How long does it take to get over a breakup if you were the OM?

[portwine]

RPO, good job on the mingling......and I feel you on the birthday thing too, my xMW is next month and I'm struggling with that too....I always bought her a TShirt and Diamonds, kinda of a tradition, but I'm with you....**** that!

 

Port, kinds of weird on the stalking from yours especially since that was NOT her MO.....mine kinda dropped via group text that she was at an old eating place we went to and she was solo....but I didn't take the bait....

 

More power to you guys, I'm fighting it too....

 

Weird is not even the word!! We communicated for a bit by way of text the other day and she wanted to know who "I was having sex with", and basically said that I was not telling the truth. Again, very unbefitting for someone who essentially dumped me -- or phased me out -- and it doesn't jive with her aloof and silent treatment demeanor.

 

My guess is that she went out there and tested the waters in the dating scene and soon realized that's it's complete cesspool (especially with all the male middle age losers...broke, divorced, custody issues, overweight, balding, beer gut, etc) out there. This woman is veeeeery picky with some uppity standards; she'll cut her losses early on if she detects any potential flaws or issues. That's how she is.

[RedPurpleOrange]

^Grass is greener...when it isn't...it's the greenest at your side...but...now she's on THAT side...your grass just became real, real green again. Which brings me neatly onto.....

 

 

....an update to my effed up situation.

 

 

Bar the occasional distant glimpse of each other at work, we've been fully no contact for two weeks, no texts, no calls, no speaking at all. I've just left it alone and she has too. I figured she was back with the abusive ex ("I'll try harder this time!"), even though nothing's been said, and I've just been healing and sorting my head out and, in all honesty, I've been getting there. I've been...getting used to being apart and starting to quite enjoy my own time again.

 

 

Until today. She cornered me and wanted to talk. I smirked and said "so how's it going with ****face?" and her face went all scrunched up and weak-looking and watery-eyed and she said "awful". Been back about two weeks with him now and the abuse just got worse, belittling, control, no conversation, forcing her to delete most contacts in her phone and on Facebook, and now he's doing online dating and ****ing about right in front of her and pushing it in her face. She's weaker than she ever was when we got together. Putty in his hands. He just kills her. He always punished her before me but now he's doing it eighty times as hard and now has a 'cause' to.

 

 

And we talk a bit more, not about getting back, just about the situation, what a fool she'd been getting back with him when she was wanting to start afresh on her own, making what he did OK, legitimising his behaviour, giving him carte blanche to be THE ultimate douchebag now. And she said "I know. I'm such a fool. I don't know what to do, I've done everything wrong. I'm just a weak person. I can't be that badass I was trying to be. I'm just a weak person".

 

 

And she wraps her arms around me so damn tight and doesn't let go and semi-goes in for the kiss (I keep my head upright) and keeps telling me that she loves me and she's sorry and she doesn't know what to do and it's soooooo damn painful but it's sorta nice at the same time (damn). And my heart is feeling like Bill Murray's face throughout 95% of Lost In Translation.

 

 

And I know right there I could've pushed it. I could've kissed her. Broken what she has with him and started the war again. I could tell she was hurting, it wasn't a lie. It was tempting, so tempting.

 

 

And then she gets a job and has to go and texts me saying how much she's missed me and missed cuddling me and how lovely I am and says she still has feelings for me and knows it's not fair and I can tell her to **** off but she misses being close to me. And I just text her back saying she can't have her gateaux and eat it and to take a long, hard look at her feelings. And then it's hometime and he's picking her up from work and I'm going my separate way.

 

 

God. This stuff is so hard. He's just...horrible. Truly horrible. I'm not like him. I know that's the problem. He has nothing on me except he's an awful, awful guy, a degenerate, not even an attractive, charismatic, interesting one. Just dank and harsh all the way through. And little. And I know his ways will probably always win because she's used to the abuse.

 

 

Why did I get into this stuff? Bloody hell, people!!

[burnt]

Man, what she's doing is SO disturbing. Her behavior really doesn't make any sense at all. What she's doing to you is just stupid, cruel, and well just pathetic.

