). But hard cos we got the house to sort out before June, I have furniture and electricals there and I'm not really bothered about them but I'd be way stupid not to take them, because I paid for them, they're nice, and they're *mine*. I just wanna cut my leg off and slither out of it all...but the god of realism says I'm stupid to.

 

 

So...some sort of contact will have to be maintained. Intermittent. It's awkward.

 

 

But I am so so cold now, to the point where I couldn't even give a scheisse if anything bad happened to her. I feel evil. I'm not. And I know feeling that way means I still feel quite strongly.

 

 

But...I chose my path as "que sera sera"...and that is my direction, North all the way, straight to that polar ice cap. She wants to be 'friends'...once we're through this house scheisse, we'll be fading quicker than bad quality denim.

Edited March 30, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[portwine]

A bit like mine. She always had a thing for 'shiny things'. She always sought Michael Kors bags and expensive perfumes and spent an hour a day putting her makeup on. And love was the same...once it stopped sparkling, it was last season. Bargain bin. Yet...I was always aware of this...it was a factory of red flags.

 

 

6 days absolute no contact now (and I haven't initiated any contact since the breakup). But hard cos we got the house to sort out before June, I have furniture and electricals there and I'm not really bothered about them but I'd be way stupid not to take them, because I paid for them, they're nice, and they're *mine*. I just wanna cut my leg off and slither out of it all...but the god of realism says I'm stupid to.

 

 

So...some sort of contact will have to be maintained. Intermittent. It's awkward.

 

 

But I am so so cold now, to the point where I couldn't even give a scheisse if anything bad happened to her. I feel evil. I'm not. And I know feeling that way means I still feel quite strongly.

 

 

But...I chose my path as "que sera sera"...and that is my direction, North all the way, straight to that polar ice cap. She wants to be 'friends'...once we're through this house scheisse, we'll be fading quicker than bad quality denim.

 

Ouch!! That has to suck big time, dealing with unrequited love from someone you actually bought a house with, or allowed to move in. It's very hard to maintain "no contact" in your situation.

 

We always kept our living arrangement separate, and to her credit, she is very successful in her career and has quite an impressive house, nest egg, and everything else under the sun. I never had to spend a lot of money on her; she did appreciate nice gifts as long as I put some thought into them. She spent more money on me than I did on her.

 

It's the sex, affection, and my mind she was after.....but all on her terms. She didn't hide the fact that she could drop me and erase me out of her mind without batting an eye.

[RedPurpleOrange]

You know what's even worse...we work in the same building together...doing the same hours...and every day there's chances I might randomly see her...even if I don't want to...a lift door might open...she's there...it's such a mess man, one has to laugh! Luckily, she's changing her hours but this won't be happening for a month...but it'll fly, I guess.

 

 

It seemed so *certain*. Like I said, I ran to begin with, my gut knew...but she chased. She'd never loved anyone like me (yadda yadda), I'd never had such beautiful words and deeds and affection so strongly before, I caved...this was IT...I couldn't let someone who loved me so strongly go. I got suckered in and opened my heart fully up to her (I'm a soft sap, too, I have a tendency to fall in love HARD, so I tend not to let myself). She made the foundations seem the firmest of any relationship I've ever had. So I stepped out without fear. But...nothing is certain in life.

 

 

To start off with, she was the one who loved me more than I did her...and kept fighting for me...and when I opened my heart and reciprocated that love...doomsday. Oh, the irony.

 

 

Anyway, I hope my mess is helping you deal with your mess. Love gone bad is a very messy thing. It's just bad she keeps dangling that carrot, at least my ex is trying not to do that...yet.

 

 

But there are oodles of nice-looking single women out there. That's one good thing. I'm FREE. I can talk to them now without guilt. I can return their flirtation. I can do whatever I want now. All the stress of the affair caused me to go into myself, I've not been the same since it started. But...inside my soul feels a little happier now...there is a little smile inside that hasn't been there since 2014.

Edited March 30, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[portwine]

You know what's even worse...we work in the same building together...doing the same hours...and every day there's chances I might randomly see her...even if I don't want to...a lift door might open...she's there...it's such a mess man, one has to laugh! Luckily, she's changing her hours but this won't be happening for a month...but it'll fly, I guess.

 

 

It seemed so *certain*. Like I said, I ran to begin with, my gut knew...but she chased. She'd never loved anyone like me (yadda yadda), I'd never had such beautiful words and deeds and affection so strongly before, I caved...this was IT...I couldn't let someone who loved me so strongly go. I got suckered in and opened my heart fully up to her (I'm a soft sap, too, I have a tendency to fall in love HARD, so I tend not to let myself). She made the foundations seem the firmest of any relationship I've ever had. So I stepped out without fear. But...nothing is certain in life.

 

 

To start off with, she was the one who loved me more than I did her...and kept fighting for me...and when I opened my heart and reciprocated that love...doomsday. Oh, the irony.

 

 

Anyway, I hope my mess is helping you deal with your mess. Love gone bad is a very messy thing. It's just bad she keeps dangling that carrot, at least my ex is trying not to do that...yet.