 

Sorry for what you're going through.

[portwine]

^Grass is greener...when it isn't...it's the greenest at your side...but...now she's on THAT side...your grass just became real, real green again. Which brings me neatly onto.....

 

 

....an update to my effed up situation.

 

 

Bar the occasional distant glimpse of each other at work, we've been fully no contact for two weeks, no texts, no calls, no speaking at all. I've just left it alone and she has too. I figured she was back with the abusive ex ("I'll try harder this time!"), even though nothing's been said, and I've just been healing and sorting my head out and, in all honesty, I've been getting there. I've been...getting used to being apart and starting to quite enjoy my own time again.

 

 

Until today. She cornered me and wanted to talk. I smirked and said "so how's it going with ****face?" and her face went all scrunched up and weak-looking and watery-eyed and she said "awful". Been back about two weeks with him now and the abuse just got worse, belittling, control, no conversation, forcing her to delete most contacts in her phone and on Facebook, and now he's doing online dating and ****ing about right in front of her and pushing it in her face. She's weaker than she ever was when we got together. Putty in his hands. He just kills her. He always punished her before me but now he's doing it eighty times as hard and now has a 'cause' to.

 

 

And we talk a bit more, not about getting back, just about the situation, what a fool she'd been getting back with him when she was wanting to start afresh on her own, making what he did OK, legitimising his behaviour, giving him carte blanche to be THE ultimate douchebag now. And she said "I know. I'm such a fool. I don't know what to do, I've done everything wrong. I'm just a weak person. I can't be that badass I was trying to be. I'm just a weak person".

 

 

And she wraps her arms around me so damn tight and doesn't let go and semi-goes in for the kiss (I keep my head upright) and keeps telling me that she loves me and she's sorry and she doesn't know what to do and it's soooooo damn painful but it's sorta nice at the same time (damn). And my heart is feeling like Bill Murray's face throughout 95% of Lost In Translation.

 

 

And I know right there I could've pushed it. I could've kissed her. Broken what she has with him and started the war again. I could tell she was hurting, it wasn't a lie. It was tempting, so tempting.

 

 

And then she gets a job and has to go and texts me saying how much she's missed me and missed cuddling me and how lovely I am and says she still has feelings for me and knows it's not fair and I can tell her to **** off but she misses being close to me. And I just text her back saying she can't have her gateaux and eat it and to take a long, hard look at her feelings. And then it's hometime and he's picking her up from work and I'm going my separate way.

 

 

God. This stuff is so hard. He's just...horrible. Truly horrible. I'm not like him. I know that's the problem. He has nothing on me except he's an awful, awful guy, a degenerate, not even an attractive, charismatic, interesting one. Just dank and harsh all the way through. And little. And I know his ways will probably always win because she's used to the abuse.

 

 

Why did I get into this stuff? Bloody hell, people!!

 

 

 

Wow!.......I real feel bad for you having to endure this nonsense while literally working a stone's throw away from her; this doesn't make the whole no contact strategy any easier for you.

 

But seriously. Do you believe everything she says about her ex as it pertains to his abusive behavior? Could she be making some of it up, and is she actually the (covert) abuser? A good friend of mine was married

to this woman who from outward appearance looked like a complete little angel, and very attractive. However, it was all a ruse that belied the fact that she was the devil in disguise with her emotional vampire tactics. She messed with his head in subtle ways (saying out late, not picking up her phone, flirting with other guys, lying about where she was, etc) and did it with such a straight, matter of fact expression that it drove him nuts - she actually turned it all around and made him out to be the dysfunctional abuser. He told me that he almost threw her up against the wall and wanted to throw her thru a window on several occasions because of her stealthy "button pushing" tactics.

 

You describe her boyfriend as an awful, degenerate, and all around loser of a person. But.......she chose him, so that tells me that she's getting something out of that relationship; something about it is working just fine for her ; )

[portwine]

My situation is off the richter scale, out of control nuts!!

 

I'm seeing about three women I met online, women from this social club I belong to are all of a sudden becoming very aggressive and forward and I've kind of been socialising with this one cutie; This other woman (good "friend") who used to date a friend of mine has been texting me and showing up at my house. She's lambasting me for partaking in the online dating scene and making herself available. I showed her some photos of my dates and how accomplished they are in their career field, and it pissed her off....lol. She's hot after me now because I'm out there having fun? come again??

 

Meanwhile, the ex MW has been stalking my profile, but she has refrained from texting me inquiring who I'm sleeping with, but she will come back around. She's probably hearing from mutual acquaintances that I'm tearing it up out there, and women always want you back when you're in demand. So stupid...

[Outofmysystem]

Well guys it looks like all of us have gotten back into the mix to different degrees....

 

My xMOW has been somewhat pleasant over the last 3 days via group text and even one on one text with me which we haven't done in 7 months....she had a piece of metal tear up the front end of her new Mustang yesterday on the way to work, text about it and we've been talking via text since.....I feel bad for her because the same thing happened to my car when we were together.....so nothing serious as far as the conversation went, but I know she's been having a lot of issues with her H because he's just a real *******.....she said she was having a rough go lately, so I just consoled and tried to help. Much like RPO, I see her from time to time because she works right down the street from me, and I'm finding real hard to not chase her because I miss her still.....

 

Don't know what to tell you, this stuff is real hard when your playing with feelings....

[portwine]

Well guys it looks like all of us have gotten back into the mix to different degrees....

 

My xMOW has been somewhat pleasant over the last 3 days via group text and even one on one text with me which we haven't done in 7 months....she had a piece of metal tear up the front end of her new Mustang yesterday on the way to work, text about it and we've been talking via text since.....I feel bad for her because the same thing happened to my car when we were together.....so nothing serious as far as the conversation went, but I know she's been having a lot of issues with her H because he's just a real *******.....she said she was having a rough go lately, so I just consoled and tried to help. Much like RPO, I see her from time to time because she works right down the street from me, and I'm finding real hard to not chase her because I miss her still.....

 

Don't know what to tell you, this stuff is real hard when your playing with feelings....

 

 

 

Stay strong and don't give in. Just remember that even though her husband might be a real *****, she still chose him and wasn't exactly a model wife either when she was with you, right?

 

It's hard when deep feelings get into the mix. Trust me, I know this all too well after messing around with a MW for eight years, but I made the choice to move on and I'm doing really well. Do I miss her? Of course I do; at the same time, realizing that her love for me was never really genuine is what keeps me going. I was just an orgasm machine to her and source that provided her with adoration and passion.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Man, what she's doing is SO disturbing. Her behavior really doesn't make any sense at all. What she's doing to you is just stupid, cruel, and well just pathetic.

 

Sorry for what you're going through.

 

 

You're right, burnt, you are quite right. I wish my love was a shallow, blasé type of love. But I fall deep and love deep and everyone I've fallen in love with feel it. I could get any of my exes back if I was irresponsible enough. I leave a deep mark in a life. And...we didn't really have a natural end. We ended in a stupid way. We didn't talk it out. She didn't want to finish. He manipulates the youngest son and makes him upset and angry. And he knows this makes her feel guilty. He's good at making her feel guilty. It's complicated.

 

 

And, yeah, I am a dink. A dunce. A dunderhead. But one thing I know is that I'm decent. So don't worry. I'm not covering up anything about myself. But I'm stoooooo-ooooooo-pid.

 

 

In all honesty, I know I'm the one to blame regardless of what she does. I choose. I have the choice. I make the choice. I just know what we had was unreal and I know that just cannot die. Seriously. If I knew there was nothing there, I'd just lick my wounds and sod off and heal. But that doesn't happen with me, they never just fall out of love. And I know I sound a bit mad but I have to KNOW it's truly gone for it to be over.

 

 

Wow!.......I real feel bad for you having to endure this nonsense while literally working a stone's throw away from her; this doesn't make the whole no contact strategy any easier for you.