 

 

But there are oodles of nice-looking single women out there. That's one good thing. I'm FREE. I can talk to them now without guilt. I can return their flirtation. I can do whatever I want now. All the stress of the affair caused me to go into myself, I've not been the same since it started. But...inside my soul feels a little happier now...there is a little smile inside that hasn't been there since 2014.

 

 

 

Per your post about oodles of nice single women out there,you're not going to believe this s**t. So I'm having an amazing evening with an amazingly attractive 5'3" brunette the other night (classy, petite, tiny waist, unbelievable smile, very sweet), and out of the blue my ex sms' me asking me if I'm having a good time. I didn't see it till later, but it was so unsettling that it felt like a claire voyant evil spirit was hovering near me. freaked the living daylights out of me....

[Lovetoohard]

Per your post about oodles of nice single women out there,you're not going to believe this s**t. So I'm having an amazing evening with an amazingly attractive 5'3" brunette the other night (classy, petite, tiny waist, unbelievable smile, very sweet), and out of the blue my ex sms' me asking me if I'm having a good time. I didn't see it till later, but it was so unsettling that it felt like a claire voyant evil spirit was hovering near me. freaked the living daylights out of me....

 

This made me laugh hard. I'm just picturing your ex MW, huddled in some dark corner, trench coat, wig, dark sunglasses and all, totally stalking you on your date.

 

Did she know you were out on a date? That's creepy.

[portwine]

This made me laugh hard. I'm just picturing your ex MW, huddled in some dark corner, trench coat, wig, dark sunglasses and all, totally stalking you on your date.

 

Did she know you were out on a date? That's creepy.

 

 

How could she have known?? We live in the same area but I didn't run into her at this venue. Either she saw me, a friend and relayed the info her, she by chance saw a different car in my driveway, etc.

 

But the odd thing is that this is the person who, per her words, said that we should all move on. She pulled something similar a couple of weeks ago trying to reach out to me out of nowhere. It's a tactic called "hoovering"

[Lovetoohard]

How could she have known?? We live in the same area but I didn't run into her at this venue. Either she saw me, a friend and relayed the info her, she by chance saw a different car in my driveway, etc.

 

But the odd thing is that this is the person who, per her words, said that we should all move on. She pulled something similar a couple of weeks ago trying to reach out to me out of nowhere. It's a tactic called "hoovering"

 

Well, if she's stalking (directly or via a friend), it really is creepy. She's obviously looking for attention and seems to be testing you on how quickly you'll drop everything and give her that attention. Things may not be as peachy for her in her life so she's selfishly resorting to her narcissistic ways for an ego boost. Did you respond?

 

Her motives aside, how's the dating life going? I hope her attempts haven't set you back.

[privategal]

These are games. If you want to heal and move on, block your cell and email.

[Miss Clavel]

 

So why is it so hard for me to move on and forget about her? It doesn't make any sense because I'm a confident, good looking, guy, and I possess the gift of gab and charm

 

why not use that charm and make your case, to her?

 

it's not like you've got anything to lose.

 

 

ASK her. ask her, if after she's had some time to herself, if you two could start a open relationship, in public.

 

hopefully she will give you the right answer. if not, ASK her wtf? listen to her reasons and take them to heart.

 

they don't call it closure for nothing.

 

 

 

good luck

[portwine]

Well, if she's stalking (directly or via a friend), it really is creepy. She's obviously looking for attention and seems to be testing you on how quickly you'll drop everything and give her that attention. Things may not be as peachy for her in her life so she's selfishly resorting to her narcissistic ways for an ego boost. Did you respond?

 

Her motives aside, how's the dating life going? I hope her attempts haven't set you back.

 

My dating life? It's been amazing!! I've met so many attractive and all around nice women, I can't keep track of it. There are two that I'm actually kinda seeing, and I like them both a lot.

 

I went a little crazy these last 3 - 4 weeks : ) Seriously, I feel like I'm taking candy from a kid because it's so easy. There are a ton of smoking hot and sweet women (mostly divorced) in their 40's looking for a "great guy". So, by virtue of the fact that there are so many losers with baggage out there, if you take good care of yourself and have no baggage it's like open hunting season out there.

[Poppy47]

My dating life? It's been amazing!! I've met so many attractive and all around nice women, I can't keep track of it. There are two that I'm actually kinda seeing, and I like them both a lot.

 

I went a little crazy these last 3 - 4 weeks : ) Seriously, I feel like I'm taking candy from a kid because it's so easy. There are a ton of smoking hot and sweet women (mostly divorced) in their 40's looking for a "great guy". So, by virtue of the fact that there are so many losers with baggage out there, if you take good care of yourself and have no baggage it's like open hunting season out there.

 

You must be quite the Charmer....

Poppy

[RedPurpleOrange]

Per your post about oodles of nice single women out there,you're not going to believe this s**t. So I'm having an amazing evening with an amazingly attractive 5'3" brunette the other night (classy, petite, tiny waist, unbelievable smile, very sweet), and out of the blue my ex sms' me asking me if I'm having a good time. I didn't see it till later, but it was so unsettling that it felt like a claire voyant evil spirit was hovering near me. freaked the living daylights out of me....