 

But seriously. Do you believe everything she says about her ex as it pertains to his abusive behavior? Could she be making some of it up, and is she actually the (covert) abuser? A good friend of mine was married

to this woman who from outward appearance looked like a complete little angel, and very attractive. However, it was all a ruse that belied the fact that she was the devil in disguise with her emotional vampire tactics. She messed with his head in subtle ways (saying out late, not picking up her phone, flirting with other guys, lying about where she was, etc) and did it with such a straight, matter of fact expression that it drove him nuts - she actually turned it all around and made him out to be the dysfunctional abuser. He told me that he almost threw her up against the wall and wanted to throw her thru a window on several occasions because of her stealthy "button pushing" tactics.

 

You describe her boyfriend as an awful, degenerate, and all around loser of a person. But.......she chose him, so that tells me that she's getting something out of that relationship; something about it is working just fine for her ; )

 

 

Don't worry, I know where you're coming from. I'm trying to preserve anonymity here a bit so I've only told half the story on his abuse. She's not evil. She's a little girl. She got horribly abused as a young child by an old relative of a friend. He's physical. He's hit her lots. He's hit her kids. Her eldest son told me about the time he was 12 and his dad beat him so bad (for questioning authority) that he almost ended up in intensive care. His mum fled with the kids for a week at the time. I might be a fool but I know she's not bad...not evil...just weak. I've met the guy. He is horrible, a coward, a racist, closet gay, vulgar, narcissistic, drink driver, a weak little man with a big, horrible mouth. Honestly, she isn't lying on that front. Abused people tend to seek abuse. Even if they think they don't want it, it's part of their psyche. Get treated like a dog long enough...

 

 

I know her well. My mistake is that I'm a nice guy. I don't abuse. I don't hit. I don't seek control. I tried too hard to make things work. She was used to nasty. To good cop/bad cop. For 20 years. I'm basically just good cop. All I need is love and sex and company, conversation, food and a bed to sleep in. She jumped straight from him to a similarly-structured man & wife-style life with me. It was weird for both of us.

 

 

Anyway, she wants to get back with me. She said she has never stopped loving me. She has tried pushing me away but can't. She was planning an overdose. She has lost weight and is haggard-looking. She is miserable. He is more abusive than ever. He says that she should be grovelling at his feet. He hates her. He hated her before me. He beat her when she was pregnant with her first child. He is a textbook sociopath erring into psychopathy.

 

 

So...god knows. I still love her. More than anything. I'm an idiot. We kissed yesterday several times. We talked and talked and talked. It's a horrible situation. They were trying to give it another go for the kids but she can't see it lasting even a fortnight. But who knows.

 

 

So...I'm a fool. But I said if you love me, and it's true, then I can take a bit more pain. But only a bit. One more chance. But only one. Because then I'm done (I've done this before, I WILL stick to my guns). And, in the meantime, if anything comes up, sex, another person, then I'm gonna take it. If I'm getting sex on a plate (and I'm certainly not ugly or charmless and pack a mean trousersnake) then I'm getting the cutlery out. And she said she agreed, she obviously didn't like the idea but she couldn't blame me.

 

 

She wants to sell the house, move away with the kids and start properly with me. Who knows what developments this weekend will bring.

 

 

I love her. Truly. But if I get taken, I get taken.

Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[ShatteredLady]

Would you be happy to be a strong, loyal stepfather? Those poor children MUST be damaged by growing-up with that as a father figure. If she filed for divorce would you be there forever, thick & thin, better & worse, not just as a lover but as a FAMILY?

[RedPurpleOrange]

Yeah. I was for all the months we were together in that house. I got on with her kids like a house on fire. They don't have a bad word to say against me. I was really making it work. I miss them but I feel weird because they're not mine. It's something I thought I'd be able to block out. It's really sad to be honest. I did everything right. I made everything work. All I gave was love.

 

 

Once we decided we were gonna do it, I stuck by her through everything. No chance of me flaking. Pure determination and sticking to my guns. I'm a bit like that. What's that song on Jackass..."if you gonna be dumb then you gotta be tough". I'm both. I still feel like I should stick around. Because so much was there, is still there. We're both suffering.

 

 

So, so hard. My mind and heart are up and down all the time. I love her, love her, love her. I know I should drop her.

 

 

Her shifts swap at work in a couple of weeks so she can have the kids on weekdays. This means I likely won't see her at work at all. We'll still be connected 'til the rent on the house runs out. We still have financials to sort. So I'm tied in for at least six more weeks. So whatever happens, six weeks more of pain at least. I can handle that. Maybe she'll have seen sense by then. Maybe I'll be with someone else by then.

 

 

I don't really want that. But I'm not gonna stop it happening if it happens.

 

 

(Sorry OP for hijacking your thread!)

Edited April 17, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[RedPurpleOrange]

One thing I certainly am is loyal. And I value loyalty as a trait...which is doubly hard considering what has happened.

 

 

I am staunchly loyal. I don't know how I manage it at times.

 

 

 

 

Aaaaaaaaargh!

[RedPurpleOrange]

Well guys it looks like all of us have gotten back into the mix to different degrees....

 

My xMOW has been somewhat pleasant over the last 3 days via group text and even one on one text with me which we haven't done in 7 months....she had a piece of metal tear up the front end of her new Mustang yesterday on the way to work, text about it and we've been talking via text since.....I feel bad for her because the same thing happened to my car when we were together.....so nothing serious as far as the conversation went, but I know she's been having a lot of issues with her H because he's just a real *******.....she said she was having a rough go lately, so I just consoled and tried to help. Much like RPO, I see her from time to time because she works right down the street from me, and I'm finding real hard to not chase her because I miss her still.....

 

Don't know what to tell you, this stuff is real hard when your playing with feelings....

 

Definitely all three of us back in the game...The Three OMigos!!!!!

 

 

Like you say, real real hard. Reeeeeeeeal hard. How do we manage it, fellas????!!!!

[Outofmysystem]

RPO, admirable to say the least about your character.....in the context of what we all know is crossing the lines in this kind of relationship, "moment", character (I believe) is hard to fake.....I also believe we are the exceptions to the rule, as most the posts on here are of the "classic" MM.....

 

That doesn't change your situation, but it does shape your dealings with it.....more power to you brother

 

Port, profound stuff sir.....stark, to the point.....I have read it over and over......you are on point, the machine like pleasure on demand, check, the adoration and compliments, the building of her ego and self worth, check.....in my case, throw in expensive gifts on top of that and that was my situation to a tee....where I differ possibly, is she never asked for the stuff, I did that freely, and she appreciated all of it, but it did feed into everything we were doing.....she also returned all the affection for 5 1/2 years equally UNTIL, she didn't.....

 

She then coldly, heartlessly cut me off with the, "it's not you, it's me".......

 

So Port, your right......it was never enough.......

[RedPurpleOrange]

Cheers for that, seriously.

 

 

I really stuck my neck on the line. I was aware of all this possibly happening but I stuck by her, her kids, our decision. I've lost pride, money, time, I've hurt so so bad...but I DID what I said I was gonna do, and I did it right. I made a house happen, I made a nice Christmas for her kids happen, I treated her and her kids (and her dog!) with love, I loved deep, I was loved by everyone in her family when all I expected was hate and insult. And I never faked a single thing.

 

 

I can't take that away from myself, whatever the outcome is. A fool I may be.

 

 

But I know I did everything the right way.

 

 

And from a good heart.

Edited April 17, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[RedPurpleOrange]

"It's not you, it's me".

 

 

Yeah, I heard that one too. Lol.

[portwine]

"It's not you, it's me".

 

 

Yeah, I heard that one too. Lol.

 

lol!!!...Too funny!! She told me the exact same thing about two months ago.

[Outofmysystem]

lol!!!...Too funny!! She told me the exact same thing about two months ago.

 

Damn....lol.....I only thought dudes got jammed for using that line!.....