 

 

Freaky deaky! But definitely game playing. At least you have the upper hand now.

 

 

I'm glad your dating is going so well. Like I said, they're THERE, waiting. I'm no longer respectfully holding back when girls flirt, I'm just having fun being charming again...and I'm liking the attention. It makes me realise how constricted I was (boy was she a jealous one). It feels fun, I feel like I can breathe...I just wish I had money because I really sunk a lot of cash into my folly of an affair...there will be no holidays this year, that's for sure!

 

 

It's her birthday today. To be the 'better person', I was gonna send her a happy birthday text to show no hard feelings. But it means contact. And why should I send a happy birthday out to someone who's messed me around and effectively financially screwed me for the next twelve months?

 

 

So I haven't contacted her. And it's past three in the afternoon now, so it's way past the acceptable birthday wish time. This time last year she was away with the hub and he'd got drunk and slapped her about and she was on the phone crying to me after he passed out. How quickly a year flies.

 

 

Just wanna get this next couple of months out the way, sort the house, then I can be free of this limbo.

 

 

I've done a lot of self-talking and really have come to the ultimate conclusion that I always was the better person. I really did what I said I would, I really came through, I did myself proud in every way, and I did it with style. My only downfall is that I did it all for her!

 

 

(Gotta laugh).

[portwine]

Freaky deaky! But definitely game playing. At least you have the upper hand now.

 

 

 

 

I've done a lot of self-talking and really have come to the ultimate conclusion that I always was the better person. I really did what I said I would, I really came through, I did myself proud in every way, and I did it with style. My only downfall is that I did it all for her!

 

 

(Gotta laugh).

 

Good for you man. Just keep it up and get yourself out there in the game.

 

My ex MW always suspected me of being a bit of a player, but it doesn't make any sense what she did now that we all have moved on. A big reason for her to have pursued in the past had to do with her friends -- who didn't know that she was having an affair -- commenting about my looks, charm, whatever. And she's very competitive so I get that.......

 

*I do have confirmation now that I was being stalked or monitored....somewhat unsettling! This doesn't make any sense since she's is the epitome of cool, calm, collected, a bit aloof, equanimity, pragmatism. But it's all a ruse that she has a tough time projecting 24/7, hence her need for so much down and alone time - it's rather tough carrying on an acti in public and having to be "on" all the time.

Edited April 5, 2016 by portwine

[RedPurpleOrange]

That's really weird. It's odd the games people play, it seems out of character...but if you didn't truly know a person to begin with, then I guess they can be capable of anything unknown. I'd say just keep on doing what you're doing, strive onwards, chip away at the veneer of the history you had with her until it becomes a whole new and different story.

 

 

My ex thought I was a bit of a player, too, when nothing could've been further from the truth, I was wussily 100% faithful, respectful, non-abusive. And I lost out on a LOT of healthier, single options during that period, as well as a great female friend I'd known years, due to her jealousy. In England, we call it "being a mug".

 

 

I think if someone's a cheater, then they suspect others of being cheaters, too. Which may not be the case. And if you're with a cheater, then you'll always have that nagging feeling at the back of your mind ("what if they cheat on me?") And, yes, I can't take the moral high ground as it took two to tango...but I can honestly say I never cheated...and I know she didn't...but an affair is not the best place for trust to exist, even if there is no cheating between both parties!

[portwine]

That's really weird. It's odd the games people play, it seems out of character...but if you didn't truly know a person to begin with, then I guess they can be capable of anything unknown. I'd say just keep on doing what you're doing, strive onwards, chip away at the veneer of the history you had with her until it becomes a whole new and different story.

 

 

My ex thought I was a bit of a player, too, when nothing could've been further from the truth, I was wussily 100% faithful, respectful, non-abusive. And I lost out on a LOT of healthier, single options during that period, as well as a great female friend I'd known years, due to her jealousy. In England, we call it "being a mug".

 

 

I think if someone's a cheater, then they suspect others of being cheaters, too. Which may not be the case. And if you're with a cheater, then you'll always have that nagging feeling at the back of your mind ("what if they cheat on me?") And, yes, I can't take the moral high ground as it took two to tango...but I can honestly say I never cheated...and I know she didn't...but an affair is not the best place for trust to exist, even if there is no cheating between both parties!

 

 

Ha......well, I can't say the same thing, because I slipped up a couple of times over the years ; )

[Outofmysystem]

RPO, good job on the mingling......and I feel you on the birthday thing too, my xMW is next month and I'm struggling with that too....I always bought her a TShirt and Diamonds, kinda of a tradition, but I'm with you....**** that!

 

Port, kinds of weird on the stalking from yours especially since that was NOT her MO.....mine kinda dropped via group text that she was at an old eating place we went to and she was solo....but I didn't take the bait....

 

More power to you guys, I'm fighting it too....