[burnt]

And, yeah, I am a dink. A dunce. A dunderhead. But one thing I know is that I'm decent. So don't worry. I'm not covering up anything about myself. But I'm stoooooo-ooooooo-pid.

 

'dink'?

'dunce'?

'dunderhead'?

 

Had to look up all three words in the dictionary.

My repertoire of rich vocabulary just got expanded.

 

Well, for what it's worth,

you are not the only dink, dunce, and dunderhead around.

I seem to have been promoted to be an executive member of that club as well.

 

So...I'm a fool. But I said if you love me, and it's true, then I can take a bit more pain. But only a bit. One more chance. But only one. Because then I'm done (I've done this before, I WILL stick to my guns). And, in the meantime, if anything comes up, sex, another person, then I'm gonna take it. If I'm getting sex on a plate (and I'm certainly not ugly or charmless and pack a mean trousersnake) then I'm getting the cutlery out. And she said she agreed, she obviously didn't like the idea but she couldn't blame me.

 

No comment to the ^^.

Just a lol

:lmao: :lmao:

[portwine]

Damn....lol.....I only thought dudes got jammed for using that line!.....

 

Well......in my case, what she really meant to say is that "it's her", specifically her desire to want project this image that the man she allows into her public life is VERY successful (neurosurgeon, CEO, etc.) because that's how she is. I've got a boatload of cash/savings and all my stuff is paid for (real estate, etc), but she's after the prestige and image of only associating with the best. So...I guess it is her...and me too for not living up to HER idea of prestige (rank, title, etc).

[RedPurpleOrange]

'dink'?

'dunce'?

'dunderhead'?

 

Had to look up all three words in the dictionary.

My repertoire of rich vocabulary just got expanded.

 

Well, for what it's worth,

you are not the only dink, dunce, and dunderhead around.

I seem to have been promoted to be an executive member of that club as well.

 

 

 

No comment to the ^^.

Just a lol

:lmao: :lmao:

 

 

Hehe. Gotta laugh. I'm not allowed to cry because I've done it so much the last few weeks I've developed styes in both eyes and it feels like razorblades the next day, I'm bloodshot and agonised until the next evening!!!

 

 

Yeah...I know I'm being silly. I just can't seem to stop it. I just *know* it's not over...and it's gonna send me off to hell again...but I just *know*. My feelings fluctuate...I know how bad it is, what she's done, it can only send signals she could do it again, how could I trust her, all the pain I've been through...but it didn't end right. Damn, why am I like this? So so determined!!! If I knew she didn't love me....I could just leave it.

 

 

Burnt...I'm a gloit, a numpty and a barmpot.

 

 

I am bloody radged in the head!

[burnt]

Burnt...I'm a gloit, a numpty and a barmpot.

 

I am bloody radged in the head!

 

Sorry to say this lesson on the english literature was rather a disappointment.

I just learned the word "numpty" from another user in this very site a few days back. So sorry to say you're not getting any credit for this word.

 

But the other words you used don't EVEN show up in my dictionary!

I guess they are that profane!

 

On a separate, but serious note,

a thought about your MW.

 

Yes, being abused leaves behind that sort of irrational effect on the mind of the abused--they stay even after knowing they are being abused and that they want out. One of the effects of being emotionally abused is that it makes the abused feel too weak and immobile to escape.

 

What doesn't make sense to me is that if she has family that likes you and is aware of her being abused, then I would have thought that her family would provide her with some emotional support and encouragement to save herself and especially her children.

 

But in any case,

IF she does finally muster up enough strength to leave her husband,

may I URGE you to not allow her to move in with you right away? You can certainly be in her life, just not allow/encourage her to be dependent on you.

 

After being abused for a prologued amount of time, if she's jumps from her husband's lap to yours, she will NOT develop the emotional strength and confidence to live a healthy life. She will end up on some other self-destructive road eventually.

 

She really needs have some space to "find herself" if you two have any chance of developing a future TOGETHER. If she moves in with you right away, she will sooner or later feel trapped and insecure again and YOU will find yourself living with a "dependent child" as your life partner.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Thanks burnt. I figured 'numpty' was pretty passé but played my trump card with some choice Yorkshire lingo. 'Gloit' and 'barmpot' basically mean 'dimwit', 'radged' means 'messed up in the head...usually quite badly'.

 

 

The family? They're all for keeping things mellow and stable with the kids. Her dad HATES him...but they're trying to not get involved for now...but her mum and dad are very fond of me and have been speaking up for me, which is really touching. But they know about him now. Before the breakup, she exposed what he'd done (which had been kept secret) and hubby hates her for this...in fact, he hates her more for this than for being with me(!) They visited them at the weekend and hubby hid away in the garage for most of the time.

 

 

I agree with the not moving in together thing straight off. We've suggested her moving away with the kids and me maybe seeing her 3/4 days a week. I think it suits us both. She's pretty messed up anyway, not just with the abuse but with an event that happened a couple of decades back where she saw a car accident and it left her with PTSD...which she's never dealt with. She just soldiers on...but it's all left her with scars. She takes the punishment and never gets help. I suggested she should see someone about it, talk it all out, get it out there so she can deal with it. I'm really good at that type of stuff...but I'm connected. She needs a professional.

 

 

So I agree with everything you said. We spoke and kissed lots more today. She really wants to get back, but it's gonna be hard and we're in a right mess right now. She says she needs me. I told her I'm not gonna wait too long (and I'm still a free agent in the meanwhile). And if I'm waiting too long, I'm out of her life for good. And if we try one more time and it fails, I'm out of her life for good. And as I SAID it...I WILL do it. I always do what I say I'll do. I always said I'd give her one more chance to myself...and as I said it to her, I will...but only ONE.

 

 

But, who knows, I might just get too peed off and call it quits. It's crazy crackers man.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Anyway....I had a day off today...met a friend this morning...arranged some business...had a few drinks...went off on my own afterwards and basically went in like a wrecking ball. Couldn't hold it in any more.

 

 

Basically told her she couldn't be my friend if she was ****ing him, pushed her as to what she wanted, says she loves me deeply but is 'trying' to love him for the kids. Says she's 'heartbroken' we can't be friends. I sent her 'cool' and a thumbs up smiley.

 

 

Told her to **** off, sick of her bull****, was really quite anus-y if I'm honest, been obnoxious all day. So much so I've tried to destroy any semblance of getting back together I can. Like, incendiary obnoxious.

 

 

Not the best way but it gets the cat amongst the pigeons. I'm not even ashamed. Anything I said was dead on.

 

 

Feel like an exorcist right now. I probably need exorcising myself, I was worse than Regan today!

[Bufo]

RPO, give me a helping hand here. Mi granny, bein a Geordy with ni eddycation beyond age 12, did na tech me proper English History. So, I ask you: which Knight of the Roundtable hailed from Yorkshire? Whatever his name was, you should adopt it here. Because you are a KISA to her. Guenivere is her given name? I hope not. I don't know all the details,,but I recall something about her and Sir Lancelot (talk about your Freudian suggestion!!!!!) did not end well.

 

Answering the OP's question-- something under 3 months and never. Both answers are correct in my case.

 

 

 

BTW! It's,damn hard to try to type in Geordie. divent ye naw?

[len51]

My situation as the OM is different than most. My girlfriend was my wife's best friend but was also my wife's lover who stayed with us for weeks at a time. She is married and split her time between me and her husband with his full knowledge and consent. We were together for 30 years before we moved far away from her.

 

I got depressed and am still being treated for it. Not a day goes by that I do not think about her. She is the only one I fantasize about. Same with my wife. It took both of us almost 3 years to adjust to life without our girlfriend in it. It has been almost 6 years since we left her behind and quite frankly I do not think I am over her. I still miss her and want her as does my wife. We still talk about her and the things we used to do together.

 

The hurt is not the same as it was before but the hole that she filled in both my life and that of my wife, has never been filled and never will.